CATCHING FEELINGS II
It's been two months since we've seen each other and three since we've talked. We're not friends anymore…prophecy fulfilled. I knew if we had complicate things with feelings and emotions that someone would get their heart broken and the other would be seen as the villain. At the end of the day none of it was my fault and I refuse to take any responsiblilty for what happened – still I don't blame her, I blame the heart; I blame the heart for being too easily confused, for being too susceptive to any form of affection and mistaking it for LOVE – it's not the same thing as affection is love at its simplest form and idea, but LOVE (in caps) is a magic that doesn't trick you but makes you believe, no magician can perform this act for it is a person in itself and it chooses where and with whom it wants to stay – I knew we could and would never happen because love chose her not LOVE, none didn't choose me. Not yet.
By her name I could already tell she would be different; Python, sounds slutty and provocative, but I figured it wasn't a name she would choose for herself but more like an alias – like mine – that guy over there or him – I guess you could say I didn't have any friends but fuck that – I'm Charlie. Her name is Lisa and before I could say hi, she held onto my arm as if she knew me since we were six, as if she were ready to tell me everything she's thinking and not thinking. I had a friend by the way, which translated to me having friends since his friends were supposedly my friends – sad. We met at the diner next to Boston's forest hills bus station – with the one who warned me; Andrew and his three cousins Rookie, Demario and Lisa.
She had many scars, more than I do and more beautiful than mine because they showed how hurt she was and that's beautiful to me. The whole night she held onto me as if we were a couple and I really liked the idea, but maybe that's me just over-thinking again; wondering if she really likes me or she just wanted to climb me – I'm very tall. Maybe she just wants to climb me, I mean her alias is Python – I guessed she fucks a lot of dudes .
I remember she asked me what I was going to do after now; which I replied sleep – I lied. She told me she was going to fuck herself, instantly I fell in the sadistic forestry.
It was her, Lisa – she's in a red laced lingerie with the thickest ass I've seen, don't know why it was that thick because she realistically doesn't have a thick ass and I really don't like thick girls. She kept asking what do I like but I couldn't respond in the sadistic forest, she kept asking until she became frustrated and started hitting me with the paddle – she noticed that that's what I liked – that's all that happened though. I don't know why but that's all that happened, whenever I wanted to go into the forest or just simply think about Lisa in a sexual way, I never could – it's almost like I'm sexually imaginably numb when I think about her. All to my mind was that horrible KATY Perry song "I kissed a girl", which made no sense because I've kissed many girls before and liked it and to add I haven't kissed Python before.
Over time we became more than just mutual friends, she became a really great friend and a really great supporter. I haven't been in the forest for 6 months, not since Lisa and I became friends. She made the first move that night when we went to the Last Shadow Puppets show in New York – she held onto to my arm again, then she told me how much she loves this song, then my heart took the beat of the bass in "Calm Like You", then she pulled me closer to her than I already was, then she told me how much she missed the touch of a man and my heart started to skip notes alternating the song, then she told me how much she wanted me to touch her and slid my hands down to her pussy – I blacked out.
The only thing I could remember from that night was the Gargoyles outside the building the show was at. Frustrated that I couldn't remember anything I started cutting, the first time since I've stopped last year when I was 16. There was blood everywhere, I felt stupid and high at the same time, sad and happy – I wanted to know what happened so bad that I started crying hysterically – then I called and asked her. I passed out and we're a couple – I entered the forest.
It's not Lisa, I don't know who it is and we're not in the usually room – everything is different. I'm sitting on a chair with my hands tied behind my back and my feet are bound to the chair's. This time the room is all white except for the chair which was blood red. Scary I used that description because the chair was actually blood red – literally being covered in blood; then I realized that all this blood was coming from the bucket she had in her hand. She cupped her left hand to scoop the blood and started to splash me in a violent way and I was humiliated, but never have I been so aroused. My dick was throbbing so hard that it started to hurt, but it hurt so good; it felt as if the head of my dick was going to explode. She then got on her knees and started to suck the blood off my dick, but it wasn't blood, I know because I was tempted to taste it, it was cherry flavored syrup – she sucked everything off; my nipples, my balls, my ears, my lips and she even got between the space between my testicles and my anus – I came everywhere. The biggest load I've ever sprayed.
At this point I was totally invested in Lisa. She became this person I couldn't see myself living without and a person of refuge. We've been friends for 8 months and a couple for 3. We never had our first time only the occasional kiss. This was not because both of us are inexperienced and would be nervous because we've both done this before both with different people. It was not because we weren't attracted to each other because whenever we were together there would be times when my hand would drift with his own mind and I don't know if this is conscious, but she'll usually have her hands between my legs almost touching my balls; I would tell you about the things I would do to her, but she makes me sexually imaginably numb. There was this time it almost happened; it was after we took a break, honestly I think it was because we never had sex and that frustrated her, but we lied and said it was because we weren't sure of what we wanted yet and that we started off too fast. After the break, Andrew had planned for us to go to this party one of his friends had and Python was there, along with Rookie and his other cousin Tammy. I was almost excited because I wanted to get away from my parents and I wanted to dance away the stress of school; by the way I'm not a good dancer and I don't dance at all, but this was stress worth dancing away. Again, when she saw me she held onto me, tricking me that everything is fine; although the break was over we decided to remain friends, so when she was held onto me I didn't know what to think.