Just a short one shot to help understand Tessa's feelings towards both Will and Jem. I wrote it quickly, and I could probably do better, but hey-ho. My first ID fic (in fact, my first Clare work at all. Shocking considering how much I love her work. I might have to write a Magnus fic soon)
Equally
If she had had to pick a month ago, she would have chosen Will. Sure, he was rude, he lied, he drank, he gambled, he had... unsavoury flings. Despite those flaws he made her heart race. Every second with him was like something out of one of her novels, except the small fact that he was nothing like one of her hero's. She had still loved him though, more than she had wanted to admit.
After what had happened on the roof, however, Tessa had begun to agree with Sophie. There was darkness in Will that would only hurt her if she pursued it. So she had stopped. In the past month she had barely looked at Will, let alone spoke to him. Everyone had noticed, but nobody mentioned it – not even Jessamine, although it had been obvious the girl had wished to breach the topic more than once.
In that horrible month, one light had shinned. Jem. He had cheered her up whilst carefully not mentioning the name of his best friend. Tessa had spent evening after evening listening to him play the violin, whilst day after day she played with Church whilst talking to Jem. Despite everything, her last month with Jem had been enjoyable. He was kind and sweet, handsome and friendly. More than anything, Tessa wanted to find him a cure. The thought of one day losing him was unbearable.
One evening, as she left the music room – it was a room they had now claimed for themselves, after all, it was most improper for a lady to spend time in a gentleman's chambers – Tessa bumped, quite literally, into William. Losing her composure, she gasped his name in surprise.
"Tess." Will had grabbed her wrist to steady himself, his skin felt cool against hers. It had been the first contact they had had since that time on the roof. At the name 'Tess' her heart fluttered. Only Will called her that, as only Nate had called her 'Tessie'.
For a moment their eyes remained locked. Heat flushed her cheeks and her heart began to race. She was worried it would get away from her, it was going so fast.
But then the music room door opened and their moment shattered. Jem stood there, his eyes wide at the scene. Sure, of course he had known that Will had something with Tessa that he never could, but witnessing their intensity with his own eyes...
"Jem, I was just looking for you!" Tessa's arm fell loosely to her side. Her heart dropped.
"You were?" Jem's smile was only slightly forced.
Before Will could continue, Tessa excused herself, walking away as quickly as her dress would allow. She was certain she could feel two pairs of eyes burning into her back as she left.
A month ago she would have chosen Will. Ten minutes ago she would have been certain on Jem. Now, as she struggled with tears she could not understand, Tessa realized that she loved them both equally, for different reasons. If the time arrived, how was she to choose? She could never be completely happy with one, in fear that she had broken the heart of the other.