[Mass Effect series and its characters belong to Bioware]
Authors Note: Ok, so I hate that you have to choose between Kaiden and Ashley, so I decided to start a story where poor Shepard managed to get both of her comrades out. I mean, let's face it, the three of them would have fantastic banter. The story may have slight time differences to the games events, also the chapters won't necessarily follow on, but more go through key moments for my Commander Shepard.
Shenko pairing with some other flirtations.
Apologies for any poor grammar or spelling, I proofread once but made so many changes I just couldn't be bothered to read it again.
To anyone who reads, thank you and I hope you enjoy. :)
Earthborn.
Ruthless.
Infiltrator
The escape from Virmire had been one huge mess.
They had barely made it out, but once again Commander Shepard had achieved the impossible. Everyone had made it back onto the Normandy and now moved around with such speed and stress, readying reports, checking the ship for repairs and double checking the crew for any injuries sustained.
"Is the commander alright?" Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams questioned as she paced quickly into the Normandy's med bay with a silent lieutenant Alenko at her side, who was choosing to look at the floor over the doctor and her patient. Doctor Chakwas didn't look up as she continued to attend the unconscious woman who ;ay on the medical bed.
"She'll be fine." Came her calm, slow response. There was a short moment of silence before Ashley spoke again, rubbing her forehead lightly with the back of her hand as she did so.
"I don't know what she was thinking, risking herself like that, we almost lost her..." Chakwas could hear the strain in the younger woman's voice,
"I told her to go back to help Ash, I told her to.." Kaiden's fists tightened as his strained voice forced out the words. The doctor finally looked over from Shepard to the other two.
"You shouldn't blame yourself. She's absolutely fine, overworked and exhausted, she took quite a few hits from Saren but other than that she'll be ok." Kaiden glanced over to the Commander, Chakwas had removed her armour and had her in her alliance blues, but he could see the markings across her throat where Saren had picked her up and held her over the ledge, it made his heart flinch with a pang of guilt and Ash saw it. He felt a hand land on his arm,
"Hey LT, don't worry about it. It's over and done with and we're all still here, thank god." He shrugged the hand off and turned, leaving the women alone. As the door swooshed closed Chakwas eyes landed immediately on Ashley.
"Don't get me wrong, I never question any decision that the Commander makes, she hasn't steered us wrong yet, but..." She took a breath, "You've all been very tense since returning. What happened? I want you to be straight with me too chief. Something about that last mission has the Lieutenant wound up." A little taken aback it took Ashley a moment to for the right words.
"She-" Ash swallowed, "The Geth, they had our backs up against a wall. A drop ship had brought in reinforcements, way too many for us to handle since we were all split and" She sighed, "Shepard sent Garrus back and she ran after Alenko. She had told Garrus to cover me while I armed the bomb and she ran off to give Alenko backup. I don't really know what she was thinking, but she got everyone out and for that i'm grateful. I had been ready to die there, arm the bomb and let her and Alenko run. He is after all the higher ranked officer and-"
"That doesn't matter." Chakwas cut in,
"Excuse me?" Ashley cocked a brow.
"To Shepard, rank or position doesn't matter." A small smile caressed the corner of her mouth, "Everyone seems to think, because of Torfan she's ready to let anyone die to complete her mission. I know that's not true, not always anyway." She looked over to Ashley, smiling, "I know exactly why she went back for Kaiden and I know exactly why she risked Garrus to cover you. It was selfish of her, but she knew what and why she did what she did." Taking a few steps over Chakwas placed her hand on the younger woman's shoulder, "Maybe you'd be better off talking to her when she wakes up." With stern eyes and a slight smile Williams nodded to the doctor, before taking her leave of the med bay.
~x~
The med bay had emptied and Kaiden sat alone with his seat pulled up beside Shepard's bedside, mulling over the ordeal on Virmire. It could have gone wrong. Very, very wrong. Still, Shepard had managed the impossible. He had thought in those moments when they were still planet side and the reinforcements appeared that one of them wouldn't make it back and when Ash's voice had come over the comm he had felt a sick tightening in his stomach.
Alenko: "Heads up Ash we just spotted a troop ship headed to your location."
Williams: "It's already here, there's Geth pouring out all over the bomb site!"
Shepard: "Can you hold them off?"
Williams: "There's too many, I don't think we can survive until you get here. I'm activating the bomb."
Shepard: "Wait, Williams what are you doing?!"
Williams: "I'm just making sure this bomb goes off no matter what."
[Silence]
Williams:"It's done Commander, go get L-T and get out of here!"
[Silence]
Shepard: I...
