Hey! It's been a while since I've written a Regular Show oneshot! I've been focusing on 'It Runs in the Family' and 'Pirates: Band of Misfits' oneshots lately, so this should be fun. I have no idea how my brain thought of this. I was just laying in bed, thinking about that scene from 'The Iron Giant' where Hogarth is talking super fast because Keith let him drink coffee and then... this happened. Lol.
Anyway, hope you enjoy!
A frustrated groan echoed through the halls of the old high school, but the students ignored it. They had heard it many times before, especially at this time of the year.
"Man! What's the point of finals? It's just more crap for us to do!" the seventeen year old raccoon shouted, "Huge tests, giant projects, it's insane!"
Mordecai, a seventeen year old bluejay and the raccoon's best friend, "Come on Rigby, they're not that bed. And besides," he gave a smile, "this year's the last year we have to take finals!"
The two raised their arms and gave a hearty "Ohhhhh!" and then laughed. "Hey!" shouted a teacher, "Keep it down you two!" The duo quickly quieted down, just because they didn't want to get detention and have to stay at the prison known as 'High School' a minute longer than they had to.
"So, what do you have to study for," Mordecai asked as the two continued walking down the hall, "I've got Calculus and Chemistry. What about you?"
"Spanish and Social Studies," Rigby replied with another groan, "Sooo boriiiiing!"
The double doors opened, and the two were practically bowled over by the harsh winter wind. This month were the winter finals, and then in May (or June if the weather stayed bad) they would take spring finals. "Man, if I didn't have school, I'd be home by now eating a microwaved burrito and playing video games. I'm thinking about just dropping out of school all together."
"What? Dude, don't drop out," Mordecai said, "Number one, you're almost done with school, and number two, if you drop out, how are you gonna get a job?"
"I'll find something," Rigby said.
"Ha, yeah, drive thru or cashier?"
"STOP TALKIIIING!"
"Hey guys!" The two turned to see a taller raccoon standing next to a red car, cleaned off and giving an aura of warmth. "It's all warmed up for you!" Don called. Despite being two years younger than Rigby, his mom still trusted Don with driving himself and his brother to and from school. Mordecai gave a friendly wave while Rigby just rolled his eyes.
The three got into the warm car, and Don drove out of the parking lot. "So, how's the studying going, bro?" Don asked.
"How's the studying going, bro?" Rigby repeated in a whiny voice. Mordecai quickly punched him in the arm. "Owww!"
"It's going great, Don," Mordecai replied, ignoring the glare the smaller raccoon was giving him. The rest of the trip was okay, just talking about the latest band or the newest game coming out. When they arrived at Mordecai's house, Don gave him some 'sugar' and then dropped him off. When the two brothers got home, a warm plate of Christmas cookies was waiting for them.
"Thanks Mom!" both brothers said as they took a couple cookies each. While Don went to his room, Rigby went straight for the couch. Grinning, he picked up and controller and prepared to press the 'ON' button on his Sega system when he heard his mother's voice.
"Ah ah ah, Rigby," his mom said, "You know the rules. On finals week, studying first and then video games."
"Oh come on Mom!" Rigby complained, "Just let me play a little! Studying is so boring!"
"I know it is sweetie, but you still have to do it," his mom said in a sweet voice, "I just want my little Rigby to succeed and be happy." With that, she wrapped her arms around him in a warm hug. But her son quickly squirmed his way out. "Mom! Quit it! Why am I the only normal one in this family?" Rigby shouted as he stomped off to his room. His mother just giggled at him.
Studying proved to be a task nearly impossible for the young raccoon. Rigby found himself getting distracted by everything. From the snow falling outside, to the soft music coming from the radio in his brother's room, to his pencil when he tried to see how long he could balance it on his nose.
Before he knew it, the sun had set and it was supper time. Two and a half hours, and Rigby thought he probably knew even less than he did before. As soon as he was finished eating, he ran to the phone and pressed the '5' button. *Ring! Ring! Ring! Ri-!* "Hello?"
"Help me study!"
"Rigby?" Mordecai said, "Dude, haven't you been studying by yourself?"
"I try to but I can't concentrate! Please help me dude! You can sleepover!"
"Dude..." Mordecai said, clearly sounding annoyed.
"I'll make you a deal," Rigby said quickly, "You come over and help me study, tomorrow morning I'll let you have the first batch of pancakes."
"Your mom's homemade blueberry pancakes?"
"Yep."
"... I'll be right over."
Rigby fistpumped. "YES! YES! YES! Thank you so much, dude!"
"Yeah yeah, just remember this tomorrow morning."
