Authors Note: Hi, I thought of a brand new fic. It is similar to my other fanfic "Our Love Story"But in this story we explore what the show would be like if Brianna was a teenager, there was a fourth Forman child named Jake, (exactly like the one in "It's a Wonderful Life" episode of the original) and Kelso dated Laurie from the beginning. Enjoy!
Point Place, Wisconsin
February 17, 1975
8:47 p.m.
Location: Eric Forman's Basement.
INT: FORMAN'S BASEMENT. NIGHT.
ERIC FORMAN, (14) BRIANNA FORMAN, (13) STEVEN HYDE, (15) MICHAEL KELSO, (15), and DONNA PINCIOTTI, (15) sit around a small. round card table. ERIC, BRIANNA, and DONNA sit across from each other in card chairs, while HYDE and KELSO sit on a couch in the center of the room.
The guys are in a discussion.
HYDE: Eric, it is time.
ERIC: Why don't you do it?
HYDE: It's your house.
KELSO: Your house.
HYDE: (points to floor above) Listen to them up there.
Eric and Brianna's parents are throwing a large party upstairs. Kelso looks in the direction Hyde is pointing.
HYDE: The party has reached critical mass. In ten minutes, there will be no more beer opportunities.
KELSO seconds that motion. He shakes his head.
ERIC: If my dad catches me copping beers, he'll kill me.
HYDE: I'm willing to take that risk.
KELSO: Don't worry about it. Just remain calm, keep moving...
DONNA: ...and above all, don't get sucked into my dad's hair.
BRIANNA: What's wrong with your dad's hair?
DONNA: Just don't look at it.
Hyde stands up and grabs Eric's face to stress a point.
HYDE And, Eric... (regarding the temperature of beer)...cold. Definitely cold.
Eric nods his head in understanding then stands and heads upstairs. Captain and Tenille's 'Love Will Keep Us Together' begins playing. Hyde sits back down on the couch, as Brianna starts reading a magazine.
INT: FORMAN'S KITCHEN. NIGHT.
Laurie, Eric, Brianna, and Jake's mother KITTY, a nurse, leans over her oven and removes a tray of hot pizza rolls with a pair of oven mitts. She sings along to Captain and Tenille.
KITTY
(singing) '...young and beautiful. Someday your looks will be gone.'
She heads for the living room, carrying the hot tray with her.
INT: FORMAN'S LIVING ROOM. NIGHT.
KITTY bumps into ERIC as he enters the living room from the basement.
KITTY: Oh! Oh! Watch it, Eric. Hot pizza rolls. (she runs into the living room, dodging through her party guests) Coming through. Hot. Hot.
WOMAN: Kitty, where are you?
Kitty places the tray of pizza rolls down on a serving table, and instantly a handful of guests swarm the table and the pizza rolls.
KITTY: Okay. Take two. There's plenty. There's plenty coming.
Kitty walks away to see how the rest of her guests are doing.
KITTY: Is everybody good? (to guest) I know. I know. Vienna sausages are so versatile.
Her little boy Jake is wooing everybody with his magician tricks. The song continues. Eric enters the living room and approaches another table of snacks. He grabs a couple cans of beer just sitting there, waiting for somebody's attention. He runs into BOB PINCIOTTI, DONNA, VALERIE, and TINA'S father. He sports a large brunette perm. He wears a gaudy brown golf shirt over a Hawaiian shirt. Bob smokes a cigar and drinks a vodka and orange juice.
BOB: (to Eric) Hi there, Eric. (laughs) Ha ha ha ha ha!
ERIC: Mr. Pinciotti.
Bob ruffles his new hairstyle. His sexpot wife MIDGE walks on over.
MIDGE: (to Eric) So, Eric, how do you like Bob's new hair? (she puts her arm around Bob) Isn't it groovy?
She's also drinking a vodka and orange juice. She wears a rather skimpy outfit. Eric can't help but notice Midge's large ample breasts. His eyes wander.
ERIC: (turned on) It's incredibly groovy, Mrs. Pinciotti.
BOB: Ah, yeah.
Eric looks back to Bob.
BOB: (regarding his hair) It was Midge's idea.
Bob looks at his wife and then looks over at his two other kids.
MIDGE: (to Eric) It's a perm.
Bob and Midge smile. Eric smiles and walks away. He goes for a six-pack of beers just lying on the bar, waiting to be drank. Eric's father RED walks on over. Red is bartender for the evening's party.
RED: Eric.
Eric decides against taking the beers and looks up at his father. Eric hides the two beers he already has in his hands behind his back.