[Silence]
Shepard: "Both of you. Hold On!"
Kaiden looked over her once again, without her black N7 armour she looked so much smaller and so fragile. Just a normal woman. A slow smile crept over his face when he remembered how much of a strong air she possessed out on the field. She seemed bigger, she seemed more like a Krogan then a small human. Although he would admit, that fragile appearance was deceiving. He had leant that the night he and Ash had gone with her to Chora's den for drinks. More than a few men had left with broken noses or broken egos.
The sound of the bay doors opening startled the Lieutenant from his thoughts, sharply turning his eyes to the intruder he saw Garrus who now stood watching him, arms folded. The turian moved his gaze across from the lieutenant to the commander.
"She's one hell of a leader." Garrus moved closer to her bed as he looked to Kaiden, "I knew i'd find you in here. You're taking this too hard, Chakwas already said she'll be fine, she's just sleeping, exhaustion has a way of creeping up on you humans.." Kaiden chose not to reply and Garrus continued, "I still can't believe we all made it." Kaiden's brow furrowed,
"Only just." He spoke in a low gravely voice and Garrus turned his attention to the man now noticing how slumped he sat in the chair he occupied, his usually tame hair looking slightly unmanaged than usual, obviously the human hadn't cleaned himself up since returning.
"Sorry?" He questioned.
"We only just got out. It was an unnecessary risk she pulled. Why didn't you stop her?" His voice was picking up volume, his anger evident, "Why did you just leave her without any argument to help Ash? She should have stayed with you, then maybe." His head bowed a little, his voice more gravelly, hurting, "Maybe Saren wouldn't have thrown her around like a rag-doll." His eyes glanced at her bruises again before returning to the floor. Garrus sighed.
"I did argue Alenko. Surely you know how stubborn she is. She argued on how your Alliance protocol states you are to save the higher ranking officer in that situation. She sent myself and T'soni back to Ash because she refused to lose anyone becaue of some stupid regs. I reluctantly agreed because watching her on the lower level when she's talking to Ash, well..." He looked at Shepard's sleeping face, "She acts like a normal human woman, they talk girl stuff and I see her letting her barriers down. She needs Williams. But we know that's not why she came after you, the regs I mean. She didn't come back for you because you're higher ranking than Williams... " He took a breath, stopping his speech knowing he was close to saying something Shepard would later make him regret. "Anyway-" A quick change of topic, "I've already said too much. Better you speak to her when she wakes up, I have some calibrations on the Mako to deal with. Shepard has a habit of getting it severely banged up. Bad driving you know."
~x~
Most of the crew were in their pods deep into a sleep cycle when Shepard finally came around to waking up.
"Hey. Glad to see you're finally awake Commander. How're you feeling?"
With a slow motion she turned her head to face him before slowly swinging her legs around to sit at the beds side edge, her hand gently placed across her front.
"Like a Krogan head butted my ribs." She groaned, "How long was I out?" Kaiden gave a small reassuring smile,
"About 10 hours, After you carried me to the Normandy you crashed out. Wrex hoisted you up and brought you to Chakwas."
Shepard went quiet for a moment before life again sprung to her face,
"Williams! And Garrus! Did they make it?" She questioned, frantically. Silently, Kaiden locking eyes with the Commander replied,
"They're both onboard and doing fine Commander." Sharply he inhaled, "If I may be so bold Shepard, what were you thinking down there?" She heard the anger deeply rooted in his words,
"Kaiden." She spoke his name warningly, knowing how he could get. She recognised his tone straight away and needed to stop him before he began to rile her own temper.
"Don't Kaiden me!" He bit out, "You split your unit up, what would have happened if Garrus and T'Soni couldn't cover Ash alone? What if Saren had killed you when you came to help me?!" Kaiden's voice had begun to rise in volume. "God damn it Shepard, you were hanging over that ledge, if he had throw you... and not to mention you risked Garrus' and Liara's life unnecessarily!"
"Lieutenant stop." Her words came out monotonous, that was the first serious warning.
"No Shepard, what were you thinking!?"
"I was thinking about regs Lieutenant! As well as keeping my crew alive" Her words came out louder and angrier than she had intended, yet still she carried on, "I was thinking about getting my higher ranking officer out of there, but I was not going to sacrifice another member of my crew to do that, no-one was going to die on me, screw the regs! My choice to split was a gamble! A gamble I would happily do again!"
"Your recklessness could have cost us too much Shepard." Kaiden's voice had become louder and angrier and Shepard knew there was more to this than he was going to let on.
