Aubade for my Lover: A spur of the moment—it's a different writing style than I'm used to, so please spare me.
I liked greeting the dawn. The wind was soft, whispering in my ears. The sun was golden bronze, like his hair. The sea was a magnificent green, a mirror image of his eyes. The sand was tan, caressing my skin. The air was warm, hugging my body the way he once did.
"I lost a lover to the sea,
and with that, I lost a part of me.
People say I'm mad. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. Broken, yes. But, maybe I was never whole to begin with. Maybe I've always been like this. Broken. Why can't I pick the pieces up. I promised him I'd be okay.
Then again, he promised me he'd come back.
"But the sea began to soothe my burns,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Lessons learned."
Why didn't you come back, Finnick? Why am I alone? Why am I here? I know you'd like to answer my questions. Wipe my tears. Help me raise our child. But you can't. Not where you are: not now, not ever. You're gone, Finnick, and I am alone. Thing are different.
"We'll be okay,
Someday. Someday.
I'll kiss those wounds,
I will fix you."
I want to hate you, Finnick. I want to. You promised me you'd come back. Where are you now? I am alone by the sea—the constant reminder of my loss. Why did you leave me Finnick? Why can't I hate you?
Of course I can't hate you. You were my best friend. My lover. My husband. I can't hate you. I love you. I'm sorry I was never strong enough.
"The ghosts of our laughs still remind me of you,
I love you, I love you,
I really do."
I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to be there for you. To nurture you. To hold you. I'm so sorry, Annie. You are strong. It's me who was stupid and careless. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
"And when dawn breaks and the sun begins to rise,
I'll see you through a new pair of eyes."
I love you.