WARNING! Rated T for Draco's foul mouth. He's not as foul-mouthed in canon, but I like to think he is since I am.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I only own copies of the books and nothing more. Oh, and a wooden stick that I prefer to call a wand which my eight-year-old cousin made for me as a present. I own Artianscarbs, since there is no such thing in the books or anywhere in the world. As for the song Michelle, a favourite song of mine, is by The Beatles. Not mine. I wish it was, though... Who wouldn't?

VERY DARING, AREN'T YOU?

"Michelle, ma belle,
these are words that go together well
My Michelle...
Sont les mots qui vont très bien ensemble
très bien ensemble
I love you, I love you, I love you
that's all I want to say
until I find the way,
I will say the only words I know that
you'll understand
Michelle, ma belle,
Sont les mots qui vont très bien ensemble
trés bien-"

Teeth gritting in annoyance.

"What are you babbling, Lovegood? Don't you have any better work to do other than hurting everybody's ears?"

"Oh, I'm sorry if my singing has hurt your ears, Draco. I wasn't aware that I sang badly. Father always compliments me on my singing."

Snort.

"Eh, considering what a nutcase your father is, it's not hard to believe that. However, we normal people find it hard to endure your awful voice. So shut up. And stop calling me Draco."

"Ah, I see. I thought it was only you who didn't want me to sing, but I guess the others agree with you, either. What I don't understand is how you know they agree with you. And no, I think I'll keep calling you Draco. I rather like your name."

Growl.

"Stop calling me by my name, you stupid little...!" Pause. "Look, I'm talking on others' behalf, Lovegood. You see, I- Sweet Merlin, why do I even try to explain it to you?! Am I going nuts too?"

"Ah Draco, please don't feel so bad for me. It's quite understandable that I don't understand what you just said, don't mind me. I'm just Loony Lovegood, you know."

Pat. Pat.

"Stop patting my head, you weirdo! And yeah, I already know you are Loony Love- What the hell?! Why are you hugging me, you lunatic?!"

"I needed to get this off my chest, Draco. You see, I was listening to a Muggle music band called 'beetles' and this song got stuck in my head. I thought maybe if I distract myself I'll get rid of it. It's a really good song; you should listen to it sometime."

Silence.

"Get off me."

"No, I don't think I will."

"Why the hell won't you?"

"Well, I need something to distract myself and you look like you need a hug."

"You are nuts, Lovegood."

"Thank you, Draco."

Frustrated sigh.

"This doesn't really bother you, does it?"

"No. Should it?"

"...I won't answer that question, Lovegood."

"You already did."

"...Yeah, right. Why do I have to be surrounded by weirdoes like you all the time?"

"I don't know Draco. Maybe it has to do with your hair."

"...You really are nuts, Lovegood. Now get off me."

"Why should I? I'm quite comfortable here."

An even more frustrated sigh, if that's possible.

"I can't believe you said that, Lovegood."

"Why? What part of it do you find unbelievable?"

"The 'I'm quite comfortable here' part, Lovegood. What the hell was the Sorting Hat thinking, placing you in Ravenclaw?"

"I assume I'm supposed to take this as an insult."

"That's the first logical sentence that came out of your mouth today."

"Why, thank you."

"...Get off me, Loony."

"You aren't very nice, Draco."

"I don't want to be nor do I need to be. Just get off me. I'll probably suffocate from being held onto so strongly. Besides, do you have any idea what will happen to my reputation if somebody sees us like this? What will people think?"

"They will think that we are lovers."

"They will laugh at me for not getting you off me sooner. Oh, hell! Yes, they might think what you just said, either. And Pansy will bicker all day. Just remembering her whiny voice makes me want to throw up."

"You are supposed to be nicer, Draco. Pansy might feel offended."

"Sure, she would. But who cares?"

"I care. You should be nicer to ladies."

Groan.

"Look, just get off me, Lovegood. I don't want to discuss how I'm supposed to behave with anyone, especially you."

"I feel hurt Draco. And I thought you were a gentleman."

"I am a gentleman. I'm not hexing you to get rid of you, instead I kindly ask you to get off me so I can save what's left of my dignity."

"I wasn't aware you were so concerned about your dignity."

"What is that supposed to mean, Lovegood?! Are you Pansy in disguise?"

"Now that is the harshest insult that has come out of your mouth, Draco. I was simply telling you I wasn't aware that dignity was one of your priorities."

