Have you ever just wanted to run away?

Yeah, I know, every teenager has had one of those moments where running away from home just seems like a perfect fantasy. No more parents, no more school, just run away and join the circus or something cliché like that.

But have you ever really wanted to do it? Have you ever just got into your car to drive to the grocery store and thought what if I just keep driving?

I think about that. A lot. I wonder if anyone would miss me. Would I miss them? Sometimes I just think it would be easier to do it, to just keep driving until I run out of gas. Then maybe walk from there. I don't know where I would end up but sometimes I think that it has to be better than here.

I feel trapped. Trapped by my family, my friends, my school, but mostly by my self. I am who I made myself. How can I change that? I can't.

I know that what I'm feeling is depression. I know I should talk to someone about it. Seek help. But really I don't want anyone's help. I don't want to feel okay with my shitty life. I want a new life. So much.

I don't want to die. I would never off myself. There are too many people who would blame themselves and I can't hurt them no matter how much I end up hurting myself in return. It doesn't matter as long as they are safe. I can keep up this façade, pretending to be happy even when I'm screaming inside.

But to run away is so tempting. To begin anew. I want it so badly it literally hurts.

As I pull out of the parking lot of the Shop N Save I have a choice. Left or right? Simple really. Left will take me home, back to my little world where I am a son, a friend, a singer, a nerd, a freak, a-let's just leave it at that. Right? Right can take me anywhere. Or everywhere. Or nowhere at all. It's all up to me. It would be so easy to just turn right and let the road take me where it will. So very easy.

It's a simple choice really.

As I wind through the familiar streets that lead to my house (home, I correct internally, this is your home) I wonder if I'll ever have the courage to make that right turn. Maybe someday.

It really would be easy. It has to be.