Title: Where Do We Go From Here?
Pairings: S/B, S/F, B/A, F/A
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I own nothing, it all belongs to Joss.
Summary: Buffy comes to LA during the end of season 5. She discovers Spike is alive, and she's forced to figure out how she truly feels about him.
Author's Note: I started this years ago, and haven't ever finished it. If anyone really likes it, just review and tell me, and I'll try and add more chapters. :)
Chapter 1 – Never Gone
"Angel, just let me have the sodding Viper!" Spike was yelling furiously at Angel.
"No."
"Why the bloody hell not?" Spike was getting frustrated now.
"Because it's my Viper. Besides you don't even work here." Angel tried to focus on the case file in front of him as Spike continued ranting.
"I use it more than you do anyways. You don't even go out anymore. I'm the one out there helping the helpless and what all."
"Fine, go do that. Without the Viper. Now could you get out of my office? I'm working."
"Oh, yeah signing checks and writing up lawsuits. How terribly important."
Angel glared at Spike "Go."
"Fine, I've got better things to do anyways." Spike sauntered out of Angel's office. "Harmony, I need the keys to the Viper."
"But, I thought Angel said—"
"Keys. Now." Spike stared her down.
"Ok. But if Angel gets all dust-happy he better stake you instead of me."
"Right. Whatever." Spike grabbed the keys and went down the elevator. "Time for some fun" Spike smiled as he shot out of the parking garage.
"Man, it's good to be back in L.A." Buffy walked off the bus. "Now to go find some vamps."
Spike was sitting in a club, tired after dusting so many vamps.
"Hey there." A pretty blonde girl sat down next to him. "Wanna dance?"
"Not the dancing type, luv." Spike took a sip of his beer.
"Well, there's other ways we could dance." She took his hand and pulled him off the stool.
"Ok, when did L.A. turn into a demon-free zone?" Buffy said angrily to herself. She'd come all this way and she wanted to kill some vampires. She saw flashing lights and looked across the street at the club. "Hopefully they're some vamps in there." Buffy walked over to the club.
"Go on in sweetheart." The bouncer opened the door for her.
"Thanks." Buffy surveyed the place. "Vampires… where are you?" Buffy mumbled to herself. She was so out of it that she didn't see the couple making out right in front of her. "Oof."
"Watch where you're going, luv."
"Sorry I didn't see—" Buffy looked up. British accent. Platinum blonde hair. Leather duster. "You."
"Buffy?"
"Oh my god. You're… here. And… you aren't dead."
"Um… who is this girl?" The blonde girl was still hanging all over Spike.
Thunk. Buffy had knocked out the girl. "You son of a bitch." Buffy swung and punched Spike hard in the nose.
"Not exactly the welcome I had imagined." Spike was holding his nose in his hands. "But I should've expected it."
"Are you… are you really here? Am I dreaming?" Buffy was super confused now.
"I'm here."
Buffy hit him again. "How dare you! You were alive and didn't tell me?"
"Well technically I'm not alive. Plus I was kind of afraid this might happen." Spike was doubled over in pain.
"And to top it all off you're here making out with skanks?" Buffy was furious. And somewhat jealous.
"No!" Spike looked down at the girl. "Well, yeah. But only this once."
"Like that's supposed to make me feel better."
"I'm sorry. I just didn't–" Spike flew across the room after Buffy kicked him squarely in the chest.
"How are you even back?"
"We're trying to figure that out." Spike sat slumped against the wall, not risking getting up to be kicked again.
"We? Who's we?"
"Angel and his whole gang." Spike realized he probably shouldn't have said that.
"Angel." Buffy seemed a little calmer. But, really all she wanted to do now was go and beat up Angel.
"Yeah." Spike stood up.
"Let's go. I need to have a talk with Angel." Buffy pulled Spike behind her. "Got a car?"
"Yeah." And the Viper was about to be the least of Angel's worries.
Spike walked slowly behind Buffy as they got up to Wolfram and Hart's lobby.
"Buffy?" Harmony watched as Buffy walked up to Angel's office. "Do you want me to get Angel for you?"
"No thanks, Harmony." Buffy smashed the door open with her foot.
