Title: Faded Dream
Author: Ivonne
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill, I just borrowed Nathan for a bit, even though I really do wish I could have kept him longer…
Genre: Angst baby
Type: Ficlet, one partner
AN: Well these are basically my thoughts of what Nathan was thinking in the episode of A Hero Dies in this One. The only thing that is different is the lights, you'll understand later…
AN2: I know that I still have to update PL and TSE my friends, but I really wanted to write this before tomorrow's episode. Though my friends do keep in mind that I am currently in the midst of writing both updates, I already have typed PL, but I still need to finish typing up TSE and then I need to revise them. But remember that they take a long time to revise so I couldn't not exactly tell you when the updates are going to come, but just know that I am writing them now.
AN3: So many damn author's notes huh? LOL. Well I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day, even though I think that it is a dumb Hallmark Card Holiday but whatever, blame it on my lonely heart. Just a special angst treat for you all and BTW, I know that I have a couple of run-ons I just couldn't change them... And please review my loves, you know that I love them :)

"True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away."
-Alicia Barnhart
"Yes…" Haley's voice replied to the question that had been bothering me for days.

Her soft reply pierced through me. I knew that I was right. Ever since I had asked her the same question at school, I understood that something was odd about the way she answered it. She responded too quickly.

Her eyes did not hold onto my gaze.

Since the little amount of time that I have known Haley I had come to recognize every single part about her. I knew how her eyes grew wide when she was surprised or excited, how she played around with her sleeves when she was nervous, how she took deep breaths when she was annoyed, but most of all, how her intent stare held onto mine when she spoke to me.

I never thought that the day would come when the person I loved would leave me for another. While I heard her ramble I continued to nod and watch her, I knew that she had already made her decision. Her tone of voice was vivid as it was when she had her mind set.

I knew it was true. I couldn't see her go, I had to get out.

"Haley listen…" I heard myself tell her. "If you wanna go, you should go," I added as I paused for a bit. "If you do…" my tone continued as I stepped backwards. "We're done," I finished as I sent her one final look, turned around, and left.

Now, I walked on the dock after storming out of our apartment. My heavy footsteps hit the bricked pavement, picking up some of the water from the light rain that fell earlier that night. I breathed in some cold air as I shoved my hands into my pockets for warmth. Thoughts and emotions pulsed through me as I kept on sauntering.

Farther away from the apartment we shared and unknowingly closer to something important...

It hurt me the most that she didn't ask me to come with her. Through all her blathering and making up an excuse for her unfaithful actions her mind didn't even think up of options or alternatives of her going with Chris.

Her being known for her intelligence…

The name brought bitterness and fury through me.

As I continued to think, my eyes caught sight of a familiar table. My blue gaze observed the place where everything started.

It was the place where I had given the reluctant Haley the pink bracelet and we began our loving journey together.

I thought back to that radiant day.

Flashback

I opened up the box of Cracker Jacks and looked inside for the gift.

"Oh please let it be a cheat sheet," I said out loud as I rip open the bag.

I pull out a pink bracelet and look up at Haley.

"It's for you," I tell her.

"Nathan…" I already hear her protest.

"Come on…" I told her as I took her hand and slipped the bracelet on her wrist anyway.

A perfect fit.

I begin to smirk.

"Don't say that I never gave you anything," I declared as I looked into her soft features and saw them irritated by actions.

End of Flashback

That day was a bright day.

Swiftly, an overwhelming feeling to go back home to Haley throbbed inside of me.

I knew that I had to fight back.

I had made a mistake and I needed to apologize to Haley for my ruthless words.

My feet caught speed as I turned back around and ran, putting all my years of training to the test.

Running like never before…

I ran past the table, through the dock, beyond the bricked sidewalk, past the no walking sign on the traffic light, and through everything that wasn't my home with the one person that I truly loved.

To the one person that had lied to me, but whom my heart still yearned for.

