Stiles walks into his room, dragging his feet with every step, his head bowed down in pain, just wanting to lay down in his bed and sink into nothingness. Lydia's party was supposed to be an escape, just for one night him and Scott could have fun; even though it was a full moon, he honestly thought nothing would happen. Scott had gotten his shifting pretty under control lately and if Jackson showed up they were just supposed to watch him. Sure there was always a risk when it came to anything involving the pack, but he didn't think the night would turn out to be an actual living nightmare.
Stiles had dreamt of that happening plenty of times, his father telling him how disgusted and disappointed he was of him, telling him that it was his fault his mom passed away, but those were dreams and he would wake up knowing that. This, this felt more real than any horrible thing he had encountered recently, his father yelling at him in front of everyone. Telling him how worthless he was. that hurt Stiles about the same amount as his mother's death.
Stiles closes his door and turns around, just wanting to lie down in his bed, but he doesn't want to sleep. He was worrying that he would end up having that same hallucination but as a dream. A nightmare he would never escape. A tear fell down his cheek and he shook his head. Not now Stiles, you can't break down, just stay strong. He wipes his cheek, trying to make it as quick as possible so maybe the sooner the tear is gone, so will the constant thoughts of the night. But the memories and thoughts aren't just tears Stiles can wipe away, and he knows that.
Then Stiles see something move in the corner of his room, he freezes out of fear and anxiety. What if his hallucination was still happening, he couldn't deal with his dad yelling at him again, even if it wasn't real. The full moon was casting long shadows throughout his room and the corner was the darkest spot.
"If this is another hallucination please just go away," his voice was child like, full of fear. Good idea Stiles, tell a hallucination that is in your head to go away, that'll work out just fine.
Derek walks out of the shadow, his face outlined by the light, his jaw clenched, his eyes narrowed on Stiles. Stiles feels a wave of relief flow over him; Derek was the last person he expected to see in his room and yet he couldn't feel better about it. He lips start to curve into a smile but he gets control of his emotions and bites it back.
"Stiles, are you okay?" Derek asks, his voice not hinting if he was actually concerned or just wanting to be polite.
Think Stiles what can you say to him without hinting at something. He can sense your heartbeat. Shit. Just make a big deal about him being in your room!
"You know Derek, maybe they don't teach you this in wolf school, but sneaking into someone's room in the middle of the night, well that's breaking and entering." His face scrunches up into an "everyone knows that" look.
"Look, I just came to know if anything happened at the party that I should know about? Scott never called me back." Derek's face was still, not showing a hint of why he really came. Not wanting to let Stiles realize that the first place he came after Peter took his alpha title was here, to Stiles' house.
"The cops raided it, but otherwise everything is fine, I'm sure Scott's at home right now," Stiles looks at Derek in the eyes and it dawns on him. "If you wanted to know how Scott was, why didn't you just go to his house?"
Derek looks taken back by the question, he's fumbling around in his head for an excuse, all the while trying to stay emotionless. He can't think of an excuse. Anything, he pleads with himself. Stiles is looking at him waiting for an answer, he starts singing The Jeopardy theme song, Derek doesn't look amused.
"Listen Derek, I've had a rough night," Stiles just wants to be alone and for one night not have to deal with anything.
"What do you mean?" Derek asks curiously.
"Derek," Stiles takes a deep breath trying to not sound unappreciative. "It's nice of you to pretend to care, but I know you have some alpha business to attend too, so you don't have to do this. You don't have to pretend to care."
"I do care," his voice echoes off a hint of pain and a little bit of offense. Stiles detects it and cocks his head a little bit in confusion. "Besides, I'm not the alpha anymore."
"Wait, what!" Stiles mouth gapes open and he puts his hands up in the air flailing them. "What the hell happened? Is that even possible?"
"I don't know," Derek sounds defeated. His eyes look down in shame, he walks completely out of the corner and Stiles can see he has blood all over his white tank top, and on his right arm. Stiles eyes widen and he is about to say something but Derek talks first. "Peter is back, I don't know how but he is. He took my power and I just," his voice is getting less controlled and more broken. He's fighting with himself to not show emotion but he can't hold it back anymore. "I came here because I didn't know who else to talk to, okay? I'm not the pack alpha anymore and that means Erica, Isaac and Boyd aren't going to listen to me. Scott is already busy with Jackson and I just needed…" His voice trails off. He realizes what he just said and tries to come back from it. He clears his throat and with all his might clenches his jaw shut so that he will block any emotion from emanating off his moon lightened face.
Stiles is overwhelmed with information, this night is nothing like he expected it to be. In the brief few minutes that Derek has talked to Stiles, Stiles has seen a side of him that he never actually had seen, but knew deep down was there. He always knew Derek was putting on an act, hiding behind a mask so that he would not have to deal with his emotions. Stiles didn't know what else to do except hug him. Whenever Stile's felt horrible about something his dad would give him a hug and it would just make him feel okay, like everything would be all right.
Stiles moves forward cautiously because even though he wants to just rush over and hug Derek, let him know it is all going to work out and they will figure it out, he's worried that Derek might push him off or reject the notion. You'll never know unless you try. He stands in front of Derek and wraps his arms around him. Derek tenses up, he can't remember the last time he had hugged someone. Stiles feels how tense he is, he feels his muscles tightening up but he keeps holding Derek. After a few seconds Derek starts to relax and loosens up, he let's out a deep breath and to his surprise it actually makes everything at that moment feel better.
