Nothing is TMI Anymore
Summary: Vala has discovered the one thing that makes this planet great, much to the dismay of her team.
Pairings: None (gen fic/team friendship)
Warnings: Silliness! OMG.
A/N: Unbeta'd
"That's it," Vala said, plopping down in a chair and beaming a smile at her teammates. They were eating lunch in the mess and she was late, but this time there was a perfectly understandable reason for it.
"What's it?" Sam asked.
"I've finally completed my project."
"You have a project?" Daniel gave her a suspicious look.
"Of course I do, darling. It's been many years in the works. I've been attempting to weigh the pros and cons of each and every planet I've visited in this galaxy, and today I finally discovered the one final tidbit of information that puts this planet over the top. Best planet ever!"
Cam took a sip of coffee as Daniel mumbled, "I'm almost afraid to ask."
Vala sat up very straight and declared, "Vagazzled."
"A what?" Cam asked.
"Vagazzled! This is the only place in the galaxy where a girl can be vagazzled."
They looked a little stunned, well, except for Teal'c. He looked about how he always looked.
Sam was the first to find her voice. "Is that… what I think that is?"
"Yep."
"Ah…" Daniel adjusted his glasses. "And have you already been…"
"Vagazzled?" Vala finished for him when he seemed to trail off. "Not yet, but I have an appointment for this coming Saturday." She leaned in closer to him. "Care to see it when I get back?"
"No thanks."
Cam appeared uncomfortable by the entire topic. Sam seemed amused, and Daniel, well, he was clearly second guessing his decline of her invitation. Obviously. That "no thanks" was far too automatic, wait until he thought it over a little.
But Teal'c was... once again, the man eluded her. He must have known she was studying him because he raised his eyes from his meal and met hers instead.
"Have anything to say, Muscles?"
"I believe you are mistaken, Vala Mal Doran."
"I am?"
"This is not the only planet in the galaxy to perform self-decorations of reproductive parts."
"Whoa, OK, then." Cam held up his hands. "I think we've veered far away from appropriate lunchtime topics."
Sam chuckled.
Vala ignored them both and focused on Teal'c. "Do tell."
He stood, lifted his lunch tray, and began to step away from the table. If she didn't know better, she'd swear the Jaffa was smirking at her in his own quiet way. "I believe that information is for me to harbor and for you to endeavor to find out."
"That's unfair," Vala said with a pout.
Teal'c walked away while the rest of them stared at his retreating form.
"Huh," Sam said.
"Yeah," Daniel agreed. "Don't suppose it's the Asgards, do you think?"
"I don't know about the rest of you," Cam shook his head. "But I'm gonna have some freaky messed up dreams tonight."
"More than usual?" Daniel asked.
There was a pause, and then Cam sounded reluctant as he answered. "Yeah, you're probably right. We've seen way freakier stuff than vagazzled aliens."