After minutes of running without stopping I reached my destination. The light that illuminated our welcoming entrance flashed on and off, but I ignored it. I opened the door and stormed inside. My throat burned from the continuous jog and I heavily exhaled and tried to catch my breath. All of the sudden, I saw a shadow in our bedroom and I started to smile.

She still hadn't left. I didn't know exactly what I was going to tell her, but I knew that I needed to apologize to her and tell her that I didn't mean to end our relationship if she decided to go with Michelle.

Then, my heart dropped. Instead of seeing the petite form with auburn hair and immense brown eyes and toned skin of my wife, I stared into the shadowy pools and blonde hair of the distinct woman that was her sister.

Who were both opposites of each other…

"I'm sorry Nathan," she said. "She's gone," she stated softly.

As I looked down in surrender, my eyes caught sight of it. The first thing I had given to her and she cherished since the beginning. The bracelet sat pleasantly on the lamp table.

My heart broke as I picked it up.

Without another word from Taylor, she picked up her suitcase, gave me one last look, and left.

Sympathy and sadness present in her eyes...

Newfound anger pulsed throughout me as I heard the door slowly shut behind me. It was the wrong James that had just been here. She wasn't the one that I had exchanged vowels with and loved.

She wasn't Haley James Scott.

I was fuming.

I threw the bracelet back on the table and didn't watch as it fell onto the floor behind me. I marched to the mural that Peyton and the rest of our friends made for us at our weeding party. It was the perfect gift for us.

Naley forever…

I observed the pictures of our friends smiling at our happiness. Then, I glanced at the baby faces of Haley and me; we were both beaming.

I turned around and observed the keyboard that I had given to her as a gift.

I pushed her to follow and do what she always dreamed of.

Telling her to pursue a singing career…

I pushed her to leave me.

All the anger from Chris entering Haley's life, her lack of interest from the significant bracelet, her disloyalty from my faithful trust, her ignorance for not thinking of alternatives to her leaving me for Michelle Branch, her selfish changes of wanting to be famous without me, but with Chris caused me to do the worst. I grabbed the keyboard that we had saved up for and threw it against the wall where the mural of our weeding stood.

What enraged me the most were Chris' correct words that he spoke to me earlier that night.

"What if that's (love) not enough?"

Both boards broke in half at my dominant wrath. I watched as both pieces fell from the wall, hit the items that were on the table, and fell onto the floor with a loud thud.

I took a large breath and sat down on the chair beside me.

Unexpectedly, the lamp beside me started to flash like the one outside. The blinking caught my gaze and I got up, reached over to the lamp, and adjusted it with my annoyance. The broken flashing ceased as I tightened the bulb, illuminating the room once more. I pulled away and dropped my weight again onto the chair.

I had felt defeated. I had given 110 percent to this relationship and all I was able to feel was a sense of deception from her infidelity and departure.

I brought my head back and allowed my dream to take over.

I was at the bus station breathless from the run from my apartment. I could still visibly see the auburn hair of Haley and I began to smile in delight. I started to jog over to where she stood, but then my feet halted. I saw Chris come out of the bus, tell something to Haley, she smiled back, and got on the bus without looking back.

The vision of her running into my arms vanishing…

I screamed out her name and started to run towards the bus. Slowly my feet stopped moving and I stood in the middle of the road, gasping for air.

It was too late, she was gone.

I watched as the bus pulled out and began to drive away.

Away from my deceived form…

A sense of loneliness filled inside of me as I opened my eyes and noticed the beige walls of what used to be our apartment.

At first, I blamed myself for not giving Haley all she wanted, but in the end, I realized that I couldn't give her everything she dreamed of.

I couldn't give her the stardom I observed her crave earlier in the club.

I knew that it wasn't his entire fault either.

I closed my eyes and enclosed my hands.

The bulbs burned out.

It started to rain.

I sat on my chair trying to change my thoughts of running after Haley and catch her on time before she left, but I knew that I couldn't do anything.

I knew that the only thing I would be chasing would be nothing but a faded dream.

When I look into your eyes, I see somebody who I used to know. But now, they're just fading moments of a memory.

-Anonymous