Derek takes his arms and hugs Stiles back, they stand in the middle of Stiles' room, embracing each other in the moonlight. Stiles puts his head on Derek's shoulder and feels safe, the nightmare/hallucination from earlier can't get him now, he is no longer scared.
Derek pulls away, but keeps his arms around Stiles. Stiles has his arms on Derek's shoulder and Derek's arms are holding Stiles waste. Derek looks into Stiles light brown innocent eyes and smiles. He feels whole. Derek, for the first time since the fire, feels whole.
"Stiles," Derek says in a whisper. Not looking away, not looking anywhere but Stiles' eyes.
"Yeah?" Stiles' heart skips a beat when Derek whispers his name and Derek can hear it. A twitch of Derek's lips is all he shows.
Their eyes are locked and Stiles wants to lean in and kiss Derek. Everything in his body is screaming at him to lean in and kiss him. His heart is beating faster now and Derek's is too, although Stiles doesn't know this. Derek looks one last time at Stiles face in the moonlight, his cute little lips crackling up into a smile, his perfect eyes, and his scent. Derek takes Stiles in with all his senses and finally uses his last one, touch. He leans in and his lips connect with Stiles.
Stiles' stomach twists into knots; he closes his eyes and embraces Derek as they kiss. Their soft lips divide and Stiles looks into Derek's eyes, he can see the real Derek, the one he hides. Stiles grins from ear to ear and leans in for another kiss. They stand holding each other and kissing in the moonlight, both feeling like they are in a dream, both in a sublime state of mind.
They lay down on Stiles' bed and Derek has his arm around Stiles. Stiles' head is resting on Derek's chest and he is listening to his heartbeat for the first time. It brings on a sense of excitement for Stiles. Derek has always been the secretive tough guy who never showed his emotions, and for the first time Stiles saw the real Derek. He smiles as he rests on Derek. A sense of bliss rushes over him, all those eye connections, all the jokes, everything wasn't in Stiles' head like he had been imagining. Derek feels the same way about me. This is awesome!
"Stiles?" Derek asks as he run his fingers through Stiles' short hair. Stiles nods for him to continue. "What did you mean when you said another hallucination?"
"Well I think I might have drunken a little too much tonight, because I thought I saw my dad at the party and he…" Stiles tenses up and moves so that he is laying side by side with Derek, face to face. "He told me that it was my fault my mom died, basically that everything wrong in his life is my fault." Stiles wipes his eye before a tear can even fall.
Derek takes his hand and wipes the next tear before it falls. He puts his hand under Stiles' chin and leans in, he gives him a gentle kiss. A comforting kiss to show him that everything is okay.
"Your dad doesn't think that," Derek says as he pulls away. "He loves you Stiles. He really does."
"I just feel like he hates me," Stiles says low, almost ashamed. "I've never told anyone this before, not even Scott. I just I trust you."
"Stiles I feel like me and you aren't so different, you know that?" Derek says breathing in and thinking of how to word what he is going to say. "I blame myself for my family's death. It was my fault, and it broke me. I feel like I am just broken and there's nothing I can do about it." Derek realizes that he is telling Stiles the most intimate and personal details of his life, and thinks about stopping.
"Same here," Stiles says putting his arms around Derek and burying his head in his chest. "I feel like my dad hates me and I never feel whole." He is trying his hardest not to cry.
"I feel like me and you are both broken into a bunch of pieces that don't seem to fit together," Derek watches Stiles as he pulls his head back to look into Derek's eyes. "But I feel whole when I'm with you Stiles. Like me and you with all our broken pieces somehow fit together. I remember the first day I saw you in the woods with Scott and me and you met eyes, I could hear your heart skip a beat. I knew from the moment I saw you that you were something special. You make me whole Stiles and I've never felt like this with anyone before."
Stiles looks like he is about to cry, he doesn't know what to do with his emotions. Usually he has a witty remark, something sarcastic to say that will deflect what he is actually feeling but what Derek just said to him, that was everything he felt about Derek too. They both use different ways to hide how they truly feel. Derek completely shuts out any of his emotions and Stiles makes jokes, but in the end of the day, they both love each other.
"I love you Derek," Stiles says, sounding like that confession took a huge weight off his shoulders.
"I love you too Stiles," Derek says, and for the first time he shows a genuine smile. The moonlight makes Derek face glow and he looks perfect to Stiles. Everything was right for them.
There's a knock at Stiles door and they both jump up quickly.
"Stiles, I heard you talking, you still awake son?" His father asks outside his door.
Stiles waves his hands frantically and lips to Derek to go hide. He rushes to the door and halts to a stop before he answers it. Be cool Stiles, just say you were on the phone and that's all. Stiles opens up the door and puts on a smile.
"Hey dad how you doing?" He says and nudges his dads arm with his fists. His dad just looks at him. "What's up?"
"I heard you talking and I was just laying in bed and I decided I just wanted to let you know," his dad smiles. "Son I love you, and I'm so proud of you. I don't say it enough but I really am."
Stiles is taken back; that is not what he was expecting. He can feel his eyes getting watery and he doesn't want to cry in front of his dad so he just flings forward and hugs his dad. His dad gets knocked back but embraces Stiles and hugs him.
"I love you too dad," Stiles says with a smile beaming across his face.
His dad goes back to bed and Stiles goes into his room and looks around. Derek is gone, but in that moment, he doesn't care. Everything is perfect in his life and he is no longer worrying about dreaming of a nightmare. He wants to go to bed so he can dream about everything that just happened.