Disclaimer: I have no affiliation with either BioWare or EA and claim no ownership or rights to the Mass Effect series
Author's Note: Jack was my favorite romance option in the series and I was disappointed at her lack of appearance in the final game. Although the 'Citadel' dlc helped to fix this, I wanted to come up with a scenario to show off the relationship. While this was largely original, there were some items that helped to give me a few ideas. 'I Have Wondered,' by AlyonaMaksimova and 'You Belong to Me,' by Lovelymaiden are two pieces of art posted on deviantart which is a great site to visit. The song 'Clarity' by Zedd did not provide me with any new ideas, but I feel that it describes the relationship between Jack and Shepard very well. It may be a little too 'Pop' for Jack, but its overall meaning seems to match the feeling of their relationship. That, and the fact that the song title matches with the story, is why I chose to give my story the same title.
The familiar hiss of his cabin door opening drew Shepard's attention away from the datapad held in his hand. The half-finished report he had prepared about the raid on Grissom Academy and the successful liberation of its remaining staff and students by the Normandy shimmered on the screen before going dark as he turned off the device. Laying the pad on the low table before him, Shepard stood up from his seat on the sofa and walked to the small set of steps that divided his room. From there, a familiar and welcome figure came into sight.
Jack was walking into the room. Shepard saw that the tattooed biotic was holding a rather large bottle that he recognized as Dr. Chakwas' favorite brandy with its distinctive blue coloring as well as two glasses caught between her slim fingers. Jack's lips raised slightly into a smirk upon seeing Shepard.
"Hey, Shepard! You got some time to kill?" Jack raised the bottle up to show her intentions. "Chakwas had a couple of these stashed away. She was busy fixing up Rodriguez, so I figured she wouldn't mind losing one." Shepard noticed that her voice still had its familiar rough edge. It had softened considerably since he had met her, but he didn't think it would ever be fully rid of it. There was also a slight slur to her words now. Judging by the amount of liquid left in her bottle, it seemed evident what the source of this was.
"For you Jack? Of course." Shepard said, his voice colored with pleasure. Their meeting at the Academy had been unexpected and everything had happened too quickly, too chaotically. In the quiet and peace of his cabin, he was hoping that they could talk and properly renew their relationship.
Jack's face twisted up into a slight grimace at him. "You're still saying that good guy, boy scout shit? I figured an Alliance prison would've toughened you up a bit, but I guess they go easy on their heroes."
It seemed to be only her usual teasing and light mockery. It was obvious that six months apart and taking a position with the Alliance had not been enough to completely change Jack. Shepard was a little surprised at himself for be relieved by this. It must be because any other behavior from Jack would feel unnatural he reasoned. Even so, Shepard couldn't help but feel that there was something there, hidden in her tone. Was it … anger?
Choosing to ignore that for now and go along with her play instead, Shepard lowered his voice to a deep rumble and asked "Would you rather I ordered you to get your ass over here right now?"
Jack let out a loud guffaw at this before settling into a quiet chuckle. Her reaction prompted Shepard to grin ruefully at himself. When she finally managed to contain her mirth enough to talk, Jack looked back at him. "I take back what I said Shepard. The boy scout routine suits you much better."
She continued to walk past him, her steps a little unsteady, and came to the edge of the sofa he had just vacated. Jack quickly dropped down and settled comfortably into the cushions, releasing a sigh of contentment as she did so. She quickly poured a small measure of the blue brandy into each glass and offered one to Shepard. Needing very little encouragement, Shepard sat beside her and accepted the glass, his fingers brushing against her hand for a moment before she pulled it back.
"So, what are we celebrating?" he softly asked.
Shepard watched Jack closely as she sat silently for a moment. She was staring into the glass, her eyes fixed on the brandy as though searching for an answer to his question in its azure depths. Jack let out another sudden laugh and brought her eyes up to stare at him with a tight smile on her face. Shepard noted that both the laugh and the smile seemed to lack any true humor.
"How about a toast to the great Commander Shepard? Savior of the Citadel, the galaxy, and my own ass more times than I can count." Without waiting for any kind of response, Jack quickly tipped back her head and drained the contents of her glass. Once empty, she slammed the glass back down and looked back expectantly to Shepard. Taking his cue, Shepard lifted the glass to his mouth. He took his time, not drinking it quickly like Jack, so that he could think while the liquid warmth of the brandy spread throughout his body.
Something was wrong. Shepard was certain of it this time. Her voice had been thick with resentment and now she seemed to be glowering at him. He had no idea why she was so angry, but he did know that he had to be careful while dealing with her. The temperamental biotic was easily capable of switching between moods without alcohol fueling her. Their entire relationship had been filled with examples of this, their meeting in the Academy being only the most recent. Shepard counted himself lucky for not losing a tooth to her punch, though her kiss afterward had helped to make up for it. Either way, he needed to find some way to calm her down. After a bit of quick consideration, he settled on what he thought might be the best thing to take her mind off of whatever she was brooding over.
"I am glad to see you Jack, but I wasn't expecting you to come up. I thought that you might want to stay with your students after everything that happened back there." Shepard regretted saying the words almost as they left his mouth.
Jack visibly flinched as though receiving a blow and she made an obvious effort to control herself. The muscles in her lean frame tightened and strained so much that she seemed to be trembling and the tattoos covering her body were pulled taut. Jack breathed deeply through her nose and her eyes hardened into shards of granite. For a moment, Shepard fully expected her to lash out at him with her considerable biotic strength. Then, just as suddenly, the moment passed as if it had never been and she was once again smiling at him. The only evidence left to prove what he had witnessed was that her smile still failed to reach her eyes.
