A/N: I cannot thank everyone enough for encouraging me to do this. I love my dream team and you all know who you are. This would stay a mess of thoughts in my Trapper Keeper without you. I am not a published author or even an English major so please be gentle. This could go really badly or really well. I guess it's like a one night stand in that regard. So pants off, let's go!
Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I don't own Twilight.
There aren't enough hours in the day for me. I know everyone says that but, it's truly my dilemma.
I'm a society wife and a stay at home mother of six year old twins, Madison and Masen. With the schedules they maintain, the overly active pair rival high students trying to pad their college applications; I always find myself playing catch up.
Of course, it would be my luck that the day the children are at separate locations the rain would be coming down in buckets. Thanks a lot Mr. G.
I checked my watch and honked my horn in a futile attempt at navigating rush hour traffic. I was on my way to pick up Madison from ballet before swinging across town to retrieve Masen from karate. To say my children were involved in extracurricular activities was an understatement. As Cullens it was expected from birth for them to be as well rounded as possible. To that effect they both play a sport, an instrument, and are learning Italian.
"Dammit, what is the holdup?"
I truly hated being late but, it couldn't be helped. The traffic was at a stand-still. It was bumper to bumper in each lane, with EMT service vehicles maneuvering along the shoulder. The amber glow of the flares mixed in with the red and blue flashing lights created a scary glare in the tunnel, indicating an accident.
Biting the right corner of my bottom lip, I tugged on my bracelet before crossing myself. I blinked back the onslaught of tears that always came as the sight triggered the memories of my own parents' death. It had been twelve years since Charlie and Renee were killed by a drunk driver and it never got any easier. Needing a distraction, I thought about all the tasks I had to do.
What the hell are we going to have for dinner?
Traffic let up, and remaining cautious of the rain slickened road, I drove quickly to the ballet studio.
Shit! A whole half hour late!
Racing to the fourth floor, I found Madison working on positions with her instructor, Madam Zafrina. To my embarrassment, she was the last child there. "Hey Princess, I'm so sorry I'm late. Madam Zafrina, I apologize, there was an accident on the…"
"No problem, Ms. Cullen. A few of the other parents were caught in that too. Besides, I don't mind spending extra time with my star pupil," she said as she winked at Madison.
"Mama, did you see me?" Madison asked as she ran to me, the heels of her tights causing her to slip and land in my arms.
"I sure did, and you looked beautiful!" I picked her up and walked to her cubby. "It's raining, so I need you to put on your rain boots. Okay?"
I handed Madison her hot pink Hunter rain boots.
"Yay, my splashies!" Madison said before adding with a frown, "I don't want my snuggies to get messy."
She had a silly little name for many of her things, but if it made her happy, I was fine with it. I encouraged her imaginative nature. It was a way for her to assert her individuality so she was more than just one half of a set of twins. Most importantly, I supported any activity that accelerated her normal snails pace.
When her boots were on, I buttoned up her poncho, grabbed her black Uggs and then waved goodnight to Madam Zafrina before we exited the studio. Once at the car, I buckled Madison into her booster seat before heading even farther away from our house to pick up Masen.
We barely made it to the traffic light before Madison started telling me about her day, which was preferable over the Kidz Bop album that I was usually subjected to during our drives. She was learning to play classical concertos, but still loved to belt out kiddie versions of Taylor Swift and, her absolute favorite - The Jonas Brothers.
By the time we arrived at the dojo, I had learned that the story before naptime had a special hamster… of course Madison now wanted one… that she had a new picture for the fridge, and I had been assured she will someday become a ballerina surgeon veterinarian. Madison's imagination truly affirmed she was indeed my offspring.
I grabbed Masen's green Hunter rain boots and his coat from the trunk, ran around to unbuckle Maddy and headed inside, making it there just as karate was about to end.
"Maddy, sit down here and wait while I get Mase, okay?" I had Madison sit in the chairs along the wall where the parents usually waited to keep them from interrupting.
"Mommy, are we gonna be here for hours and hours?" Madison asked making her famous frown.
"No sweetie," I laughed. "I'm gonna get Mase and then we will be heading home, sweet home. I promise."
