This is a text conversation my bff/housemate and I had when I was bored in lab. I just changed it so I was Sasuke and my friend was Naruto. Enjoy the drabble and crack.
This is Naruto texting.
This is Sasuke texting.
xoxoxoxoxo
I sat in the back of the genetics lab, waiting the required sixty minutes for the bacteria to grow or whatever. Cursing myself for not bringing homework to do, I pulled out my phone.
I'm bored. Entertain me.
I sent the text, put my phone back in his pocket, and waited patiently for the response. Only a few moments later, I felt a buzz and pulled out the device to see my boyfriend decided to entertain me.
What do you want me to do? Tell you a story?
I smirked at my lover's humor and answered.
Yes please.
Less than a minute later, my phone vibrated. I had the beginning of my story apparently.
There once was a boy named Sasuke, and he was a total badass. He was a bastard(1), but his badassness more than made up for it. He was the top badass at his school.
What the hell, dobe? What kind of story is this? My phone started to buzz again.
One day, there was trouble in the land. All of the badasses were called to the frontlines to see what was wrong.
This story is going to be good. Stupidly good. Another text.
A giant unicorn was attacking the entire world with its rainbows of doom. Sasuke quickly grabbed his sword of BAMF(2) and quickly sprang into action.
I think you need to stop playing Robot Unicorn Attack…
However, he had underestimated the unicorn. It massacred his entire force, leaving only Sasuke standing alone to face it.
How in the hell does Naruto make up this shit?
He wiped the blood of his fellow badasses from his brow as he grabbed BAMF and charged one last time.
It should be ending soon. At least he's fulfilling his promise of entertaining me; our waiting time is almost up.
The unicorn reared its head, a single bloody eyeball the only thing functioning as it prepared to charge Sasuke.
Okay. I win. The end. …Right…?
The fight lasted hours, but finally the unicorn made a fatal mistake. Sasuke took advantage of the opportunity and drove BAMF through the unicorn's head, all the way through to the brain.
That's gruesome, Naruto.
Blood spewed from the unicorn's mouth as it shuddered then took a final breath and fell forward.
Nice image…
But something was wrong! Sasuke was right in the unicorn's path!
I tried to play along.
Oh no!
His leg was stuck in a crack in the ground! There was no escape. Sasuke was about to be crushed!
You're just milking it for all it's worth, aren't you?
But there! Flying through the air, sparkles trailing after him like a waterfall, was a figure.
Please don't let it be Lee.
He swooped in and grabbed Sasuke right in the nick of time, right before the unicorn smashed into the ground, shattering into a billion tiny rainbows.
Way to show your gay pride by using rainbows.
Alas! It was sparkleboy! Whose sparkles of justice were feared throughout the land!
Again, please don't let it be Lee…
He had saved Sasuke! And with his magical sparkles, he healed Sasuke's wounds and stood, looking down on him and said, "The two of us would be awesome together. We should be partners."
Sparkleboy isn't you, is it? With the whole should be partners thing…
Sasuke smiled up at him, "I don't know if you can handle all this badassery. It might be too much for you."
Lab's almost over. I would wrap it up if I were you.
"Then we are sworn enemies forevermore" Sparkle boy said. "I challenge you to a duel!"
Can I just kill him now via text?
"Name it and I shall destroy you with my badassery." Sasuke declared.
I had to get up to finish the last few steps of the lab and then I was free to go home. By the time I was done, I had three more texts.
"It shall be a duel to the death! But regular weapons must not be used. We can only use…"
"Painting! Whoever paints the best picture will win and be the supreme lord of all the world!"
But Sasuke did not like that idea. "Fuck this" he said and killed sparkleboy with BAMF.
Nice story. I'm heading home now so hurry and finish it.
And so Sasuke became supreme ruler of the world and he conquered all with his badassery. And he declared that every Tuesday was taco night, and demanded that slaves bring him taco bell under penalty of death by BAMF. The End.
Taco Bell does sound good, and it is Tuesday…
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Yeah… Crack. Hope you liked the random story my housemate texted me when I was bored in my genetics lab. It's on a Tuesday night, which SUCKS! Never take night labs…
(1)- I switched it from short to bastard. I'm only 5'2" so…
(2)- For those of you who've never heard this, it means Bad Ass Mother Fucker.