"I left while Kahlee was putting them to bed. The little shits aren't used to this kind of stuff. Hell, this was probably the first time any of them ever had to actually fight."
Jack's eyes seemed to cloud and turn inward. Shepard could see the rest of her unspoken sentence play out in her head. 'Not like me. They've never had to struggle or suffer. They've had normal lives, normal problems, and normal pains.' He longed to reach toward her and comfort her, but he restrained himself as he knew that such an act would only provoke hostility from her now. Jack finally focused back on him, her eyes still full of intensity but a little softer now and a note of pride entered her voice.
"But I guess they earned a little rest after today. When I found them, they were already gathered in Orion Hall, waiting to fight those Cerberus bastards. Not one of those brats ran from the fuckers."
Her lips curved upwards into what was a small but undeniable smile. It was the only honest one Shepard had seen from her since she had come up to his cabin. He had suspected that she had grown close to her students and this was the only proof he needed for that. Watching her like this now, he felt that she had finally managed to find some measure of peace for herself all on her own. A small grin matching her own slowly grew on his face and he let out a slight sound of pleasure.
And with that, the moment was gone. Jack's head jerked, the gentle smile gone from her face and her eyes harder than steel. Shepard could see that she was retreating back into herself, but before he could stop her she took the initiative away from him. Jack quickly swung her body on top of Shepard so that she was straddling him with her knees placed on either side of him on the couch. She then placed her arms on his shoulders and let her hands rest behind his head, locking her fingers together and keeping his gaze focused on her.
"Enough with the talking Shepard," she growled. "We both know why I came up here so let's not keep pretending that this is just some touchy-feely shit. You and I are going to fuck. We are going to fuck hard and dirty until neither of us can stand. Then, you're going to run off and kill Cerberus and the Reapers and be the hero of the galaxy again."
"Jack, wait –" Shepard tried to interject, to ask why she was making everything seem so final, but was stopped by Jack crushing her mouth against his.
The kiss was intense and passionate. Although her lips were soft, the amount of force she placed in the kiss was almost enough to bruise. Jack's hands tightly held the back of his head so that he could not move without pushing her away. Shepard felt the kiss was familiar to others he had received from her but it was also different. He could only characterize the difference as desperation. It was as though Jack thought he would vanish if she slackened her hold even a little, yet she was still keeping up her own walls and forcing him to follow her lead.
Jack finally pulled her lips away but left her hold on his head. Shepard could see her breathing hard from the lack of air and noted he also felt lightheaded. There was a light flush on her chest that was steadily advancing up her slim throat. It made for a very arousing sight when coupled with the heaving of her breasts for air and Shepard could feel his excitement stirring. Even so, Jack's eyes were still hard and Shepard was convinced that this was only gratifying her bodily needs. He had only a moment to catch his breath before she closed the physical distance between them and continued the kiss.
This time, she immediately pushed her tongue into his mouth and Shepard could feel himself reacting instinctively. Jack let out a grunt of pleasure at this and began to grind herself onto his lap. Shepard could feel the pleasure growing greater and greater within him. He was tempted to just wrap his arms around her waist and lose himself to indulging in her. He needed only to let her continue with this and then … What then? After satisfying themselves, what would happen? Wasn't this Jack's way of saying goodbye to him? Didn't that mean she intended to end things like this? To give up their entire past with one another and everything they had meant to each other?
Shepard grabbed Jack's thin shoulders and pushed her back. The abrupt ending of the kiss left Jack dazed for a moment as though unaware of what was happening. Shepard watched her eyes begin to clear and replace their confusion with a look of terrible understanding. Jack's face immediately darkened in barely suppressed fury and her body began to dully shine with the blue fire of her biotic power. Shepard could feel a tingle from the power she held spread itself throughout him with their bodies so close to one another.
"Shepard, what the fu –," she began angrily.
"Jack," Shepard interrupted. "Tell me what's wrong, please."
Unfortunately, his appeal fell on deaf ears. Jack angrily pushed herself away from him and took a few steps back. By now, her biotics were flaring furiously to match her mood and her arms were crossed protectively over her chest. Her eyes from before were warm and soft compared to how they looked now.
"I get it now. After you chose to leave, you went and picked yourself another fuck buddy and figure that the girl with all the emotional baggage is too much trouble now."
"Jack, I didn't 'pick' you for anything. I fell in love with you. And if you'll just calm down for a second you'll know that hasn't changed."
Jack snorted in derision at his words. "Right. Because when you love someone, you abandon them the first chance you get to go running back to the Alliance."
"I didn't have a choice Jack. I destroyed an entire colony. All of those lives are gone because I couldn't do anything to save them." Shepard tried to keep his calm, but he could feel the buried emotions from that time rising up within him. He had killed so many innocents that day. It had been for the greater good, to keep the Reapers isolated from the rest of the galaxy for just a little longer and prepare, but that didn't lessen the pain of knowing that he was solely responsible for their deaths. He saw a flicker pass through Jack's eyes and her biotic aura slowly dissipate. She was aware of how much it had hurt him to make that choice. Shepard knew she remembered everything about those days when she sought to help him just as he had helped her. She had stayed by his side every day until the call finally came and Shepard had gone to face justice. Determined to seize this chance and make Jack understand, Shepard continued to try and reason with her.
