CHAPTER ONE: NEW LIFE

Nothing new.

Boring endless blankness surrounded my dull unending life. Life, a lose term for what I was living. Existence was a better description, for it to be life it would have meant I needed real friends and family, something to do other than hunt and homework. I had a family… Carlisle and Esme - my parents - were better than I could have ever wished for as was the rest of them. Jasper and Alice, Emmett and Rosalie - my siblings and only friends - we had others that we often communicated with but I didn't trust them, our kind weren't very loyal to anyone but our soul mates. HA! What a ridiculous term. Soul mates! I've walked this planet for one hundred and nine years and I am yet to even believe we have souls… impossible. I've seen too much bad from our kind to think for a single moment that we do, I've done too much bad.

For decades now, I have turned my back on what I am and have tried to live as humanly as possible but the façade is weakening. We can't make human friends for two reasons, one: they might find out about us and two: well… sometimes our control just isn't enough. So now we stay away. We smile when appropriate, we are polite and we move often as to keep anyone from noticing our non-aging.

My nights and days are filled with a loneliness that only seems to grow more pronounced every moment. The others in my family are paired off into the perfect groupings and yet here I am, the odd one out. Esme has theories. I was just too young when I was changed to really ever be ready to love someone else the way they love their mates. Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm doomed.

I've had offers… Tanya, one of the Denali girls are more than willing to fill my 'needs' but I don't want that. I don't have the feelings for her to want that. I want to be alone with my thoughts, alone in my world… only to be joined by someone I can truly love, even if she doesn't exist. I know what love is, how it feels and I yearn for that sense of completeness. I've read it, seen it a hundred times or more in the thoughts of those around me. My gift is cruel, a joke the fates played on my pitiful existence. I would never experience love for myself but I had to endure everyone's happiness, it had to be constantly thrown in my face and literally into my mind that I would never have someone care for me, love me the way they have each other. I was alone. I was always going to be alone.

"Edward snap out of it, your driving me insane." Jasper shot at me from across the living room. Family night. What types of Vampires have family night!?! All eyes were on me now as they took in my usual anti-happiness expression. Watching them all curled together as they rested with each other was a sight I was beginning to truly despise. I could feel the anger and resentment fill me as the venom in my throat began to thicken. I just stared at him, I would not keep apologizing for my agony, it was hard enough to feel it, let alone having to be sorry to everyone around you for it.

"Edward, why does your future keep changing?" That caught my attention. I allowed myself the peek at Alice's mind as she flicked through my possible outcomes. There were many but they all ended the same, the darkness. "Edward, NO!" she shouted at me and I was suddenly surrounded by all my family members. Emmett and Carlisle restraining me, not knowing what she had seen but not wanting to wait incase it was something they couldn't stop me from.

"What do you see Alice?" Jasper inquired as I continued to search her mind, I was still unsure of what had her so worked up.

"Nothing, that's the problem. Every vision ends in darkness." She turned her attention to me then. "Don't do it" she whispered.

"Darkness?" Carlisle's voice was echoing through my thoughts. Alice only saw darkness before someone left this existence for good.

"Please Edward, we can lose you." But her small plea's were only pushing me further. Darkness… that sounds… pleasant. Anything to be away from this world, anything but this world would be ideal. I couldn't help but smile at the possibility. I heard them gasp as the restraining hands tightened on me.

"NO, son! Don't." My fathers voice commanded but it only served to widen my smile. I would be free soon enough. I wouldn't be happy but this agonizing life would be over… it was a fair trade. I thought of the ways to do it and the more I thought about it, the more I found my recent thoughts assaulting me. This life - as they called it - was not what we were, I wasn't one to want to hurt the humans that surrounded us but I was still going to hell and if I was going to go soon, I might as well allow the monster - who had remained less than quiet recently - have his way.

"May I stand?" I asked looking up at those holding me down. They released me but only gently. "I'm fine." I reassured them as they looked back and forth from me to Alice. Her visions began spinning a different web of a tangled dark future.

"Your leaving us?" She asked in a small voice. The grip tightened.

"For now. This life… it isn't working for me." I knew the look I was receiving from everyone. I had received it from Carlisle and Esme the last time we had this conversation. Pity, anger but mostly understanding. They never forced this vegetarian life on us and so they wouldn't stand in the way if we didn't want it anymore.

