This is inspired by Gone2GroundEX's story, 'Asleep'. His writing is awesome, I command you to read it! GO!
First self-insert into a game, what fun! Heh, I know most people avoid reading things like this, since of course, the insert sometimes ends up a Sue or Stu, but alas, I will fail to deliver a story like that, or at least that is my goal. I also didn't proofread since I was strapped for time, sorry ^^
Also, I know this game sort of already makes you a main character, but I wanted an ACTUAL self-insert, so I'll be sticking to the default white-haired, male 'Robin'.
ALSO, what do you think about pairings? Any suggestions? I don't know if I'll be pairing myself with someone, but I'll try to stick to what I did in-game, sort of. Flames will be used to toast marshmallows. Thanks for reading!
***07/08/2013 EDIT: It's been awhile, and I've decided to rewrite this chapter, along with the second! I hope my writing's improved, since the rewrite took quuuuiiiiiite a big chunk of time. Oops, also, course language! You've been warned~
- Missile
-X-X-X-X-X-
It was a typical night since the day my pre-ordered version of Fire Emblem: Awakening arrived in my mailbox, in all its plastic wrapped, artbook-included glory. My alarm clock let out a BEEP as the time hit the 3AM mark, startling me and causing me to let out a yelp, muffled from under the bedsheets. I mean, what the hell, why does it beep out like that every hour? And that damned loud, too? Those poor light sleepers wouldn't be able to get any shut-eye and would have to waste the 20 bucks they paid for the thing... I've played around with the settings and there is no way to turn the beeping off!
Aaaaanyway, back to what I was saying earlier. I was curled under the covers, eyes transfixed to the screen of my 3DS, watching in awe as I learned that 'oholyshiat, when you hover over Virion he flips his hair ermagawsh that is sooooo kewl hurdur'. ...As you can plainly tell, the lack of more than 3 hours of sleep per night might've been starting to get to my head. I was yawning incessantly, and before I knew it, my face was planted into the pillow, like an ostrich burying its head under the sand. Okay, well, that wasn't a very accurate representation, since I can't literally bury my head in a pillow because the cloth of the pillow would have to be able to-
I really need to shut up sometimes.
...And that was it. Nothing else interesting happened in my life. I just wasted a minutes of your life. Cue the trololol music-
Just kidding.
The next day, I woke up as preppy as usual.
"Damn, *insert long yawn* I hate mornings."
Ah, very preppy indeed.
I spent a good, long 20 seconds brushing my hair and putting it in its usual ponytail, threw on whatever relatively clean clothing I happened to have (a pair of black sweatpants and a white sweater), brushed my teeth and all the routinely morning crap.
As my 3DS charger is connected to the outlet right beside my bedstand, my 3DS was fully charged and ready for another day of constant button abuse.
I headed for the door and walked to the bus stop. Normal day, huzzah. Get on the bus, flash the driver my bus pass... Sit down and try to ignore the breathing on the back of my neck from some kid who was intently watching me finally S-rank Lissa and Donnel. Stop being freaked out by the weird guy in the jacket mumbling something about 'being prepared' to a little microphone in his jacket.
Mmhm, normal-tastic.
Oh, but then something not-so-normal-tastic happened. I heard someone say something about a 'door appearing out of nowhere'... There was a blinding neon blue light from somewhere near the front of the bus, and lots of screaming. Startled, I accidentally pressed the A button to the Outrealm Gate instead of checking my inventory, but that was definitely the least of my worries. I looked up, and watched in terror as some sort of weird blue portal opened up, right in front of my bus.
The driver was repeatedly slamming on the brakes and trying to pull over, but to no avail. Everyone was shouting and yelling and pushing and cramming, and seeing as that would be futile, I shrunk in my seat. Something exploded judging from the loud boom I heard, and I watched in terror as metal chunks of the bus were sent splewing everywhere, blood splattering the seats. Some people dropped down, dead. The boy staring at my support conversations? He had passed out, a giant piece of glass embedded into his side. I would have screamed, if I could. Acting on instinct, I quickly curled up into a ball and brought my backpack in front of me, only able to blankly gape as a steel rod ripped through the fabric, my biology textbook, a few lab reports and almost my stomach.
And as the screaming died down, the light became more and more blinding, my head began to throb harder and harder.
