"Forks, Washington."
"...Where? Here?" Hidan looked confused for a moment. He got out the crumpled piece of paper on which the address was written He smoothed it out, reconfirmed that yes, he was in Forks, Washington. Pein confirmed it even more as he redirected Kakuzu to Hidan's location; he appeared moments later by tracking down Hidan's chakra.
"I expect a massacre," said Pein smoothly, before his voice faded away. "Have fun," he added before he was gone completely.
Forks, Washington, was a nice little town, a bit cloudy, a bit ordinary, a bit in between – also known as your average town in the States. Now, as of today, it probably wasn't going to be as ordinary as ordinary comes by – oh no – as unlike Konoha and all those ninja cities, Forks had no f'king clue about Akatsuki. In fact, not many did. As proven, when Hidan and Kakuzu strolled into the town itself.
They got a few curious stares along the way. Not everyone was comfortable with what seemed like a). Cosplayers, b). Really weird-ass newest fashion, or c)., random uniform of choice - but most ignored this as they went about their everyday business, so they gave the two a once-over, and went along hurriedly, some of their children staring for a moment then running off, sometimes crying.
Why were the Akatsuki here? Why!?
It was quite simple.
Pein, being Pein, a.k.a knows just about everything in the world, recently became aware of a girl who fell in love with a vampire. It wasn't spread about on the news so much until a book about it was written - a book that almost seemed like an autobiographical account.
Pein had spotted Konan reading the books, and decided to read them himself.
God. Immortal.
"Who is this Edward Cullen?" Pein read, from the back of the book. 'Outrage' was an emotion that he was just not used to. At first, he dismissed it as oh-god-there-is-something-wrong-with-my-chakra-rods or I-feel-...human-again or -
"This man... Edward Cullen... cannot be killed." Konan had explained to him quietly, trying her hardest not to yell when Pein threw a tantrum and ended up Chibaku Tensei'ing half of Amegakure. After the chaos died down, and Pein, now on his feet, stared into the distance like he did most days, she added, "A mere immortal."
"There is no such thing as immortality in this world." Pein stated listlessly, bending down to pick up a pipe he had blown away. He crushed it effortlessly in his hand. "Not even a God." As he threw the pipe into the wind, thunder roared overhead.
"I want him dead."
"Who?"
Pein didn't even turn around. "You know who I mean."
He had considered Itachi and Kisame to kill Edward Cullen first. It wouldn't take much for them; Itachi would genjutsu dear Edward, while Edward was doing whatever he was doing (stalking someone 100 years younger), but he found that Itachi needed to be in close range to attack; and his taijutsu had gone down about 500 percent since he joined Akatsuki because Edward's kind-of-sister, Alice, could predict the future. Then when Kisame would try to slice his skin, it wouldn't work because his skin was marble and quite hard to split, and then Edward would set him on fire or whatever vampires did these days.
He then considered Tobi and Deidara. Baaad choice. Edward would be too fast to get caught in Deidara's explosions and would cut his arms off for like the 50th time. Deidara would be traumatized. Tobi, on the other hand, was already under Jasper's power to change emotions, and if Tobi turned nasty, and Deidara found his sharingan, there would be no more Deidara.
Konan's paper jutsu would have no effect. Yes, paper cuts hurt. But paper cuts don't work on marble.
He, Pein himself, was too busy filling out paperwork and watching over Amegakure to even bother with going to Forks.
He then thought of the new combination – Hidan and Kakuzu. Kakuzu had many attacks up his sleeve that could result in plot-no-jutsu. And Hidan, always bragging about immortals and his personal lust for blood...
Pein smirked.
"So who are we looking for? Would he be in here?"
Kakuzu sighed and looked at his born-69-years-later partner, "Weren't you listening to Leader, you idiot?"
Hidan fingered his rosary. "Uhmm... No. Except we're here, in Forks. It's going to be a fucking holiday!"
Kakuzu shook his head, disagreeing. "We are here to test our limits, as 'immortals'."
"I don't need to." Hidan looked over with a lazy grin on his face, his legs swaying on the bridge. He was sitting down, while Kakuzu was standing up, looking at the tourist map that displayed pinpoints and landmarks of Forks.
"I already am immortal," Hidan went on. "I don't need to sacrifice for a while." He looked down, seeing children playing a game in the stream which was filled with long weeds. He then said on a more sadistic note, "Or should I kill their parents early and get us a hotel here, eh, Kakuzu? Get us some money?" Nudge Nudge Nudge.
