Summary: When Miley starts dating Jake Ryan Lilly looses it. Implied Liley. Character death. Rated T to be on the safe side.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea. The song used is Torniquet by Evancescence.
Torniquet
It was pitch black in Lilly's room. Everything was silent, even the body on her bed. No movement came from her body, no steady rise and fall of her chest with every breath, no heart beat. Nothing. A pool of blood was on the bed next to her head and a now empty gun lied on the floor. In her hand was a huge yellow envelope written to Miley. In it contained journal like entries that Lilly had written over the past year and a half about her life...
Dear Miley,
I guess since you're reading this I'm long gone. The pain was just too much for me to bare. Your probably wondering "what pain?" Seeing you with Jake was the poison that was slowly killing me like cancer. Over the past year and half you and him were always together and that I couldn't handle. What I'm trying to say to you is that I love you and just seeing you with someone else dragged me down hard.
You have to understand that everyday was a constant struggle for me. I tried to forget about you but I couldn't and seeing you with Jake fueled the fire that led me down this path. Your not to blame for me gone, I'm to blame for not being strong enough to get over you.
In this big envelope are my journal entries that I wrote throughout the last year and a half. They are for your eyes only, not Oliver, not your dad, no one. With that said, this is goodbye forever.
Love, Lilly
I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more
So much more
I lay dying
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?
Journal Entry #12
I can't take this anymore, cutting seems like childs play to me now. Pain isn't enough anymore, nothing seems like it's enough anymore. The drugs are no longer working for me, they're turning against me now.
I'm dying and I know it, I'm positive that death will be knocking on my door soon whether it be by my own hands or not. Today I saw Miley with Jake at the beach, they were holding hands and walking in the sand and laughing happily. My heart, if possible, died a little more. After I saw them I ran, I have no clue how far I ran. I just ran till I collapsed. I remember lying down on the cold hard ground panting for breath and even then I couldn't get her out of my mind.
Why did I have to fall for her? The one person I want I can't have. I've never really asked for much from anybody so why was I denied the request to have the only person I've ever loved? I'm am I that evil to you God? I don't think I am, yeah sure I never go church or pray but that doesn't make me an evil person.
I think I've said enough for one day.
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
Journal Entry#18
I hate everything! I can't even fucking think without some little voice talking to me! This damn voice will not shut up! Even as I am writing it's still talking to me, invading me! This little voice is proof that I'm going insane, I'm turning into a schizophrenic. I can't sleep, I have bags underneath my eyes, their so bad that people are calling me "Lilly The Raccoon." I've been stealing money from people left and right just so I can have my fix. It feels like I'm on a sinking ship, waiting for the water to rise up and trap me, killing me slowly once it does reach me.
Mom kicked me out earlier today, she found my drugs and knives and told me to pack my bags. She said she didn't want a screwed up daughter around. The only thing she gave me was a hundred dollars before opening the door and telling me to get out. She didn't even bother to ask me why I was doing this! Now I've got nowhere to go. I'm not going to Miley or Oliver, I will not let them see me like this.
Later.
Do you remember me
Lost for so long
Will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?
Journal Entry#25
I now have a job at Burger King and I just dropped out of school, I now have my GED. I barely showed up for school anyway, plus now I can work longer and get more money. I don't think Miley has figured out that I dropped out. We never hang out or talk anymore so she'll find out through school gossip. Hell we haven't hung out at all the past year, we've only said hi once or twice and that was in the hallways of the school. Sadly I'm still in love with her. The only good thing about this is that I don't have to see her and Jake anymore. Living at the homeless shelter isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Sure the food is horrible but I'm happy with having a roof over my head. I hope I find an apartment soon, one that's cheap enough for me live in on minimum wage.
Till next time.
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
Journal Entry#35
I still see her and Jake. Everywhere I go I see them! I can't leave the shelter because I always see them. I don't even know why they're showing up in this town, it's like two hours away from Malibu. I don't know what's going on but it's fucked up.
Till the next time.
I want to die!!!
Journal Entry#40
The strangest thing happened to me today. Miley and Jake were outside of my room here, I could hear them talking so I went to see if it was actually them, when I opened my door there they were, kissing and laughing. I shouted at them but they wouldn't listen to me and just continued to kiss and laugh. The neighbor in the room next to me came out to see what was going on and asked who I was yelling at. I pointed to Miley and Jake but he said he didn't see anybody but me. I could still see them but he couldn't. At first I thought he was pulling my leg but he looked dead serious. I don't what's going on but I don't like it.
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
Journal Entry#49
I can't take this anymore, I see them everywhere. Even in my room right now. I'm looking at them as I write. They're cuddling with each other and things like that. Every time I try talking to them, they ignore me or act like they didn't hear me. I even punched Jake but he acted like nothing happened. I even poured hot water on him and still nothing. Why can't they feel anything!? Why won't they leave me alone!? I'm not doing any drugs or drinking anymore so I know I'm not hallucinating. I can't take this anymore.
This will be my last journal entry.
My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance
Will I be denied Christ
Tourniquet
My suicide
"Is this the room?" A police officer asked the owner of the shelter. "Yes, I'm afraid so." The owner answered with his eyes cast downward. "Thank you." The officer said before walking into the room. The site made his heart ache. His partner was already in the room investigating the scene. "17 year old Lillian Truscott, she was just a kid." The officer's partner said looking at her license with sadness. "She was getting her life back on track." The owner of the shelter said looking at Lilly's body. "She couldn't afford to go to the doctor for help. She was slowly loosing her mind. She kept saying that she was seeing this girl Miley and this guy Jake." The officers shook their heads and grabbed the envelope in her hands carefully. "I think this needs to be delivered." One officer said noticing an address on the corner of it.
Miley opened the envelope that was sitting on her bed and lightly smiled at the sender. "Lilly." She whispered opening it. She read the letter that was in it and her eyes widened. Lilly was gone.
A/N: I was depressed when I wrote this so yeah. I know I have my other story to write but this just screamed to be written. Leave a review!