"...Did you just insult somebody, and Pansy to top it all, Lovegood? Maybe you aren't as Ravenclaw as you like to think."

"Please wipe that smirk off your face, Draco. It gives your face a horrible look and your prettiness gets lost in a display of bad boy persona which might affect ladies in a way I'd rather not discuss with anyone much less you."

Strange, animalistic noises.

"Is there something wrong, Draco? Why are you making such strange noises?"

BAM. BAM. BAM.

"Hmm... Your head makes an extraordinary sound. It might be Nargles... Maybe it's the Gurg-"

"I'm fine, woman! Just get off me! I don't understand how you can be this strong! I can hit my head repeatedly to the wall and still can't escape your hold!"

"Though that comment on my strength was clearly a compliment, you're not being nice. Again. I might consider your offer if you ask me politely, though."

Defeated sigh.

"Okay, Lovegood. Please, please get off me before I lose my head and hex you to next Monday."

"Why Monday, Draco? I think I prefer Wednesday. It is more distinguished and I don't like Mondays."

"Look, you're trying my patience. Just get off me, okay? Please?"

"No."

"Why not? I asked you nicely, didn't I? What do you want more?"

"I said I might consider your offer. I have considered and my answer is no. I don't want anything, I'm quite content with what I have."

"What the heck do you mean?"

"I mean that I'm satisfied with all my books, necklaces, bracelets, earrings, clothes, shoes, charms, grades, hair clips-"

"Shut it! I don't want to hear you anymore! Just LET ME GO!"

"Are you sad? But you really looked like you needed a hug... I don't get why you are crying."

"I'm not crying, idiot, I have dust in my eyes. And I don't need a fucking hug!"

"Language, Draco. Vulgarity doesn't suit you. Oh, and you don't have to hide your need of a hug or a healthy dose of crying from me, think of me as your confidante, okay?"

Sob. Sob. Sob.

"Just leave me alone, Lovegood. Please, I beg you."

"Ah, but you're crying again! Draco, don't be like that! You're making me cry too!"

Sob. Sob. Mingled sobs.

"Merlin, save me from this lunatic! What have I done to deserve this?"

Another mingling of sobs.

"Oh Draco, I didn't know you were this sentimental. Poor boy!"

Pat. Pat. Pat.

"DON'T YOU PAT MY HEAD, YOU FUCKING IDIOT! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Sob. Sob. Sob.

"Do you hate me this much, Draco? I thought you were my friend..."

"YES! Finally! I can use my hands freely at last! Damn, you really are strong. My back will hurt like hell... Wait, what? What the-? Why are you crying?!"

Sob. Sob. Sob.

"You really hate me then?"

"Don't look at me like that! Don't do that thing with your eyes, don't- Of course I don't hate you, silly, that is reserved for Potty and the Weasel. Stop crying!"

Sob. Sob. Sob.

"Dammit! Shut it, okay? I can't deal with you right now, just stop crying."

Louder sobs.

"Come on, what are you, a five-year-old? Just, just-"

Sigh.

"Alright, what do you want? Tell you that I love you or something?"

"You are very intelligent, Draco. You figured it out without me telling you."

"What the heck? Are you retarded? I'd never say that! I don't like or love you or anything!... Wait, weren't you bawling your eyes out a minute ago? How come there are no tears?"

"Yes, I was. I... You confused me now. You already said that you loved me."

"What do you mean, 'already said'? I did no such thing!"

"Yes, you did. You said 'Tell you I love you or something?' That's quite a confession. I wonder what people will think when they hear that. You suddenly paled, Draco dearest. What's wrong?"

"What the bloody hell are you talking about? Nobody would believe you, anyway. There's no way you can make sure I said anything like that. You lose, I win, Loony."

"Don't smile so triumphantly, Draco. I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings by bursting your babble, but I recorded it."

Laughter.

"Y-you're k-kidding me, Loony! Everybody knows M-muggle things don't work here in Hogwarts!"

"Yes, they normally don't. But the Weasley twins helped me charm this one so it would work. Hmm, I think you should see a Healer, Draco. You are much paler than usual."

"Y-you...! Hand me that damn thing! I'll kill those bloody twins! Gimme that!"

"Tsk tsk tsk... You aren't being nice and I'm becoming quite irritated with your behaviour. Please refrain yourself from such juvenile actions."