The weird thing, though? The whole time, I was having a bit of a day with this. This sounded so much like your typical, terrible, Mary Sue-infused fanfiction. You have a teenage girl who gets teleported to some parallel dimension... and before you know it, she becomes a fucking magical fairy princess, everyone falls in love with her, especially the leading canon male protagonist, and she saves the world from some monstrous evil in an epic array of pink ribbons, glitter and rainbow kittens.
...That was all in my head, though. I was probably being delusional. Waking up in some fictional world? Huh, can't believe thoughts like that were even crossing my mind at a time like this. Before long, and disrupting my 'this-is-hardly-the-fucking-time' thoughts, I felt something slam into my head, and I passed out.
-X-X-X-X-X-
When I came to, my first instinct was to punch my damned alarm clock, but instead of coming in contact with plastic, my fist collided with something very sturdy, sending a jolt of pain through my arm. Looking on the sunny side of things, at least that was a better damn wake up call than the clock.
'Open your eyes, Alice. Its not that hard. Cooome on.' I muttered to myself, groaning and lifting myself off the ground.
Ground? What ground?
The 'ground' underneath me wobbled as I sat up, and after blinking for a good minute, I finally figured out where I was.
'Oh look, I'm floating on a giant piece of scrap metal in the middle of a damn ocean.'
Haha. Ha. Not funny.
I frantically scanned the horizon, but the closest thing I saw to land looked to be really, really, really far away. Damn. Where the hell was I, anyway? And how the hell did I get here? What the hell did the bus do, drive off a bridge? Had I been out so long that I drifted out to the OCEAN?
My first though was to call someone for help. I pulled out my phone, and not surprisingly, it was almost cracked in half.
'Aw hell, I can't watch Youtube anymore without my PCs crappy Internet connection now can I...?' I chuckled bitterly to myself and shoved the broken thing back into my pocket, rubbing my head.
Ow. Sunuva bitch, that hurts. I pulled my hand away to check my fingers, covered in a sticky, crimson substance. I gently touched my head again, and sure enough, I could feel crusted blood in my hair. That's just great. 'Must've been whatever slammed into my head', I mumbled to myself. If I didn't get any medical attention... After all, this piece of scrap metal had rust on it, and the last thing I wanted to do was get tetanus.
Sigh. Well, my lack of phone left me with my only other option.
Plan B: Paddle.
I grudgingly flipped onto my stomach, dipped my hand into the surprisingly unpolluted water and slowly began my arduous arm-paddle to the shoreline, all the while trying not to move my bleeding head too much. It was a surprise I was still conscious. Felt like a crapload of blood, but what did I know?
Now, I won't bore you to death with the details of my 4-hour long journey.
-X-X-X-X-X-
"LAND! OOOOOH, LAND SWEET LAND, HOW I'VE MISSED YOU..." I exclaimed, dragging myself off the metal and this time literally stuck my head into the ground like an ostrich's head in the sand. I could barely move my arms, my neck was cramped as fuck and I was in serious need of some water. You get pretty messed in the head when you're stranded in the middle of this boundless plain of the stuff but unable to drink any of it. I lay there, motionless for a few minutes and almost fell asleep, but my raspy throat and still throbbing cranium kept screaming at me to get water and help. With a long sigh, I clung onto a nearby tree and arduously rose to my feet, depressed, and squinted in the distance.
Could my eyes be deceiving me?
NO, MY EYES HAVE SHOWN ME THE LIGHT! YES! WONDERFUL! HUMANITY! SOME PROOF OF HUMAN EXISTANCE! I didn't care much for the details, but I could see buildings, and that made me slap a grin right back onto my face.
And another fun, fun trek to the village. It only took around ten minutes, though, because I was fueled by my need for some food and maybe some medical attention. Surely someone would take pity on me and feed me something or send me to a hospital, right? Everything would be A-OK. After all, Canadians are wonderfully friendly people.
But alas, things never go the way I want them to.
As I neared the village, I could see some woman trying to get away from some burly dude with an... AXE? Who the hell carries axes around with them? And... And he looked suspiciously like the brigands from Awakening...
I gently slapped myself in the forehead. This wasn't the time to be a nerd.
