Drunken Words are Sober Thoughts
All Emma had wanted was a nice cold drink at the end of her week. To sit, alone, at Granny's and try and wash away some of her stress with a splash of whiskey. And her night had started off successfully; Ruby had merely given her a sympathetic smile and handed her the drink, leaving the bottle within arms reach, for which Emma was exceptionally grateful.
She was halfway through her second glass when the bell chimed and cold wind swept through the small diner but she didn't look up. She had been studiously ignoring each and every patron, not that there had been many, and counting the ceiling tiles above her in distraction. The newcomer sat near her with only one barstool between them. Emma didn't even turn her head, she had zero interest in talking or smiling or interacting with anyone- aside from the occasional nod of thanks to Ruby.
"Rum, please," came an accented voice and Emma had to consciously stop herself from looking at him. Of course he shows up. That's just my luck, I spend the day avoi- she stopped herself from continuing that train of thought. She focused back on her whiskey, taking a deep drink and relishing in the burn down her throat. Emma closed her eyes and breathed deeply through her nose, it was like the universe was laughing at her.
Another glass settled down to her right and she heard Ruby pouring the liquid until he told her to stop. "Leave the bottle," he intoned quietly. Emma opened her eyes to see Ruby, Red she corrected herself, eye the man warily but she left the bottle nonetheless.
The pull to look over at him was annoyingly strong; it was like a whisper in her ear, begging for Emma to just take a little peek. To allow her eyes to find the handsome features she saw behind her eyelids most of the time anyways. She wouldn't, she couldn't, because it would crack her armor. He always found a way to put a crack in her armor. So, instead, Emma continued to drink her whiskey in silence.
"I can feel you ignoring me, Swan." He drawled out before taking another drink. Emma closed her eyes again and finished her third drink in two gulps then poured a fourth.
Killian rolled her eyes at her continued silence and finally turned to face her. She had been avoiding him all week and he'd missed her. She had bags under her eyes and her shoulders were slumped but she was still his Swan. Shining hair surrounding her pale face. Green eyes framed by dark lashes, though they were dull and tired. Hook frowned at the worry lines that marred her face. In the weeks since their return to Neverland she had smiled more than he'd ever seen in their short time together. But this past week…
He hopped from one barstool to another, invading her personal space. And yet she still refused to look at him. She stared intently at her drink, wishing for answers from the amber liquid. "Swan," he sighed. She shook her head almost imperceptively. "Emma," he repeated with heat. She shook her head again, her hair coming in sheets around her face.
A frustrated sigh escaped his lips and he turned back to the counter, shaking his head. "Fine. Fine. You know what Swan," but he appeared to lose the words and instead shook his head and took a deep drink.
Emma finally lifted her eyes from her glass and looked over at him for a few seconds before dropping her gaze once more. "What Hook?" she croaked somewhat shakily. "What?"
He downed the rest of his rum and poured himself another glass before he faced her again. "You have been avoiding me all week. For no apparent reason, I might add. In fact," his face was set with resignation. "I thought we'd been doing fairly well, after Neverland and whatnot." Something flashed in his eyes but Emma couldn't put a name on it before the dark curtain shadowed it once again. "I thought," he said heavily, "That you had become a permanent figure in my life now. Apparently I was wrong." Killian's voices hardened at the end and he turned from her once more, throwing his entire drink back at once.
Finally turning towards the pirate, Emma attempted to find her voice and say something. There weren't any words to explain what was happening, where her head and heart were after this week. "Hook," she started quietly, searching. When he did nothing more than finish yet another glass of rum she let out an aggravated sigh. "Killian," she offered, hoping he would take her small olive branch.
He did. After finishing his fourth and fifth and sixth drink in quick succession. Emma signaled for Ruby to bring over some water but Hook waved her off and poured another drink. "Pirate, love." He answered the question in her eyes and quirk of her eyebrows. "I know how to drink copious amounts of rum," which he proved by taking another sip of his drink. "Now, what is going on?"
Emma couldn't decide if the flush in her cheeks was from the alcohol or the look he was giving her. Definitely the alcohol. She let out a long sigh, "I…" But still she couldn't formulate words. "It's not…I mean you…the thing is…" She continued to struggle and he continued to swirl the liquid around his glass cup, all the while giving her a droll look. "Dammit Killian!"
He merely raised an eyebrow, "Yes, darling? I'm sorry did you want me paying rapt attention to your mutterings? Or would you prefer that simply brush away the rudeness from this week? Neither one is really in my character."