"Are you trying to imitate McGonagall, Loony? Anyway, just give me the damn thing and I'll let you go without hexing you."

"You are very daring, aren't you Draco? You cannot hex me. I have your wand."

"When did you...?!"

"While I was hugging you, of course."

Glare.

"You are daring enough to play a trick on a Malfoy, Lovegood, but you should have considered the consequences."

"I've taken care of the 'consequences', so to speak."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you cannot do anything to get back at me, because I have the upper hand here. I have your wand, I have the tape, I have the ability to tell those who are willing to listen that you are infatuated with me. And people will believe me no matter what you say since that's what they would prefer to do."

"It's not fair! You are cheating, Lovegood!"

"No, I'm not. There aren't any rules that forbid me to take your wand or recording your voice or telling people you are head over heels for me."

"...You are cheating, and that's final."

Tap. Tap.

"I'm not cheating, Draco, and that's final. Oh, and I have an offer to you: If you do what I want, then I'll give you the tape and your wand."

"No way in hell, Lovegood. And don't tap your feet, it's too childish. I don't trust you after what you've just pulled. Give me the tape or I'll tell Professor Snape to give you detention every day for the rest of the year."

"I'd love to spend more time with Professor Snape; he seems like a very interesting man. Besides, how do you know he'll do what you want? You are simply a student. Or will you let loose an army of Artianscarbs in his office? I hear they are troublesome creatures, they destroy anything they see."

"I'm his favourite student and my father knows him, idiot. What the hell are those Arty-thingies anyway?"

"Oh. I can convince Professor Snape not to give me detention, either. And they are not Arty-thingies, they are Artianscarbs from Anatolia and-"

"How'd you do that, Loony?"

"Oh, I'm sure he'd find an army of Artianscarbs quite interesting to make friends with. If you want, I can help you meet them, either."

"... Okay, fine, I'll do it. Just... Tell me what it is that you want."

"See, it's this easy! Here's my offer: You kiss me, on my lips, and I'll give you the tape. And your wand."

"WHAT?! HAVE YOU FRIGGIN' LOST YOUR BLOODY MIND?!"

"No, I'm quite sane, I'm afraid. Kiss me on the lips and I'll give you the tape and your wand."

"... There's no way I'd do that."

"You're blushing, Draco. Well, if you refuse, then I'll simply go and make sure everyone in Hogwarts hears our lovely conversation... I'm sure Ronald would rejoice at a chance to ridicule you."

"NO! DON'T! I'll... I'll do it."

"Really?"

Much more defeated sigh.

"Really. So, just... close your eyes."

"Okay."

"Wait! How will I know you'll do as you say? What if you run away before I can have it?"

Sob. Sob. Sob.

"You don't trust me?"

"Okay, okay, stop crying already! I'll just... go with it, then. You know what, you're the bold one here. How could you possibly ask for such a thing from someone?"

"Thank you for your cooperation and compliments, Draco. Now proceed, please."

"Just shut up and close your eyes."

"I already did."

Shudder.

"Loony, why the hell do you want this for, anyway? What will it earn you?"

"Ah, I simply want a kiss, that's all. Don't make me wait ."

"Why me?"

"You are an easy target. And I like your hair."

"You are the worst type of crazy I've ever met."

"Crazy is not a noun, Draco. That sentence is grammatically incorrect."

"Who cares..."

"I do."

"Fu-Wha-? D-don't pucker your lips like that, you-you...!"

Giggle.

"Aww, you are so adorable when you are angry like that!"

"... Did you just giggle, Lovegood?"

"... Yes?"

"Tell me your father's name."

"Xenophilius."

"That's his name?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"I thought you were Pansy. Pansy can't think of such a name, so it's you alright. But I know you don't giggle, you lunatic! You aren't like the other girls!"

"Oh, so you did notice me, huh? You paid attention to me. You do like me, Draco, admit it!"

"I admit that I find your antics amusing and that's all. Now give me the tape."

"You haven't kissed me yet."

"I came close. That's something worth noting."

"Well, I noted that as something. Now go on and kiss me."

"Say again, why do you want me to do this?"

"As I've already told you before, it's because I want you to, Draco."

"Fine, fine. At least tell me why you giggled."

"Because I thought that was a girly thing to do and I saw Penelope Clearwater giggle just before Percy Weasley kissed her, so I thought it was necessary."

"... I don't understand you, Loony. And that's good blackmail, thank you."