"What the hell is going on?" Angel looked up just in time to have Buffy's fist fly into his face.
"Are you going to explain this?" Buffy pointed at Spike.
"Buffy?" Angel got punched again. "Ow."
"Right now I hate the both of you so much." Buffy looked back and forth between the two vampires.
"Understandable." Angel got up out of his chair. "Buffy, I was going to tell you about… him. But, you were in Rome. Also Captain Peroxide here didn't want to tell you." Angel shot an accusatory stare at Spike.
"Don't forget to mention I was a ghost for about a month too."
"Ghost? And wait, didn't Andrew come here a little while ago?" Buffy was trying not to dust the both of them.
"Yeah, the little nerd was here." Spike tried not to look at Buffy directly.
"And why didn't he know about you being here?" Buffy turned to stare at Spike.
"He did. I just… told him not to tell you."
"You told him…" Buffy trailed off. "Why would you... why didn't you want me to know?" Buffy was somewhat hurt by the fact that Spike didn't want her to know.
"I don't know. I guess it didn't seem like the thing you tell someone over the phone."
"You could've come to Rome."
"We did! And speaking of which why were you with that ponce The Immortal?" Spike walked over to her, angry now that he remembered that.
"Yeah, Buffy, why were you with him? What happened to being cookie dough?" Angel came over too.
"…Cookie dough?" Spike looked at him, confused.
"I don't know. I was lonely, and have you seen him?"
Angel and Spike looked at each other with 'Gag-me' expressions on their faces.
Buffy was embarrassed that they'd seen her but then wondered why they were there in the first place. "Also, were you spying on me?"
"No, we weren't spying. We thought you were in danger." Angel failed to mention he had someone who had been spying on her.
"In danger of what?"
"The Immortal." Spike was trying not to sound extremely jealous.
"Oh. You came because you thought I was in danger of my own boyfriend, but you won't even come to tell me that you're back."
"That's about right." Spike felt stupid now. And he was expecting to get punched again. He was right. Luckily he grabbed her fist before it made contact. "Buffy, I didn't mean to hurt you, but honestly… I didn't think you'd care." Spike tried to hide the pain in his voice. He'd missed her so much. When he had seen her with the Immortal he was certain that he would never have a chance to see her again. Until now. He let go of her arm, feeling dazed after touching her.
"Why in the world would you think that? Do you even remember what I said to you?" Buffy was in disbelief that he forgot the moments they shared before he died. Or at least when he supposedly died.
"You didn't mean that. As much as it meant to me, it wasn't real." Spike moved closer to her, his bright blue eyes staring deep into hers. "I'll always love you. You know that. But you don't love me. You never will."
Angel coughed. "Ok… Buffy maybe we should find you somewhere to sleep. Unless of course you don't want to stay on account of—"
"I'm staying." She turned away from Spike. "I don't have to stay here though… do I? I'm not big on sleeping in an evil law firm."
"Formerly evil." Angel sat down at his desk.
"Whatever. So, where am I gonna stay?" Buffy sat on the edge of the table then looked from Angel to Spike.
"As long as you don't plan on dusting me in my sleep, you can stay at my place." Spike looked over at Angel who was not loving that plan. Spike was kind of worried about it too, considering the talk he and Buffy just had wasn't really a prelude to happiness.
"Can't make any promises. But, fine."
"I'll have someone come over first thing in the morning to make sure you're both still alive." Angel got up and grabbed Spike by his shirt, then said into his ear "If you hurt her, or even touch her, I will personally dust you, understand?"
Spike shook him off. "Yeah, yeah. Took me on and lost, remember old man?"
Angel just growled at him in response.
"I won't. Don't get your knickers in a bunch." He watched as Buffy got up and walked towards the door. "You just stay here and brood over her, like you do so well." Spike gave him a smug smile and walked out behind Buffy.
"Nice place." Buffy looked around his apartment.
"It's not my crypt… but it's got all I need." Spike pulled a can of beer out of the fridge and sat down on the couch.