"You're dismissed Lieutenant. I want you out of my sight." Her voice had become stony and cold once again. Her commanding, no nonsense voice. Kaiden's head snapped up to look at her,
"But Shep-" He recognised the look she had and stopped his sentence in it's tracks, standing he saluted, "Aye aye Ma'am." With that said he took his leave of the med bay, leaving the Commander to lie in medical stretcher repeating her choices on Virmire over and over in her mind.
~x~
Kaiden rode the elevator down to the lower level of the Normandy and took slow steps as he made his way over to Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. As he approached he heard the faint voices of what he presumed must be a message from her family, he slowed his pace to giver her time to finish.
'We saw Kaiden on a news vid, he's cute sis! Maybe you should-' Hearing that, he now felt like an intruder and chose to call out to her, alerting her of his presence,
"Ash." She turned to face him quickly, hastily knocking off her terminal as she did so, Garrus glanced over to the two, before continuing his calibrations with the Mako. It's last rough and tumble outing with Shepard's haphazard driving had 'Scuffed the edges.' As she had called it.
"Oh! L-T, everything ok?" She looked surprised to see him. Fumbling he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, as he tried to think of the right words for what he wanted to ask.
"Yeah i'm fine, I guess. How're you holding up?"
"I'm fine scuttlebutt. You sure you're fine?" Her question ended with her cocking a brow and crossing her arms as she stood with her weight resting heavily on one side and Kaidan could tell she was analysing him. Pressing him to talk without speaking anything at all.
"What?" He feigned ignorance.
"Are you really fine?"
"Well..." He began. Aha! She knew something was up, it never did take much to make the Lieutenant crack. Ashley kept her accomplished smile on the inside while he tripped and stumbled over the right words to explain himself, the last thing Kaidan wanted was for his doubts to upset someone, again, but he needed to get the doubts off his chest. "I- I can't stop thinking about what went down on Virmire." Kaidan's eyes mapped the few marks and light bruising still on Ashley's face from the bullets that skimmed her and rubble that had bounced off her,
"Yeah, I know what you mean, but, I'm glad the Commander acted the way she did or else I wouldn't be here now or worse, you might not be. Sure, I mean, don't get me wrong, it was one massive risk, but isn't everything we do?" Ashley gave a relieved sigh as she smiled, "It's just as well she's a Spectre now or else she'd be getting her wrist slapped raw off the Brass back at alliance command." The small grin that had appeared disappeared just as quickly, "Hey L-T, you spoke to her yet? I mean I figured you would have already but..." She shrugged, "I know what you're like." Kaidan stood silently frowning, shifting his weight from side to side as he crossed his arms and absorbed her words,
"'What i'm like?'" He questioned, frowning. Sighing she pinched the bridge of her nose with a small smile,
"You're hopeless."His head perked up at her words to face her,
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me Kaidan Alenko. You're hopeless. When it comes to the commander you constantly trip over yourself and you always manage to say the wrong things. " Kaiden huffed at her, "Well? Did you say the wrong thing?" She asked, more out of defence for her remark then friendly worry.
"Well..." He sighed with exasperation, "I did go and speak with her, I mean," He was already stumbling over his words just talking about her and again Ashley found herself having to hold in a smile. "Well I was more just, there when she woke up, though I don't know if I upset her or made her angry when I did speak with her. I may have come on a little strong. I guess it doesn't matter much though, both are just as bad. She ended up dismissing me." Ashley brought her palm to her face, exhaling heavily,
"I swear LT, sometimes I worry about you, when it comes to women you can be so dense sometimes. What exactly did you say to her?" She removed her hand to look at his face again,
"I just." He paused, trying to remember what exactly had been said, "I told her I thought her actions were reckless. That she could have cost us too much." He cringed hearing his own words. Ashley burst out into a fit of rambunctious laughter,
"Oh man LT, you've got more balls on this ship then any of us! To openly question the Commander? geez L-T." He face straightened as a more serious tone overtook her strong features. "But seriously, if she hadn't pulled that stunt. I wouldn't be here and i'm grateful, I always will be. I know she risked all our lives down there, you, me, Garrus, Kirrahe, but we all agreed to follow her. I think deep down, we knew she'd come out on top. I did have my doubts when we were down there and I was ready to lay my life down to set that bomb just so we could cripple Saren's plans even just a fraction. I won't forget what she did for us there though. Not ever." She sighed, "I know she came for you because of more than just regs and i'm fine with that, but maybe the two of you should talk. I heard from the Commander we're headed to the citadel next, maybe the two of you could take some down time. Figure out what's going on. I think maybe it's something more than just Virmire on your mind Scuttlebutt." Kaiden found himself taken aback by Ashley's words, again he rubbed the back of his neck before straightening up as she spoke once more,
"What you said to her may have been a bit cruel there L-T, but, the Commander can be really fickle and short tempered, so if you upset her, she probably reacted badly, she can be a bit... sensitive at times. I mean really, you're as bad as each other, you two make quite the-"
"What? We make quite the what?" Kaiden cut in sharply, "We're not... We don't make anything, I mean, Regs don't allow for..." He was quickly becoming flustered.
