Since I was asked to write a DesertDancer story, here's a Cacturne/Gardevoir tale! Oh boy, so, here's the story…
I had this ready before my old laptop crashed, so this would be a revised version. Anyways, long story short, Cactos the Cacturne and Divine the Gardevoir wind up at the Daycare Center after an incident, and from there, interesting topics arise.
Rated for suggestiveness and Croyde the swearing Cloyster.
On a side note, Cactos and Divine are both shiny. I get a lot of luck with shiny Pokémon in game (although I admit I hunted for Cactos for about a month). Just an FYI, as there will be some references to shiny coloring.
This came out a lot more fun and suggestive than the original, so I'm kind of laughing over here. To my requester, hope you like it!
000
Cactos was ready to slam his head into a wall.
Well, not really, but that was the perfect way to describe his frustration with the situation at hand. The Cacturne was trapped.
Trapped in the Daycare Center. With Divine the Gardevoir. Now, most people would probably be happy in this situation (since many Pokémon got "lucky" in the Daycare), but Cactos wasn't like that. The Cacturne was antisocial, quiet, cold, and would stay as far away from this place as possible if it was his choice. Of course, sadly, it wasn't his choice. It was Zee's choice of a punishment for the incident a few days ago.
Zee had been challenged by a friend of his. The battle took its normal course. Divine set up Trick Room, Ding-Dong set up some barriers, Charon caused some mischief, and Croyde (as Rexon the Tyranitar was taking a break, leading to the Shiny Cloyster replacing him) messed some things up. However, the battle didn't go so well. At least, as not as well as battles usually went. Ding-Dong fainted when he exploded, while Croyde didn't even get the chance to explode. Nero dealt some heavy damage before fainting himself, while Charon was nailed by a powerful super-effective Sucker Punch fired off by an Absol. In the end, Cactos and Divine were the last two standing in the double battle.
The battle may have already been lost, but it would've been a much more dignified ending if Divine hadn't tripped on her dress and knocked over Cactos. Just as the Cacturne was about to Sucker Punch an opposing Gallade, Divine hit him off balance, and he missed. After that, Cactos just remembered a sharp pain, a heavy blow, and a loud thump as he hit the ground.
While they HAD lost battles before, this time was different. The thing was, Divine said she didn't trip at all, and that CACTOS had gotten in her way. So, after the battle, things weren't looking pretty…
"That was a tough battle," said Nero, scratching his head. "Seriously, I got wrecked."
"You and me both, buddy," muttered Charon, cracking his back.
"I took down two of them, so I'm perfectly content right now," drawled Ding-Dong.
"Shitty battle," said Croyde. "Bastards kicked my ass! I can't freaking believe it!"
"Is it possible for you to not swear every sentence?" asked Ding-Dong sarcastically.
"Shut up, asshole."
"I'll take that as a no, then."
"Y'know, this defeat wouldn't be so bitter if it hadn't ended so badly," said Divine, casting a glance at Cactos.
Cactos didn't miss it. "You're implying that you think it's MY fault?"
"Well, yeah…if you hadn't bumped into me-"
"Don't pin this on me, I saw you trip on that dress," interrupted Cactos, eyes gleaming.
"This dress has always been a part of my body. I'm used to it. And you think I'd trip over it?"
"I used to not think so, but today proved me wrong," said Cactos crushingly. Divine glared at him.
"Guys, calm down," said Nero sternly.
"So, shifting the blame to me?" asked Divine. "Who next? Ding-Dong? Nero? Zee?"
"Of course not, they're not the ones who slipped up," said Cactos. They never blamed Zee for their defeats ever, and Nero and Ding-Dong both put up a good fight.
"I'm not the one who messed up," said Divine hotly.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you're right. It was Palkia. He must've warped space around to make it LOOK like you tripped up and fell on me. My mistake," snapped Cactos, sarcasm dripping from every word.
"Cactos, you'd better cut that out before I hit you with a psychic blast," threatened Divine.
"Guys," said Charon, raising a hand, but Cactos ignored him.
"Try it," invited Cactos, waving an arm. "A Psychic attack on a Dark-Type. You seem to be as intelligent as you are graceful."
That did it. Leaning across the campfire, Divine smacked Cactos across the face. Cactos's gaze darkened, and the needles on his arm lengthened.