"You mean, your giving up?" Rosalie spat at me.

"Pretty much, yes. It works for all of you but I guess I'm different after all. I can't play this game any longer. I'm bored of it and…" I flashed a smile. I needed them to let me go and that was only going to happen if they truly thought its what I wanted. I needed to switch on them, to show them the monster in me that I had beaten down for all these years. I turned to Jasper. "I'm hungry." I let the monster swim free. Jasper nearly fell to the floor as I allowed the monsters wants and needs over come me.

"Edward. Stop it. It's hurting him." Alice scolded me.

Carlisle nodded at Emmett and they both released me. I looked to Carlisle. "Go son. I wont stop you." I nodded at him before looking for my mother. Esme looked so devastated, and I truly did feel awful about that but I needed to get away and no matter how this played out, she would be hurt.

"You'll always have a home with us if you decide to come back." She whispered softly to me. I didn't allow my mind to sink into those around me. Over the years I had learned exceptional control. There were just so many thoughts I never wanted to intrude on again if it was possible, and so I made it possible.

I looked around, taking in their faces before heading for the stairs. I planned on traveling light but there were certain things I wanted to take with me. I knew I could leave things with my family and they would take care of them for me, but I had some possessions that I wanted to help me stay occupied in this new life.

I left through the window, not wanting to encounter those expression again. Truth was, I only allowed the monster full reign for Jasper's benefit so he could tell the others that I had seriously given up the struggle we fought every second of every day. The problem now was that I had handed control over and I was truly thirsty. The last time I had allowed myself this freedom, I had hunted for monsters in the human form. I had used my gift to find those despicable people and hunt them. It was a God complex and I was aware of that but taking innocent lives… I just couldn't allow the monster that much freedom. If my feeding would save others than I could find a way to rationalize that because they were no better than myself and I knew that deep down I wished for someone with the strength to take me out of this world.

I headed for the one place I knew would be full of those I now hunted. My prey weren't hard to find. Big cities, dark alleyways or back roads. Anywhere they had less chance of being caught. Port Angeles would be my first stop and then I would pass back this way and head for somewhere bigger. Somewhere I couldn't draw attention to my family no matter how many monsters I feed from.

One idea had always crossed my mind but every time I had shut it down. Find a girl, turn her and she would be mine. As Carlisle and Rosalie had done with their mates. But… what if I sentenced some girl to this world and she didn't return my feelings? Feelings I wasn't sure I would even have for her? It was a mistake and for that very reason I had never indulged them too much.

I stalked the city, allowing my gift to take me where I wanted it to go. It flew out and almost drew a florescent light line to the most vile creatures in my range. Their thoughts were anything but pure and it sickened me that these people were still walking the streets. The human justice system didn't seem appropriate at times but then the humans didn't have the same abilities to find these people. So maybe what I was about to do was a good thing, almost a superhero action… at least that's what I liked to tell myself.

As I stalked my newest prey, another round of thoughts hit my head. It was a small girl maybe fourteen, she was surrounded by three men. Vile and despicable thoughts of what they would do to her were flung around my mind and I felt my body convulse with sickness at every one of them. I forgot my prey and moved my attention to them. Saving that one girl would equal out what I was about to do… right?

As soon as I heard the crunch of his fist on her small features, my temper took over. I appeared out of nowhere and threw the man backwards. The small girls eyes looked at mine, startled but trusting.

"Run" I commanded, her small nod as she turned and took off was all I needed to allow me to continue. The three men surrounded me, their new thoughts made me laugh out loud. They were fantasizing about killing me, slowly.

It took the whole of twenty seconds to drain the three of them. I allowed the blood to rush over me and for the first time in decades, the burn in my throat had finally been put out. At least for now. I started the game, the evidence game to make this look like a normal human killing. How easily the humans believed in what they first found. It wasn't difficult to make it look like a drug related problem or gang violence.

I headed back the way I came, running past the large white house I called home for the last two years. They would have to move soon. We normally only stayed three or four years at any destination. The difference the blood made to my system was unbelievable. I was even running faster. Yet, the thoughts of regret started to leak throughout the others. I had just killed three humans, I really was a monster. I never wanted to be a monster, it was why I had sustained for so long but now I was no better than those men I had just killed. I didn't deserve happiness, I deserved death.