"To see Daddy?" She asked with wide eyes.
Now that, I couldn't promise.
Edward's surgery schedule was extremely unpredictable and we could go days without seeing him. I knew it was likely that Edward wouldn't be home but I couldn't crush Maddy's hopes of seeing her father. "We'll see when we get there but first I gotta dress Mase. Be back in a minute."
I bowed and said, 'Oshh' before entering. I spotted Masen immediately, recognizing the unruly mess of Cullen hair that gave him inches over the other students. He was practicing moves with his friends, and that made me very nervous increasing the likelihood that he could get hurt. I was anxious to get him dressed and in the car as soon as possible.
I grabbed his backpack, jacket, and tennis shoes before meeting him halfway--which was always half of the battle.
For some reason, when I let Masen check his own rectangular hanging cubby, it becomes a walk in closet and he can't find things that are literally hanging in his face.
Hmm, that's certainly something that he inherited from the lovely gentleman who provided the Y chromosome that created him.
"Masen!" I called from near the door, beckoning for him to follow.
"Mommy!" Masen shouted and ran over. He bowed at the door and I followed him out.
"Oh, my stuff!" He hit his forehead and tried to run back in, but I caught him by his white belt.
"I have it all here," I told him.
I placed his belongings on the seat next to Maddy, then realized she wasn't there.
Oh my god! I don't need this now …
"Maddy, did you see me?" I heard Masen ask Maddy, running over to her near the row of lockers, a cup of water in her hands.
She looked eerily like her father when she glanced up at me with her doe eyes that resembled Apple Jolly Ranchers. They fell low and, as always, I couldn't be mad at her.
Her eyes fell low and, of course, I couldn't be mad at her.
"Mama, I want water too!" Masen exclaimed.
Just what I didn't want--a free for all.
Deep breath, "Mase, quickly get a cup of water and come back so we can go."
While I awaited his return I put his school clothes into his backpack. When he crossed the room back towards us, I had him sit down so I could put his socks and boots on.
As I started to put on his left boot, he huffed, "No, Mama! I want my blue boots!"
"Well, I have the green ones today so those are the ones you'll be wearing." Normally, I applaud his opinionated perspective, but I just wasn't in the mood.
"Fine, I'll wear sneakers," Masen pouted. He kicked his legs, the right leg landing square on my shoulder, and that did it.
Placing my hands firmly on his knees, I gritted out, "Masen. Charles. Cullen. You are going to put on the rain boots and we are going home. I'm sure you don't want to be embarrassed in front of your whole class."
He didn't.
I held him and Maddy on either side of me as we sprinted to the car, and after buckling them into their seats, I silently prayed for an uneventful ride home. Masen had the tendency to lash out when he didn't get his way and I was sure the other shoe would drop before the night was over.
The rain still hadn't let up, which did nothing for my sour mood I quickly dialed the local pizza joint from my iPhone setting it on the dashboard while it rang.
"Thank you for calling Domenico's, please hold," the male operator requested.
"Yay, pizza!" Maddy and Mase erupted from the backseat.
'Yay, pizza' is right, because there was no way I was even attempting to make dinner.
"Pepperoni, Mama," cried Masen.
"Hawaii too, Mama!" Maddy added. She had inherited my adventurous eating habits.
"Okay, okay, you hungry, hungry hippos. We'll get both." I laughed.
"Thanks for holding. Will this be pick up or delivery?"
"What's the wait time on delivery?" I inquired
"An hour to an hour and-"
"I will pick it up. Can I get a large pizza with half Hawaiian and half pepperoni, an order of chicken tenders and eight zeppole?"
"Will that be all?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Your total is $23.47. Can I get a name please?"
"Cullen."
"It'll be ready in 45 minutes," he informed me.
"Okay, thank you."
I ended the call and, noticing we were only a few blocks from home, I figured I could get the twins in the tub and changed for bed before I had to get the pizza.
Maybe Ms. Molina could watch them for about fifteen minutes.