"I don't either Draco. You shouldn't to feel gratitude to me; they've been going out officially since last year. Everybody knows, apparently except you. Please go on."

Growl.

"Fine."

A weird noise like something smacking to something else. No words suitable to describe it.

"That wasn't a kiss."

"That was. I put my lips on yours so that's a kiss."

"You didn't put your lips, you smacked your lips against mine and well, you missed most of my lips anyway. Your lips were on the corner of my mouth. But Penelope Clearwater and Percy Weasley didn't kiss that way."

"And pray tell, how did they?"

"Like this."

Non-weird kissing noise.

"... Where the hell did you learn this, Lovegood?"

"From Muggle soap operas."

"Soap operas? What does soap have to do with operas? Why the heck would they call something that?"

"I don't know. There must have been a lot of Nargles around when they named–"

Another noise close to non-weird kissing noise.

"Well, since you started this, you'll be my test table, Lovegood. Follow me, I know a place we won't be bothered."

"If I had known you would be this enthusiastic, I would have kissed you at the start of our conversation, Draco."

"Yeah, whatever. Just follow me."

Indistinct noises of shoes clanking on wood.

"I guess they are gone now, Cho."

Sigh.

"I can't believe Luna managed this. Marietta, what do you say?"

"Well, I didn't know Luna cared this much for Truth or Dare. Anyway, she has evidence, so she won and we lost. I can't believe we will have to find all her clothes and the other things that people took away. I hate losing."

"It's no use complaining. We did lose, Marietta, so we have to do our part of the deal. It was fun to watch, though. I didn't know Luna had it in her. I wish we could have taken a photo of this."

"Yeah, well, you can't now. Plus, Malfoy would have heard the noise a camera would make and we don't have an Invisibility Cloak."

"Oh, right. You're pretty clever, Marietta."

"We are in Ravenclaw, Cho. Of course I'm clever. And you are, too. Though I don't get what you see in Potter, Diggory is really fine but Potter... Hey, don't blush! That's the truth, isn't it?"

"Marietta! Don't say it aloud! Somebody might hear."

"Oh come on, who is here at this hour? Everybody's at the Grand Hall for dinner. Ah, I can't believe we lost and missed dinner!"

"It was worth missing dinner. I really dislike Malfoy."

"Well, Malfoy is fine. Or will be, in a few years at most."

"Marietta!"

"It's the harsh truth, Cho. Come on, let's go to the kitchens. We can have some food from the elves. I'm starving."

"Is there anything other than boys or food that you think about?"

Another set of indistinct noises of shoes clanking on wood.

"Are they gone, Gred?"

"I think so, Forge."

"Great! We have a marvellous blackmail material in our hands, my dear twin."

"I already knew that, twin."

"You know what I think?"

"Of course I do, twin!"

"I know you do, twin. Ahem, so, before blackmailing that little Malfoy git, what do you say to giving the great pleasure of seeing these pictures and listening to these brilliant records to our beloved little brother, the champion and Miss I-Love-Library?"

"Miss I-Love-Library? Come on twin, you can do better than that!"

"Yeah well, I'm simply astonished at little Loony's treachery so my creative cells aren't working too well."

"I'm sorry to hear that, twin."

"Yeah, I'm sorry either."

"Then let's not-"

"-make the poor guys-"

"-wait any longer!"

"Here-"

"-we-"

"-GO!"

A/N: I hope you weren't confused by the fic... too much. Summary: Luna is Dared by Cho and/or Marietta to make Malfoy say he likes/loves her and kiss her, so she makes a plan and goes to the Weasley twins for help. So, as Luna and Draco speak, there are two pairs who are watching them: Cho and Marietta, Fred and George. The twins want to blackmail Malfoy with what they also recorded. So, at the start of the fic, she waits till Malfoy appears in some corridor she knows he'll be passing, and starts singing 'Michelle' to annoy him enough to make him insult her (the song is just random, by the way, has no relevance). And later, as you can guess, Luna offers to give Malfoy the tape to trick him into kissing her because she knows the twins have a spare. ^^'

Oh, and this is during Harry's fourth year, since you can understand from the Cho and the champion reference. I'm aware that the characters are pretty OOC (especially Luna, speaking so formally and all), but I don't think it matters, it's a humour fic after all. I had a good time and fun while writing this, I hope you had fun reading it, too. Please review and tell me how you find it. Thank you in advance!