ERIC: Hi, Dad.
Red looks past Eric at his guests and notices Bob's hair.
RED: What the hell happened to Bob's hair?
ERIC: Beats me.
RED: His head looks like a poodle's ass. (beat) Boy, just when you think you've seen everything...
Red leans down and grabs something from under the bar. Eric finishes his dad's sentence.
ERIC: ...a poodle's ass walks into your party.
RED: Eric, don't use the "ass" word. You're still in high school and your little brother is right there.
Red starts mixing a drink. He pours water into a glass from a pitcher.
ERIC: Yes, sir.
Eric's cute little blond-haired baby brother, JAKE(6) comes out with an egg.
JAKE: (cracks open a egg and a coin comes out) Presto!
RED: That's my boy!
All of a sudden, Kitty comes running out of the kitchen carrying a hot tray of pigs in a blanket. She dodges through the crowd of party guests.
KITTY: Okay. Pigs in a blanket. Hot. Hot.
Kitty places the tray down on a table. She runs into MIDGE, and TINA PINCIOTTI.
MIDGE: (to Kitty) Kitty, is that your Toyota in the drive?
Bob walks on over, still carrying his drink.
KITTY: Red...
Bob walks on over to the bar to talk to Red.
BOB: (to Red) A Toyota?
Red is slightly embarrassed. He can't afford a better car or many other finer luxuries because his job at the plant has recently been cut-down to half-time. Bob is well better off than Red, financially. Bob works at a large appliance store.
RED: (to Bob) Yeah, it's mine. (beat) The last time I was that close to a Japanese machine, it was shooting at me.
Kitty walks on over.
KITTY: (to Red) Well, honey, it is the gas crisis. What can you do?
RED: And you know, Bob, those S.O.B.s at the dealership offered me a lousy $400 trade-in on a Vista Cruiser.
Bob really truly thinks Red's a complete sap. But really, Bob is more a loser than Red will ever be.
BOB: Ah, what you gonna do?
RED: It'll rust in the driveway before I trade it in.
Bob walks away. Red finishes mixing a drink. He places an orange slice and a straw in the vodka orange juice.
KITTY: (to Red) Honey, it is rusting in the driveway.
Kitty walks away to get more snacks from the kitchen. Jake follows her in.
ERIC: (to Red) Hey, pop, I'll take the Cruiser off your hands. I don't care if it's a pump sucker.
Eric accidentally raises his hands, revealing the cans of beer to Red.
RED: What you got there Eric?
ERIC: Beer. I found it just sitting...you know...around.
Red picks up the drink and starts walking out from behind the bar to join the party.
RED: Well, put 'em away, son.
RED walks past ERIC.
ERIC: Why, I intend to, sir.
Eric starts heading back for the downstairs doorway. On his way, his mother approaches him. She picks up a couple cans of warm beer from the coffee table and hands them to Eric.
KITTY: (to Eric) Oh, honey, honey, on your way to the basement, could you pop these in the fridge? They're warm. (laughs) Ha ha ha ha!
ERIC makes a run for it, back into the kitchen and downstairs.
INT: FORMAN'S BASEMENT. NIGHT.
Music plays in the background. Hyde sits on the couch reading the latest issue of Playboy magazine (actually, he's looking at the pictures). Kelso sits next to him playing air guitar along with the song. Donna still sits in her card chair reading a magazine, as Brianna is doing her Topics in Math homework. Hyde flips to the centerfold and shows it to Kelso.
HYDE: Check it out.
Kelso just stares endlessly at the naked centerfold beauty, forgetting he's dating Laurie. Donna walks over behind Hyde and Kelso and stares at the magazine. Brianna does the same.
DONNA: I see that every day.
BRIANNA: So do I.
They walk back to their. Hyde and Kelso feel embarrassed. Eric returns from upstairs. He holds the beers out for all to see in their wonderful frothy glory.
KELSO: He's alive!
Eric walks around the room and hands out the beers. There is something on his mind.
ERIC: Good news. My dad...is thinking of giving me...the Vista Cruiser.
BRIANNA: Dad's thinking of giving you a car?
Kelso gets up from the couch and walks over and starts fiddling with something hanging from a clothesline. Eric returns to his card chair next to Hyde on the couch.
KELSO: You're getting a car?
DONNA: (to Eric) Ooh. Have I told you how incredibly attractive you are, Eric?
ERIC: No.
KELSO: (to Donna) You told me he was cute.