"We aren't going to take long. It's 11am. On a Tuesday. School time. Our target should be in there."
"School? Who the fuck goes to school these days? Deidara? He looks fucking twelve."
"We are ninja. We left the academy when we were small, unlike these people. They don't leave until they choose to, or when they are eighteen."
"Well that's retarded."
"It is."
Silence.
"...So... he's really immortal?"
"Yes."
"Is he or was he human?"
"Yes."
"Is he powerful?"
"Yes."
"How do you fucking know?"
"Because Leader said so. Plus, he's a vampire."
"...Oh." Hidan mulled over the last sentence. Vampire...? Strange. "What are they?"
Kakuzu glowered.
"I am not a fucking book."
"Yeah but you're like, smart and shit," Hidan shot back, staring down at the children as one in a red shirt tripped and stubbed his toe. "I'm not up with the latest news and all that crap. What. Are. They?"
Kakuzu sat down next to Hidan, and slipped a hand into his cloak, retrieving a battered, torn up volume that had gone through the ordeals of Pein's attack, Deidara's current obsession, Zetsu having an argument with himself concerning the main characters, and himself buying the copy off said Flytrap at a minimal cost.
"This is an autobiographical account of our target's infatuation. His name is Edward, he is 104 years old (108 in the film) making him older than me. He is of a race called 'vampire' which is a term for "living dead". In other words, immortal. Unlike you, idiot, vampires do not need to kill to live."
"That's fucking cheating!"
"According to this book, he is treated as a God by the main character. Loved by many, even more so in the real world by millions of girls who have dedicated their lives to him and left their loved ones behind. Vampires can sparkle, which is one of their weaknesses. Leader found this book and wasn't impressed. He has ordered us to kill this Edward. Immortal versus Immortals, I dare say."
Kakuzu put the book back into his cloak, and got up. "Come on, we have a job to do."
Edward was in a biology lesson when he suddenly heard Alice calling to him.
Edward, she called. I can see something coming. It's not the Volturi. I think something inhuman is after us. And possibly Bella.
His eyes widened.
But he couldn't do anything. Not here. Not now. Bella was working silently. He looked at her once, then looked down at his sheet. Without thinking, he scribbled down the rest of the answers.
When the bell rang, he didn't wait for her, instead muttering silently to the dark-haired girl that Alice needed to talk to him. Alice and Jasper were waiting outside their English class.
"I don't know what it is!" Alice said. Jasper was nodding vacantly, occasionally looking at the various throats of students as they walked to their other classes. "I think they are powerful, I'm not too sure."
"How many?" Edward asked quietly.
Alice closed her eyes for a second.
"Two." She turned around as Bella caught up with them.
"What's going on?"
"To tell her or not to tell her?" Alice said into Edward's head.
Edward looked at Bella in the eyes. His eyes were melting butterscotch today and were so beautiful that Bella couldn't keep her eyes off them. "Nothing is wrong, Bella."
"Oh." She smiled faintly. "That's good. Are you coming to our next class?"
Edward shook his head. "No, I'm sorry."
And so our (anti, or not anti, not sure whose fanbase the reader (You) is in. You choose) heroes, Hidan and Kakuzu, looked on as students gathered outside the high school for lunch. Kakuzu watched them uninterestedly, and Hidan picked out his next sacrifices. Hidan then realised something.
"Hey! What do these vampires look like!?"
Kakuzu went through his bag, pulling out an Official Twilight Film Photoshoot booklet. He pointed at page 12.
"Edward Cullen, our target."
Hidan nodded. "What 'bout the girl?"
Page 16.
"Her."
"Hmm. Wasn't she in Catch That Kid?"
Kakuzu shrugged.
"Hang on! Go back to Cullen!"
Flick Flick Flick.
Hidan snatched the booklet from him, inclining his head as if trying to remember something. Tick Tock Tick Tock, went the cogs in his brain.
"What the hell!? Cedric Diggory!?"
"Who?"
Hidan looked extremely confused. "This guy is a wizard, not some sparkling heathen-" he was interrupted as Kakuzu grabbed his arm and pulled; there was a BANG! And the tree had been struck so fast that it sported a clean cut, although it still stood enough to balance. The attack was so swift and blurry that Hidan didn't even notice the chakra signature.