"Holy shit!" yelled Croyde. Nero immediately restrained Cactos, while Charon pulled back Divine. Ding-Dong stayed in the middle, although it was mainly for Divine's sake. Cactos could completely destroy the Gardevoir in a one on one fight. Throughout all of the commotion, Zee woke up. Noticing Divine and Cactos as the root of the problem, he acted quickly. Two seconds passed, and then Cactos found himself in his Poke ball.
When was the last time he had been FORCED into his Poke ball?
Of course, things only went downhill from there. Because only a Banette would find the conflict between the Gardevoir and Cacturne amusing, Charon had oh-so-sweetly suggested to Zee (there was a device in the Pokedex that would allow you to understand what the Pokémon were saying nowadays) that Divine and Cactos needed time to bond alone together. Their gullible trainer quickly agreed, and put them in…hell itself. The daycare center.
"Now, I know you're both a bit…experienced to be in here," Zee had said apologetically. "But you two just need to work out your differences. I'll be back soon."
Divine had been shocked. Cactos had been mutinous. Cactos loved his trainer, but he could be an idiot. Cactos looked out from the rock he was sitting on. They were in Solaceon Town- a town full of cowboys and rednecks. Their loud voices made Cactos wince. He wasn't a city person, as he was looked at as if he was a monster.
Then again, only Divine was comfortable in the city. Probably because she didn't resemble anything too scary or weird. But she was shiny, too, so she was often stared at. In fact, most of the team was shiny. The only one that wasn't was Nero. Cactos had no idea how Zee got such luck catching shiny Pokémon. Cactos personally didn't like his shiny coloring. He didn't like his red and orange appearance, although Charon, Divine, and Croyde all flaunted their shiny status. Ding-Dong couldn't care less.
Cactos glared up at the sun, wincing at the brightness. Being a nocturnal Pokémon, the last place he wanted to be was in the center of a bright city. It could've been worse…at least he wasn't in Sunyshore. But still, Cactos couldn't wait to leave.
After all, he had to murder Charon. If he was here too long, he might forget. But all of his thoughts of revenge were cut short as he heard footsteps behind him.
"Hey there," said Divine, leaning against the fence. Cactos acknowledged her with a jerk of the head.
"Hey."
"Still no sign of him, huh?"
"Nope."
"I miss him," said Divine, worriedly. "I know you do, too."
"Eh…what've you been up to?" asked Cactos, trying not to feel awkward as he talked to the girl that hated him for all of yesterday night and this morning.
"I've just been mingling here and there, talking with some Pokémon, avoiding the morons who try to flirt with me."
"Sounds hectic," drawled the Cacturne.
"It was. Most recently, I was chatting it up with a Lopunny and a Blaziken."
Cactos gave her a knowing look. "Talking about me, right? Or else you wouldn't have brought it up."
"Well, they sort of did. The Lopunny said you were ugly, but they'd do you if you were good."
Cactos snorted. How he was in the Humanshape group was beyond him. He understood why he was with the other plants, but why was he grouped with all of the humanoid Pokémon like Jynx, Medicham, and the aforementioned Lopunny? He would've belonged much better in the Indeterminate group with Divine and Charon.
Wait, why the hell weren't Gardevoir in the Humanshape group?
Wait, why was he wondering about Divine being in his egg group?
He wasn't. No. His thoughts just went off course a little bit there. No other reason.
"So a Lopunny wants me?" asked Cactos. "Maybe I'll get lucky here after all."
"Haha," said Divine, knowing that Cactos was joking. "You wouldn't want that Lopunny."
"You must've felt right at home with them gossiping and insulting me," said Cactos, rolling his eyes.
"I actually told both of them to shut up. You're not ugly, Cactos, despite what you say about your coloring."
"It's not the coloring, it's the way I look in general. My coloring just makes me look worse-"
"I'm not angry at you anymore," interrupted Divine, cutting him off. Cactos gave her a look of disbelief.
"Could've fooled me. That slap you gave me still stings."
Divine looked a bit embarrassed. "Yeah…sorry about that. My temper got the better of me…"
Cactos chuckled. She went from angry to sorry that quickly? It was somewhat amusing…and Cactos didn't laugh easily.