Brianna laughs. Eric cracks open his beer and listens in on Donna and Kelso's conversation. Donna tries to hide her feelings about Eric. She stares at the floor. Kelso takes his seat on the couch next to Hyde and faces Donna. He opens his can of beer as Brianna opens a can of diet cream soda.
DONNA: (to Kelso) No, I didn't.
KELSO: I remember, 'cause you said not to say anything in front of Eric.
Eric wants to hear more. Hyde breaks in. He puts down his porno mag and picks up his beer from the card table.
HYDE: Let's focus on what's important here, people. Forman stole something.
The gang all raise there beers in celebration. A toast.
HYDE: To Forman!
KELSO: All right!
ERIC: You know what's sad? This is the proudest day of my life.
Eric gets all emotional and rests his head in Hyde's arms for comfort.
INT: FORMAN'S BASEMENT. DAY.
The following afternoon...
The gang is assembled in ERIC AND BRIANNA FORMAN'S basement, all seated around the card table watching 'The Brady Bunch' on television, without the sound. An earphone is plugged into the television. Eric is seated on the couch's armrest behind Donna on the floor. Kelso is seated on the couch alongside pampered but sweet cheerleader JACKIE BURKHART, (13) hot blonde-haired left-handed girlfriend LAURIE(16) who also happens to be Eric and Brianna's older sister, and Brianna.
ERIC: (off TV - as Greg) Wow, Marsha. A football in the face. That's gotta hurt.
DONNA: (as Marsha) Ouch! My nose!
ERIC: (as Greg) That's gonna be huge in the morning.
DONNA: (as Marsha) Huger than my boobs?
ERIC: (as Greg) Well, bigger than the left one.
Brianna giggles.
BRIANN: You guys are so funny!
JACKIE: (to Eric) Why are we watching this without the sound? I am totally confused.
Eric picks up the earphone and hands it to Jackie.
ERIC: Here. Use the earphone.
Eric slides down onto the couch, and Donna gets up from the floor and sits in her card chair. Jackie plugs the earphone into her ear.
KELSO: (to Eric) So...what's the deal with the Vista Cruiser?
ERIC: The deal is, there is no deal yet.
Jackie is trying to watch the show.
JACKIE: Shh!
Kelso turns to his girlfriend and her sister.
KELSO: So Laurie, you wanna come with us to the concert on Saturday?
Eric does the "Not my big sister" sign. But it's too late. Kelso asked. He groaned in annoyance.
LAURIE: Whose gonna play at the concert?
KELSO: Uh...Todd Rundgren.
LAURIE: When?
KELSO: This weekend.
LAURIE: Oh Michael. I would love to come!
KELSO: (grins) Yes! You can come too, Brianna!
BRIANNA: Thanks!
Everybody gets up, leaving only Kelso and Laurie. Kelso jumps on top of Laurie and they start making out on the couch. She starts giggling. And just as they do, Eric and Donna return from upstairs. They pause on the stairs.
ERIC: Laurie, Mom needs...
Kelso and Laurie jump up when they hear Eric's voice.
ERIC: (to Laurie) I guess you and Brianna are going to the concert with us.
Laurie slides out from under Kelso, dumps him back on the couch, and runs over to Eric and Donna. She jumps around, all happy-like.
LAURIE: Yeah, little brother!
Eric and Donna step into the room. They confront Laurie by the washing machine and dryer.
LAURIE: Mm-hmm. I can't wait. (She turns back to Kelso) So, Michael, you want to go back upstairs to my room and listen to Todd Rundgren records?
KELSO acts all cool and grins at his girlfriend of 3 years.
KELSO: Yeah, sure.
Laurie looks back to Eric and Donna.
LAURIE: Okay. Bye, Donna. See you at dinner, little bro.
Laurie nearly stumbles as she dashes up the stairs. Kelso chases after her. Eric waves after them as the two leave.
ERIC: You kids have fun! Bye!
DONNA: Bye-bye now!
Donna and Eric take a seat on the stairs. Eric puts his arm around her.
DONNA: (to Eric) Oh, they're so darn cute. The minute you turn your back, they go at it like dogs.
ERIC: Ooh, they're frisky.
DONNA: You can't leave them alone.
ERIC: No. They've been together for three years, there's no way. (opens a cream soda) You know...Brianna and Jake think that we...shouldn't be left alone.
DONNA: Us?
ERIC: Yes.
A brief pause.
DONNA: We're alone now.
ERIC: Well...yeah.
Another brief pause.
DONNA: Eric...relax. We've lived next door to each other forever. You could have had me when I was four.