It was moments like this when I hated Edward's surgery schedule and the fact that he flat out refused to hire someone to help around the house. If I had a sitter of some sort, I could prepare dinner and wouldn't have to go back out in the rain. If we had a house keeper, I wouldn't have to race all over the city picking up his dry cleaning and doing the grocery shopping.
Maybe if I was still working, I wouldn't feel the suffocating pressure of completing mundane tasks only to feel like a failure when I couldn't. Before I stayed home full time, I could manage four classes full of teenagers without breaking a sweat. Now, trips to D'Agostino's and Milton Cleaner's can incite a full blown panic attack. The impression that stay at home mothers have infinite free time is grossly inaccurate.
"Mama, look. BJ left his hat," Maddy said, interrupting my thoughts just before something hit the back of the driver's seat headrest.
"Gimme that!" Masen yelled. "BJ is a stupid head and I hate him. Mama, he can't come to my birthday party!"
Yes, the party that's more than seven months away. I will keep that in mind.
"Masen Cullen, your language and behavior have been completely unacceptable today. We will be having a long discussion about that when we get home. You may return BJ's hat when Aunt Leah takes you both to the Museum of Natural History."
"Yay, I can't wait to tell BJ all the stuff I learned about the T-Rex from Daddy," he said happily.
Ahh, the resilience of childhood…the stupid head was clearly forgotten.
I wish I saw life through the eyes of a child. My biggest concerns had been my Halloween costumes, how many brownies I could eat in one sitting, or waking up in time to catch Saturday cartoons. Of course, that all changed when my parents died and I was forced to move cross country to live with Jacob. My eyes had been fitted with adult contacts and I had to juggle the role of wife and mother. Now there are bills, and I am the one shopping for costumes, making brownies, and determining what cartoons are appropriate.
We finally pulled up to our building and I parked in our assigned slot, the name Cullen marking it. We were the only family in the building with three parking spots--all clearly marked with our name—and I could only imagine the choice things that the other residents called us. Not really us—their displeasure was mainly directed towards Edward as he walked around like he owned the building… which actually wasn't too far from the truth.
After I unstrapped the twins and made sure they had everything, we rode the elevator to our penthouse apartment. I opened the door to find the lights on in both the foyer and hall, and I knew that I hadn't left them on. I hated unnecessary light and often found myself reprimanding the twins about forgetting to flick them off.
You needed an elevator key to gain access to the penthouse, so I didn't think there was an intruder in the house, but I still felt uneasy. Keeping the twins behind me, I closed the door silently and whispered to them to put their boots in the tray. When I crept past the sitting room, I noticed a bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label sitting out on the bar. Gasoline in a glass. Only Edward drank that.
Oh shit, this is exactly how women catch their husbands in bed with other women. Oh God, please don't let that become my reality, not with my children present.
Before I could stop them, both kids took off running towards the kitchen. I followed cautiously, so focused on them that I didn't even notice Edward behind me until I felt his lingering kiss on my neck.
"Oh, my God Edward! I didn't know you were here. Please tell me you're here A-L-O-N-E?" I whispered hastily.
"Daddy! Daddy!" The twins chorused as they ran up, each grabbing one of Edward's legs.
"M&M! I'm gonna eat you!" He scooped them both up and my heart melted, the cluster-fuck of a Friday was quickly forgotten.
I smiled widely at Edward and he finally answered, with a confused look, "Of course it's only me."
I just waved him off, mouthing 'Never mind'.
Edward's bronze locks were in even more disarray than usual, and his collared shirt was unbuttoned at the top, displaying just a peek of fine chest hair. Edward was perfect and Madison and Masen were spitting images of him. Aside from being heart-stoppingly gorgeous, he was an amazing father. I was always unsure of how I would adapt to motherhood until I saw Edward embrace fatherhood. He looked so relaxed playing with our children, their smiles genuine and infectious. Despite his demanding schedule, he was sure to always let them know that they came first.
I gave Edward a chaste kiss on the lips, tasting a hint of the Black Label, and then gave the twins a quick squeeze while they were still firmly encased in his grasp.
"I'm surprised you're home now. Are you still on call or you home for the night?" I turned to get a bottle of water from the fridge.