"If I hadn't turned myself in, everyone would have come after us. The Batarians would have come for revenge, the Alliance would have treated us as traitors, and the Council would have taken the chance to further discredit us and our warnings about the Reapers." Each of his statements was strong and filled with his conviction to hammer away at her walls of irrationality. "It was the only way I could protect everyone on the Normandy, especially you, Jack. And in case you've forgotten, you chose to work for the Alliance yourself now."
"That's because I was trying to find you!" Jack yelled out. They both grew still and Shepard watched as her eyes widened in realization for what she had said. Very slowly, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply. When she opened them again, she stared into his own. She had tried to bring back her impassive mask, but the cracks were there and he was beginning to see past her façade. What he saw made him realize just how close she was to becoming undone and returning to the state he had first found her in back at the prison ship, Purgatory.
"For six months, I looked everywhere I could for you. I checked every newsfeed, every contact I had for any scrap of information I could find for even a mention of you. After a while of nothing, I finally had the idea that joining the Alliance would give me a better chance of finding where they were holding you. I never thought it would end up with me teaching those brats and you coming to save us." At the mention of her students, the cracks in her façade widened further and her voice began to shake.
Shepard felt he already knew the answer but the question had to be asked. "If you had found where they were holding me, what would you have done?" It took only a single look from her to confirm the answer he had suspected.
After waiting a moment to let the silence drive home her answer, Jack softly asked him her own question. "What good is any of this shit now Shepard? You already made it clear that whatever this thing was we had going on is over, so you can go ahead and get back to whoever you're fucking now." She began to walk away from him, heading towards the steps that he had watched her come down earlier with high hopes. Shepard reached out towards her and seized her by the wrist. Her biotics immediately flared up again, the energy buzzing throughout Shepard's body from his hold on her wrist.
"Let go Shepard." Jack's voice was low and trembling, both she and it on the verge of breaking.
"There is no one else Jack. I'm not saying that there weren't any offers but there were none that I ever considered."
"Oh yeah? And why is that?"
"They weren't you Jack. There was no one who could take your place." At this she just turned her head away from him. This wasn't good. She was still refusing to believe him and he was running out of ways to convince her. Shepard took a moment to consider before deciding his next move. He had spent enough time on the defense. It was time for him to attack. "What about you Jack? In all this time, was there anyone else for you?"
Jack raised her head back to him again. "Do you really want an answer to that one Shepard?" Her expression was challenging, daring him to ask for answers from her with the silent promise that the reply might not be what he wanted.
Even so, he couldn't back down now. In her eyes, it would be proof of how little faith he had in her and then there would be nothing he could do to stop Jack from leaving. He knew this as well as he knew he needed oxygen to breathe. The only alternative then was to take that leap of faith for her. "All I want from you is the truth Jack, now and always. Nothing more and nothing less."
The words were as sincere as he could make them so that it was not a challenge but acceptance. No matter what she had done, he would accept it and continue to believe in her. The only question now was whether she still believed in him. Shepard could see Jack's internal conflict play itself out in her face and body. Her muscles were trembling as she hung between the desire to stay and the desire to flee. After what seemed an eternity to him, Shepard saw as Jack finally reached a decision.
Her body became limp as the tension in her body left and her muscles relaxed. At the same time, the blue flames of her biotic aura faded from her completely, taking away the tingling that was shooting throughout Shepard. Reaching for her other hand, Shepard gently took hold of her and pulled her closer to him.
"There wasn't anyone else," Jack mumbled into his shoulder. "Every time I felt the urge, your damn face would pop into my head and that would be the end of it. You can be a hell of a damn turn-off Shepard."
Shepard simply smiled at this and held her closer, taking the chance to properly enjoy the feeling. He could feel Jack easing further into his arms and they continued to stay that way for a few moments. Too soon though, he could feel her pushing away. She didn't leave his arms but moved enough so that she could look him in the eyes.
"I was going to kill them Shepard," she whispered.
"Who? Do you mean Cerberus?" Shepard asked.
She drew her further head back and stared at him in incredulous surprise and Shepard berated himself for making such a foolish suggestion.
"Fuck no, I don't mean Cerberus," Jack said in exasperation. The momentary outburst quickly faded again, however, and she returned to her unsettled state. "I was talking about the students. I was going to kill my kids."
Shepard couldn't stop a look of astonishment from forming on his face. Those kids were the closest thing to a family Jack had. Hearing that she had been prepared to kill them was an incredible shock. However, he now felt that he was beginning to understand more about what was going through her head and the reasons for her erratic behavior tonight. She just needed a little more careful prodding to confirm his suspicions.
"Talk to me Jack. Why were you going to kill them?"
"You were there Shepard. You know that there was no way any of us would've gotten out of there without you." He watched as her eyes clouded over and knew that she was reliving the attack on Grissom Academy. "You don't just target a group of biotics unless you've got a use for them and the strength to back it up. Cerberus has both. I know personally what they're capable of and I know my kids. They can be a pretty tough bunch but none of them can handle the shit Cerberus would do to them. Sometimes, it's just better to die than to have to live with what some sick fuck does to you and there was no way I was going to let them go through the same shit I did."
Shepard tightened his hold on Jack at her mention of dying and she gave him a brief, appreciative grin, but he could see that she was still lost in her head. He could see her thoughts playing out behind her eyes, how she really would have gone through with it and killed her students. The bodies being torn apart and lying crumpled around the room, the bones broken and shattered, expressions full of terror and betrayal, screams and biotic explosions echoing everywhere. Jack was trembling in his arms, so close to breaking. It still wasn't enough. Everything was falling into place, but Shepard knew that there was something more. Even though they had managed to come this far, it would be meaningless unless they went all the way.