ERIC: Really? (beat) And there I was all day long on the hippity-hop. (beats his head against the wall) Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! (Donna pushes his head against the wall)
Stupid! (Eric pushes Donna's head against the wall) Stupid.
EXT: FORMAN'S DRIVEWAY. DAY.
Eric stands in his driveway, staring at some hidden person or object. All likelihood, it must be Donna or Brianna. But, looks can be deceiving.
ERIC: Ever since yesterday, I can't stop thinking about you. I mean, I've known you practically my whole life. I want you. I want you so bad.
Donna steps up from behind Eric, and stares at the same thing Eric's looking at.
DONNA: Eric, it's a car.
Kelso also steps up from behind.
KELSO: (to Donna) Let's just leave these two kids alone.
DONNA: Yeah.
Donna and Kelso start walking away, leaving Eric alone to stare at the Vista Cruiser parked in the driveway. They stop, however, as Donna's dad Bob arrives from next door. He's wearing a jogging outfit. Her little sister TINA(13) follows him.
BOB: (to Donna) Say, hey there, Donna.
Bob kisses his second daughter on the cheek.
DONNA: Hey, Dad.
BOB: Ah, you kids. Standing around the driveway. It's so darn cute.
Donna can't help but smile.
BOB: You know, you may not realize it, but this is the most fun you're ever gonna have.
TINA: Oh, dad. You are the biggest sap.
A brief pause. Eric enters into this conversation.
ERIC: (to Bob) So it's all downhill from here, sir?
BOB: Yeah.
Eric and Kelso nod in understanding. Bob runs a comb through his perm and walks away. Kelso is now only learning about Bob's perm for the first time.
KELSO: (to Donna) What the hell happened to your dad's hair?
DONNA: He got a permanent.
Kelso appears shocked.
KELSO: So that's permanent?
JAKE: Your daddy's hair looks like a poodle's ass. (Donna laughs and pats the little boy's shoulder)
INT: THE HUB. DAY.
The Hub is your basic teenage hangout. There's food, arcade games, coin-op machines, and tons of pinball machines. The place is packed with teenagers, our gang included. DONNA and ERIC, and JACKIE, BRIANNA, KELSO and LAURIE, are seated around a table having burgers and sodas. In the background, HYDE is demonstrating a pinball game to the foreign kid FEZ.
FEZ: (to Hyde) I may not say this right because I am new to English...but she has tremendous breasts, yes?
Fez is staring over at Brianna. Brianna can hear him. She turns to her big brother.
BRIANNA: (to Eric) Eric, who is this guy?
Eric gets up from the table and walks over to a nearby pinball machine.
ERIC: Oh, that's Fez. He's a foreign exchange student.
He noticed she is clearly smitten with the foreign exchange student.
BRIANNA: Who did we exchange for him? (Nobody says anything in reply. Brianna gets pissed and stands up) Donna, I have to go to the Ladies' room. (Donna doesn't even look at Brianna) Donna!
Donna looks up, and reluctantly gets up from her seat and follows Brianna into the bathroom. Jackie follows them in too. And, just as they leave, Fez walks over to the table.
FEZ: (to Kelso and Eric) I, too, must go to the bathroom. Eric?
Eric turns around from his pinball game and looks at Fez embarrassingly. Hyde takes a seat at the table.
ERIC: (to Fez) No, it...doesn't work that way with guys.
Fez walks away, confused. Eric returns to his seat at the table. It's just him, Hyde, Kelso, and Laurie at the table.
HYDE: (to Kelso) Kelso, I think Fez likes Brianna.
KELSO: Yeah, I think he does. Eric, Fez likes your little sister!
ERIC: What?! No, he doesn't.
HYDE: He so does. I see it, and she likes him.
LAURIE: Aww. My little sister has her first crush!
Kelso drinks his coke and wraps his arms around her.
INT: FORMAN'S BASEMENT. DAY.
ERIC, KELSO, HYDE, and FEZ sit clockwise in that order around the card table in Eric's basement. They're all seated in card chairs or lawn chairs. A bong sits on the table in front of HYDE, amidst the usual junk found on the table. The guys are all stoned on some illegal substance. 'Hooked On A Feeling' plays in the background. The air is full of smoke.
HYDE: (to Eric) So, is Red still thinking about giving you the car maybe?
Hyde snorts twice. Kelso laughs. He's fried out of his melon.
KELSO: (laughs) Ha ha. (to Hyde) Even if we do get it, we're gonna need some serious gas money... (to Eric) ...'cause the Cruiser's a boat.
