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*Love is more painful that is sets outs to be.
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1. Lovefull, Unloveable Woman
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He wasn't sure when it started. It had slowly creeped up on him—not exactly out of the blue, though. He had run into her in the market of the outskirts of a village he'd been on a mission.
Gray had been assigned to buy special herbs for the Capitals princess and the only place he could find them was in the smaller villages: far away from the populated towns near the kingdom's grounds. He'd been walking down the scorching hot roads looking through all the markets when he spotted her. Well, more like he spotted the plant he was looking for.
She'd been wearing a full body dress. Royal blue, with a dangerous slit that reached up to unimaginable places. Although, if Gray had tried, he could have a strong idea of what laid beneath. Her azure curls were long, reaching almost to her derrière and her smoldering blue eyes were bright as she smiled.
Gray had approached her stand when he saw her struggling trying to pick up a pot of herbs. He'd easily picked them up and placed them on a withered down carriage she had. A single lavender colored tulip had fallen from her bouquet, and Gray had picked it up and handed it to her.
"Here," he had said as he placed the delicate flower on her hand.
The way her eyes had brighten up and they way her lips turned to a soft smile—it would forever be engraved in to his brain.
"Thank you!" she said. "My name is Juvia Lockser, who might you be? You really helped me out there. Is there anything I can do to repay you?"
"I'm Gray, and it was nothing," he said, but his attention was back on the herbs as he scanned for the ones he wanted. "I'm looking for medical herbs." He dug through his pants until he found a crumpled piece of paper. Unfolding it and straightening it out, he showed it to her. "Have anything like this?"
Juvia scanned the page, before she nodded and started picking a few plants and throwing them into a bag. When she'd been done collecting everything on to a bag, she handed it to him.
"Thanks," Gray said as he searched in his pant pockets for some money. "How much do I owe you?"
Juvia had shaken her head—sending her blue curls bouncing all over. "It's okay," she said. "Take it as my thanks."
Gray scrunched his eyebrows at her. "Are you sure?"
"Of course!" she smiled. "Gray-sama helped Juvia when she needed it; it's only fair that she helps him out."
"Well," Gray scratched the back of his head. He wasn't used to people being so nice it giving him honorifics out of the blue. "Thanks."
"Where is Gray-sama headed to from here?" she asked him—curiosity clear in her eyes.
Before Gray knew it, Juvia was escorting him to all the different places he needed to go to in the small village. He'd asked her if she needed to go back to her shop stand, but she'd simply smiled and shook her head.
Afterword's, at night, once he'd helped her collect all her things, he accompanied her home. He felt like it was only fair after everything she'd done for him that day.
He still remembered how beautiful she looked under the full moon and the sky full of stars. Throughout the day, he'd thought of her as clingy and overbearing— but Juvia wasn't too bad.
She'd smiled at him, and he had promised he'd come to visit as soon as possible. He liked the small village. It was quiet, and he saw useful things the Princess would like.
One visit turned into two, and two turned into three and once every few months turned into once a month. A late night walk turned into a late night dinner. A simple wave turned into cheek caresses and a kiss on the cheek turned into a kiss on the lips.
Juvia's lips were ecstasy: they took Gray to a whole new world. A world he couldn't make sense of or control. Her hair as he ran his fingers through it was addiction and the way slammed her against her house door was beyond sinful. Her long and enchanting legs wrapped around him. Ever since he'd met her, that dress of hers made his thoughts run wild and for the first time, he was able to rip it off her and finally see what was under it.
Her breath was hot against his face as he reached behind her to rip her dress apart—he owed her a new one now, but he didn't mind. The blue fabric dropped to her waist and her plump breasts were glowing under the moonlight that seeped through her windows. Gray felt his member twitch in anticipation. He didn't waste time—he brought his lips back on to her mouth and kissed her roughly. With one hand, he massaged her right breast, playing with the end of her nipple until it was hard and perky—waiting for him to suck on it.
"Gray-sama," Juvia moaned against his ear and he took her pink bud into his mouth. He ran his tongue along the tip, which made Juvia whimper and pull his black hair. He sucked, making sure his tongue explored and took over her nipple.
Gray wasn't one to be neglectful, soon enough, her other breast was his mouth and he was using his tongue to play with her nipple. Juvia's voice had turned squeaky, but her moans were low, and Gray wanted nothing more than for her to be screaming his name when he slammed inside of her.