()()()()()()()
"Hello Mordy!" Rigby's mother greeted as she opened the door.
"Hey Mrs. S," Mordecai replied with a smile. With a sleeping bag in his arms, a plastic bag in his hand, and a backpack on his back, the bluejay walked inside. He gave Don some sugar, and then walked into his best friend's room.
Rigby's room actually wasn't too bad. It was a pretty good size. The floors were covered with grey carpet, and the walls were painted brown and covered with posters of bands and video game characters. There was a small stereo in the corner, the bed was unmade, and there were a couple wrappers on the floor, but other than that it was a pretty clean room. "Hey Dude," Mordecai said, "I brought my stuff too so I can study a little bit more in the morning. The Calculus test is supposed to be intense."
"Okay, cool." The bluejay sat down on the floor and laid out his sleeping bag. Rigby noticed that along with his backpack, Mordecai had brought a plastic bag. "What's in there?"
"Oh, I bought a coffee on the way here," Mordecai answered, holding up the styrofoam cup, "and it came with a couple free bagels."
"You drink coffee?" Rigby asked, a little surprised.
"How else do you think I stay up half the night?" Mordecai replied, "you don't drink coffee?"
"No. Mom never buys it." An adult that didn't drink coffee AND had to deal with Rigby? Now that was hardcore. "Can I try some?"
"Eh, no," Mordecai said, earning a glare from the raccoon, "if it's your first time drinking it, it's probably not a good idea to try during finals week. You have a hard enough time trying to concentrate without drinking it."
"Hm hm, fine." With that, the raccoon grabbed his Spanish book.
()()()()()()()()()
To say the night went as slow as a boring documentary was an understatement.
Rigby just wasn't getting it. He would stare at a page for fifteen minutes, but it would never sink in. Most of the time, he wasn't even looking at the words, he was just spacing out. When it was time to be quizzed, Rigby would always fail. Half an hour turned to an hour, an hour turned to two. It was almost midnight by the time Mordecai had to stop.
"Dude, you have to concentrate," he said.
"I can't!" Rigby moaned, "Studying's boring enough, but my mom's food and the fact that it's dark outside made me tired."
"I thought raccoons were nocturnal."
"Yeah, and I thought bluejays could fly." A textbook fell on his back. "Oww!"
"Come on dude, just learn this one vocabulary page and we can go to bed," Mordecai said, "At least then you've got a fifth of the test down. Okay? ...Rigby?" The raccoon was fast asleep, even with the textbook still sitting on his back.
Mordecai rolled his eyes. It would've been easy to just let his friend sleep and go to bed himself. But, he just couldn't. Rigby might have been lazy and a total lost cause when it came to studying, but he was still his best friend. He had to help him.
Going to the kitchen, he heated up the coffee and poured a little more than half of it into a cup. "Drink," he said, holding it up to the raccoon's nose.
"Huh?" Rigby said, his nose twitching over the heat of the coffee, "Coffee?"
"Yeah, just drink this and study a little bit more, then we'll go to bed, okay?" Mordecai said.
"Yeah, okay." Sitting up, Rigby took the glass and slowly sipped the coffee. The taste was different than Rigby expected. It was bitter and hot, but the after taste wasn't too bad. It traveled down his throat, and warmed his body up. His brain felt all tingly, and his eyes slowly widened. By the time he finished the drink, he was wide awake.
"Okay dude," said Mordecai, "Ready to study?"
"Yeah, yeah! I'm ready!" Rigby replied. He took the book and looked at the page. His eyes darted from word to word, and yet he remembered all of them. His eyes were going so fast, he couldn't space out. By the time it was time to be quizzed, he had read the vocabulary list over a dozen times.
"Wow dude! You got them all right!" Mordecai said, smiling, "I should have given you coffee a long time ago."
"Yeah, coffee's awesome!" Rigby replied, smiling happily. "I'm so energized! I bet I could even get to level three of 'Karate Choppers!'. Come on dude, let's play!"
"Uh, maybe tomorrow," Mordecai said, "I'm tired."
"Alright, go to bed, but I'm gonna play some well deserved vid-e-o-gaaaames!" Rigby shouted before running into the living room. Mordecai chuckled a little.
"He'll crash soon enough," he thought, getting into his sleeping bag, "At least now he knows some of the vocabulary." Closing his eyes, the bluejay fell into a deep sleep.
()()()()()()()()
"ComeonMordecai! Wakeupwakeupwakeup!"
"H-Huh? What?" Mordecai sat up and rubbed his eye. "Rigby?"