KELSO laughs again.
ERIC: (to Kelso) I know it's a boat. This whole gas shortage bites.
Eric looks at Fez
FEZ: (eating a bag of chips) Who's getting a boat?
Fez looks at Hyde and then to Eric. Nobody says a word. Fez eats a chip.
HYDE: There is no gas shortage, man.
Thus begins another of HYDE'S ingenius conspiracy theories.
HYDE: (continued) It's all fake. The oil companies control everything. Like, there's this guy who invented this car...that runs on water, man. It's got a fiberglass, air-cooled engine and it runs on water.
FEZ: (to Hyde) So it is a boat.
Fez scarfs down another chip. Hyde stares at Fez strangely.
HYDE: No, it's a car. Only you put water in the gas tank instead of gas. (laughs) Ha ha ha ha. And it runs on water, man!
KELSO laughs hysterically. He's fully tweaked.
KELSO: (to Hyde) I never heard of this car. (beat - starts to laugh but gets an idea (to Eric) Hey, Laurie's good for gas money.
KELSO continues to crack up. He's way gone.
ERIC: (to Kelso) You are such a whore.
Eric starts laughing. Fez still doesn't get it.
FEZ: (to Kelso) When does the boat get here, whore?
The guys all break out laughing. There fun is momentarily interrupted by the voice of ERIC'S dad from upstairs.
RED: (VO) Eric!
ERIC: Yeah, Dad?
RED: (VO) I need to talk to you!
INT: FORMAN'S KITCHEN. DAY.
Eric stands facing his parents in the kitchen. Eric is so stoned that the wall behind his parents seems to move around in a wave-like motion. Brianna is doing her Living Environment homework while Jake is drawing.
RED: Eric...your mother and I have been talking. Since I've been cut back to part-time at the plant...and the, uh, hospital is so close, I can take the Toyota to work, and your mom can take the bus.
ERIC blinks his eyes to try to clear his hallucinations.
KITTY: (to Red) Honey...honey, really, I'd rather walk. When I ride the bus in my nurse's uniform, people always show me their scars.
RED: (to Kitty) Then I'll drop you off on my way to the plant.
KITTY: Well, no. I don't want to be any trouble.
RED: Then Eric can drop you off.
KITTY: He's a teenager. He doesn't want to drop off-
RED: Well, if he can't drop his own mother off at work, then I'll be damned if he's getting a car.
KITTY: Okay.
ERIC: Excuse me. (to Red) Am I getting the car?
RED: We didn't say that. Things don't just drop into your lap, Eric. Not in this life.
KITTY: A car is a responsibility.
RED: You'll need insurance. Do you have any idea how much insurance is?
KITTY: A car is a privilege.
RED: Oil changes, road flares...fluids. That's your job!
KITTY: A car is not a bedroom on wheels.
RED: Always yield. Always.
KITTY: Laurie's friend got pregnant in a car. Don't let that happen.
RED: If I find one beer can in that car, it's over.
KITTY: And no doughnuts, either.
Red looks at Kitty strangely. Kitty smiles at him.
KITTY: Ants.
ERIC: So...do I get the car?
Red and Kitty think about their decision for a moment, then Red tosses the keys to the Vista Cruiser over to Eric. They fly through the air in slow motion. They land in Eric's hands. He clings to them tightly as if his most-prized possession.
ERIC: Bitching!
RED: Eric. (beat) Not in front of your mother, and younger siblings.
ERIC: Thank you, pop...sir.
RED: Yeah. Well...clean the attic.
Red and Kitty smile and walk away. This is the happiest day of Eric's life.
EXT: FORMAN'S DRIVEWAY. EARLY EVENING.
ERIC, BRIANNA, DONNA, and KELSO are standing around ERIC'S Vista Cruiser. DONNA and KELSO fight over who gets to ride in the front passenger seat.
KELSO: (to Donna) Well, I'm not riding in the back.
DONNA: Why don't we let Eric decide?
Eric is seated inside the car behind the wheel. Donna and Kelso peer in through the open front passenger door.
KELSO: Eric?
ERIC: Kelso...
Kelso thinks he's been given the front seat. He climbs in. Not so fast...
ERIC: (continued) ...get in the back.
Kelso stumbles and falls out of the car. Donna pushes him out of the way and takes her seat in the front. Kelso and Brianna get in the backseat.
Just then, Red walks outside from the kitchen. He faces Eric and Brianna inside the car.
RED; Taking it for a spin, eh?
