Like that one Christmas in 221B surrounded by people he loved and loved him except there was nothing to celebrate this time. This time it was to say goodbye.
His friends, his family.
He would miss Lestrade and he didn't know of whether to scoff at the thought or cry. He would miss Mrs. Hudson and her tea and biscuits he would miss her so much. And then there was John. Oh, John. He would miss seeing John become a father, he would miss Mary and their beautiful child. He was sure the child would be beautiful with parents like his friends, Sherlock would have adored that child.
He would miss everyone and he was frustrated at the realization that he would miss so much of them.
He was surrounded by his loved ones, Lestrade, Mrs Hudson, John and Mary. They had drinks and food and the room was too cheerful for him.
They all looked too happy as he played his violin.
"Hello, everyone." her voice echoed in his head and he turned swiftly from the window just as he finished.
Molly Hooper.
There was no role of the eyes or a sarcastic biting remark from him this time there was only warmth in Sherlock Holmes' eyes.
Molly Hooper with her horribly knitted Christmas jumper and her tightly tied wine hair with no signs of lipstick, Molly Hooper and her bright clothing, Molly Hooper and that pained smile on her face.
"Welcome, Molly."
He had stolen her gaze once again like he always did before and she felt her chest sink. He had told her before he had invited her that he would be gone and that he would most likely never come back and she was struck with how stupid she felt when even after all he did to her, to her and his loved ones she would be broken to see him go.
She would be broken.
So she ignored that he said she was welcome and he was finally letting her in and smiled that painful smile.
The night dragged on with cheerful smiles, bad jokes, wine, food and subtly said farewells.
It was all like a mirror of what they did when he fell but what happened then allowed her to catch him. This time, this time there would be no one catching Sherlock Holmes. Not even Molly Hooper.
This lie was bigger and would hurt more, and because he had chosen to let her in and tell her all his secrets she would be the one to watch them all break through the years once they slowly realize, Sherlock Holmes is never coming back.
No, once he gets on that plane he would never be back. Never again.
Mary hugged Sherlock one more time with gratitude sparkling in her eyes before Sherlock closed the door behind his best friend and his best friends wife.
They were alone.
He had stood in front of the door not turning to the woman in the jumper with her empty wine glass sitting on his chair. After a silence full of thoughts of how he would go about saying goodbye one last time to the woman that ran in his mind, Sherlock turned around and she looked up at him.
She spoke first, and she didn't want to say goodbye.
"No farewell, just... just see you later."
"At the morgue?"
"Yes, at the morgue."
She didn't know if he had deduced how much it wrecked her to think about seeing him on the slab again. Not a lookalike this time, but the real one. She would probably pass it on to another pathologist if Mycroft Holmes would allow her, because could Molly Hooper really work and dissect a dead Sherlock Holmes?
On her slab?
No. It would be like dissecting her own heart.
Impossible and painful.
So it was quiet and there was nothing else to do, they should have said goodbye but hadn't. Neither of them had ever felt like this before. So he took her hand and pulled her close to him and they danced. There was no music but they swayed anyway.
He held her and she held him back. All of him. She held all of him, the back of his neck, his head, his mind, his back, his hands and the one most tightly held... his heart.
And as the hours go by nearer to his departure and her presence is very well known and acknowledged Sherlock thought about it.
He could probably get away if he wanted especially with her help. Molly Hooper would surely do anything for him.
"I'm never coming back." a shot to her chest.
"You've said that, you don't need to repeat it."
"I know you know that but... Molly Hooper if you say you want me to stay I'll change my mind." a surge of emotion ran so fast through her whole body she jerked forward.
They hadn't stopped swaying and their foreheads pressed against one another.
"We finally have our chance. I'm letting you in after so much wasted time and you're no longer engaged. God, Molly we could do it. You know how I feel about you now, and I know how you feel about me. Molly if you say... if you just say you want me to stay I'll change my mind."
She caressed him, his neck his face "It's not your decision to stay Sherlock. I'm not killing you again. You're not killing me again."
"Just for the night." he begged.
She left.