"Down Daddy. Potty," Masen tried to wiggle away from Edward, so he let him down and he immediately ran towards his bathroom.
Shifting Maddy to his other hip, Edward said, "You're home late."
"Mommy was late to ballet, too," Maddy added
Gee, thanks for throwing me under the bus, kid.
"She was?" Edward asked, raising an eyebrow at me. He turned and placed Maddy on the floor with a kiss to the forehead.
"Maddy, go put your things away and wash up for dinner." I instructed and she took off towards her room.
I leaned against the granite island, not sure where his line of questioning was headed. He hadn't even answered mine. I took a long sip of water before I began. "I had the committee meeting for the Garden Club you forced me to join, all the way in Brooklyn, and there was an accident on the FDR that made me late to the ballet studio. I didn't even expect you to be home until tomorrow morning, so how was I to know you were waiting?"
I shifted my weight from leg to leg. Something was up with Edward, but I had no idea what and he wouldn't just come out and say it. Even after almost seven years together, he would rather bottle things and let them fester before he exploded in anger, than talk about it. He was so masochistic that way, but I thought it had a lot to do with being a middle child.
"Well, since you're here you can stay with the kids while I go pick up our pizza."
"Pizza?! You're not making dinner?" He asked, folding his arms over his chest as he took up residence against the breakfast bar.
"It's almost 8pm on a Friday night! There is no way I'm making dinner and I've already ordered the pizza," I shrugged.
"You think after a day of surgeries I want pizza?" he asked incredulously.
"I've had a hard day also. That's exactly why I'm not cooking," I tried to explain.
"Hard day?" Edward scoffed walking towards me "Staying at home all day isn't hard."
"Staying home all day?" I asked "Is that what you think I did? If that were the case wouldn't I have been home when you arrived?" I began pacing around the kitchen searching for the placemats.
"What the hell were you doing all day then?" He demanded to know. "Why weren't you home on time? Or on time to get Maddy? Where's your plan B Bella?
"Edward, the Garden Club is planning its Garden Gala so the meeting ran over. I never wanted to even join. I told you months ago I have too much going on! There's a storm which delayed traffic from Brooklyn, not to mention the accident I already told you about-" I answered.
"What does all of this have to do with my missing dinner?" He pressed.
"Edward, it's almost 8pm! If I start dinner now it won't be done until nearly 10. Are our children supposed to starve until then?" I inquired with my voice laced with anger.
"You know what, I'm going to my Mom's for dinner. She actually makes dinner every night." With that, he walked out of the kitchen.
Did he seriously think I sat home on my ass all day? The one night I don't cook, and he turns into a fucking baby.
"Mase, when you're finished in the bathroom put your things away and get washed up for dinner…and put away doesn't mean under your bed!" I yelled down the hall.
Hot on Edward's heels, I followed him to our bedroom, walking in as he pulled down a box of sneakers.
"Edward, you're gonna drive almost 2 hours in the rain to have dinner?"
"It only takes that long when you drive, Bella." He pulled on his sneakers and grabbed a grey hoodie from the closet.
I blocked the door. "Are you seriously leaving?"
"Yes, Bella. I'm hungry. Now move." I didn't have the energy to fight with him and didn't want to cause a scene with our children downstairs so I moved.
"Well, can you at least pick up the pizza or stay with the twins so I can go pick it up?"
"What if I wasn't here? How would you have gotten the pizza then?" He asked, giving me his famous smirk that normally had the ability to soak my panties and make me do whatever he asked. Now, it was just pissing me off even more.
Was he seriously playing the 'what If' game at this moment? I don't need a plan B since I'm looking right at your smug ass.
"Well, you're here, so will you please just pick it up?." I went to my dresser to retrieve a pair of lounge pants.
"I'll have one of the doormen bring it up," Edward replied and was gone before I could respond.
What the fuck was his deal? What am I supposed to say to our children about their disappearing father?
I flopped on the bed with a sigh. The anxiety started to pick up, so and I fiddled with the charm bracelet on my left wrist. It was the last gift I'd received from my parents before their death and it made me to feel closer to them in times of stress. I sucked in three deep breaths and kissed the tattoo on the underside of my left wrist.