As strange and mildly disturbing as that was, I suppressed my urge to investigate further and slunk away in another direction to quietly bypassed the two, when I heard a crackling sound. One of the houses was on fire, and the flame was spreading like, well, fire. Adrenaline, and a lot of it, was pooling into my blood, and I sprinted the hell away, eyes darting around to find help. Help, help... Why weren't there any fire stations? Why did this city look so ancient? Why were people carrying axes with them? Lost in my thoughts, I absent-mindedly ran in a circle around a few buildings and almost crashed into a fallen tree.
I need to get the hell out of here.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted another axe-man, and to my horror, he was holding a little girl and pressing his axe to her throat. ...Shit, what the hell is going on here?! I was absolutely terrified, and I doubt anyone else wouldn't be. Instead of doing anything to help, I quickly ducked behind the trunk of the tree. As much as I wanted to be a hero... I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I was too scared and valued my own life more...
Hardly the time to be philosophical, Alice.
He said something, the girl shook her head and I could see a few tears, then the blade of his weapon press harder against her neck.
I felt bile rise in my throat and more and more panic and fear settle in. Shit, what the hell am I witnessing? The whole thing seemed almost surreal. I hunched down lower against the trunk, praying to dear Ashera that he wouldn't see me as I devised a plan. And, being the easily pissed-off person I was, I wanted to help, but I was much too afraid. I stole another glance, and took a closer look at the little girl.
...I then proceeded to do one of my favourite things, which would be act like a huge fucking idiot.
I rose from my hiding spot and approached them. While yelling at the top of my voice.
"OI, BASTARD, ITS KIND OF PATHETIC YOU'D DO THAT TO A LITTLE GIRL, EH? YOU MUST BE A REAL PUSSY! DON'T WANNA STICK YOUR NECK OUT SINCE YOU'RE AFRAID OF GETTING A BOOBOO ON YOUR BRAINLESS HEAD, RIGHT? PICK ON THOSE WHO DON'T EVEN HAVE DAMN WEAPONS TO DEFEND THEMSELVES? HA! REAL MANLY AND STRONG YOU ARE, CHUMP."
As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them and my panick began surfacing once more. The man dropped the girl, who ran crying to her mother's outstretched arms. The girl, her mom and the axe-man all stared at me.
Aw, shit shit shit shit shit- WHY DID I DO THAT? The girl, the girl... She reminded me so much of my brother. Same facial shape, same black hair, but especially those eyes. They twinkled happily when he was joyful, they were large and round, and... ...thinking of my family wasn't a great idea right now. I'd break down in tears if I kept this train of thought.
He approached, axe slung over his shoulder and an extremely menacing look plastered his face. I shrunk back. The blade was crusted in blood, and I knew mine would probably be covering it in a matter of seconds. He smirked at me, venom dripping from his piercing gaze; I think I might have pissed him off a little too much.
He stood right above me and raised the axe above his head. My adrenaline finally kicking back into gear, I lunged to the side, biting my lip as the axe missed me by a mere inch. He raised it again, eyes locked onto me. Lunging to the side took barely any energy at all, but my hands were clammy, my head was ringing and I couldn't move anymore. Nearby, I could spot some more men coming from another area, all with weird medieval weapons.
Looks like this is the end of me.
In a futile effort to protect myself, I raised my arms in a weak attempt to block the hit, but was surprised to find that the man had turned around, back facing me and chuckling to himself, and was preparing to cleave the head off the child I just saved.
No. NO.
Stupid, stupid me. I ran as fast as I could, brought my leg up and rammed it with strength I didn't know I possessed into the crook of his knee. This caught him off guard, and he crashed to the ground, the axe whizzing into the air... And sinking deeeeeep down into my shoulder.
To be honest, I was surprised my arm didn't come off. Oh, but the pain. It hurt. It hurt a LOT. I screamed and crumpled to my knees, breathing through my teeth and choking on my saliva. I brought my good arm up to the injured area and cradled my shoulder, hand balled up into a fist. And I thought spraining my ankle was bad... This, this was almost unbearable, especially to someone with pretty low pain tolerance.
"Run! GET OUT OF HERE! GO!" My 'heroic' self-sacrifice wasn't going to go to waste. The woman, tears in her eyes, clutched her child and took off, glancing back at me and saying something that I couldn't quite catch in my state. The man rose back up, massaged his injured knee out and pulled his arm out to bash my skull in. I could vaguely see one of his friends was also approaching behind him, too. No doubt to join in on slaughtering innocent people. Disgusting. The last thing I get to see before I die? A brigand whose face a mother would only love, then a fist to my face.