"Oh pleeeease. We all know, you don't need to hide it. No-one on this ship is going to tell Brass at Alliance control so relax. But-" She rested a hand on his shoulder, "Remember, at the end of the day when you question a decision, she has to make the hard calls. Not us. She has to live with the outcome. Not us."Kaiden sighed giving a small nod and salute,
"As you were Chief." With a small sarcastic salute the Gunnery Chief turned back to her workstation picking up a battered Avenger rifle as Kaiden turned and wandered away.
~x~
'Commander, we're here.' Joker's voice came over the ships comms, 'Do you want to hold out your wrists now for them to slap orrr...'
"Enough Joker." She spoke with an edge to her words as she moved to exit her quarters only to hastily pace into a broad, toned torso. She stumbled backward as a large hand reached out clumsily to grab her arm pulling her upright before she could fall.
"Sorry Commander." Kaiden's voice rumbled lowly like far off thunder, causing Shepard to snap her attention to his face. She traced every scar and soaked up the olive colour of his skin with her eyes, she could smell on him the faint musky scent of oil and guns. He'd been on the lower deck.
"Commander?" His words snapped her out of her trance and she realised she hadn't spoke, but had been staring for too long.
"Ah! Sorry, Lieutenant Alenko." She straightened up, "I'm in a bit of a rush, is it important?" Kaidan noticing the hand still resting on her arm quickly removed it.
"Sorry Commander, nothing that can't wait." His words rushed out, unsure of how he should respond, her words had seemed distant, professional and it upset him a little.
"Ok, great. We'll talk later Lieutenant." And with that, she strode off with quick urgency.
"I'd like that, Commander." He spoke quietly, to no-one.
~x~
"Ilos is only accessible through the Mu Relay, deep inside the Terminus Systems, Commander. If we send a fleet in there, the only possible outcome is full scale war." The Salarian councillor urged his words at Shepard causing the crease in her brow to deepen. Udina turned to face her and she found that every time she looked his way, his face seemed more and more punchable.
"Now is the time for discretion, Commander. Saren's greatest weapon was secrecy. Exposed, he is no longer a threat. This is over." Her nerves were ticking down like the seconds of a time bomb.
"Sovereign's the real threat! Saren's just a servant of the Reapers." Her voice came as an outburst and had begun to rise in volume and pitch. It was the Asari councillor who spoke up next, her composure as calm and elegant as ever, yet Shepard felt nothing but condescended by her words.
"Only you have seen the Reapers. And then only in visions. We won't invade the Terminus systems because of a dream." Shepard felt her jaw tighten in frustration.
"Secrecy isn't a weapon. The conduit is!" she ground out, her teeth clenching after she spoke.
"Saren is a master manipulator, the conduit is just a distraction from his real plan to attack the Citadel." The Asari councillor watched as the Salarian spoke with fervour. Taking a deep breath Shepard spoke again, desperately trying to gain the Council's permission for her mission to head to Ilos in search of the conduit.
"One ship going into the Terminus Systems won't start a war. I can be discreet." At her words It was the Turian Councillor to speak up next,
"You detonated a nuclear device on Virmire. I wouldn't call that discreet!" His voice was loud and accusatory and Shepard was beginning to lose all patience as her fists clenched tightly, the colour in them fading in place of pale white, noticing the Commanders frustration the Asari councillor cut in,
"You're style served you well in the Traverse, Commander. We recognise that. But Ilos requires a delft touch. We have the situation under control." Shepard stepped forward, urgency covering her words,
"If Saren finds the Conduit, we're all screwed! We have to go to Ilos!" The Turian councillor addressed Udina directly now, ignoring the Shepard stood by his side,
"Ambassador Udina, I get the sense Commander Shepard isn't willing to let this go." Udina silently moved to Shepard, one hand ushering her to the side.
"There are serious political implications here, Shepard. Humanity's made great gains thanks to you. But now you're becoming more trouble than you're worth." The end of his words were dripping with distaste, as they always did when he spoke to her and the frustration at her outspoken outbursts were not hidden in his words. Kaiden took the moment to step forward addressing the Ambassador.