"Apology accepted."
"Thanks…although, I don't know WHY we got locked up here for just ONE fight! It's not like it happens all the time!"
"This whole situation reeks of a little bastard named Charon," growled Cactos in annoyance.
"Oh THAT explains a lot. The way he was waving at us when he and Zee left…he must've thought it was a fabulous joke."
"It was. I'll figure out a way to take my revenge later."
"You really hate losing, huh?"
"I didn't LOSE to Charon, he just managed to push my buttons this time," snapped Cactos quickly. Divine looked offended.
"Sorry," he apologized. "I'm just a little aggravated. I hate being in cities in general, let alone a daycare center smack dab in the middle. I didn't mean to snap at you."
"It's alright," said Divine in understanding. She knew how antisocial Cactos was. She looked around, trying to change the conversation. She pulled a face as a sight entered her gaze.
"Ew."
"What?" asked Cactos, not looking up.
"That Lopunny from before is walking off with a Machamp. And I bet I know what they're going to do…"
"That's fine. Let the bunny make her choice."
"Uh, the Lopunny is male. I forgot to mention, he thought YOU were a girl. I had to correct him."
"That's just a BIT more than I needed to hear," said Cactos, shaking his head. Disturbing images were now in his head, and the urge to slam his head into a wall from before was slowly returning.
"Sorry about that."
"Well, it doesn't change the fact that it's their choice. If they want to do the nasty with some Pokémon they'll probably never see again, then let them do it."
"I suppose you're right," agreed Divine, looking around the entire ranch. Cactos still stared forlornly at the village, hoping to see some sign of Zee. A giant green bell, a purple rhino monster, or an obnoxious, swearing shellfish. He wanted to get out of here.
Mostly for the reason of killing Charon, but also because he was starting to feel awkward here, now that Divine had oh-so-kindly pointed out the couple that was heading off to "breed".
"Have you ever thought about it?" asked Divine suddenly.
"Thought about WHAT?" asked Cactos.
"Mating."
Well, that was a bit out of the blue. Had she been reading his thoughts or something? Psychics. Cactos coughed loudly. Divine giggled at his expression.
"No…I can safely say that I haven't," said Cactos, trying to forget his coughing fit.
"Come on, I bet you have," teased Divine. "The embarrassment is written all over your face."
"No it's not."
"Yes it is."
"No, I haven't. We're Pokémon- we're made for fighting, not starting families," said Cactos sternly.
"So who would your first choice be?" asked Divine, ignoring him.
"My first choice for WHAT?"
"A breeding partner."
"You're asking me who I would pick to sleep with if it was my choice?"
"Yes," said Divine without shame.
"Are we really having this conversation?" asked Cactos, smacking his face.
"A Lopunny?" Divine persisted.
"Okay, NO. They're just sexually aroused bunnies that go around looking for a good time."
A Lopunny that was not very far away gasped, before standing up and walking away, throwing Divine and Cactos a dirty look. Cactos held back a chuckle. So did Divine.
"Well, I agree with you there. I'm glad someone shares the same opinion as me," said Divine, shaking her head.
"Indeed."
"So who would it be?"
"Who would YOU pick?" asked Cactos, annoyed.
"I don't know, really…"
"Let me guess, a Gallade?" asked Cactos, rolling his eyes. The chemistry between those two Pokémon was totally obvious, although he knew that Divine never seemed to show an interest in them, finding their chivalry a bit "dorky".
"Not really," said Divine. "I'm not crazy about Gallade…or any Pokémon in my egg group. I don't know why I'm in the Indeterminate egg group. They're all like Charon…really weird."
"Ah."
"I'm personally into more…human Pokémon," said Divine, smirking at him.
Cactos stiffened. "Well, you're a Gardevoir. How much more human can you get from THAT?"
"But I'm not even in the Humanshape egg group," lamented the Gardevoir. "Not like you."
"You're flirting with me," said Cactos. It was a statement, not a question.
"Yes," said Divine, without hesitation. "What's your point?"
Cactos was caught off guard. He hadn't expected her to be so blunt. She sounded just like him.
"What's YOUR point?" asked Cactos, trying to act as if he WASN'T confused.
"I don't know," admitted Divine. "Maybe that Lopunny and Machamp just gave me an idea."
