My First story? Well, fanfic? Yeah, pretty much.
Written while watching the CSI marathon. Hah.
Pairings: AkuRokuRikuSo, Cleon, ZexionDemyx
Genres: Humor/Romance/Adventure
Warnings: Bad Humor, Road Rage, Perverseness, And a Possibility of men in Drag.
Chapter One: Tiptoe Through the Tulips
"Surprise, surprise!" Leon stood before several zombie-like figures—all of their hair mussed with the sense of being woken up. Glazed, half-lidded eyes stared (read: glared) at the man, who was grinning like a fat man who had broken into a buffet.
"What?" A brown-haired teen mumbled gruffly as he wiped the now-dried drool off of his face. And, from his irked and tense posture, he wasn't too happy to be talking to the man.
"Since Cloud and I are such kind people," he said, ignoring the round of guffaws and snorts that followed, "we've decided that we would take you all with us on our honeymoon!"
And, suddenly, the air felt a bit lighter; the since then murderous atmosphere metamorphosed into a jovial and loving one. Eyes became more focused, smiles seemingly appeared out of nowhere, and all attention was focused on Leon.
A blond-haired figure straightened up with excitement. "Where are you going?!"
"Road Trip to Venice Beach, California. That's where, Roxas." Leon's normally-thinned lips quirked upwards in a smile, and he clapped his hands together. "So, who's coming?"
"A nice beach, away from here?" Roxas jumped up-and-down with as much fervor as a small child with Pixie Stix. "And Sora's going to come, too."
Sora, who had jumped as his name was called, nodded with just as much force. "D'uh! You can't have a California party without the other twin! That's blasphemy!"
As the two boys laughed, the other two figures just stared at each other. One seemed to be around 19, with bangs that outgrew the rest of his hair. His still-unfocused eyes were locked onto the older woman's, who stared blankly back at him.
"Zexion," the woman's voice was fierce, and demanded attention. Her normally cerulean eyes were darkened, and she almost growled. "You are going with them. I hope you know this."
"But, mom," Zexion's cool, calculated voice spoke with a hint of annoyance. "That will never work. Both Leon's and Cloud's cars are much too small to carry the twins, Riku, Demyx, and me. That's seven people in a car meant for five. That's not counting the luggage."
The teen was silent for a moment as the group digested the information. Then, Zexion spoke again.
"And besides, I want to stay home and read!" He turned to his mother again with large, watery eyes. "I hate nature!"
"Get over it." Leon laughed. "Because, Zex, we've looked over that problem."
"Really?" The stoic teen raised a skeptical brow, and crossed his arms over his large and bony chest. "And, that is?"
"Axel."
There was a pregnant pause as the occupants of the dim-lit room tried to add Axel's self into the predicament. Sora stared at Roxas, who gave up and stared at Zexion, who shrugged—rather drolly—who looked to Leon for explanation. All the while, their mother was giggling.
Leon sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in a fit of impatience. "What kind of automobile does Axel drive?"
"That hideous, ghastly, perverted hippie-mobile," Roxas hissed out bitterly, pouting.
"Exactly!" Leon rolled his heather grey eyes as realization hit all their faces. But soon jumped when Roxas let out an anguished cry.
"That means he's coming along!" Roxas let out a very manly shriek, and began to shake Sora violently, the other's head snapping around viciously.
"Oh, hush up." Leon sent Roxas a look. "You're not going to be a little baby about this, are you?" He smirked at the scandalized expression that adorned the blond's features. And he mentally praised the gods that the child had finally shut up.
"So," he coughed into his fist, as everyone jumped to his attention, "tomorrow, I want you all to be ready by noontime. If you aren't, then you're not going. Do you all understand?" He let out a particularly animalistic growl to prove his point. The audience, including mom, gulped and nodded. And he turned about-face, and marched out of the room.
Before he left, though, he sent them all a triumphant look, like a pleased lion looking down on his prey.
"Y'all my bitches."
The next day seemed to have arrived faster than expected, with the sound of a newly-installed alarm clock ringing in a certain room. The shrill and ear-popping voice of Tiny Tim wafted throughout Sora's senses, and he let out a disgusted groan. Why was there music so early in the morning? It sounded like the devil was ear raping his ears.
But then another screeching sound wafted through his ears, and he nearly gagged. He never thought he would hear such a horrific noise. Considering it was coming from his near mirror-image..
Well, that just made him want to go on a chocobo-strangling rampage.
"Oh-h," Roxas' voice permeated the walls rather brusquely. Sora attempted to smother the noise with his Spongebob Squarepants pillow, but to no avail.
"Won't you tip-toe through the tulips, with me-e-e?!"
An uncharacteristic growl rumbled at the underbelly of his throat, and he ripped the alarm clock from the socket with a violent tug, and threw it at the wall that shielded Roxas. It hit the cornflower blue wall roughly, denting it with a vengeance before flopping to the floor. And on the other side, he heard a surprised squawk, followed by several violent crashes; and his name was cursed.