"And after that Jack? What would you have done?"
"Simple. I would have killed every Cerberus fucker I found for as long as I could," Jack said. Despite her voice shaking, Shepard could hear the certainty in her words. It wasn't mere bravado but truth that colored her speech. "And after they finally managed to corner me, I was going to take everything I had left and tear a hole in the station and space everyone. I had it all planned out Shepard. I was ready to die and take everybody with me. And then, you came out of nowhere and saved everyone."
With her final statement, everything finally connected in Shepard's head. Jack had believed herself to be backed into a corner that was impossible to escape. Left with no other alternative, she had chosen death rather than suffer capture and torture for herself or her students. However, just as she had steeled herself to do the unthinkable, he had arrived and saved her and everyone else. That had left all of the anger, fear, and turmoil she had been experiencing with no place to go, and, even though she had not been forced to go through with it, she was also being crushed by the guilt of choosing to kill her kids.
Trapped between these two sets of intense forces, Jack had retreated within herself and sought to rebuild the walls around her heart that she had always relied on before. She had been looking for any bodily pleasures that would help her forget about her guilt and fear. The alcohol and sex had been just diversions, familiar tools to keep her too busy to actually think about the source of her problems. Such methods could never last. No matter how hard or long she would have managed to run, there would have come a time when she could no longer escape and would have been forced to face her demons.
Her trembling in his arms showed that her walls were already crumbling and she was beginning to succumb to her insecurities. Shepard knew that Jack had taken a significant risk in opening herself up to her students, perhaps even a greater one than when she had first admitted her love for him as she had personally accepted responsibility for a group that truly believed in her. If her feelings of guilt for believing she had betrayed that trust managed to overwhelm her, she would be incapable of functioning around them, much less leading them, and could become more broken than she had ever been before.
He would not allow that to happen. She had told him about her past, how her life before she had met him had been full of people who had betrayed her or even just failed her when she needed them. It had taken a great deal of effort to overcome those barriers she had erected so that she would trust him and even more to have her return the feelings he had possessed for her. After returning to the Alliance, he had spent so much time trying to convince himself that going their separate ways had been for the best, but he still felt regret for being unable to find another way to protect her. Even if it was for only a day, an hour, or even a single moment, he would make Jack believe in him again so that, more importantly, she would continue to believe in herself.
Reaching up to her face, Shepard gently caught her by the chin and tilted her face up towards his own. There was time only to perceive a look of surprise in her eyes before he closed the gap between them and kissed her. Jack remained startled for a moment but soon responded to him. This was different from the wild and hungry kiss Jack had engaged in with him. It was slow and tender, full of passion but restrained. Rather than seeking to devour, its purpose was to bridge their bodies together so closely that there was no doubt of each one's desire to be there with the other and no one else. There were moments when Shepard could feel Jack tense and try to make the kiss more aggressive, but he would gently caress her and coax her into keeping the kiss pleasant and unhurried.
After some time had passed, he finally broke the kiss to look at her. Just like before, Jack was panting for breath, the red flush spreading across her body helping to heighten the feeling of arousal she produced. This time, though, was more pure, more honest. She was letting all of her walls down just for him and contentment and trust were raising up in their place. However, he could still see apprehension and self-doubt in her eyes and knew that she was looking to him for direction. In this moment, he knew that he could save Jack or break her entirely with just a few words. The knowledge was both humbling and frighteningly empowering. Long speeches weren't right for this. Those always seemed to dance around the meaning of words without ever saying anything solid. He needed to say something that had meaning and whose significance could not be mistaken, but there was only time to consider for a few moments before the opportunity passed. Deciding to keep it straightforward, he settled on four simple words. While lightly caressing her cheek, he quietly said, "You've done well Jack."
Shepard watched as a shudder travelled throughout Jack's body. For a fleeting instant, he was afraid that his words had had the wrong effect, but then he felt her relax fully into him and bring her arms around him, pressing him close but not squeezing any harder than to keep herself as close to him as possible. Shepard continued the kiss with her and felt a significant change in her temperament. She was neither docile nor submissive but she kept her pace even with his without any urging from him. From that point on, there were no more words between the two for they were no longer necessary. They had each said everything that needed to be said between them. Jack had affirmed his continuing feelings for her and had shown him her own. Shepard had accepted everything about her once again without turning away from the unpleasant parts. Now that they had vocalized these things to one another, the only thing left to do was to prove them with their actions.
As the kiss began to show signs of their lust and desire for one another, Shepard gently lifted Jack up and felt her legs wrap around his waist. Taking the few steps towards the bed, he laid them down on the soft mattress, her body so small beneath him that he felt he could crush her with his weight. Such thoughts were quickly thrown away as he felt her fumbling with his uniform and he responded by nearly tearing her clothes in his own mad rush. Their outer clothing was quickly stripped away and thrown to the side to lie in neglected piles on the floor. Shepard paused for a moment to look at Jack stretched out beneath him. She had flung her arms behind her head, stretching them as far as she could and grasping the pale bed sheets in her hands. In contrast, her legs were curled below her with her feet pointing to the side. Although he had dimmed the lights within the cabin at some point during their mad scrabbling for one another's clothes, the room's skylight showed waves of light rippling overhead, painting Jack and the room in a soft glow that was similar to her biotic aura. The sight of her was enough to dry his mouth and further stoke his desire for her.