ERIC: Yes, sir.
RED: Well, have a good time. (beat) Oh, uh...one more thing. (kneels down over driver's side door) Very important. About the car. She's old, so...no trips out of town. Ever. Understood? (beat) Well...have fun.
Red walks away. Eric doesn't know what to do next.
ERIC: (to Donna and Kelso) Well, I guess that's that. We're not going.
DONNA: Eric, do you want to go?
ERIC: He said no trips out of town.
DONNA: It's your car. Do you want to go?
ERIC: He's God.
KELSO: I think God would want us to go to Milwaukee.
BRIANNA: Come on, big bro.
DONNA: Eric, you are a 14-year-old man. I'm gonna go with whatever you say. It's your decision.
Eric thinks for a bit.
ERIC: It is my decision.
Donna gives him a reassuring nod.
ERIC: And my decision is...we're going to a concert.
KELSO: Yeah!
INT: FORMAN'S LIVING ROOM. EARLY EVENING.
Red and Kitty are seated on the living room couch. Red is reading a magazine, and Kitty is crocheting. Jake is in his room. They hear the car leaving.
KITTY: Oh. The kids are off. I wonder where they're going.
RED: Out of town.
KITTY: Are you sure?
RED: Of course. I told them not to.
KITTY: So I guess they'll be gone for a while.
RED: Yeah.
Red starts to understand what Kitty is thinking. Something to do with the bed in their bedroom upstairs.
RED: Let's go.
Red and Kitty jump up from the couch and run upstairs like a couple of horny teenagers.
EXT: ROAD NEAR MILWAUKEE. EARLY EVENING.
The Vista Cruiser's engine starts to sputter and nearly dies. The rear right blinker starts flashing. The car turns into a service station. It finally gives out and dies on the spot.
EXT: SERVICE STATION. EARLY EVENING.
ERIC, HYDE, and KELSO all stand around the Vista Cruiser in the service station parking lot. The station looks more like a junkyard of old cars and parts. The front hood of the Vista Cruiser is propped open. A grease monkey named RANDY is inspecting the car to see what's wrong with it. LAURIE, DONNA, FEZ, BRIANNA, and JACKIE wait inside the car. They sit in the backseat.
KELSO: (to Eric) I'm telling you, we're out of gas.
Hyde drinks a bottle of pop through a straw.
ERIC: We're not out of gas.
Randy looks up from under the hood.
RANDY: It's the battery. It's six years old and shot to hell.
DONNA and JACKIE climb out of the backseat and approach the guys.
JACKIE: I know what. I'll just call my dad.
ERIC: (to Kelso) Kelso, tell her.
Kelso goes over to Jackie.
KELSO: He can't take the car out of town.
JACKIE: (to Kelso - points at Laurie, Eric, and Brianna) I'm not calling their dad.
HYDE: (to Jackie) Jackie...parents talk to each other about how we screw up.
JACKIE: Why would he talk about that?
ERIC: They can't help it. (beat) Look, say there's a party, see. And all of our parents are there. Together.
The scene dissolves to the FORMAN living room, where an imaginary party is taking place. ERIC acts as the voices of their parents.
INT: FORMAN'S LIVING ROOM. DREAM SEQUENCE.
In the imaginary party, JACK BURKHART and BOB PINCIOTTI bump into RED. They each carry a vodka orange juice.
ERIC: (as Jack) Hi, Red. Say, isn't it great all our kids are such great friends?
Red smiles.
ERIC: (as Bob) Yes, Jackie's dad. They're quite the gang of young people. (laughs) Ha ha ha ha!
Bob and Jack share a laugh together.
KITTY comes running into the room carrying a hot plate of pigs in a blanket. She runs into MIDGE PINCIOTTI.
ERIC (high-pitched - as Midge) Kitty, I love what you've done with the kitchen! (as Kitty) Yes. Aqua and yellow. Blah, blah, blah. Yak, yak yak.
BOB, JACK, and RED lounge around the bar.
ERIC: (as Jack) Speaking of kids, wasn't it lucky Triple-A pulled Eric's butt out of the fire when he took the car to Milwaukee without your permission?
Red is outraged.
ERIC: (as Red) What? Why, that twisted little monkey. I'm grounding him for ten years.
Red laughs.
ERIC: (as Jack - to Bob) Kids. What are you gonna do? (as Red) I say we torture them with plenty of pointless rules and advice.
Red laughs again. The guys all make a toast with their drinks.
Suddenly, Midge turns around after putting a new record on the turntable and starts cheering for an audience to join together in song and dance.