Cactos scoffed. "To have a good time with a Pokémon you'll most likely never see again, and to wind up pregnant with his egg?"
"No," retorted Divine sharply. "I mean…finding a mate. I mean, considering that I'm always travelling around with five other guys, my options are rather…limited."
"Mate with Charon. Have a bunch of little terrors."
Of course, since Cactos was planning to kill Charon as soon as he got out of this joint, that probably wouldn't work out too well.
"I'm not interested in Charon," said Divine, shuddering at the thought.
"But you're interested in ME?" asked Cactos.
"What was your first clue?" asked Divine. "I guess so. I mean…I've always liked the way you push me away."
"I push you away because I don't feel the same," said Cactos bluntly.
"So you didn't ask Charon for advice on how to woo me over?"
Damnit. Charon was dead for sure, now.
"No, I didn't," confirmed Cactos, not looking at her.
"Are you really going to be that stubborn?" asked Divine, shaking her head.
"What's that supposed to mean?" queried Cactos, folding his arms in defiance.
"It means, do I just have to ask?"
"Ask WHAT?" asked Cactos. He was not keeping up with her in this conversation…and he didn't like that.
"Do you want to mate?"
Oh, that wasn't completely unexpected at all. Cactos wobbled on the rock he was sitting on, coughing violently. Divine smirked. NOW things were getting interesting.
"No," said Cactos shortly.
"Aw, come on, Cactos, don't be so uptight and stiff," whined Divine. "You need to be more loose…relaxed…let your stress go away."
"You're the cause of my stress right now, but I don't think you'd leave quietly," said Cactos flatly.
"Okay, fine," said Divine, getting up to leave. Cactos was shocked. She was going? Finally, he'd have some peace…but…there was the matter of her question to be settled.
"Wait."
"I knew you wouldn't let me leave," crooned Divine, giggling.
"No, I just want to clear some things up," said Cactos firmly.
"Go for it."
"Why on EARTH would you make me an offer like that?" asked Cactos, suspicious. "Is this some kind of trick?"
"Yes, Cactos. I'm going to murder you in your sleep."
"Ha ha. No, really. Explain."
"Because I care about you, stupid," said Divine, rolling her eyes.
"And I don't like you in any way except as a teammate," said Cactos. "So it's not going to work."
"Liar."
"I'm not lying!"
"Yes you are," said Divine without hesitation. Cactos groaned. This wasn't easy…at all.
"Okay. LOOK. Where would you get the idea that I like you?" asked Cactos, throwing as much spite into his words as possible.
"Uh…did you forget? Charon told me."
Damnit, he forgot about that.
"Well, I don't like-"
Divine gave him a cool look.
"Okay, maybe I like you…a little bit. Like…barely. But…this is just too sudden!"
"Not for me," said Divine, shrugging.
"For me, not for you!" hissed Cactos. "When did you start acting like a Lopunny?"
"When I decided to finally confess because you were taking too long," said the Gardevoir, smiling sweetly. Cactos felt the painful stab to his ego. It wasn't HIS fault he was emotionally awkward…it was just his nature…no really, he had a lonely nature. Zee's Pokedex confirmed it. Cactos didn't know HOW.
"So, I'll take your silence as a yes, then?" asked Divine.
"No, that's impossible," snapped Cactos.
"Explain why we couldn't be mates," said Divine, folding her arms and waiting patiently. She was inviting him to find a reason? So be it…her choice.
"For starters, we don't even like each other like that-"
"I know I do," said Divine, not sounding so patient anymore. "And you're just being stubborn. Seriously, stop trying to convince yourself as much as you're trying to convince me."
"Don't tell me how to feel," said Cactos.
"I'm only telling you because I GET how you feel. I evolved from Kirlia, the Emotion Pokémon," said Divine.
Cactos groaned. Crap. He hadn't seen that one coming. If she hadn't been a Gardevoir, this wouldn't have been so difficult- not the looks or anything, but the emotion reading? That just wasn't fair.
"I know why you're being stubborn," added the Gardevoir.
"And WHY am I being so stubborn, exactly?" asked Cactos, folding his arms in defiance.
