A/N: Completely random, hit me in the middle of a walk, raced home to get it down. Reviews always appreciated, and I hope you enjoy. Slight Dragon Age appearance and Bethany cameo. Hawke mentioned. Also, I haven't played Arrival- I just know 300 000 batarians died.
Disclaimer: I own only Death. And you're safe for now; he's too busy checking in Shepard's casualties ;)
Checking In, Checking Out
Death had a quota to meet.
Normally he had trouble reaching it and had to strike a few guiltless souls down for his own sake, for which he was sorry; but these days he had trouble getting through the number of souls lined up at his door.
On the bright side, most of them were guilty. He didn't like admitting the guiltless into the afterlife. If he had to, he gave them the nicest rooms he could.
A commotion outside drew his notice. They were shouting again. He sighed and buried his head in his hands.
"Shut them up!" he shouted to the bouncer. "Tell them I'm getting there!"
"I'm trying!" the frustrated reply came. This one was the most capable he'd ever had; still, 300 000 batarians were hard to contain.
He thrust a keycard at the guiltless batarian before him and directed his goons to haul him to his room so he could get on with the next one.
The commotion grew louder.
"I told you to shut them up!" he shouted again.
"Why don't you try, sir?" came the snide reply. This one had been military; he'd not been able to break her habit of calling him 'sir'. More to the point, he hadn't been able to stop her giving him lip.
He didn't grace her with a reply.
The enraged shouts became distinct now.
"Stop pushing in!" an indignant batarian squawked. "We've been waiting longer than you."
"I've got an appointment to keep," a cocky drawl replied and his heart sank.
Her.
She was the reason he could barely keep up with the souls flocking in. Normally she didn't send him souls in this number; but she sent him enough.
"Get back in line," he snarled at her as she pushed his door open. Where was his bouncer when he needed her? "Williams! Get this trash out of my office!" He heard her muffled laughter and ground his teeth together. Traitor.
"Sorry, buddy," Shepard said with a grin. "Just gotta check out."
"You haven't even checked in yet," a Cerberus goon mumbled. He kept some of them as his thugs; the rest he sent back. They always returned quickly. Shepard loved pushing them back onto him.
To her, it was a game.
"It's... Guy, isn't it? The one who keeps screaming 'I will destroy you'?" she asked.
"Bob."
"Excuse me?"
"My name is Bob. He's Guy." He pointed to an identical goon.
"Eh, you're all the same anyway." She turned back to Death and slung herself comfortably into the chair opposite his desk. "Look, just check me out, alright?"
"You stayed once." He crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly. "For two years. My workload went down. What if I don't send you back?"
"We both know what's going to happen here," she said confidently and Death sighed. He did know. Still, he refused to send her back only to be saddled with a hundred more people banging at his front door.
"Er... Death?" a quiet voice said and he turned to see the black haired girl he had hired as his secretary at the Thedas building. "My sister sent more up."
"You deal with them, Bethany."
"Yes, ser." She trotted quietly off and he rubbed his forehead in frustration. Between Shepard and Hawke he never got a moment's peace. I hate this job.
"Shepard. I'm not going to send you back so you can..." but his console was blinking and working all by itself. Oh, joy of joys. RELOAD it announced in large red letters, and he swore it too was laughing at him.
"I will keep you here one day!" he promised as she vanished from his chair laughing. "I hate reloads," he muttered. "Send the next one through, Williams."
The stunned batarian appeared before him spluttering in surprise and he swiped the card through, thrusting it in his face.
"Next!"