ERIC (high-pitched - as Midge) Hey, everybody, let's hustle.
MIDGE starts doing the hustle. Everybody joins in and starts humming to the song 'Do the Hustle'. They all clap and shake, shake, shake - shake their booties.
The party dissolves back to real time, to the gang at the service station.
EXT: SERVICE STATION. EARLY EVENING.
The gang is dancing in the parking lot to 'Do the Hustle'. They're shaking and clapping about. FEZ has since climbed out of the car and has joined the rest of the gang. He is dressed in a blue leisure suit. JACKIE interrupts and brings the guys back to their senses.
JACKIE: Now...we are in the middle of nowhere, and I have to go to the Ladies' room. (to Donna) Donna?
DONNA reluctantly follows JACKIE into the service station bathroom. BRIANNA and LAURIE do too. HYDE keeps staring at FEZ'S outfit.
HYDE: (to Fez) What's with the suit, man?
FEZ: This suit is for leisure. But many times I wear it to get down to business, and because I wanna impress Brianna.
FEZ starts making disco moves like John Travolta. Hyde pats his shoulder.
HYDE: Good luck, Man.
RANDY turns from the car and faces the guys.
RANDY: So...where you going?
HYDE: Rundgren concert.
RANDY: Cool. (beat) So...what, do you want a battery? 'Cause I can get you a battery.
HYDE: Are they cheap?
ERIC: Or possibly free?
RANDY: Thirty-two bucks. Minimum.
KELSO: All right. I tell you what. We'll trade you our battery, plus five bucks for one of your batteries.
RANDY: Well, that's a really sweet deal, my friend...but how about this? How about one battery for two concert tickets?
KELSO: No. We can't give up two tickets.
ERIC and HYDE just give RANDY a cold stare.
RANDY: Okay.
RANDY walks away.
ERIC: (to Kelso) It's either that or none of us go.
KELSO: So who's out?
HYDE: Well, there's always Laurie.
KELSO: No! She's my girlfriend. OK, who else?
ERIC: Oh, I don't know. My big sister's boyfriend?
Kelso takes a step back. Hyde thinks it's a great idea.
KELSO: Come on, I've been with your big sister for three years. You know I'm gonna propose to her soon. You guys are chopping me out!
ERIC: I've had to listen to her for a good hour at lunchtime today, and another at dinner.
FEZ: A really long hour.
KELSO: God hates me.
Kelso removes his and Laurie's concert tickets from his shirt's left breast pocket. He hands them to Eric, who hands them to Hyde for safe keeping. They start walking to go find Randy to make the trade for a battery. Fez approaches Kelso.
FEZ: (to Kelso) How can you say God hates you? At least you have a woman's love. Be happy...whore.
Fez walks off, leaving Kelso behind, guarding the car. He mopes over his decision.
INT: RUNDGREN CONCERT. NIGHT.
The concert has drawn a full-capacity crowd. Everybody is having a great time. ERIC, FEZ, BRIANNA, HYDE, and DONNA are wallowing in the party mood. They swing back and forth to the music. Everybody is waving lighters or candles in the air. FEZ glances over to his right where RANDY the grease monkey is seated with a male friend. They're also having a good time, but something is definitely fishy.
FEZ: (looks at his friends) Hey, guys, he's dating a man.
DONNA: I'm okay with it.
ERIC: We are so cool to be okay with it.
BRIANNA: So am I. (smiles at Fez) Lover!
RANDY gets up from his seat.
RANDY: (to his friend Kevin) I have to go to the bathroom. (starts walking away - he looks back at Kevin) Kevin.
KEVIN gets up from his seat and follows his lover down the stairs. FEZ gives ERIC a confused look.
ERIC: (to Fez) I'll explain later.
FEZ: Oh, Eric. Your little sister is so hot!
The crowd continues to sway back and forth to the music.
EXT: ARENA PARKING LOT. NIGHT.
Outside the concert arena, in the parking lot, sits the Vista Cruiser. Its back window is open. The car is really rocking and shaking the pavement. Moans and groans emanate from within. KELSO and LAURIE seem to be having a real good time in the back compartment. LAURIE all of a sudden sits up frustrated, and also very naked. She pulls on her top.
LAURIE: (to Kelso) This isn't working.
KELSO pops his head up. He's also naked except for his pants. He pulls on his shirt.
KELSO: No. It's a Boy Scout belt. The buckle's got a big -
LAURIE: No. Michael, before you speak, please hear my words. (beat) I think we should get married.