"Your bedroom," he growled as he went back up to kiss her.
"Okay," she said breathlessly as she slowly started backing away from the door. In the time it took them to get to Juvia's bedroom, she'd completely lost her dress and all she had left was a pair of dark blue panties. Gray wanted nothing more than to rip them off her. Gray was down to only his pants—his shirt scattered somewhere in her living room, or maybe by the front door.
Once they entered her room, he slammed the door behind them and took her into his arms again, only to push her back and make her land on her bed. The sight of her breast bouncing as she landed back, it was much more than pleasurable for Gray.
Juvia was on him much faster. Her nimble hands reached for his pants as he kissed her hard. Bruisingly hard. He just couldn't get enough of her. He wanted her whole.
"Take it off!" Juvia pulled his pants down with her hand and she rubbed his member with her palm.
"Fuck." Gray wanted nothing more than for her to have it inside her mouth, but he didn't want to be stopped or go slow, he needed to be inside of her.
He gripped her hands and slammed them on either side of her head. For a split second, Gray had to stop and stare at how ravishing and enchanting Juvia was. Her blue hair was a halo surrounding her head. Her eyes were glossy but looking right at him. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips were red and swollen. Her form, her smile, her odor overwhelmed him. She was like a goddess, and like any goddess, he knew she was tantalizing. Still, he could think about that later.
"Spread your legs," he said, trying to rid his thoughts about the after, and concentrating instead on the 'now.' Juvia obeyed with no complaint; she spread her legs and Gray ripped her panties off. He was met with her sex, and he almost took her right there.
He brought his mouth down on her. "Oh," Juvia moaned and grasped on to his hair. "Gray-sama."
Gray used his tongue to lick her and torture her. Soon, one finger was inside of her, then two and his other hand had made its way to the little ball of nerves that he knew would take her over the edge. When he was pumping his fingers in and out of her, he seemed to have hit her g-spot, because Juvia's soft mews had turned into full out screams.
"Gray-sama, yes!" Gray wanted that. He didn't care how loud she was. "Please, Gray-Sama, Juvia can't…"
"You will wait," he said as he took his fingers out and patted her sex one more time before he stood. He could hear Juvia's soft complaints, but they didn't last long once he placed himself in between her and his hard member rubbed against her wet sex.
"Gray-sama, please," Juvia pleased, her hands fisting the blankets. "Juvia needs you inside of her."
Those simple words were all Gray needed to hear. He took his boxers on and placed the head of his member in her entrance.
"I don't think I can be gentle," he told her with sincerity.
Juvia met his lust full eyes and with a breathless voice said, "then, don't be."
Gray slammed into Juvia so hard, the bed frames creaked and for a second he felt like they might've broken them. Juvia screamed his name as he pushed inside of her. Her nails dug into his back deliciously painfully as he pulled back and slammed back into her.
"Fuck," he whispered as he felt her hot insides surround and clench him. For a second, he was frightened he was going to come, but he knew that would be unfair and wouldn't be able to look her in the eyes afterwards.
He wasn't gentle at all with Juvia. He'd told her, and she'd been okay with it. He'd slammed into her with as much force as he could—he needed to be deep inside of her. His hands bent her leg over, simply so he could go deeper. He restrained her hands beside her head, so he could control their pace and he could see her squirm under him as he took her so close to the edge but left her hanging. Not yet. Not yet. He wanted her entirely. He wasn't done exploring her senses and her weak spots inside of her.
"I wanted this for so long," he groaned as he palmed her breast. "So long. That dress, I wanted to rip it off and fuck you until you didn't know any name but mine."
His hand moved down to her clit and he started rubbing and playing with it. He felt it: him pushing inside of her and her juices surrounding him. He needed to see it.
"Turn over," he said, but didn't give her much of a chance as he flipped her over.
He felt her bottom with his hands, and with his hand, he spread her juices even more. He needed her to be slick and wet.
He hesitated for a second. Juvia wasn't speaking, had he hurt her? He knew he was being rough, but he didn't want to cause her any pain.
"Harder," Juvia's voice was muffled by the blankets, but Gray heard her, and his eyes widened. "Take me even harder from behind."
Gray smirked and didn't hesitate to push right into her. Her scream was muffled by the blankets, but it reached Gray's core as he pushed in and out of her. Pulling her hair as his hard member penetrated her, Gray knew it'd be hard for him to leave her during the night. The sight of him penetrating her was more than he'd expected. He wanted to make her beg for release.