Her jaw dropped. He had been the one who talked to her. He had been the one demanding she explain herself. "Fuck off," she whispered and turned back to her glass of water. She didn't need this. Her entire world had been flipped upside down this week. Again. She needed peace and quiet and to be left alone. All Emma wanted was to lose track of herself, stop thinking, stop feeling. But this fucking pirate was forcing reality back into her alcohol-induced bubble. "Fuck off," she repeated with more heat.
Killian raised an eyebrow and finished yet another glass. When he spun to face her there was a slightly sway to his movement. "How eloquent. Quite the fairytale princess aren't you?" he sneered.
The anger from this past week exploded within her and ran through her entire body like hot lava. "Listen to me Hook," she jabbed her finger into his side. "I don't need this from you. I didn't ask for you to come and drink in Granny's or to talk to me or whatever other bullshit you expected. I came here to drink. It had nothing to with you." Small lie. "So why don't you leave me alone and stop trying to mess with my head."
His entire face tightened with anger. "You know what Swan," he imitated. "Contrary to your arrogant belief, I did not come here to see you. I came to the only place that serves a decent glass of rum so I could deal with my week. Excuse me for thinking that the one person I talk to in this godforsaken town would actually acknowledge my existence." With those words he through down some gold coins, grabbed the bottle of rum, and stalked out of the diner without any further notice.
"Well," Ruby exhaled. "I'd say that went well, wouldn't you?"
"Shut up." Emma threw down a few bills and started walking after him.
Apparently, he was still rather quick even with half a bottle of rum in his system because Emma didn't catch up to him until they were almost at the docks.
"Hook. Hook! Killian!" she exclaimed as she stumbled after him.
"Oh lovely," he took a long drought from the bottle. "The prodigal savior returns and graces me with her presence once again. Fortune is looking down on me tonight." He finished with such heavy sarcasm it was nearly palpable.
Emma stopped walking, completely taken aback by his blatant frustration. "What did I do? I told you this week has been hell. You know why-"
"I don't know a damn thing!" He turned to face her and stormed into her personal space. "All I know is that you have been avoiding me like I'm the bloody plague ever since he came back. You've offered no explanation, no reasons, nothing! I received a cold shoulder without so much as a row. So excuse me if I'm not exactly pleased with you, Emma." Killian exhaled heavily and his whole body seemed to droop, "Just…go back to it, him, your life. I survived long before your friendship."
A mixture of anger and sadness welled up inside her, confusing her response. "This…this is about Neal? You're mad at me because he's back? That makes no sense!" She felt herself tip with the vehemence in her voice but she caught herself on his arm.
"Of course it makes sense!" he exploded and her hand dropped from his arm. "You disappeared! You vanished from my life! And lo and behold, Baelfire is back. Or Neal." He spat the name at her. "And that's where you've been. Finding each other and all that bullshit your parents do. While I waited and waited and waited! But still nothing. No visits, no contact. You walked in the opposite direction from me over and over this week. So yes it does make sense. Because you left."
"Bullshit," she replied. "That's total bullshit. You know how difficult this is. He's Henry's father! He-"
"He left you! He abandoned you! And yet you still spend time with him. Still offer him your presence."
Her rage bubbled over. "I KNOW! I know what he did. I've relived it a hundred times. I've walled myself up against him but he's back. He's alive. And he's Henry's father. I'm not taking that away from him. I'm not taking his family away."
Killian scoffed. "Family is always there for you. Family fights for you. But yes," he waved his hook at her while taking another drink and swaying towards her. "Run off with your coward and find your happy ending."
She gaped at his sneer. "Ex-excuse me?" Emma was beyond offended and her filter was long gone. "That's really what you think of me? You actually think that after everything he put me through, everything he did, I'm going to just fall back into his arms?" She shoved him away from her, "You don't know me at all, Killian Jones."
She turned tipsily and began walking away but he followed closely behind. "That's right. I don't know you at all. It's not as though I've had you read since the first day we met, open book and all that. Not like I knew you were an orphan, or that you'd been scarred just as deeply as I had. No, of bloody course not. It's also not as though I helped save your son, on two separate occasions I might add. Absolutely not. I'm just some dumb pirate whom you've been wasting your time with. Just some filler until he came back. Tell me, Emma." He rounded in front of her, "Did our time mean anything to you? Or did you simply need someone willing to play the role of attentive male while he was gone?"
Smack!