************
Dinner was uneventful.
Well, as uneventful as it can be with two six year olds who are capable of turning dinner into arts and crafts.
Bath time included two wardrobe changes for me, since the twins no longer took baths together. That came to an end after they learned that they have different private parts.
Surprisingly, they didn't ask where Edward had gone. They just chalked it up to him having to go back to work and save lives. If they only knew that the reason was the fact their father had thrown a bigger tantrum than I would ever accept from either of them.
After my shower, I sat up in bed reading some of my students' journals, hoping to wait up for Edward. I was still involved in the Creative Writing Initiative, a local after school program, since it was the only way I could attempt to have a career, only now I did it from home. Every Friday a messenger dropped off the students' journals for me to read and grade, and I would return them by Sunday afternoon. It was all Edward would allow since the twins were still very young and working full time would take me away from them.
It wasn't like being a surgeon didn't do the very thing to the tenth power.
When I glanced at the clock, it was well past midnight and I just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. I drifted off to sleep with my laptop, surrounded by journals. Sometime during the night, in the midst of one of my fits of restless twisting and turning, I felt Edward climb into bed. He pulled me into his arms and I responded by wrapping an arm around his waist, placing a leg between his, and resting my head under his chin.
"Love, are you awake?" Edward whispered.
"Of course I am. You know I can't sleep without you." I smiled, snuggling into his chest.
"I'm sorry," he breathed.
"You smell like pepperoni and pineapple," I laughed and the feel of his body wrapped around mine caused me to tingle.
I could think of another P word I'd like you to smell like. Yes I am horny as hell.
"I had a slice of pizza," He too laughed and then buried his face into my hair. "Bella, I need to tell you something. Please sit up."
Oh shit, here it comes.
I sat up and looked at Edward. It wasn't until I took his face into my hands that I noticed his clenched jaw and quivering bottom lip.
"Oh God, Edward. Are you hurt?"
"Shhh! No, Love. Please, just listen." He grabbed my hands and placed them in his lap before taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry for the way I acted before, it was uncalled for and disrespectful to you. I...I appreciate everything you do. I was just so upset about what happened at work today...I'm sorry I'm so sorry. Victoria came in today from Life Flight and it was hard..."
"James' wife, Victoria?" I interrupted. James was Edward's best friend from Chapel Hill, whom he convinced to pursue a medical degree after he suffered a career ending basketball injury.
"Yes, that Victoria. I covered James' shift so they could celebrate their anniversary and he was going to cover mine tomorrow. Well, a car accident came in… and it was Victoria. She had a fractured pelvis and had broken her leg in three places, among other things. She was in the car with another man. She was late meeting James…because she was…she was with another man." Edward sighed and looked away.
"I kept trying to reach James once we had her stitched up, and then her boyfriend approached me to ask how she was… and if their baby was safe. Victoria's been cheating on James and she's pregnant," Edward spat. "I had to help her...I had to use the knowledge that I have because of James to save his wife, who was cheating...she was cheating on him and having another man's baby and I had to save her. I just kept thinking...what if this was you? What if you were out there with someone else? I mean I work so many hours; I'm never home"
It was my turn to shush him. I covered his lips with my hand.
"Edward, I love you with every fiber of my being. I feel terrible for James and Victoria, but that's not us. People leave each other for more than work hours. Right now you need to be a friend to James, not an enemy to Victoria; this isn't about her.
"To be honest, I share some of those same insecurities. I came home to find things out of place wondering if you had another woman here. I bend over backwards to be the best wife and mother and still feel like it isn't enough for you. When you fought with me today and called me out for not making dinner, all those insecurities came rushing back. We have to communicate about what's bothering us. I'm not gonna cheat on you and I'm not going anywhere. I wish you wouldn't keep things like this from me anymore."
"I promise, I won't. I love you, Bella."
He grabbed me and kissed me with such passion and love that it was as if he was trying to convince us both that we could never be apart. I sighed in contentment as we broke the kiss and laid down in the bed. "I will never hurt you, Love"
"And I will never leave you."
"Never," he whispered, and then let sleep overtake us.