"Yeahdudeyeah!" he heard the raccoon reply. Opening his eyes, he saw Rigby standing right in front of him. His pupils were small, practically dots. His hands and tail were twitching and he looked like he couldn't stop smiling.
"Rigby! What's wrong with you?" Mordecai asked, "Did you drink more coffee?"
"Yeah! , ! Didyouknowtheymakecoffeethere? ! , I'mSOWIDEAWAKE!"
Mordecai blinked. "Dude, slow down I can barely-, wait. Did you say nine cups?"
"Yeah! Comeondude, breakfastisonthetable! Ialreadyhadbagelsforbreakfast. , THREE TIMES!"
"Wait, what about three?" But Mordecai never got his answer, because the raccoon ran out of the room before he could even hear the question.
Mordecai and Don were forced to eat their breakfast quickly since Rigby wouldn't sit still for half a minute. As soon as they were outside, Rigby ran over to Don. "Heybro! I'llraceyourcartoschool! READYSETGO!" With that, Rigby shot off like a rocket down the street.
Don let out a small laugh. "Well, someone's in a good mood," he commented.
"Yeah, that's one word for it," replied Mordecai.
Mordecai's calculus test went pretty well, as did his chemistry test. He was proud of himself. Up next was English, the last class of the day and a class he had with Rigby. Their final in that class wasn't until tomorrow.
"Hey dude," Mordecai said when he walked inside the classroom, thinking his friend was a little more calm. But judging by his messy brown hair and shaking body, that wasn't the case. "Uhhh."
"HEYMORDECAI!" Rigby shouted, "!" So that's why he wasn't at lunch. Mordecai had just thought his friend had finally crashed from his caffeine rush and fell asleep somewhere.
"Dude, I think maybe you should cut down on the coffee," Mordecai said, "you're super hyper, and you can't stop shaking... or screaming."
"NONSENSE! ! I'MNEVERGONNASTOPDRINKINGCOFFEE!"
"Mr. Saylers!" Both best friends looked up at the front of the room where their teacher was glaring at them. "Stop yelling, and take a seat."
"!" Rigby shouted.
Ms. Jensen glared at the raccoon, but decided to ignore him. She pushed her glasses up a little and looked at the rest of the class. "I thought since tomorrow was our final test of the semester, we would do a little quiz today. So, name three pieces written by Sir Edgar Allen-"
"POE! THERAVEN,THETELLTALEHEART, ANDTHEPITANDTHEPENDULUM!" Rigby shouted.
He earned another glare from the teacher. "Mr. Saylers," she started to say, but he never gave her a chance to finish. He just kept shouting out random authors and their works. Finally, Ms. Jensen had had enough. "Leave this room at once!" she shouted, pointing at the door.
"O-KAY!" With that, Rigby ran out the door, practically knocking it off it's hinges. Mordecai sighed. "Great," he said. A hyperactive, coffee filled raccoon running all over the city unsupervised. Who knew what could happen? Since he couldn't just skip class (his dad would personally kill him) Mordecai was forced to sit in the classroom and pay attention.
But as soon as the bell rang, he ran out the door, not caring about what the teacher yelled at him or who he accidentally pushed. He just had to find his friend before he did something really stupid.
()()()()()()()()
Of course, the coffee shop. Mordecai had followed his friend's footsteps all the way to this old yellow building. A small set of stairs led to the front door where a black sign shaped like a coffee cup hung above it. Mordecai quickly ran inside.
The place was deserted, except for a middle aged guy working at the counter, a buff looking guy in a brown overcoat and a hat, and of course, a seventeen year old raccoon that was chugging coffees like there was no tomorrow.
"Rigby!" The raccoon, looking horrible and slightly insane, turned to look at his friend. Before Rigby could even say a word, Mordecai grabbed the coffee cup.
"HEY!" Rigby shouted as if he was a mother bear who just had her cubs taken away. He growled and tried to grab the cup, but Mordecai held it high above his head.
"No dude, enough is enough," he said, "Come on! Quit it!"
Rigby just kept growling. He punched Mordecai over and over, but of course it had no effect. So, he headbutted the bluejay right in the gut. Mordecai groaned and instinctively, his arms went down told hold his stomach. Rigby snatched the coffee cup and ran over to the center of the room.
"Rigby! Stop!" Mordecai shouted.
"NEVEEEEEEER!" With that, Rigby chugged the last of the coffee in the cup, and then disappeared. But it wasn't like he disappeared in a flash or something like that. It was like watching an old tv, where the picture is clear but then it starts getting all fragmented and you can't even see the people on the screen, and then finally, the screen just goes black.
"Rigby? Rigby!" Mordecai shouted, hoping to hear a yell or a reply, "Where did you go!"