"Because you hate to lose. And when you DO actually lose, you don't admit it. When I suggested that Charon beat you at your own game, you snapped at me, and when we lost that battle, you completely denied the fact that it WAS partially your fault, leading to the fight that got us stranded here in the first place. And since you're losing to me in this debate right now, you're on the defensive."
Cactos stared at her, dumbfounded.
"The ball is in your court, by the way," said Divine sweetly, looking back out at the city.
Cactos shook himself out of his daze, thinking again. "How could we ever be a couple? We have too much responsibility with other things. We have to fight and-"
"That's a poor excuse and you know it," said Divine, rolling her eyes. "We have plenty of free time to ourselves."
"We'd be in our Pokeballs-"
"Zee lets us out half of the time."
Cactos grunted under his breath. Another potential argument, ruined. Cactos glanced at her. Maybe he really DID hate to lose. He couldn't deny it- she WAS attractive, in looks and personality. Wait, what was he thinking? Sure, she may be pretty, but she was EXTREMELY annoying. She was annoying, obnoxious, stupid, kind, sweet, smart, sexy…
Damnit.
"I don't love you," said Cactos shortly.
"I never mentioned love," said Divine, smirking at him. Cactos's eyes widened in horror at what he just said.
"You know what I meant-"
"Yes, I do, but we're thinking of two different things," said Divine. Cactos shook his head. Perhaps he should just give in…
No! He may have lost a battle, he may be losing this argument, and he may be trapped in a daycare center with a seductive Gardevoir, but he still had his pride! No girl was going to get the better of him! Never! Especially not this beautiful- focus, Cactos!
"Any other arguments you want me to completely destroy?" asked Divine. "You're rather quiet, so does that mean I've won?"
"No, I'm wondering if you secretly have a naughty nature," spat Cactos, trying to stall for time. He had been backed into a corner now.
"I have a Serious one, actually," said Divine, seemingly unconcerned with the Cacturne's bad attitude. "Which means I'm being serious about everything I'm saying. And I know yours, too. Lonely."
Curse you, Charon.
"Correct," hissed Cactos.
"Any other attempts to defeat me in this verbal conflict of ours?" asked Divine.
"Why the sophisticated language?"
"I figure you already feel stupid enough right now, so why not milk it while I can?" explained Divine ever-so-sweetly. Cactos just glared. How could someone be so attractive and infuriating at the same time? "Come Cactos, is that it? Someone would think that you've run out of arguments."
Cactos was going to snarl a reply, but then some idea popped into his head- so logical that Divine COULDN'T prove him wrong. Arceus really WAS looking out for him.
"I've got it!" said Cactos, clapping his hands together. "Even if we had the free time and were sure of our feelings, we're in completely different egg groups. That being said, we would be unable to…well, do the nasty, and produce offspring. So basically, we CAN'T be breeding partners because we aren't in the same egg group."
Divine frowned, thinking to herself. Cactos grinned. She had thought he had been beat, eh? Showed what she knew. She wasn't going to talk her way out of this one-
Wait, why was she smiling?
"Well, I have to hand it to you," she said, still smiling mysteriously. Cactos, however, felt his own smile slip away. "Good argument, Cactos. You've got a sharp brain- something that makes you attractive."
Something was very wrong here. And all Cactos could do was sit and wait for the Gardevoir's inevitable rebuttal.
"However, breeding usually refers to having kids, while mating usually refers to finding a lover," said Divine. "So, while we may not be able to produce offspring by breeding, we have other options!"
Shit.
"It has never really been said whether or not you can 'do the nasty', as you said, with a Pokémon in another egg group. It could be completely possible, and better yet, there would be no chance of having a kid because of being in different egg groups, seeing as it would be really inconvenient if I had to keep having eggs."
Shit. No. This wasn't happening. SHIT!
"So, therefore, we could still sleep with each other without ever having to have children," finished Divine triumphantly. "Besides, we could always adopt anyways!"
Cactos got up. "I'm leaving."
"You're just angry that you lost."
"No I'm-!" Ah, to hell with it. "Yes, I am.
"So, your answer?" She was STILL expecting one? Damnit, she was persistent.
"I said no at the beginning, didn't I?"
"I wouldn't knock it out before you've tried it," said Divine. "Who knows? A relationship between us could lead to great things."
