The Doctor stared at the small hat sitting on his console. The entire room seemed to dim and he vaguely registered the TARDIS doors shutting on River, Amy and Rory. He felt a small sense of satisfaction. How dare they try to separate him from his beloved piece of head wear?
He doesn't know how long he stands there, just staring. Flashes of River shooting an identical hat appear in his mind.
"I'm terribly sorry, my wi-" He hesitates. He doesn't know why he should feel guilty about River being his wife. The hat just seems to stare at him, not moving or giving any indication that it was listening.
"Don't be like that, she was probably just jealous that I'd rather wear you than her." He said, finally walking forward. He reached out a hand, his long slender fingers caressing the red fabric softly.
"I won't let it happen again. Please, don't go." He whispered. "Everybody goes eventually. I don't want to lose you, too."
He licks his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. He gently picks the hat up and groans at the feel of the small pressure in his hands. His grip tightens as his heart pounds.
The pressure in his trousers was becoming unbearably tight and harder to not notice. He makes a noise deep in his throat and one of his hands is unbuttoning them before he quite realizes what he's doing.
"Shit, no, I'm sorry, I don't want to rush this." He moans. "But I can't help it, you're just too cool." He breathes, pushing his trousers down. He wasn't wearing any pants so his cock jutted out immediately, slick with glistening precum, angry red with arousal.
His knees buckled as the cool air hit it, his eyes falling closed. His hand with the fez in it nearly falling straight to his erection.
"Only if you- hnng- want to." He managed, forcing his eyes open to look at the fez, his fez. It was getting closer to his hips and he finally let it, moaning loudly as the smooth fabric covers him.
"oh sweet mother of-" He shouted out, thrusting his hips, holding the hat still. The hat didn't do anything to complain so he thrusted harder and harder, the softness of it now wet and warm.
The doctor threw his head back, thrusting in the small hat, feeling his balls clench and knowing he couldn't hold it for much longer.
"Oh my god, this is," he whimpered. He spewed out nonsensical words in every language he could until all he could do is shout out with his hips thrusting in short, sharp bursts.
His fingers clenched the fez with white knuckles as he came. Instead of sperm like humans have, however, he came regeneration energy. He groaned, nearly collapsing as his vision went white and his ears rang.
Nearly five minutes after he came, he opened his eyes. He was lying on the ground with just his shirt and jacket on. He looked down and was surprised to see the fez cuddled into his chest.
"Wow." He murmured, running his fingers over it. The fez just cuddled back into his chest and the doctor smiled.
"Yeah." The fez said back. The doctor knew the regeneration energy would come in handy when he first fell in love with the fez. He just smiled lazily and fell asleep.
And that was how River, Amy and Rory found him hours later when they finally got the door open.