Killian closed his eyes as her hand dropped back down to her side. "Don't. Don't you dare. I let you in, I opened up to you. Don't you dare through it back in my face." Emma's chest was heaving with emotion. "You have no idea how hard this is. Things were falling into place here! Henry was back, I had found a family, found friends," her throat closed up. "I had you! And all of sudden he's back and he wants so much!" She felt her body begin to shake and she hated that her vulnerability was leaking through. "He's Henry's father and you're you. So yeah, I've been avoiding you because it was too damn much. Trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with Neal while figuring this," she gestured between them. "It was too much. But apparently, it doesn't fucking matter. Oh no. You know me so well that you already know what I'm thinking. You already know what's happening in my head." She stepped closer to him, "Did you ever consider that I was waiting for you to come to me? That I was hoping you might understand this was a lot and that I might need support? No. Of course not. You were too busy feeling wounded." Her shoulder collided with his as she continued walking, "Have a lovely evening."
"Swan," he sighed. "Emma come back here."
"No."
"Emma."
"Leave me alone," she pushed his hand off her arm.
"Emma. Will you just listen to me?"
She whirled around, "I've done enough listening tonight. Go finish your rum and fall off your ship for all I care."
He grabbed her wrist with his hook, "I think you'd care very much darling."
She widened her eyes mockingly. "Oh yeah? Try it and we'll see." Emma tried to pull her arm back, "Let go."
Hook tugged her closer. "No."
"Dammit Killian! Let me go, I'm sick of yelling, I'm sick of drama. I want to go home and pretend this entire week hadn't happened."
Ignoring both her words and her actions, Killian pulled her closer still. "Did you ever think," he breathed. "That maybe I didn't want to come between you? That I refused to break yet another family? That I wanted to be chosen, just I had chosen you? Did it ever occur in that pretty little head of yours, that I was waiting just as much as you were?"
Emma's heart was stuck in her throat as he turned her to face him fully. She could smell the rum on his breath and feel the warmth of his body and coherent thought seemed to fly from her head. "Did you ever think," he brushed her hair behind her ears "That I've been waiting this whole time?"
His thumb ran over her cheek, igniting a hot path beneath his skin, as she stood there silently. His scent was permeating through her brain, which was already fuzzy from her whiskey. "I…"
A sad smile twitched across his lips. "Don't worry about it, Emma." He stepped back from her and picked up the almost empty bottle of rum. Killian tipped his head and turned on his heel, ready to raid his stash on the Roger and try to pretend tonight never happened.
Stupid he thought to himself. Absolutely ridiculous! What could she possibly want from me? What do I have to offer her? He'd made it back to the deck of the Jolly Roger and was ready to begin his spiral into self-loathing when soft footfalls edged behind him. A reflexive smile crossed his dark features before he schooled it away. "I thought we'd exhausted this particular argument. Round two is just going to have to wait until tomorrow. Or never."
When she did nothing but remain standing her turned to face her. She pushed a stray hair out of her eyes and bit her lip. Her cheeks were still pink from their yelling and her whiskey. Her eyes stood out against her pale skin, shining like emeralds underneath the stars. She looked bloody gorgeous and he couldn't do a damn thing about it.
Still she made no further movement towards him. "Lass," he exhaled heavily. "I'm sorry for what I said. I'm sorry I pushed. But there's nothing left to say right now."
Her feet carried her towards him slowly until her nose was mere centimeters from his own. Killian could hear his heartbeat loudly in his ears. "Emma?"
Resolve settled in her eyes and she felt a wall break down before her. "You came back." He cocked his head to the side, apparently confused. "You chose me and you came back." Emma's fingers linked with his own. "How could I go back to him when you're here? How could I chose him when I've already picked you?"
Killian brought his hooked arm around her waist to bring her flush against him. Blue met green for only a moment before he eliminated the rest of the space between them.
His kiss was soft and gentle and filled her up but left her aching for more at the same time. Her hands cupped his face as she brought herself onto her tiptoes, his arms squeezing tighter around her body. Emma sighed into the kiss and he smiled against her lips before deepening it. It felt like fireworks were exploding behind her eyes and cursed the need for oxygen as she pulled away.
Breathing heavily he rested his forehead against hers. When he finally opened his eyes he was met with the most beautiful sight in existence. "Hi," he whispered.
"Hey," she murmured.
"So you picked me, eh?" He teased and nudged her with his nose before burying his face into the side of her neck.
Emma bit her lip and tried to repress a shudder as he placed soft kisses on her throat. "Yeah. I pick you."
A/N: I'm back! I promise now that I have time I will get back to my regular scheduled writing (aka Warmth!) plus some other one shots I have planned. Reviews are love and you wonderful humans are great!