That's how it had started. That one night led to many more nights. From every mission he came back from or went to, he would make sure to cross through her village. Juvia never asked much from him—she never wanted more than he could give. Sometimes, he'd be gone for months and simply show up during late hours of the night. She never reprimanded him or rejected him. Even when he didn't show up when he said he would.
Juvia was always waiting for him with open arms. She would smile at him, and then scream his name like he liked when he was fucking her from behind at night. She would then get up and cook something for him while he tried to sleep some of his tiredness away. He wasn't sure when, but he knew she'd found out he hated sleeping while there was someone else in bed with him. Maybe it was when she had tried cuddling with him, but he'd excused himself and told her he had to leave in the morning.
After that night, Juvia never stayed in bed with him, she would always get out of bed, clean herself and make him something to eat for when he woke up.
If they accidentally ran into each other when he was with some of his fellow knights, they'd pretend they didn't know each other. Juvia never said it, but Gray could tell it hurt her, but he couldn't do anything about it.
"Is it because you're embarrassed of me?" she had asked one time while he was getting changed. He had to be back to the capital the next morning.
Gray stopped for a second. "Don't be ridiculous."
He didn't come back to see her until three months later, and even then, she had greeted him with open arms, a delicious dinner and a warm body.
It was almost a year since they started their complicated relationship when he made a mistake. His mission had gone wrong. They'd lost so many people after and ambush—it had been a blood bath. He blamed himself for not being more alert. He'd been furious, and he had taken it out on the person who cared for him the most.
"Stop it!" He threw his plate on the ground. Juvia flinched back and her eyes were wide. "I told you I don't want to talk about it."
"Gray-sama, I—"
"I don't even know why I'm here," he laughed dryly as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I have better things to do."
He had grabbed his jacket to leave, but Juvia had run to him.
"Wait," she said. "Gray-sama can't leave like this—"
Gray had turned around and glared at her. "Who do you think your are? I can do whatever I want. You are no one to tell me what I can and can't do." He gripped her arm. "Stop acting like my wife."
Juvia's eyes widened, and he pushed her away. He looked away. Why had that slipped out? They'd never spoke about their relationship out loud before.
"It's not like I planned on keeping you around for long."
He had slammed the door so hard, he wondered if her flower frames that hung by the front of her house had fallen down. Still, it was that same door he had come crawling back to a week later when another one of his missions had gone wrong.
Juvia had opened her door. She looked so luminous under the light of the moon and the darkness of the night. Her eyes searched his, but she let him in.
Gray wasn't good with his words, so he used his actions. In the time he'd known her, they'd never made love, or gone particularly slow. So he took his time with her that night—running his fingers through every one of her caresses and kissing even the tiniest of moles on her pale skin. He made her moan and come until she had no more in her. He needed for her to understand he was sorry.
They never spoke about their fight or the accident ever again afterwards. Gray knew he was the worst of the worst, but he couldn't leave her. He could give her his body and some of his time, but not his heart.
A year and months later into their complicated agreement, Gray started wanting to know more about Juvia. He only ever saw her during the night and then he was gone. He couldn't let the villagers start roomers.
She'd been reading out of a worn book one night while he ate, when he realized he always saw her carrying it around. She always read it whenever he ate or took a bath. The soft patter of the rain outside reminded him that almost every time he visited her, the weather was always terrible. There had been a few instances where the moon shone bright, but it didn't take long for the clouds to overtake the sky and for it to start raining.
From a distance, he could make out the words, but he couldn't read them. They were in another language.
"That book," he'd started out slowly. "You always read it."
Juvia had looked up, a small smile gracing her lips. "Yes," she said softly. "I always keep it around."
"Why?" Gray asked.
"Someone I loved before gave it to me," she told him as she closed the book and laid it on the table. "He said it reminded him of me."
Gray narrowed his eyes. "A lover?"
"Yes," Juvia answered. "A past lover. His name had been Bora. Juvia had thought he'd be the one back then. She was such a child to believe so."
"What happened to him?" Gray couldn't let his curiosity about this other man take over him. There was a weird feeling in his chest, and he didn't like it.
"Nothing really," Juvia stood from her spot and came over to pick up some of the plates. "He realized Juvia was too full of love for him and left."