KELSO: Now?
LAURIE: You're ready.
KELSO: I'm not.
LAURIE: Really?
KELSO: Yeah!
LAURIE: Oh, Michael, I am so glad you don't want to get married right now. You were so nice to give your ticket away so you could be with me.
KELSO: Well...yeah. We've been dating for three years. I love you! (kissed both of her hands)
LAURIE: I love you too.
She places her hand on his shoulder, and the two of them slowly drop back into the car. Their clothes come flying off.
LAURIE: So...when were you a Boy Scout?
The Cruiser really starts hopping now. Screams reverberate out of the back. The tires are literally bouncing off the ground. A moment later, the windows of the cars on each side of the Cruiser all shatter. Car alarms begin to wail. LAURIE and KELSO cautiously peek their heads up to see what happened.
KELSO: (to Laurie) I hope that wasn't what I think it was.
LAURIE: Great, Michael!
And then, another problem arises. A SECURITY GUARD approaches the Vista Cruiser, waving a flashlight around. He shines it in through the side windows and sees the two naked teenagers in the back.
LAURIE: Busted.
EXT: VISTA CRUISER. LATER.
A short while later, KELSO and LAURIE sit on the opened rear compartment door, now fully dressed once again. The SECURITY GUARD hands KELSO a ticket for indecent exposure and vagrancy.
SECURITY GUARD: (to Kelso) Here's your ticket.
KELSO: A ticket? For what?
SECURITY GUARD: Indecent exposure...public lewdness...vagrancy...need I go on.
KELSO: But I just gave away my ticket.
SECURITY GUARD: Well, now you've got another. Make sure that it gets paid. The due date is on the bottom. See you in court. Have a good night.
The SECURITY GUARD smiles and walks away. KELSO just stares at the ticket.
KELSO: How am I going to pay this ticket? My dad's going to murder me.
LAURIE: (pats his shoulder) It's okay, Michael.
He leaps at her and they fall back in the seat, kissing.
INT: VISTA CRUISER. NIGHT.
The gang is driving home from the concert. ERIC sits behind the wheel. HYDE and DONNA sit next to him in the front seat. In the backseat sit LAURIE, JACKIE, BRIANNA, KELSO, and FEZ. They sing along to the radio.
FEZ: (singing): 'That you got to have free...'
BRIANNA: Oh my god, you can sing!
FEZ: (grins) Yeah!
ALL (singing): 'Freedom.'
JACKIE: (singing) ''Cause I never want to make you change...'
ALL: (singing) '...for me.'
JACKIE: Boy, we're good! (laughs) Ha ha!
FEZ: We are really good!
The guys all smile and laugh.
They continue driving into the blackness of the night sky.
EXT: FORMAN DRIVEWAY. NIGHT.
ERIC and DONNA lay on the hood of the Vista Cruiser parked in ERIC'S driveway. They stare up at the stars. Todd Rundgren's 'Hello, It's Me' plays on the car radio.
ERIC: (to Donna) You know, it's amazing what one act of civil disobedience can do for you. E mean, there's a whole world that's waiting to be driven to. We could go to...Canada. We got a new battery. What's stopping us?
DONNA: You know, I think Canada closes at 9:30.
ERIC: Yeah.
A long pause. Eric looks at Donna.
ERIC: You know, I never would have done this if you hadn't talked me into it.
DONNA: I didn't talk you into anything.
They stare into each others eyes for a brief moment.
DONNA: Well...I'm gonna call it a day. Good night.
She climbs down off the hood and walks away. Eric calls after her.
ERIC: Good night.
Eric lays down the hood and closes his eyes. And, just as he does so, Donna returns.
DONNA: (to Eric) By the way...thanks for the ride.
She kisses Eric on the lips. Eric sits up and looks at her, confused.
ERIC: What was that for?
DONNA: I just...wanted to see what it was like.
Eric's eyes wander.
ERIC: What was it like?
DONNA: You were there.
Eric climbs down off the car.
ERIC: Yeah, I - I wasn't ready for it.
DONNA: What would you have done differently?
ERIC: I don't know. Something with my lips.
Donna smiles.
DONNA: Sounds good. Let's try that next time.
DONNA walks away. ERIC stares after her.
ERIC: When exactly is next time?
DONNA: Good night.
ERIC: Yeah, I'm really gonna sleep after that.
Eric climbs back on the hood and lays down. He stares up at the stars in the sky.
Authors Note: Review, please! If you wanna collaborate on the story too, please tell me! Thank you and have a nice day.