I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my bottom lip, bracing myself... And felt nothing. I heard, though, a loud grunt of pain, and something falling to the floor. I cautiously eased an eye back open, and saw the brigand, face down on the ground and a sword protruding out of his back. Holy fucking shit, did I just witness a murder? There was way too much blood, and...
I momentarily forgot about the pain and the death as something hit me.
That sword... it looked suspiciously liked Falchion.
No, it WAS Falchion.
And confirming my theory, a blue-haired young man that I thought was the brigand's buddy stood before me, two hands gripping the hilt of the legendary blade.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST SAW SOMEONE GET KILLED, I ALMOST GOT MAULED BY A PSYCHOPATH WITH AN AXE, AND I'M STARING AT A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.
"Gods, are you alright? ...Ah, that was a stupid question. Lissa! There's an injured civilian over here!"
Ohmyfuckinggodwhatthehellisgoingon. This wasn't some crazy, out of hand cosplay skit I was unaware of, was it? I stared , dumbfounded, at his face, almost forgetting the giant axe in my shoulder.
Almost.
I could vaguely feel someone removing the axe from my shoulder, letting the blood flow freely from my gaping wound, SHIT that hurts-
I grimaced and tried to force down sobs, but failed and pathetically sniffled into my sleeve. Chrom placed a reassuring hand on my good shoulder and I heard Lissa chant something in a foreign tongue.
I thought I was going to faint for a second, but then my shoulder and head suddenly felt much better. I glanced over at my wound, and was surprised to see only a thin scar remaining. My head still throbbed, but I felt kind of... refreshed?
"There, that should do it for now... A-are you feeling a little better?" Lissa asked.
Now that my wound was feeling much better, I could ponder the next most pressing issue. These guys were fictional. Why were they here? How was I here? I just saw them kill someone! What the hell? This isn't damn possible-
"Er, hey, can you hear me? Miss?"
I quickly snapped out of my trance.
"S-sorry! I... Thank you..." I muttered.
Chrom smiled. "No problem at all. My name is Chrom, and I'm the leader of the Shepherds. The girl over here is my younger sister, Lissa."
"Milord, with all due respect, going about revealing your identity to people who we have not-"
Ah, Frederick the Wary. How typical. ...I'm taking this information way too well.
"Oh, Frederick, I know, I know, but she risked her life to save those two civilians out there, and that is enough for me to know that she has a good heart and can be trusted. Ah, and this is one of our finest, Frederick. He keeps us all in check," at this, Frederick sighed inwardly, "...Pray tell, what is your name?"
I'm getting complimented by the prince of Ylisse. Ngh. And I'm meeting everyone's favourite Jeigan/Oifey. ...Why me? Godammit...
"Oh, you're Prince Chrom, are you not? Ah! Excuse my, er, unpoliteness, milord! My utmost gratitude for your help! My name is Alice..." Oh man, fuck this ye-olde speech.
He laughed. "Chrom is just fine. I never liked formalities, anyway. I prefer being treated like a regular citizen."
I quickly nodded again, smiling despite all the questions swimming in my head, and saw a white-haired man approach from behind. He was wearing the typical Avatar robes. 'So this is the dude who can marry anyone in the army who is of the opposite gender...' Robin.
"Oh, and this is a new recruit of ours, Robin."
The tactician smiled and gave me a friendly nod. I smiled back.
If this is a dream, please don't wake me up. Oh but that's right, this wasn't a fucking dream. That axe hurt like a bitch.
Oh god, that means I need to seize the opportunity, join the Shepherds and beat the 'game'. Generally speaking, that's how we get out of these kinds of situations, right? These kinds of situations? Oh who am I kidding, they're out of my league.
Though, I didn't really care about that very much at the moment, to tell the truth. I must prove to them I'm useful somehow, meet everyone else...
"...I'm really sorry about your village, Alice. I'll see if I can borrow some money to help rebuild it." Chrom said, noticing my melancholic expression. I stole a look at the buildings around me. The fire had mostly extinguished, but the rubble that was left was far less mesmerizing than the dancing flames.
"...Thanks, but... I'm not from around here..." Trying to come up with some clever backstory here...
"Ah, really? That's strange... May I ask, are you a merchant? There isn't much other reason to go around to these sorts of towns. Judging by your... curious attire, you aren't a mercenary, either."