He noticed his hands were trembling slightly as he reached down to remove those curious wraps she had chosen in place of traditional underclothing. The pure white of the material was like the blank pieces of a painter's canvas, stretched so tight that it seemed part of her and helped to emphasize the chaotic mix of lines and pigments on her skin. Seizing one end of the wrappings, he slowly began to unwind the fabric, pausing at times for her to adjust her body enough for him to continue. When he finally removed the last part from her, he took a moment to admire the result. Jack had resumed her former pose so that her upper body and breasts were clearly visible but her closed legs coyly teased him about what lay hidden. He caught her eyes watching his study of her and she playfully raised her brow in a silent question. His only response was to smile and show he approved of the sight before him. She sat up in a single fluid movement and slid off the last of his clothes so that they were both fully bare to each other.
Shepard gently pulled her down with him and used his free arm to bring the sheets up to cover them. Wrapped up in the meager protection of the bedding, it was enough to seal them away from the rest of the world and its problems. Within the open bubble of the sheets, there was only themselves and the warmth of their bodies to concern them. Their loving was passionate but unhurried, intense yet gentle. It wasn't the act itself that was important to them but the knowledge of who the act was with and the absolute presence of their bodies pressed tightly together. They continued all of this without speaking, the only noises being wordless whispers and soft sighs. Undisturbed by the passing of time, the two continued until finally sated in both mind and body. Afterwards, the two finally succumbed to the exhaustion that had plagued each of them for so long and retreated into the undisturbed void of sleep, never breaking from their embrace of one another.
Laying on his side with his head propped in his hand, Shepard silently watched Jack as she lay beside him. She had folded her arms and laid her head down on them so that she was facing him with her eyes closed. With her slow, deep breaths and her body fully relaxed with no sign of the tension that had been plaguing her, he could believe that she was still sleeping. Except, of course, for the purring.
When he had awoken from his sleep, he had found himself wrapped in Jack's arms. Moving slowly, he had extricated himself from her grasp without waking her. For a time, he had simply laid there and watched her, admiring the curves of her body and listening to her breath. Without quite realizing what he was doing, he had reached over to her with his free arm and begun stroking her. Starting from the top of her spine, he had worked his hand through her hair which had come undone and begun tracing the lines of her body. As he had begun to move further down, he had felt Jack slightly stir before settling back down. He might have believed that she had merely stirred in her sleep but she had begun to make what was undoubtedly a purr as he continued to rub the small of her back.
As he now continued to stroke her, he allowed his fingers to trace along her tattoos. He followed the lines and curls of the various designs imprinted on her skin. He recognized the majority of them, noting a few additions to those he knew were there before and one or two that were wholly new. The sight of these reminded him of something Jack had said on the shuttle while leaving the Academy and he put his efforts into finding the truth of this. Bringing his fingers to her hips, he hooked them under the sheets there and slowly pulled it back, revealing more of her inked flesh. Scanning his eyes over the newly revealed skin, his eyes finally fixed on a familiar symbol and his lips twitched into a grin at the sight of it.
"I didn't think you were serious about having that tattoo," Shepard said. He was tracing the N7 characters with his hand, taking his time to enjoy the warmth of her rump. "I've thought this before, but you have terrible taste in tattoos."
Jack broke the illusion of her sleeping by snorting loudly and cracking one eye open to look at him. "Yeah? Well you've got shitty taste in women," she retorted, her words hazy from drowsiness. Shepard didn't bother replying to her. There had been no heat in her words nor any self-reproach. It was only a return to his teasing and it deepened his grin into an honest smile of satisfaction which she returned. In the silence of the moment, he continued to watch her, his hand resting on her hip. He wished that he could will this to last forever. Just one quiet moment of peace where he could relax in the warmth emitting from the one next to him. However, he knew that even this couldn't last and that, even now, there was an issue to be settled.
Sitting up and ensuring that the sheet was securely wrapped around his waist, he turned to face her again with the smile gone from his face. Sensing his mood, Jack let out a sigh and sat up as well, respecting the serious atmosphere enough to wrap another sheet around herself to cover her breasts. When she was finally done and sitting cross-legged in front of him, he didn't waste time trying to find a delicate way to phrase the question and chose to continue his reliance on simple straightforwardness. "So, what happens now Jack?" Shepard asked.
"Nothing's changed Shepard," Jack replied. "After you drop me and the others off at the Citadel, you're going to keep going on missions and show the galaxy you're a hero because that's what you do." Shepard opened his mouth to deny this, but Jack raised her hand to forestall him and continued. "I'm not saying you do it to be a hero. It's just that the things you do and take for granted are things that no one else would even consider. The Skyllian Blitz, hunting down Saren, invading the Collector base and bringing down a fucking Reaper, and even bringing us all out of there alive," Jack said as she listed his achievements. "Any one of those would be enough for a person to retire as a hero but not for you. You even came back from the dead just to do your duty. You're the only person I've ever known to put everyone else ahead of yourself and you act like it's just a normal thing." Shepard watched as Jack shook her head to show how unbelievable all of this was to her. "You're not a hero because you try to be one Shepard. You're a hero because you don't have to try."
