Discovering the Truth

a universal one-shot companion to The Secret Life of Brian

by LDEJRuff

Author's note: As stated, this is a one-shot. However, it takes place in a universe based on that of The Secret Life of Brian.

One snowy night in December, Stewie was watching A Year Without a Santa Claus or Sex on the living room couch, but he was sad, as he had missed his best friend, Brian.

"Hello there, Stewart," Vinny, now dressed in a classy outfit and a pair of glasses, greeted in an English-like accent. This got Stewie's attention.

"What's this?" Stewie replied. "What are you doing, Vinny?"

"Vinny? Who's Vinny? My name is Brian, a.k.a. 'your favorite dog'. Hey, whose leg do you gotta gagoosh to get an amaretto disaronno around here?"

"Oh, forget it, Vinny," Stewie regarded. "You're not Brian."

"Come on," Vinny shrugged, "I went through a lot of trouble. For example, I know Brian was rather into politics, so I read the newspaper. What is going on with all these politics, huh?"

"Well," Stewie replied, "that is about Brian's level of political awareness."

"Yeah," Vinny agreed. "And you know how Brian wrote Wish It, Want It, Do It? Well, I wrote a book, too; a little something called Wish It, Want It, You Blew It."

"Really?"

"Yep. Let me read you an expert." With that, he pulled out a piece of paper, reciting a line from his book. "'You wish you were a millionaire. You want more money. Guess what, you blew it. You wish you could change the neighborhood. You want to be a selectman. You blew it. You wish you could open up a restaurant. You did not want to pay protection money. Knock, knock. Who's there? You blew it.'"

"'You blew it' who?" Stewie guessed.

"'You blew it bad,'" Vinny added. "You know what the last page of the book is? A mirror. So you can see exactly who blew it. Being you."

Stewie looked down.

"Look," he began. "I appreciate all this, Vinny. But there's only one Brian. And it's tough for me that he's gone, especially around the holidays."

"I understand that, Stewie," Vinny replied sadly. Then, he started to feel as if he didn't know what to say. "Hey, Stewie, I have something to ask you."

"What is it, Vinny?" Stewie replied, raising his head.

"How many relatives did Brian have?"

"Well, he had a mother who died last year. Her owners stuffed her. A number of his litter mates are still alive. You don't want to know how his brother, Jerry, died. But there is one son that he had, which he unknowingly conceived with his human ex-girlfriend, Tracy Flannigan. His name...is Dylan."

Vinny's eyes widened with a feeling that resembled guilt. Calm then, he asked, "Where does Dylan live?"

"You said that you came from Providence," Stewie answered. "He lives in an urban area in Manton Avenue. If you'd like to take me there so I can say goodbye to him for Brian, I can tell you the directions."

"Okay, Stewie," Vinny replied. "I'll take you there first thing in the morning. Right now, you need to get ready for bed."

"Thanks, Vinny," Stewie said, getting up. "I'll be waiting for you in my room."

With that, Vinny watched guiltily as Stewie walked upstairs. He then sighed sadly and got his phone out.

"Hello," he whispered. "It's me. The thing is..."

The next day, after Vinny revealed to Stewie that he rented a Prius to be like Brian, the two drove to the Flannigan house in Manton Avenue. Vinny, who was wearing his usual black collar again, aided his infant friend, who wore his blue jacket again like the day before. Vinny knocked on the door.

"Now, Stewie," Vinny began, "while you're here to talk with Dylan, there's something you need to know. You'll figure it out soon enough."

"What do I need to figure out?" Stewie asked.

"You'll see."

Just then, the door opened. When Stewie raised his head and saw who opened it, his eyes widened in surprise, slowly.

"Is..." he began in thought. "Is this possible?"

Stewie then slowly raised a hand and advanced it to touch something white and furry in the doorway. When he did, he burst into tears of joy.

"It is," he continued in thought, "it is possible!" "Oh, Brian," he whispered aloud, exuberantly. "You're alive, my friend."

The dog in question smiled contently at him.

"Hello, Stewie," Brian greeted. "And hello to you, Vinny."

"Hey, Brian," Vinny greeted back. "I hope it's okay that I bring him here so he'll catch up on what's going on."

"You did what?!" Stewie shouted in shock after hearing about what Brian did several months ago.

"It's true, Stewie," Brian replied. "I cloned myself using the transportation machine you used before we went to Vegas, while I went ahead and borrowed a Benz. That's the reason why I faked my death. Then, after secretly attending the funeral right after getting my Prius back from that car dealership, I drove right here to Dylan's house so I could be there for him, especially when driving him to school and work."

"So it was you who drove the car and ran over your own clone so you could be with Dylan?"