Buffy just watched him for a while. She knew every part of him so well. And although she would never admit it, she really had missed him. She had cried for a long time after he died. When no one was around and all the memories came flooding back. He haunted her thoughts and her dreams, and now seeing him in the flesh… was just more than she could bear.
Spike was trying not to think about her. She was so close to him… and he just couldn't really get a hold on reality.
All of a sudden Buffy ran over to him. She sat on top of his lap and started to kiss him like the world would end without him being next to her. Spike moved his lips down her neck. "Oh, Spike! Spike—"
"SPIKE!" Buffy was standing up and definitely not kissing him.
"Wha-what..?" Spike realized he'd drifted off while daydreaming about Buffy.
"You fell asleep… and I just noticed that you only have one bed. Which really doesn't work with two of us." Buffy looked down at her feet, kind of uncomfortable. She did want to be near him, but it was just all still so strange.
"Right." Spike wished he could hold her again, but that was clearly out of the question. "I'll take the couch."
"No, it's your place I don't want to make you do that." Buffy went to get her stuff out of Spike's room when his hand grabbed her arm. It startled her and she hoped that the shivers down her spine were from being frightened and not for other reasons.
"No." Spike's eyes were deep and penetrating as he stared her down. His hand felt like it was on fire and he pulled away from her. "You're taking the bed."
"Spike… I did mean it."
"You're not taking the couch."
"No, I meant about what I told you. When I said that I—. I did mean it. On some level."
"Maybe you did. But that's in the past now. Everything's different. It just… it wasn't meant to be." Spike got up and grabbed a blanket for the couch. "You should go get some rest."
"Yeah." Buffy walked away and for some reason at that moment her heart hurt worse than ever.
Spike sat on the couch watching TV. There was no way he could sleep with her being right in the next room. He listened to her as she moved around in bed. Spike remembered that all too well. Buffy had very vivid dreams that made her flail around in her sleep. More than anything he wished he could go and calm her, but that wasn't his place. Not anymore. Actually, as much as he would've liked it to be, not ever.
Buffy tossed and turned in her sleep. Her mind was filled with memories of him.
"I'm drowning in you, Summers, I'm drowning in you."
"I could never be your girl!"
"You're the one, Buffy." "I don't wanna be the one."
"I love you." "No you don't. But thanks for saying it."
As the memories faded, Buffy started to dream about him. She saw him walking towards her. He reached out his hand to touch her face. "Buffy, I love—" Buffy interrupted him by plunging a stake deep into his chest causing him to explode to dust in front of her.
"NO!" Buffy shot straight up in bed, tears streaming down her face.
"Buffy." Spike got up and ran to her room. "Are you alright, luv?" He sat down on the edge of her bed.
Buffy didn't answer she just pulled him close to her in a death grip hug.
"Good thing I don't have to breathe." Spike tried to lighten the moment but stopped when he heard her sobbing into his shoulder. "It's alright. Don't cry." He was hesitant but gently started rubbing her back to comfort her.
"I killed you."
"What?" Spike pulled her away to face him. "I'm right here. You didn't kill me. You've done your fair share of trying, though." He smiled at her. "It was just a dream. I'm still here."
"And that's what throws me the most. I kept dreaming about you dying, but it didn't matter because you were dead. Now you're here and… I don't want to lose you again." She looked into his eyes. "I hate you." She got off the bed and grabbed her coat.
"What? What did I do?" Spike followed her out of the room.
"You're alive with the looks and the voice and the you."
"So now we're back to wanting me dead."
"No I just… I want things back to normal."
"Our lives have never been normal, pet."
"Well mine was getting close to it. I wasn't the one and only chosen, I had a new home, a new life, I wasn't living on the hellmouth, and I didn't have to deal with—"
"Me?" Right, of course. Both of you were finally moving on and then everything had to get all buggered up. But she's the one who came here in the first place. He was doing his best to stay away. So it wasn't his fault. He sure felt like it was though.
"I was going to say vampires."
"Still, puts me in that category."
"No, you go under the category called 'Souled Vampires Who Always Leave Town'."
"Please tell me I'm not stuck in the same category as old broody pants. And for the record, I didn't leave town. I died. Also, I turned the town into a crater, remember?"
