Your closest friends were never meant to fade
with all these dreams that didn't make the grade
close the doors but never look inside
time will tell if all your love has died
~ Broken hearts and torn up letters by Lost Prophets ~
Shawn sat staring down at the black shirt strung casually between his fingers. He peered down at the white lettering until it merged into one blur of black and white undistinguishable through his hazy glaze.
He couldn't shake the weight from his heart, couldn't break the tight knot that was taut and heavy in his stomach.
He was about to launch a comeback wasn't that what had been promised by both parties? Vince had assured him faithfully that the return of Shawn Michaels would be huge, that it was what the majority of WWF – Shawn faltered before correcting himself – WWE fans had been waiting almost five years to see.
Surely he should be happy? Yet he felt a deep sadness, uneasy in the place he swore blind he had always felt the most comfortable in.
A lot had changed since Shawn's back injury. The company name for one and the status of top guy had flitted back and forth between a select few of the higher tier of top talent. The crème de le crème of Sports Entertainment now consisted of Chris Jericho, The Rock and most importantly HHH.
Shawn ran a hand through his hair nervously. It wasn't just the business that had changed in his long absence. He'd grown leaner, his hair had been cut shorter, he'd done his best to leave behind the Heartbreak Kid and all the problems carrying that persona had entailed.
Problems like The Kliq for one.
On the face of it the Kliq had seemed like a blessing. Five guys, who'd lived, breathed and loved for the wrestling business. More importantly five guys, who'd lived, breathed and loved for each other.
Shawn sighed softly as he allowed his mind to dwell consciously on Kev, Scotty, Kid and Hunter for the first time in months.
He didn't like thinking of them, not for too long. That pill was just a little too bitter to swallow.
But swallow it he would for he couldn't avoid them forever.
After all hadn't Hunter, Kid and Kevin been part of the grand allure for returning?
Wasn't it their faces that haunted him deep in the night, the sweet memories that surged his heart and tore his soul as day broke over the horizon?
Wasn't Kevin's the name that died on quivering lips as he awoke to find his warm and loving world crumbling as light splintered through his cold loneliness dragging him from the depths of memory ridden slumber?
He nibbled at his lip until he felt the flesh split at the seams; the blood was sour against his tongue as he washed the foul substance from his mouth.
It was Kevin who'd broken him and Hunter who'd carefully put the fragmented and bloodied wound he called a heart back together.
He felt his lip tremble as the tears peaked, shimmering brightly in his ocean blue eyes. The memories flashed before his eyes like chinks of light running over a train track of his past.
He felt himself falling further and further into the dark dankness that was the Shawn and Kevin saga, the locked box that contained all their sordid romance. The place that he had dared not enter in six long years was rapidly calling to him, stringing him along just as Kev had.
He shuddered as the memory of his warm embrace enclosed him; the soft gentle stare of the elder man pierced his soul as he recollected every kiss, tender touch and broken promise.
Shawn sat his grip on the NWO shirt tightened as he twisted it nervously in his grasp. In about two seconds Kevin was going to walk right in here with Scott and Hunter and he was going to be transported straight back to 1995. All the old feelings were going to flare in his heart and the butterflies were gonna swirl in his taut stomach.
It didn't matter how many times he told himself they were just friends, it would never ring any truer in his mind than it did in his heart.
He could never be just friends with Kev.
He could never be anything less with Hunter. Not now. Not since they had been on-off lovers since Kevin's departure. That warm spring night in 1996 when he had sought solace in Hunter's bed was as clear now as it had been then. He remembered the sweet scent of Hunter's white blonde hair, his gentle caress and loving whispers.
He kneaded his temples with his knuckles as he tried to calm the storm of conflict that raged inside his bound and beating heart.
Kevin had broken his heart.
And he'd broken Hunter's.
He whimpered softly, the hurt and sadness intensifying. He was just as bad as Kevin. He'd promised Hunter undying love but instead had made the younger man settle for six years of temper tantrums, drug abuse and the consolation prize of lust.
He used to say he loved Hunter. The three words would splurge from his mouth usually on a sour cloud of alcohol in the wake of Hunter dragging him back to the hotel room.
Hunter used to sit and watch him, answer his drunken slurs with honest answers until Shawn would begin to sob, the pitiful wails racking his slender frame as he begged for daybreak, pleaded with the Lord for release from the memories of Kevin and the pain he had caused.
And Hunter would take him in his arms and hold him, kiss his forehead and tell him that Kevin would see sense. He'd come back and realise what a mistake he'd made in leaving Shawn for Scotty. Abandoning his lover at the first whiff of money had been harsh and Hunter harboured ill feeling even now towards his friend for wrecking Shawn all those years ago.
Sure the Kliq remained friends. It was all a part of loving each other.
But just because they loved each other didn't mean they had to like each other.
Shawn blinked the droplets of grief from his sea green eyes and pulled the shirt over his head, his bobbed mane crackling against the fabric.
He could do this; he could still be the showstopper.
He could go out there and amplify himself tenfold.
Could fake the smile he'd still yet to find again.
He could get past his feelings for Kevin and Hunter.
He stepped up to the gorilla position, yanked the beret over crumpled ash blonde bangs and waited for his music to hit.
The lights swirled and bore down on him, he cracked a smile and felt the melody pound and shiver up his spine.
His heart leapt with fear and excitement as Kev's familiar beam came into focus across the ring. He watched with a smile of genuine affection, the sorrow still slightly damp in his sapphire spheres as Kev raised his arm.
Shawn leapt into the hi-five readily and felt himself melt into the all too familiar embrace.
He never was much of a liar.