"He didn't go anywhere," replied a voice, old and raspy yet still strong sounding. Sitting at the counter, the man in the brown coat and hat turned to look at Mordecai. This guy was huge, with tons of muscle. His face was old and surrounded by white hair. It was almost ape-like, but it was hard for Mordecai to tell because of the hat shading the guy's face. Surprisingly, Mordecai wasn't scared.
"What do you mean he didn't go anywhere?" Mordecai asked.
"He's still here, he's just moving too fast to see," the man replied, "All the coffee in his system made him practically invisible to people who haven't drank any coffee lately."
"So, if I want to see him, I have to drink just as much as Rigby?" Mordecai asked. The man nodded. "But that'll take forever! He's probably drank over a dozen cups!"
The man didn't say anything. Instead, he turned to the employee. "One Quadrupal Coffee Blast for my friend here," he said, "I'm buying."
"Coming right up!"
Mordecai blinked. "Wow, thanks dude," he said gratefully.
"No problem kid," the man replied. The coffee was ready after five minutes. Taking the giant cup in his hands, Mordecai took a deep breath and put the cup up to his lips. No matter how hot it was or how full he was getting, Mordecai kept drinking. By the time he was almost finished, he couldn't stop shaking.
"Just! Alittle! MORE!" Lifting the cup, he chugged the last little bit of brown liquid. The area disappearing around him, Mordecai watched the surroundings change.
The Coffee shop never changed, but instead of filled with color and light, it became dimmer and had a sepia tone now. Coffee beans of all sizes floated around him. "What the..." Mordecai said, feeling back to normal. He tried to move, but it felt like swimming through syrup. "What is this place?"
"It is the realm of the Hot Drinks," said a voice. It came from one of the larger coffee beans, talking as if it had a mouth.
"Everything is so slow here because we're moving so fast," said another bean.
"Well, how do I get out of here?" Mordecai asked.
"You'll have to find something to counteract the coffee," said the first coffee bean, "Try some jasmine tea."
"But I though this was just for coffee," Mordecai said.
"Um, hello, this is the realm of the hot drinks," said the second coffee bean, "Sure, coffee is dominant here, but we have other hot drinks here too. Look, there goes Hot Cocoa." Hot cocoa in a Christmas themed mug floated by and waved hello at them.
'This place is so weird,' Mordecai though, 'I've gotta find Rigby and get out of here.'
"If you wish to leave this place, you must hurry," said the first coffee bean, "after all, you are what you drink." Hearing this, Mordecai looked at the tips of his fingers. They were turning a caramel brown. He let out a surprsied yell. If he and Rigby didn't get out soon, they would just be a puddle of coffee, or maybe they would turn into coffee beans like these guys.
The bluejay quickly floated past the coffee beans and the espresso drinks. Every minute or so, he would call out Rigby's name, but never got a response. Finally, at the twelvth try, he heard a familiar voice. "Dude! I'm over here!"
Mordecai floated towards the voice, and found Rigby, who was practically blending with the brown background. His hands and feet, as well as the tips of his ears and tail were a darker brown. "Rigby!"
"Dude, I've been floating around this place for like five minutes. What the heck is going on?" Rigby asked.
"What happened is that you drank too much coffee and got us into this mess!" Mordecai shouted, "I mean, who drinks over a dozen cups of coffee in less than twelve hours!"
"It's not my fault!" Rigby shouted back, "You're the one who gave me coffee in the first place!"
"I was trying to help you stay awake!" Mordecai argued, "I can't help it if you couldn't handle it or that you suck at studying!" Rigby's face flashed a look of hurt, before it switched back to anger.
"Just shut up!" He turned away from his best friend. Mordecai looked at him, the pieces slowly starting to come together.
"Wait, did you do this so you wouldn't fail your finals?" Mordecai asked. Rigby didn't answer, but he almost didn't need to.
"I know I suck at studying, and school, and all that math crap," Rigby said, "But when I had coffee, it made me awake enough to pay attention, so I kept drinking it."
"But then you had so much that you didn't even care about grades," Mordecai added, "I mean, you ran out of class like the room was on fire."
"Hm, yeah," the raccoon mumbled, "Maybe I did go a little crazy."
Mordecai placed a hand on Rigby's shoulder. "Yeah, but it was a little my fault too. And besides," Mordecai gave him a smile, "You may not be the best at school, but you are good at a lot of other things. So don't be too hard on yourself, okay?"
Rigby smiled a little. "Yeah, okay. Thanks bro."
