TITLE: Losing myself.
AUTHOR: Too_beauty.
CHARACTER: Hephaestion.
RATING: PG
CATEGORY: Historical AU rant.
DISCLAMER: I don't know the gorgeous General involved, he belongs to History and to himself but I wouldn't mind sharing my life with him. *sighs*
WARNING: None, just some angst.
NO BETA so all mistakes are mine.
FEEDBACK: comments are love!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The words in block capital letters belong to the lyrics of "Kings and Queens" by 30STM in the cutest voice of their front man, Jared Leto. (Because you always bring me back from the dark …)
Hephaestion hasn't been himself for a while; many ideas were whirl winding inside his head. He was 33, single and still childless, something he sometimes regretted badly. But there he was, sitting in his balcony at Ecbatana after following his king through the most incredible journey in exotic lands. But he was tired, very tired and in need of a good rant, at least with himself.
"My sweet Aphrodite, here I am , your most devoted and loyal follower, with the heart in my hands, trying to put my thoughts in order; INTO THE NIGHT, feeling DESPERATE AND BROKEN because I don't know what to do anymore; I heard THE SOUND OF A FIGHT, again coming from the East, FATHER Zeus HAS SPOKEN and his son Alexander has listened again to him and decided that Arabia comes next."
"When we were young, we believed WE WERE THE KINGS AND QUEENS OF PROMISE because we thought we could carry out our dreams easily but we became blind and because of that WE WERE VICTIMS OF OURSELVES because our dreams became bigger than us, and our pride made us feel that we weren't THE CHILDREN OF A LESSER GOD and so, here I am, feeling numb, BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL."
"My dear Goddess, we came INTO OUR LIVES now HOPELESS AND TAKEN, because we had suffered so many bad times and life had taken a big toll on us. WE STOLE OUR NEW LIVES THROUGH BLOOD AND PAIN, in every battle we fight, with every life we take, and our only excuse is that everything is done IN DEFENSE OF OUR DREAMS; IN DEFENSE OF OUR DREAMS we fight, we kill, we lose ourselves."
"But everything in life can ricochet but every action has its consequence and I believe that THE AGE OF MAN IS OVER, that man we considered was just a single person attached to a simple life; we have seen that other lifestyles are possible; we have opened our minds to new ideas, but in spite of the new light we have seen A DARKNESS COMES because greed and power make people change AND ALL THESE LESSONS THAT WE LEARNED HERE HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN and we have so many other lessons to learn."
"WE ARE THE KINGS, WE ARE THE QUEENS of our times but who can save us from what we had become?"
Hephaestion fell on his knees and cried bitter tears of sorrow because he felt his time was coming to an end, he knew that he needed to take a decision before losing himself.