Shepard took a moment to let everything Jack had told him to sink in. Of course he had known for a long time that people treated him differently, that he was a hero for many and even a monster to some. He had just never considered how some of his achievements seemed from an outsider's perspective. Certainly, if he had heard of someone else pulling off such feats, he would have had doubts about the truth of such stories. However, he knew that much of the truth for his own achievements was little more than a combination of being in the right place at the right time and luck. The vast majority of the credit for his deeds, though, certainly wasn't his to claim. That belonged to the others who had stood beside him at each of those moments. "I've never believed myself to be a hero Jack," he said, vocalizing his thoughts, "because I'm not. Every good thing that I've done has been because I had people like you with me. If it had just been me from the beginning, I would have never even made it onto the first Normandy."
"See? Just like that," Jack said. "That damn humility is as much a reason for you being a hero as anything else. Anyone else would brag their ass off. They'd still be a hero but they'd also be an ass which usually takes away from the hero worship."
"You could always come with me Jack," Shepard suggested. "I know I could rely on you to keep me and my pride in check if it comes down to it." He said it in jest but he couldn't keep a note of yearning from his voice. Even as he said it though, he knew what the answer would be and Jack was already shaking her head again in refusal.
"It's tempting Shepard, in more ways than you know, but I can't. My kids may not get on the frontlines of this war, but they're going to see more action than they expect. They've got confidence and some talent to back it up, but none of them have any experience in fighting. They think that one or two biotic explosions are enough to handle everything. They need me to watch their asses … I need to watch over them to make sure they're safe." Jack paused a moment and Shepard knew it was to drive home her next statement. "This is something I have to do."
He wasn't entirely certain if she was speaking to him or to herself. Either way, it was obvious that her mind was made up. Despite a slight disappointment in knowing her decision, he was pleased that she had made it herself as it helped prove she no longer felt any adverse feelings towards her students and was now of a sound mind. The knowledge that she would be relatively safe on the sidelines with her students rather than the frontlines was also a comfort for him. This war was already threatening and scattering too many of his friends and allies so that he had little knowledge of where they were or even if they were alive. That line of thought presented him with a new problem that he felt was critical.
"If that's what you want, I understand Jack. I just don't want to spend the rest of this war without knowing how you are. The Normandy will have to remain ready for stealth operations at any moment," Shepard explained. "That means that I won't be able to share any information about where we are or any way of contacting us. And even if I can find where they have you and your students stationed, I won't be able to contact you either without the risk of drawing hostile attention to you."
"Believe me Shepard. I don't need you to look out for me. Anything that threatens me or my kids from now on is going to get ripped apart. But, thanks anyway," she added grudgingly. "And you don't have to worry about the lack of communication. I … might know a way to fix that."
Ignoring Shepard's enquiring look, Jack immediately bent over the side of the bed. Shepard had just realized that her clothes were over there and she must be rummaging through them before she was sitting back up, one hand keeping the sheets up and the other holding out something clutched in a white-knuckled grip. Shepard could see beaded chains like those of his own dog tags spilling out from her hand. Looking back at her, he noticed that she was focused on her hand and seemed to be having reservations about what she was holding. She looked back to him and he could see her insecurities stirring.
"I don't even know why I brought these with me," Jack said. "I never meant to bring it up with you when I asked Kahlee for them. I just … felt like having them for the hell of it." She seemed to change her mind about the whole thing and was bringing her hand back. "Forget what I said Shepard, this was a stupid idea."
Shepard covered her hand with his own and watched her start at the sudden contact. Searching her face for hints to her abrupt reluctance, Shepard found her reaction was much more understandable than before. This wasn't coming from any sudden conflict. It was her normal reluctance to opening herself up and revealing her sentimental side. All she needed was a little encouragement. "Jack, it's okay," he assured her. "Just tell me what you're thinking."
With that said, Jack's worries seemed to visibly melt away from her. It was replaced by an eagerness and her voice reflected it. "After you cleared the way for them, Kahlee and a few of the tech students managed to bring some of the stuff they were working on with them. Most of it is just some boring, techie shit only they understand, but a couple of them actually managed to grab something useful. Before all of this, one of the geeks was working with my students to come up with some tech to help out biotics. This is the only thing he was able to finish. Last time anyone saw him, he was being chased by Cerberus so he's either dead or worse by now."
At her last words, Jack opened her hand to reveal two identical flattened discs, each attached to a chain. Each was about the size of a dog tag but shaped into a perfect circle. They seemed rather less impressive to Shepard than the importance Jack assigned to them. Picking one up to examine, he saw that each face was blank. The bluish metal it was made from shimmered and reflected the room without any mark or flaw to distort the surface. He noted that the metal seemed curiously soft yet retained its form when he tried to squeeze it between his fingers. He continued to examine the disc as Jack went on with her explanation.
"We call them 'biotic beacons.' The student said he was inspired by QEC and the way rachni communicated and thought he could do the same with biotics. I thought the guy was a fucking idiot who still believed that biotics was the same as that 'psychic' crap. Turns out the crazy bastard was right."
"Hold on," Shepard pleaded. "How was he going to use biotics to perform long-range communication? QEC is some of the most advanced technology we have and it still has significant limits."
"I'm not an engineer Shepard. I don't know all the how's or why's of it. The guy claimed that every biotic has their own specific wavelength whenever they channel dark energy." Her voice took on a tired, rote quality as though repeating words memorized from hearing them a thousand times. "Because of the nature of dark energy, these wavelengths can be stretched through an infinite amount of space. These," Jack said while holding up her medallion, "were made so that a biotic could imprint their wavelength onto it. Once imprinted, the beacon would maintain a permanent connection with the biotic which could enable the transfer of some degree of communication between the two. The only problem," she continued in her normal tone of voice, "is that he never got the chance to go as far as he wanted. These two are the only ones left and they're just prototypes. The best they can do is hold an imprint and give a sense of where their biotic is."