Crap.
"U-um... No..." Aw shit... "... ...I just woke up in the middle of the ocean on a piece of scrap metal." Honesty is the best policy? Well technically, I'm not being honest since I do know where I'm from but I don't know how I got here. Great. Now he thinks I've got the brain of a goldfish.
Frederick raised a wary eyebrow. "That sounds remarkably similar to Robin's explanation. Waking up in the middle of nowhere with no idea as to how you got here."
"N-no, I'm telling the truth! Really!"
He sighed and shook his head. Chrom, being the nice guy he was, believed me.
"It's alright, I won't question you about that anymore. I'm assuming you don't have somewhere to stay, then...?"
I paused for a moment. The most logical explanation for me getting back home was to somehow find that strange blue light I saw when the bus crashed... Otherwise, I had nowhere to go. I looked down and shook my head, looking as pitiful as possible. Cheap trick, but it usually works.
There was a moment of silence.
"I see... Then how would you like to tag along for a bit?"
FUCK YES. But before I had a chance to respond, the Shepherd's advisor quickly intervened.
"With all due respect milord, we have only known this girl for a few minutes, at most, and we cannot determine whether she poses a threat, like say, if she were to be a Plegian spy. For all we know, she could stab us in the back the moment the chance arises."
I looked at the brown-haired man pleadingly, but he wouldn't have any of it. Damn, Freddy, you're a tough nut to crack.
"Peace, Frederick. Again, she risked her life for Ylissean villagers. I trust her."
"We are already strapped for space in the tents, how will we fit more? She must have some way of repaying us taking her under our wing. From the looks of it, she is incapable of fighting, and we should be saving our resources for those of us who are risking their lives on the battlefield."
"That is a rather good point, Frederick..."
Aw, shit. I have no back-up plan, either-
"...but who could leave an injured, homeless girl lying around in a burning village to fend for herself? Plus, she technically DID risk her life on the battlefield, saving those two villagers."
Another long, nerve-wracking pause. Frederick finally sighed heavily. "...Touché, Milord. As you wish."
YEEEEEES. God dammit, this is starting off well, save for the whole shoulder axe incident...
"Thank you. I'd be honoured. I promise I'll find something to do to make myself useful." I forced myself to keep calm a bit, but a wide grin would find itself on my face. Chrom laughed and held out his hand, which I took eagerly, and hoisted myself up. As we were about to leave, I felt someone tug on my shoulder. I turned around, and saw the little girl from before holding onto my sleeve, her mother standing next to her.
"Hm? Oh, hello there, sweetie... Did the basta- er, bad man hurt you or your mother? Are you alright?"
Strange how my inner thoughts are like, well, THIS, and yet I speak like this to some people.
She nodded.
"I'm glad... I'm really sorry for what happened here."
She shook her head. "It's okay, miss! Actually, I came here to say thank you! You saved me and mommy! I... I know it's not much, but take this! It's the least we could do to say thanks!" She thrust a sack of money in my hands. I eyed it and could guess that if 1 gold was equal to one coin, I was holding at least 500 gold right now.
"Oh no, I couldn't possibly..."
The mother stepped in. "Please, dear, accept it as a token of our gratitude. I saw you get injured back there, and..." she trailed off, looking incredibly guilty.
I knew this was quite a bit of money, especially for a small village like theirs. They would need to use it towards rebuilding the town. I could see that Chrom, Lissa, Frederick and Robin had stopped to watch. Pressure pressure pressure-
I smiled and shook my head. "...How about this? You use this money to rebuild your village, and as a thank-you gift, when I come back here again, you'll give me a tour! How does that sound?" I shoved the money back into their arms.
"Of course, we'd love too!" The woman said. Her daughter nodded in agreement and wrapped her arms around my torso in a hug. "Thanks, miss! When you come back, my ma and my pa and everyone will have this place looking good as new!"
I hugged her back. "I'll be looking forward to it."
With that, she pulled away and Frederick, who I had somehow coaxed a smile out of, motioned for me to follow the rest of the group. I jogged to catch up and we began our hike back to Ylisse, but not before turning back and waving. Despite all the crazy shit that just happened... I almost felt a sense of accomplishment. I made a change in someone' life, and whether this be all some kind of mental fabrication, maybe this whole ordeal wasn't going to be as bad I thought it was.