"You Bastard! You're selling us out!" His voice came out full of anger. Anger for the councils ignorance, anger at Udina and the built up anger at Saren. The crease lines deepened between his brows as Shepard stood shocked at his outburst. Kaidan was always the calm, level headed one of the team.
"It's just politics Commander." Udina placed a hand on her shoulder before she aggressively shrugged it off, "You've done your job, now let me do mine. We've locked out all the Normandy's primary systems. Until further notice, you're grounded."
"Are you insane?!" She spoke with no pleasantries now, no air of calm, her voice now uncontrollably loud and frustrated, much like a teenager having a tantrum for being grounded. "After everything i've done, you still don't believe me?"
"I think it's time for you and your team to leave now Commander, this no longer concerns you. The council can handle this. With my help of course." With a noise akin to a hiss, she turned and stormed away from the council and from Udina. Her team followed with a light jog in an attempt to keep up.
~x~
Shepard turned and slumped against the lockers on the Normandy. Two hours had passed since her meeting with the council and Shepard still felt tense, their ignorance of the situation had wound her up tight and sitting around like waiting ducks wasn't helping anyone. She was bored and growing increasingly restless.
"Commander are you alright?" Kaiden's voice grew gradually louder as he moved towards her. Looking up to knowledge his presence, she simply sighed shaking her head, "I'm sure there's a way to appeal, we're under alliance authority after all. Not the council." Shepard scoffed at his suggestion,
"Official channels are closed. They were quite clear about that."
"Closed?" Kaiden began, rhetorically, "And we're supposed to accept that?" He crossed his arms his words becoming more passionate as he spoke, "So where do you think the best view will be when the reapers crawl through? If we have to sit it out may as well get a good seat."
"We're out of the game for now. I need you to be there while I figure things out." Her voice had an air of confidence about it, despite her defeated appearance.
"You know you can count on me..." He paused, overthinking about what he had spoken so quickly, briskly he added, "Or any of the crew Commander."
"Come on Alenko," she whined, a whine with a strange sense of assertive push Kaidan wasn't used to from her. "I can get a salute from anyone on this ship." She looked downward, as if taking great care to study her shoelaces, "Sometimes," She paused, "I need a shoulder." The Lieutenant felt a little shocked at her words, he had never expected her to be so open. Or maybe, he thought, she was opening up because it was between only the two of them, intimate.
"I always leave a way out, you know that." He reprimanded himself the second the words left his mouth, she had an effect on him and Ash had been right, he always ended up saying the wrong thing,"I'm here for you, but we're in a rough spot and the last thing I want to do is muddy things.." He voice became low, almost a whisper, "Like it's all that clear to start with." He sighed. "Are we the pride of the fleet or not? Are we valued agents or peons?" Shepard gave a small chuckle,
"Can't just pull out a good old fashioned 'It'll be all right, can you?" Kaiden gave a small laugh too,
"It's that easy huh? All right then Shepard, It'll be all right. You'll figure it out." She smiled, a happy contented smile that warmed him from the inside out.
"That wasn't too hard now was it." He knew he needed to be with her from here on, for moments like this where all she needed was, 'A good old fashioned 'it'll be ok'' to smile like that.
"I could get used to it." He started, and deciding to be brave he continued "I guess we have some down time to figure out what we are, huh?" Leaning forward, Kaiden held his hand out for the Commander to stand. Reaching out she gently grabbed it, allowing him to pull her weight up from the floor. She hadn't expected him to lift her so easily and certainly had not anticipated maintaining balance once she had risen at such speed. Her legs stumbled and with ease he caught her in his arms.
She looked up at his face, he looked soft and clean shaven, she was so close to him now that she could feel her heart racing in her chest thinking it would not come as a surprise if he could hear it too, the throbbing, beating pain clouded her ears, it was all she could hear. Her breath hitched in her throat and her voice had forsaken her. Their faces moved slow, slowly creeping nearer to the other. She wanted him now. Wanted his lips on hers, wanted to scrape her fingers down his torso as his strong arms encased her smaller frame. She had filled to the brim with nothing but want for the man whose arms now encircled her.
They were millimetres apart now. All that was left was to-
'Sorry to interrupt Commander, got a message from Captain Anderson.'
And just like that, the mood and moment vanished.
"Were you spying on us Joker?" There was a long silent pause and she knew Joker was weighing the options. Which would be the safest.
'No Ma'am just knew you were on board and thought you might want to know.'
She smiled, shaking her head and looking to the floor, cheeks flushed and her heart still racing.