Gray didn't understand it then, but Juvia's words had deeper meaning than he sought them out to be. He'd been confused by her words, the weird feeling in his chest still strong, but he'd ignored it, and like many times before, left before dawn.
He wasn't sure when it happened, but his eyes became attracted towards another woman. She was a princess from another kingdom. Her hair was short, he eyes were dark and she offered him everything he'd ever wanted. All he had to do was marry her. She'd declared her love for him after one of his missions where he'd saved her from a gang of bandits.
At that point of his life, he was greedy for power. He'd found out who'd killed his father during war and he needed vengeance, and for that, he needed men, money and numbers, and this woman from another kingdom afford all of that to him.
Her name was Ultear, and she wanted to give him everything she had, and he was more than contempt to take it.
The wedding date had been set for six months later on a spring day.
Before he knew it, his visits to Juvia became rarer. He spent his nights and days with Ultear, but in the back of his mind when she was kissing him, he saw Juvia, and when he was inside of her, he couldn't help but imagine Juvia.
It had been a week before his wedding when he came crawling up to her door at the late hours of night. When she opened the door, she was smiling softly at him, and she smelled like home cooked cookies.
He made sure to make love to her that night and tried to express his gratitude and how much he would miss her. Juvia was as loving and caring as ever and didn't question him when he pulled her in close and wrapped her into his arms.
He'd dozed off at some point, and when he'd woken up, Juvia had been sitting up on the bed, her lamp on beside her and that old book parched in her hands.
"Gray-sama is up," she smiled at him and ran her hand softly over his hair. "Juvia made some dinner if he wants some."
"Thanks," he said as he sat up. Looking out the window, he realized he needed to leave soon. His wedding preparations started early the next morning. Still, glancing over at Juvia and her soft smile, he couldn't bring himself to tell her he was leaving.
"Listen, Juvia…" he started, but halted when he saw her smile at him. For a second, she looked like she was going to cry.
"Juvia understands," she told him as she shut her book. "She hopes you're happy with her."
Gray's eyes widened as he saw her stand for the bed. "What?" he said. Had she known this whole time?
"You're not the first man Juvia has been with, and you never go slow with Juvia unless it's something that will hurt her," she shouldered on her robe and turned her back towards him. "She knows it would happen eventually. She hopes your happy, this was fun while it lasted. She isn't angry."
Gray gaped at her as she turned around and gave him one of the purest smiles he'd ever seen. What kind of a monster was he? Was he really going to leave her? Did she not care?
"Yeah," he said as he gripped the blankets in his hands. "Thanks."
"Your food will get cold," she told him. "I'll gather anything you've left behind for you to take."
Gray watched her as she washed the plates and gathered his stuff—not once did she accuse him of using her or leaving her. She'd caressed his cheek before he left, wished him the best and he almost screamed at her. Why wasn't she angry at him? Why wasn't she calling him back?
The week that lead to the wedding was torture for Gray. He hated being touched or pestered about, but he needed to be measured for last minute fixes on his suit. Thoughts about Juvia roamed his head. She seemed to not care he was leaving off to get married. She acted like she didn't care. Gray couldn't help but feel irritated and a weird feeling settled on his chest.
Fine, he thought. Let her not care. Benefits me the most.
Maybe that's why when he saw the soft blue package with the words Gray-sama scribbled across it with the oh, too familiar handwriting he'd become accustomed with in the past two years in his piles of wedding gifts, he'd tossed it to the side. He didn't need wasteful thoughts roaming his head.
Months after the wedding went by—he managed to kill the men who'd murdered his father, and even managed to share his riches with his brother, Lyon, and his friends.
Still, he felt so empty. Spending time with Ultear, royal duties, Knight work, all of it was so taskfull, even sleeping with Ultear felt like a chore. It had been during midday during one of the hottest summers the kingdom had ever witnessed, that he was reminded of Juvia for the first time in a long time.
He'd pulled out the soft blue package from one of his cabinets and brought it to bed with him. Ultear had gone off to some princess duty, so he was safe for the meantime.
Ripping the paper off the package, he was greeted with a note first.
Dear Gray-sama,
Happy twenty eighth birthday and congratulations on your marriage.
Sincerely,
J
He had forgotten he'd been married a day before his birthday. He wa surprised she remembered, he'd only ever mentioned it once to her.