"Love you, too, Rox!" The teen laughed—his revenge worked! No one would ever disturb him again! With a disturbing chortle, he grabbed his cell phone from his nightstand and checked it: 10:04.
Soon after checking the time, he gasped, checked the time again, and squealed; toppling off the bed in a tango of limbs, sheets, and plushies. He glared crossly at his St. Patrick's Day TY™ bear, which gazed innocently back. Then, without warning, he threw that at the other wall.
"Roxas!"
There was a brief pause, followed by an irked, "What do you want?" from the other room. Sora snorted gracefully, and freed himself from the hold his bed sheets had on him. He straightened himself and stared at the wall before him.
"Why didn't you wake me up, like, two hours ago?"
And, on his mother's grave, he could've sworn he heard a smug shrug. "I dunno—because?"
"Jerk," Sora mumbled to himself, glaring at the sharpie-induced patterns that adorned the wall. The lopsided shaped conformed with each other to produce two figures—Sora and Roxas. They were drawn out of proportion; arms drawn larger than legs, and eyes higher than the other.
Sora couldn't help but smile at that memory. Back when they were seven, and had moved into the house, the twins went to work on "marking their territory." They had stolen all of Leon's black sharpie markers, and had locked the door. Then, on what Roxas would identify as some sort of Sharpie-high, they went to work on drawing their freshly-dried wall.
And when their mom found out, it was worth the trouble. Sora snorted.
"What ya' looking at?" A voice threw him from his nostalgic memories, and he turned to glare weakly at Roxas, who was still smirking. He threw his head back with a sigh, and sat up off of his bed.
"You're ugly mug," was the irritated, yet playful, response, and Sora brushed passed his twin. "Now, if you don't mind, I have to take a horrible, quick shower."
With that, the door was slammed in the towel-clad teen's face, and the blond laughed. He truly loved his brother. Sora had his quirks. And by that, he meant a lot.
A sudden pang of, how do you say, guilt hit Roxas like a ton of bricks. The teen sighed, before he began to rummage through Sora's draws. And, as he stole a pair of Sora's Mickey Mouse boxers, he began to pack for the disorganized brunette.
By the time Sora finished his so-called "short shower," Roxas had packed everything but toothpaste, a toothbrush, and socks for the other.
And when Sora emerged with a panic-stricken look on his face, the blond only chuckled lightly and pointed to the luggage on his bed. And when Sora's face lit up with sheer joy and adoration for Roxas, the boy only grinned at what he had planned.
After all, Sora looked like a good bodyguard.
At approximately 11:59 a.m., dandelion yellow Volkswagen van crawled to a halt at the end of the parking lot. It seemed to stare down the four figures who all made different faces at it.
It's circular, beady headlights glared down Zexion; taunting him with its smug knowledge of how much insane this trip will make him. Zexion glared back just as easily, sending it messages of doom, paint thinner, and broken rear-view mirrors.
The van seemed to become less apprehensive, but still kept a smug air; daring Zexion to do it.
"Oh," Zexion said aloud, cackling softly, "I will. You just wait and see, you evil, stupid van."
And the engine sputtered.
The rest of the party, ignoring Zexion's comment/battle with the automobile; let out ceremonious groans as they hoisted bags upon their shoulders and trekked toward the car.
Roxas was the first to sigh complain, letting out an angered huff of air. "It's hot out.. Why? Isn't the North-East supposed to be cold?!"
"Shut up," Leon muttered, shoving the back of Roxas' head with exaggerated force. The blond when stumbling forward, howling, as his face kissed grass. He lay there, motionless, as the party already inside the van laughed at him.
He heard the opening and closing of a car door, and footsteps approaching him. Silently, he prayed that it was anyone but him.
"Need some help?" A cool, almost teasing voice asked, and Roxas felt the twinge of underlying amusement. The blond groaned into the the dirt and pushed himself up.
"No," he muttered, spitting out a clot of dirt in the process. Letting out what could be called a relaxing sigh; Roxas stood and brushed himself off. He turned his gaze toward the figure who came to him, and let out an involuntary twitch when he notices the figure's hair matched his face.
A shock of brick red hair went down a little past the person's shoulder, framing his face wildly and making his appearance resemble moreso a lion. His would-have-been pale face was home to two tattoos—one below each eye—that resembled tear drops. And his eyes resemble two large pieces of jade. He would've been gorgeous, if it weren't for the shit-eating grin that he sported.
"Axel," Roxas spat, sending him a glare that promised a vacation of pain, "if you—"
In a sporadic outburst, the redhead burst into laughter, pointing a shaking finger at Roxas. "Y-You fell!"
"No shit." The teen let out a growl and stormed over to the van; attempting in vain to rip off the sliding back door as he threw in his bag and hopped inside.