"Yeah. I just… I need to go." She tried for the door.
"What you need is sleep."
"I don't want to. I'll dream."
"I'm not dead, well not in the being gone sense. Besides you even said yourself you were better off when I was gone. Now go to bed."
"Fine." Buffy walked off to the room and laid back down. She did need sleep, but he was wrong about her being better off without him. Truthfully, she needed him too.
Buffy opened her eyes. It was morning and thankfully she had slept pretty well considering the dreams she still had. She walked out to the kitchen and saw Spike standing by the fridge. Also a demon behind him. "Spike!" Buffy swung for the demon but was easily thrown across the room.
"Bloody hell, Illyria! Didn't need to hit her so hard."
"I thought you said Slayers possessed great strength. This one seems very unimpressive to me."
"Who is this?" Buffy struggled to lift herself up. Damn, that girl was strong.
"This is Illyria. She… well she used to be a mighty demon god but now is trapped inside the body of…"
"Winifred Burkle."
"Yeah." Spike couldn't really bring himself to say Fred's name. "And she almost blew up all of Los Angeles… or possibly the world, but we sucked some of her powers out of her. She's still bloody strong though."
"This one. She is lusting after you. Her body warms." Illyria turned to look at Spike.
"Hmm. Guess they didn't take all of your powers." Spike smiled and inside was laughing at Buffy, who had turned bright red at that comment.
"Angel sent me to check on you. He told me if you had hurt her I could kill you. I don't bend to his will. Though, I do enjoying hitting you."
Spike walked towards her. "Haven't touched her. But if you wanna have a go…"
Illyria sent him smashing into the fridge.
"Alright then." Spike switched into game face and lunged, punching her in the face. "Good thing you can't cheat with that time stop thing anymore. That was a royal bitch." He kicked her squarely in the stomach and sent her stumbling back.
Illyria punched him hard in the face, making his nose bleed. "You break so easily." She smirked at him.
"Stop!" Buffy came over and hit Illyria, having no affect on her. Illyria was about to smash Buffy through the wall when Spike cut in.
"Illyria. Let's wait till we get back to Wolfram and Hart before you break Buffy in half, okay?"
"I do it because it suits me." She walked away from the pair.
"You're friends with a super demon?" Buffy was completely puzzled. And kind of in pain.
"Wouldn't exactly call us friends. But yeah, Big Blue's on our side… sort of."
"Who was Winifred Burkle?"
Spike really didn't want to go there, but he did anyways. "She was… a friend of mine. She was a great person."
"And Illyria killed her?" Buffy could tell it was a tender subject for Spike, but wanted to know just the same.
"Not really, a lot of people played their part in bringing Illyria forth. She hollowed out Fred so she could be on this earth again." Spike cringed at the memory of trying to save Fred.
"You cared about her a lot didn't you?"
"Yeah. I did."
"Were… were you and her together?" Buffy wasn't sure she wanted to know this answer.
Spike could see the twinge of jealousy in Buffy's eyes. "No need to get jealous. She was with Wesley, not me."
Buffy was relieved and then realized what he said. "Wesley? He's still around?"
"You seem shocked. What did you think he was dead?"
"Well… you should've seen him five years ago."
Spike laughed. He'd forgotten that Wesley had once been Buffy's watcher.
Buffy remembered what else Spike had said. "And hey! I wasn't jealous."
"Sure you weren't." His voice dropped all low and sounded so sexy.
"Maybe a little."
"Just a little?" Spike moved closer to her.
"Not as jealous as I was of that slut at the club."
"Yeah, you broke up a pretty good kissing session."
"Uh!" She hit him playfully. "I was definitely better than her."
"Hmm… I'm not sure. It's been a long time since we've kissed." His body was almost touching hers now.
"I know. I had kind of wished we could've done it one more time before you died."
"Not dead anymore. Still want to?" He bent his head down, lower, almost—
"Spike. I wish to leave now." Illyria stood in the doorway.
"Right, let's go." Spike walked away from Buffy. He was so close, and yet, he wasn't sure if it was what he really wanted. He tried not to think about it. "Angel's probably gonna send in an army if we stay any longer." God my life sucks.