"So how does that help us?" Shepard asked. He felt he had a mild understanding of what she was saying but it was a lot of information to take in. Jack didn't bother to mock him though.
"It means," she continued with her explanation, "that as long as you or me is alive, the other one will know if we have the beacon. It means that no matter what happens, no matter where you or I go in this fucked-up war, or even if I go one on one with a fucking Reaper, I'll at least know that you're still alive.
Shepard took her hand in his own to calm her shaking from the emotional outburst. After a few moments of reveling in the contact with her skin, Shepard raised the one point that Jack had seemed to overlook. "How is this going to work for me? I'm not a biotic Jack so I can't imprint on the beacon."
"You've got the amps for it Shepard. You might not be able to knock a krogan on his ass, but you should be able to manage this much. All you have to do is hold the energy and channel it into the beacon."
Shepard swallowed any further protests in defeat. He knew that she had read up on him after they had first met. That meant that she knew how, after he had left Earth and the street gangs to join the Alliance, he had been immediately implanted with the amps when someone noticed that he might have some biotic potential. The Alliance had been in a frenzy at the time, scrambling to make full use of its new biotic resources. After the surgery, they had been disappointed to learn that, though he had some success in seizing the power, it had been too late and he too old for the amps to give him any significant strength. Rather than dwell on the failure of that time, he had chosen to move on and put it behind him. Now, it was Jack who was urging him to try and he could feel his gut clench at the thought of failing.
"All right, Jack. I can't make any promises but I'm willing to try. How do you want to do this?" Perhaps noticing his own reluctance, Jack seized the chance to take the initiative. She cupped her own beacon in her hands and held it between the two of them, the chain spilling over to dangle above the bed. "Just watch me Shepard. I'll do it first so you can see how it's done and then you can give it a shot."
Nodding his assent to the decision Shepard leaned toward her, his eyes fixed upon her and the little piece of metal she was holding. The room was still darkened from before, the only illumination coming from the shifting waves of light still visible through the skylight overhead. In the quiet of the room, Jack closed her eyes and slowly inhaled. The breath reminded Shepard that Jack was just as nervous as he was despite her calm front. Despite it being a sign of nervousness from her, it showed him that they were both equal in their wish for this to work and it assuaged some of his own fears. Then, Jack began her exhalation. Once she had reached the end of her breath, she opened her eyes and began.
The blue fires of her biotic aura flickered into being around her. They were not the raging flames that appeared whenever she channeled in combat but a much lower flame that barely managed to appear distinct from her. It was like embers burning beneath her skin, surrounding her in a halo of colored light. It spread throughout the room, casting a soft bluish glow on everything it touched. After a few moments, the glow surrounding Jack seemed to travel down her body to gather in her outstretched hands. The collected biotic power shined brighter than it had before, small lines of fire running over her hands and the beacon held within them. Soon, the beacon itself seemed to shine with its own light, a flame appearing over its surface independent from those covering Jack's hands. Once that flame was distinct and burning strongly, Jack began to release her hold on the energy. The flames lost their brilliance and dissipated so that only the blue glow remained. Gradually, even that lost its strength until the room was finally darkened again. The only reminder left of the event was the beacon continuing to glow, the tiny flame defying the darkness around it to continue to shine on its own.
Jack silently offered the beacon to Shepard and he lifted it from her hands. Although the flame burned without heat, he could feel the power running through the medallion as he ran his thumb over it. As he concentrated on the sensation, he perceived that it was actually two separate forces overlapping one another. The most noticeable one was a pulse that repeated so quickly that it was like a vibration running up his fingers. Even though he was certain that his arm was shaking from the beacon's throbbing, a quick glance was enough to confirm the stillness of his body. By focusing on the pulses, he became aware that they seemed to be concentrating themselves in the side of the medallion closest to Jack. The other sensation he had identified was distinguished by what he could only describe as a warmth that uniformly covered the entire disc and was unbroken by any interference. It didn't come from the biotic flame or even the medallion itself but rather seemed to come from the very energy that resided within and connected it to Jack. When Shepard asked her about what he sensed, she was quick to provide him with an explanation.
"Those pulses you feel are to help tell you how close I am by how quickly they fire off. You probably figured this out already, but the pulses will focus on the biotic and give a rough direction on the beacon for where they are. Once we're on different sides of the relays, though, you won't feel one for days so they won't do us much good. The same goes for the aura emitting from it now. While we're this close, the biotic connection is strong enough to manifest as a flame, but that will fade into the beacon once we're far enough apart. That 'warmth' you said you feel is what's important. It's the link from me to you. So long as you can feel that, you'll know that I'm still alive. The guy who made these talked about how it should be possible to make beacons that could transmit feelings and even thoughts, but this is all we have now. I know it's not much Shepard, but this is the only thing I can come up with."
Shepard focused on that warmth in his hand, seeing it in his mind as the sole connection between him and Jack in the days to come. Communication of thought via the beacon, if possible, would certainly be an incredible asset but its current abilities were already a wonder. Its presence would be a constant reminder to him of the woman on the other end and everyone and everything he was fighting for.
"It's alright Jack. This is more than enough, more than I had hoped for. Now," he began while setting the active beacon aside and picking up the remaining dormant one, "it's my turn."