Gray's hands began to tremble once he noticed what laid on his lap. It was the worn down leather book she always kept close to her. Running his hands over it, he realized how bumpy and old it was. With care, he opened the first page, and saw more writing.
Dear Juvia,
Because someone has to tell you what really awaits you.
-Bora.
Gray scrunched his eyebrows once he saw the name. It belonged to that guy Juvia had spoken about. Her old love. She was giving him something from him to Gray?
Flipping to the next page, Gray expected it to be a jumble of foreign words he didn't understand, but he was surprised to see he could read it.
His heart stopped beating for a second once he read the first sentence of the story:
A woman full of love to give, but never to be reciprocated.
Gray read on. His heart shrinking by each word he read.
She gave everything to men who would never love her. She waits patiently for him in the silence of the night, wishing and praying that he'll come back once again to embrace her with his warm and strong body. She knows she shouldn't, but she keeps her hopes up. Maybe he's the one, she thinks. Maybe he'll be the one to give everything to her like she gave her everything to him.
She waits with open arms, an open heart, a smile on her face and a warm body for him to embrace. Yet, he doesn't come.
Gray gripped the edges of the book as he read on.
He left like he came, and she couldn't help but wish him the best because she truly loved him, and love meant she should be happy for him. He left with the words, "you shouldn't love someone so wholly. It'll hurt you," still hanging on his lips.
Then, came another. He gave her so little, yet so much. His body, his time, his sorrows, and yet, he never gave her his heart. It was the first time she felt so secure in his arms. So close, yet so far. But his time came too, and he chose richness and greediness over her.
Gray's sight became unclear as he read the last few pages of the story.
Still, she sits and waits under the moonlight waiting for the day her true love will come and save her from her rain filled days and lonely nights. She waits and waits, always smiling and wishing all the men she encounters the best and acting like her heart isn't being ripped apart when she needs to say goodbye.
She smiles, and smiles—not once shedding a tear even if her heart is screaming inside of her. She waits and waits—but no one ever stays.
The hot tears Gray was holding back finally overflow and slide down his cheeks, as he sees something familiar sitting on the page. The lavender color tulip from the first time they met is delicately pressed on the last page.
"Why?" Gray sobbed as he read the small writing below the page.
Lovefull, Unloveable Woman. The title is unclear, because so is she to all the men in her path.
"You said you didn't care," he held the fragile flower in his hands, tears trickled on to his palms. "Then why? Why? Why would you keep something like this?"
Gray read the sentence at the last page of the book and the scribble mess matched Bora's writing. He grew angry. He understood why Juvia seemed so dejected when she talked about the book, and even if it was a gift from her ex-lover, it was like a slap to her face and Gray had reminded her of it all over again, especially when he left her.
You'll always be a lonely and unlovable woman.
When he returned to the village to look for her the next day, he found out she'd moved away. He'd been so heartbroken, that he realized how much of an idiot he'd been. Now that he'd accomplished everything he'd wanted, he realized she'd been the only thing he'd needed.
He'd walked into the familiar house, but it felt much colder without Juvia and her smiling face. Running his hands on the table where they ate so many meals together, Gray fisted his hands. She'd left. Far away. No one in the village knew where she'd gone to. She'd simply been there one day and gone the next.
Gray entered the bedroom where he'd slept so many nights. He hated himself for not pulling her into his arms when he had the chance and expressing how much he needed her.
The bed looked bare with no blankets and in the room where he'd always felt so wanted and so powerful made him feel so minuscule and powerless.
Looking at the corner, where Juvia's lamps and flowers had always been stationed, Gray noticed a sheet of paper lying on it. Taking it in his hands, his heart soared as he read the words neatly written out on it. Tears pricked his eyes and he was filled of hope once again.
She really was something, that Juvia. He'd made it very clear he'd never give her his heart and she'd been okay with it the whole time, because she wasn't going to ask for it—she had stolen it from him.
A small smile graced his lips as he read her note over again.
Juvia writes her own endings. If you want to be part of it, come find me. She will be waiting.
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A/N: Hi, yes. Don't kill me. I love reading heart wrenching, soul crushing stories. That's why I write them too. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter though!
Lots of love,
Annabethlove
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A/N: and it all starts from here. All my stories from the last few months and the future ones will be posted here.
Thank you for spending some of your time reading my angsty stories,
Lots of love,
Annabethlove