"And you just want to be led to great things?" asked Cactos, in a last ditch attempt to try and be so rude and nasty, she'd lose interest.
"I care about you, idiot," said Divine, sighing. "I don't know why you make yourself blind to that fact."
Oh, she just HAD to play that card, didn't she? Well, his plan just failed. Curse his kind heart…
"Cactos, are you really that distant from everyone?" asked Divine, looking concerned. "I know what you and the others say about you…how your heart is as cold as the desert at night. But is that really you?"
"Yes," said Cactos quietly.
"But is that who you WANT to be?"
Cactos groaned. Why wasn't he walking away?
"No, but Pokémon don't change. A Cacturne doesn't change his diamonds," he said.
"From what Nero told me, you did."
Cactos's eyes widened, before he glanced back at her.
"Look…it's nothing personal…I'm just…I don't like getting close to people. You know how uncomfortable I am around others, even in our own team."
"But I could change that," pointed out Divine.
"I bet you could," muttered Cactos.
"Well, despite the several hints you've dropped, you still haven't given me a straight up answer, Cactos," said Divine, waiting.
Cactos fully turned around, folding his arms. "I'm not sleeping with you," he said firmly. "Or breeding with you, or mating, or whatever you call it. No way. Nope. Never. So get that idea out of your head, go away, and leave me alone."
000
"Hi, I'm here to pick up my Cacturne and Gardevoir," said Zee, smiling at the old lady who ran the Daycare center.
Charon was at his side, chuckling evilly to himself. His amazing plan had worked. And although Cactos and Divine had probably figured it out and wanted to kill him, he was already dead and Zee would just put them back in the Daycare if they started another fight.
"They're going to be SO pissed!" said the Banette, covering his mouth with his hands.
"Here you go, young man," said the old lady, leading his two Pokémon out.
Charon stared. Something was very wrong here. Both Divine and Cactos seemed oddly…calm, and they had the look as if they had lost a lot of stress. What was the word? Satisfaction? Cactos simply waved to Charon, and Divine gave him a smile. Charon was confused. Shouldn't they have been angry? Upset? Wanting to utterly kill him?
Once Zee had thanked and paid the old couple, he and his Pokémon went outside.
"How did it go?" he asked.
Cactos and Divine exchanged a glance. Cactos coughed.
"Well, we've managed to settle our differences for the time being," said Divine. Then she frowned. "But…"
Zee frowned as well. "But what?"
Cactos let out another cough. "Well, the thing is," he said. "We decided to have our own private training session while we were there…"
"How'd that go?"
"Well, it went very well…but I think we get nervous around you sometimes…Divine in particular…so I was going to ask if we could continue these private practices…"
Zee continued to frown, but then smiled in understanding. "That's fine. I can understand while you still might be nervous around me, even after so long. The private training sessions are fine, and I'll make sure no one else bothers you when you're practicing? Is that okay?"
"That's great," said Cactos firmly. "Let's go. I hate Solaceon Town."
Zee shrugged and continue walking, but Charon wasn't convinced. He gave Cactos a suspicious look.
"Private practice sessions?" he hissed. "What's THAT supposed to mean?"
Cactos looked at the puppet, before smirking. Charon stared. Cactos rarely smiled, let alone SMIRKED…
"All I'll say is, thanks Charon," said Cactos. "This little vacation turned out to be something we really needed."
"What do you mean?" asked Charon.
"Think about where we were," said Cactos, simply walking away. Divine giggled at his side.
Charon thought, frowning, before his eyes widened.
"No way…"
000
Wow…a lot more seductive and suggestive than originally planned. XD
Okay, so my Pokémon fics usually expand on minor topics or questions in the Pokémon world, so really- what CAN happen between two Pokémon in different egg groups? I just use Cacturne and Gardevoir as an example because I use them all the time (and Shiny Cacturne, along with Banette, Honchkrow, and Cradily, is one of my signature Pokes). That, and the pairing makes me laugh out loud hysterically.
And why ISN'T Gardevoir in the Humanshape Group? Seriously…that one is just weird…it looks more human than JYNX does, anyways…
Ending? Eh, you decide on that one. :P
Hope you liked it, especially my request-ee person…yeah…
Divine: Review!
Cactos: Save me.