Despite the confidence he tried to project into his voice, he was still unsure that he would succeed. He rarely tried to even hold the power anymore and even more rarely succeeded when he did. Perhaps that was why he felt a nervous sweat come over him despite the coolness of the room.
Seeking to hasten the whole process, Shepard mirrored Jack's earlier pose and extended his cupped hands between the two of them. Closing his eyes, he thought back on the advice that had been given to him during his first miserable attempts at seizing the power. First was to clear his mind of all thoughts. Total concentration was necessary for this and no extra thoughts could be allowed to disturb him. This step was more difficult now than it had ever been before. His mind was always occupied with thoughts and fears about the war and even his dreams seemed to be preoccupied with them lately. Eventually though, he was able to push them away, to seal them in a corner of his mind for the time being so that he could continue his work.
Next was to form the image of a flame in his mind. He tried to imagine every aspect of it, to make it as real as possible to him. The way the fire would dance, the light it would cast, the heat produced from it, everything that would make it real. This made him think of times he had witnessed fires, how most of those had been during combat, and threatened to break the seal on his thoughts before he threw those extraneous thoughts away again. He continued to form the image in his mind until he was certain of it being perfect and could almost feel the heat and see the light it cast.
Now, it was time for the final and most difficult step. He needed to 'reach' for the flame that he had created. Everyone he had talked to had been unable to explain how this was achieved. The only thing that remained consistent was that the part of the mind responsible for interacting with dark energy would be able to form a true connection once he managed to 'seize' the flame he had created.
However, these exercises he was performing had been developed for children who were just beginning to show biotic potential and whose minds were still growing and changing. After a few months, they would be able to form connections and channel their biotic power at will. Shepard, though, still needed to go through these exercises just for a chance to hold it. Several minutes had already gone by since he had begun and he had made little progress. There had been a few times when he had come close to seizing the power, even felt himself brush against it, but it still managed to elude him. Frustrated at his failure, he had begun to tightly squeeze the beacon and the temptation to stop was beginning to cloud his mind when he felt Jack take his hands.
His concentration fully broken, he looked up to ask what she was doing but the words died on his tongue. He had been expecting and dreading to hear some comment on his performance, some small gibe or mockery about the failure of the great 'Commander Shepard.' Instead, she had closed her own eyes and her face was free of any lines of worry. It was calm and expectant, entirely confident that he would succeed and absolutely lovely. Her contact helped to calm him and eliminate the anxiety that had been building within him. It hadn't just been from the idea of failing to use the beacon but also his other failures and what would happen if he didn't succeed in the war against the Reapers. For now, though, he could put those fears and worries aside and believe in himself enough to do this for both of them
Shutting his eyes again, he began to repeat the process from the beginning. This time, his concentration was perfect and he was able to clear his mind and construct the image of the flame quickly. As he began to 'reach' towards it, he took time and care to not rush it and overwhelm himself again. He could feel himself reaching closer and closer to the light. Soon, he was brushing against it and fully aware of the power waiting within it. Keeping his excitement in check, he continued to brush along the border of that sense of power for several moments to familiarize himself with it. Finally, he concentrated his efforts and 'pushed' into a surface more like water than fire and was through.
The dark energy circulated through him. Opening his eyes, he could see the proof in the biotic fires covering him. They were nothing compared to Jack's or any competent biotic's, but they were incredible to him. It felt as though a new vitality had come to him and he felt more alert and aware of everything around him. His joy was short-lived, though, as he realized he still needed to that trickle of power he had managed to seize and channel it into the beacon in his hand.
Taking hold of the power within him, he 'willed' it to travel down his arm. He was very slow with it out of fear of losing it like a candle threatened by every puff of air. Little by little, it traveled across his body to gather first in his arms and then in his hands. For the final part, he gathered all of his concentration to himself and then 'willed' the power to travel from his body and into the beacon waiting to receive it and finally releasing the power he had struggled so long to hold.
Opening his eyes, he saw Jack staring at him with a silent question. In response, he looked down at his hands covered by hers. He deliberately unclenched his grip and they looked as one to see the result of his efforts. There lay the beacon within their dual grasp. And in the middle of it was a small fire swaying over the metal. They watched in silence as the fire created dancing shadows as it struggled to light up the room.
Shepard slowly slipped the chain around Jack's neck and adjusted it so that the beacon hung in the hollow between her breasts. He then picked up her beacon and put it on himself. Looking up towards her, he saw that she was holding the beacon and knew that she was basking in the power she could feel within that was confirmation of the life connected to it. Unbeknownst to Jack, a solitary tear was making its way down her cheek. Leaning back against the headboard of his bed, Shepard gathered her to him so that she was reclining against his chest.
From there, the two of them began to talk. There was no urge to engage in sex again. The simple presence of one another was enough to satisfy both of them. By unspoken consent, they did not talk about the war or of their past pains. Instead, they talked about little things that had no meaning but to them. They talked about past dreams and future hopes. Jack told stories about her kids and Shepard replied with stories about friends both new and old. And while they talked, they continued to watch the twin lights fight to brighten the darkness around them, if only a little.
Author's Note: This is the first of three oneshots I have planned out for this series. ME3 was a good enough game that I don't feel the need or desire to make a big project to try and rewrite the whole thing. I am going to be jumping pretty far ahead for my next story in which I will try and tackle the very controversial ending. I hope to be able to finish it before I return to school but nothing is certain. Reviews are always appreciated but no flames please.