"No problem," Mordecai replied, "Now let's find some tea to calm us down and get out of here before we turn into coffee beans." Mordecai looked at his fingers. They were almost completely brown now.
The two friends started floating as fast as they could. They saw cocoa, hot chocolate, espressos, mochalates, coffee, coffee beans, and even small piles of whipped cream and caramel. "Geesh, how hard is it to find some tea?" Rigby said, getting frustrated.
"Wait," said Mordecai, stopping his friend, "I think...Yes! Over there!" Mordecai pointed across from them about ten feet away. There, floating in midair, were two filled tea cups with a tea bag hanging off the side.
"Yes!" "Let's go dude!" The two started floating towards it, but as they did, they heard a voice.
"No... Stay...Stay!" A round figure floated down in front of them.
"Whoa, dude, what the heck is that?" Mordecai asked.
"What makes you think I know!" Rigby shouted back.
The figure revealed itself. It was a giant coffee bean, but unlike the others it had a face. It looked like a cross between a coffee bean and a sumo wrestler. "You will be coffee," he said before trying to make a grab for the two friends. They dodged, but just barely.
"Whoa, this one's a lot faster than the others," Mordecai commented.
"I know," Rigby agreed, "What should we do?" As he spoke, Mordecai noticed the Rigby was still getting darker and was a bit rounder.
"Okay, okay," Mordecai said, trying to think, "Okay! I think I've got it. But I'm going to need your help, dude."
"What do you need me to do?" Rigby asked. Not saying a word, Mordecai picked up the raccoon bean and held him high above his head. "Hey! What the-!"
"Just trust me!" Putting all his strength into it, Mordecai hurled Rigby over the coffee bean's head. Rigby was able to clear it, since Mordecai's throw gave him extra speed and because the beans arms were so short.
Seeing the tea cups in reach, Rigby stretched out his arms. "Look out, dude!" he heard Mordecai shout. He glanced back and saw the bean coming towards him. Feeling like he was literally flying slow motion, Rigby stretched as far as he could. With a small kick of his legs and a push from his tail, Rigby missed the bean's reach by just an inch.
He grabbed the coffee cups and landed without spilling a single drop. "Yes!" he shouted. The bean glared at him. "Uh oh." Mordecai (who had been running this whole time to catch up with the bean) jumped and landed on the bean's back before it could get up.
"Hurry! Hand me the cup!" "Okay okay!" Rigby handed Mordecai one of the cups, and the two drank every last drop of the tea.
The background of the realm began to change. They could see fragments of the old coffee shop, the sepia tone starting to fade away. For a moment, even though they had been floating, the two felt weightless.
... And then they crashed to the cold floor of the coffee shop a moment later. "Ughh," they groaned.
"You two okay?" The two looked up at the man in the coat. Getting a better look now, Mordecai could now see that he had a human-ape like face, like a gorilla or a yeti.
"Yeah, we're good," Mordecai said, picking himself off the floor, "just a little tired."
"A little? I feel like I could sleep for a week," Rigby mumbled.
"Well, you did stay up all night and ran everywhere," Mordecai reminded him. He then turned to the man in the coat. "Thanks dude."
The man smiled. "Like I said, no problem," he replied, "just try to stay out of trouble okay?" With that, he skipped ('Weird,' they thought before looking away) to the door, only stopping to hold it open for another student.
"Maybe I'll only stick to one cup per day," Rigby said to Mordecai, having learned his lesson.
"Speak for yourself," Mordecai replied, "I had to drink a dozen cups worth of coffee in one sitting. I don't think I'll need to drink any for the next two years!"
"Um, excuse me." Mordecai realized he was in the way.
"Oh, I'm sor-" The bluejay froze. Standing in front of him was another high school student who was also a bird. She was wearing a yellow coat and blue jeans. She had scarlet feathers, with little snowflakes sprinkled on them making it look like she was sparkling.
In a word: Amazing.
"S-Sorry," Mordecai managed to spit out as he moved to the side.
"It's cool," the girl said with a smile before walking up to the counter.
"Margaret! You're late!" the man, who was probably her manager, said to her.
"I know, I'm sorry!" Margaret replied as she took off her coat, "I got caught in the snow, but I promise it won't happen again."
Margaret. The name echoed throughout Mordecai's head as he stared at her. "Mordecai? Hello, dude! Are you back in that coffee place again? Snap out of it!"
"Huh?" Mordecai said, "Oh it's nothing." He smiled. "But I guess I can still drink a little coffee."
Phew! Done! This was fun to write, but it was so long. I couldn't even finish it at home, I had to finish it at school (I'm at study hall right now) but it was still fun. Please review, and have a nice day! :D