Brian nodded.

"So," Stewie continued, "when we saw your clone die on the operating table that day, the way he smiled at me indicated that you were still alive, right?"

On that day in the Veterinary Clinic, the Griffins, including Stewie, had shed tears of grief, watching the dog they all thought was Brian die on the operating table.

"You've..." Clone Brian began. "You've given me a wonderful life. I love you all." He then smiled sadly at Stewie. "And don't worry about the real Brian, Stewie," Clone Brian thought. "He's still alive." And with that final thought, he went lifeless when the heart monitor produced the flatline tone.

"Yes, Stewie," Brian answered. "That's exactly what it meant. You're not mad at me, are you?"

"Well, I was going to be, at first, but after realizing that Tracy was comatose, I understand why Dylan needed you. And for that, I'm glad. Anyway, how do you know about Vinny?"

"We're getting to that right now, Stewie," Vinny answered. "You see, I came from a litter that Brian's father sired with my mother."

"You mean...?" Stewie started, dropping his jaw.

"That's right, Stews. Brian is my big brother."

"Oh, my God," Stewie said, placing a hand on his forehead. "My head is spinning. I mean, Brian. You made your whole family suffer so you could be with Dylan? That's the most craziest thing I've ever heard. Who else knows about this?"

Brian replied, "Mr. Quagmire, Jasper, Jerome, the Giant Chicken your dad used to fight with, they all know I'm alive. I told them myself."

"Well, now I know that the one thing I wanted for Christmas was alive all along," Stewie sighed.

"Oh, Stewie, can you ever forgive me?"

Stewie turned his head to him, and smiled sadly.

"Apology accepted." With that, he gave Brian a hug. "It's good to know that you're alive, Brian. I'll manage to keep your secret safe."

"So, anything else you'd like for Christmas, Stewie?" Brian asked.

"That's okay, Brian," Stewie answered. "I already have my present in front of me: it's knowing that you're still alive and taking care of Dylan."

"It's good to see my dear old dad embrace with his infant friend," Dylan watched with his fully-recovered mother.

Stewie took notice. "Oh, I see that you're on your feet again, Tracy."

"Yeah," Brian replied. "She regained consciousness last night."

"Are you sure you're going to stay, Brian?" Vinny asked as he and Stewie were ready to go home.

"Mmm-hmm," Brian nodded. "Tracy and Dylan need me to take care of them."

"You take good care of them and yourself, Brian," Stewie said, hugging his best friend. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you, Stewie," Brian replied. "And Vinny, you continue to take good care of the Griffins for me."

"I will, Brian," Vinny nodded.

"You two can come back and visit anytime."

"We plan to."

And with that, Vinny and a happy Stewie went all the way back to Quahog in the Prius rental. Stewie was glad to know that his wish had finally come true.

When Christmas Day came, and while Peter, Lois, Meg and Chris were opening their presents, Vinny handed Stewie an envelope.

"Here you go, Stewie," he whispered, so the rest wouldn't hear. "It's from Brian."

Stewie opened the envelope and saw that it was a letter.

Dear Stewie,

I'm glad that you agreed to keep my still being alive a secret. I hope you can understand that Tracy and Dylan need me a little longer, as I'm spending my first Christmas there. Even if your family misses me, I hope that it won't bother either you or Vinny much. Thank you for everything Stewie, and take good care of my brother for me. Merry Christmas.

Your friend,

Brian

As Stewie read, he wore a content smile on his face, still glad to know that Brian was still alive.

"Oh, Vinny," he whispered. "It's such a wonderful letter he wrote. At least it's a better present than that severed foot you gave me."

Vinny suddenly realized in fear.

"That was meant to go to somebody else," he replied. "I'm very sorry."

Cutaway: We see the Walrus and his gang in an Italian restaurant. He showed his group the box with the train.

"Well, my friends," the Walrus began, "I think Johnny "The Foot" Giatelli is dead."

He opened the box and discovered the train.

"Oh, no," he continued. "They killed Frankie "Choo-Choo" Chinelli instead."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute," one of the mobsters halted. "You sure that's what this means? Could be they killed Davey "The Box" Frateli."

The rest oohed.

"Hold on," another mobster said, "it could also be they killed Jimmy "Tissue Paper" Scungili."

"I just saw Jimmy yesterday at my kid's christening," the third mobster replied.

"So maybe it wasn't Jimmy," the first mobster agreed. "Maybe this means they killed Anthony "The Air Around the Box" Minetti," he continued while picking the box up before he got shot in the head.

"Oh, no!" the second mobster shouted. "They killed Sal "Holding The Box That We Can't Figure Out What The Box Means" Casella!"

The End