As he moved to the opposite side of the street, he realised that they had no chakra within them. Where was all that power coming from?
The person that attacked them was tall, burly, although young. While Kakuzu took off his cloak to fight, Hidan went through The Offical Twilight Film Photoshoot and spotted this stranger on page 25.
He looked once at the now named Emmett Cullen, to the book, and back to Emmett.
"I've never seen you before." Hidan was interested. This guy was strong – he would put up a hell of a fight.
"I'm not here to fight." Emmett said. "What are you doing here?"
Kakuzu took a step forward. "We are here on orders to meet with Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. "
"Why?"
"Orders."
"Who is your leader?"
"Oh-My-God will you stop asking questions?" Hidan rolled his eyes. "Look, just show us where Cedric and his girlfriend are."
"How do you know about us?" Emmett ignored Hidan's griping. "Why are you here, and what do you want with Edward and Bella?"
Kakuzu showed him the battered Twilight book. Emmett blinked once.
"What's that got to do with it?"
Kakuzu glowered, getting angry. "We need to fight him. Face to face. Immortal vs. Immortals."
"And what do you want with Bella?"
Hidan spoke before Kakuzu did. "Not really anything... It's just that Leader-dude says we have to meet our match. Expect a massacre and stuff like that. You see, I haven't had a proper fight in ages. "
"So you are vampires?"
"Wha – Does it look like I fucking sparkle!?"
It was cloudy, so Emmett wasn't sure. "I will be back. Stay."
"They are not vampires," Emmett spoke to Edward's head. "They merely want a fight. 'Immortal vs. Immortals,' the masked one said."
Edward nodded and relayed the information to Rosalie and Alice.
"They also said to expect a massacre."
Bella was talking to Jacob on the phone when suddenly Edward appeared out of nowhere. Hidan and Kakuzu had managed to find Bella's residence through the Police Station, where her father was chief.
"Move!"
Bella's phone was knocked out of her hand as an explosion ripped through the house. Edward grabbed her and moved quickly.
"How dare you go near Bella," Edward said to the figures in the smoke. The smoke cleared, and two men, one topless and holding a scythe, the other with stitches sewn into his body. The topless one had a smirk on his face, while his companion did not have much of an expression. By quickly going through their minds Edward learned their names were Hidan and Kakuzu – and they were not vampires!
According to the source he has marble skin... maybe Iron Fist? Or a fire technique... the one called Kakuzu was thinking.
In Hidan's mind:
It's Cedric!
"Why... does everyone think I am Cedric?" Edward's eyes flashed, and he pulled Bella closer to his chest.
Hidan scratched his head. "You look like him-" he said. Then his facial expression changed to a 'what the fuck?' look. "Wait, how – huh-?"
"You should have researched him before you picked a fight with him," said Kakuzu.
"Uh, no... we were only given this mission-"
"Well why don't you do something productive in your miserable life and read a damn book besides your stupid bible-"
"It isn't stupid, asshole!"
Immersed in bickering, Hidan failed to realise that Edward had disappeared, and he was now staring at a smoking lounge chair. Kakuzu had also disappeared, running after Edward. He had left Bella behind.
She stared at him.
He stared back.
"See ya!"
Hidan tore after Edward by tracking Kakuzu's chakra. In no time he had caught up.
Kakuzu aimed, and fire engulfed the street. Edward barely missed it.
Damn. He knows my weak spot.
Meanwhile in Akatsukiland
(e.g Amegakure).
Pein was watching the fight from afar. There wasn't a scratch yet on Edward, Kakuzu or Hidan. All three were fighting. Who would be the top immortal in the end?
Pein switched to AnimalRealm!vision – she was crouching by a bush, watching, as Alice took Bella from her home and called on all vampires to come and battle these two immortals.
Pein stared.
"Konan."
"Yes, Nagato?" Konan looked up from her paper crane.
"Summarise Breaking Dawn for me."
"Well," she said, putting on her glasses and reading for the volume, which, like the first book was quite battered, "Edward and Bella have sex, they have a baby, Jacob imprints on said baby, and there's something about the Volturi disagreeing with the fact there's a hybrid around. So they gather a lot of vampire clans – "
"How powerful are the Volturi?"
"Very."
Pein's eyes flashed.
"Get Tobi and Deidara."
Note:
Thanks to my beta reader the awesome Exwhyzed!
Also if I get anything wrong don't bother telling cause I'm too lazy to fix it. :P