"'Ello, Roxas!" A mulleted teen squealed, grinning and holding his right hand in a gesture that called for a high five. He stared at Roxas with an eager and awaiting face, and the blond rolled his eyes.
"'Sup, Demyx?" His right palm connected with the others, and he grinned at the other, before settling in the far back next to his brown-haired brother.
"Rough fall?" Sora sent a teasing smile at Roxas, who punched the twin's shoulder. The blond sighed and squeezed himself in between Sora and Riku, the boy Roxas deemed his "my twin's silver-haired stalker."
"Hello, Roxas." Aforementioned "stalker" smiled at the blond, who shrugged in response.
"You're looking more like an old man today, Riku," Roxas muttered, his foul mood dripping from his words. He sent an aggravated look to the aquamarine-eyed teen, who frowned in response.
"Down in the dirt, eh?"
"Fuck you."
"Fuck all of you," growled a voice from the front of the car. All eyes turned to a blond-haired man, who sent icy looks to all of the passengers. "Now, are we all going to be good?"
"Ye-Yes sir!" Every person behind the driver's and passenger's seats straightened up and nodded.
"Good." The man seemed to purr. That, in turn, caused Sora to bellow out a loud snort of laughter, which he immediately tried to cover up.
"Sorry!"
But everyone ignored him, and the ignition started up, spluttering and groaning.
They saw the traffic, and suddenly a ceremonious sigh could be heard throughout the car. All bodies within the vehicle elbowed and muscled their way into comfortable positions. Groans and curses mixed their way into the hullaballoo as bodies tried to pull out knick knacks and such to occupy them for the wait.
"Don't you just love traffic?" The sarcastic voice of Axel drawled, as he bit his nails and held them in the air. Several mumbles followed, and Axel chuckled. "Yep."
"I know," Sora jumped with excitement, shaking Roxas awake after the blond attempted to sleep on the brunette's shoulder, "let's sing a song!"
"How about no!" Zexion clapped his hands together, and shot him the fakest smile known to man.
The rejected teen pouted. "You're so rude.."
"Well," the dark-haired teen gave a nonchalant shrug, "I don't want to hear your nails-on-a-chalkboard voice in a monster van, in the middle of summer traffic on the way to freakin' Boston!" The boy began to hyperventilate, his brows drawing together in frustration. "This vehicle is eating away at my soul! Do you not understand that?!"
"Err," Sora fidgeted nervously for a moment, his right arm rising to habitually play with his twin's hair, as the left hand drummed on his thigh. "Okay.. Maybe later."
"Good." Riku sighed, pulling out his Game Boy, and putting in a red-colored cartridge. "Now I can play Pokémon in peace."
After the former sentence was whispered, a pregnant pause followed. All eyes were on Riku, before Demyx burst out into a fit of joyful laughter.
"You're so retarded!"
Riku's face contorted into a nasty grimace, and he held his Game Boy in a throwing stance. "What you say, bitch?"
And, just as Demyx was about to repeat his sentence, a loud squeal was emitted from the way back. All eyes turned to Sora and Roxas, who both sent them all highly offended looks. They pointed to the large duffel bag behind them, and simultaneous gulps were heard.
"Is it some psycho killer?" Axel let out a slight whimper, and clung to an irritated Zexion.
"No, it's—" He was cut off as the bag opened up with a rather tremendous force, and all the men saw was yellow, before a lone figure emerged.
"Did I miss it?!" A girly, yet boisterous, voice squealed again. The figure jumped Riku, and her eyelashes batted dreamily. Have you made out with your brother, yet?!"
"No!" Riku looked scandalized. "Selphie, you sick freak!"
"I'm just a dreamer!" The girl sighed, her eyelashes fluttering. Her hands went to her chest, and she took a deep breath. "Gay love: It's so beautiful!"
All eyes were on her, even Leon's—who was supposed to be eyeing the road. That caused him to barely miss a Dodge Avenger, and he swerved to miss it. His eyes locked with the carpool lane, and he let out a vicious growl. He then swerved over four lanes of traffic, laughing as cars and trucks honked at him, and vulgar gestures were thrown at him.
"That was so hot!" Selphie squealed, as she pulled out a camera. "Now, Cloud, all you need to do is make out with your beloved, and drive off into the sunset!"
"Hit her, Riku!" Cloud sent him a desperate look. The silver-haired teen put on a determined look, and held his Game Boy up in the air.
And the last thing she saw was the laughing face of Axel, as the game system collided with her cranium.
Not too funny, but beginnings never are. The fuck is up with that?
Get on with the snogging
Not yet. Woe is thee, eh? Hah. Well, I can't wait until the end, because I have something cool in mind with good ol' Xiggy. (Insert evil cackle).
Anyhow, stay tuned! And I promise that I will insert more comedy! Très amusante!
Good day to you all!