In the Wind

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What is freedom, what does it feel like?

Hinata always found herself pondering this simple question whenever she had time to just think, and lately she's had a lot of time.

If someone were to ask her this question when she was away from Konoha she would tell them without hesitancy. Freedom is when you are away from everything you fear and hate, when you can be who you are without a care of what others may think of you, when you can let your spirit breathe, and it feels like...like your feather light and the wind can carry you to the places your heart truly desires. That is how she would explain freedom in the most simplest terms if she were asked. But she never was.

"Were almost home, I see the gates right ahead!" Kiba's loud voice announced in excitement ahead of her, Akamaru barking at his master's happiness beside him.

Hinata kept her pearl colored eyes fixated on the ground. She didn't need to lift her head to confirm Kiba's findings because she could already feel the familiar weight of the invisible shackles locking around her wrists, her ankles, her mind, her spirit; taking away the feather light feeling of freedom with their weight. Dread began to settle in the pit of her stomach, coiling around her organs like an anaconda, strangling out every good feeling, good memory she had with its unrelenting grip.

Her body was screaming for her to run, to go far far away to a place no one knows of, where she can hide from the shackles that bound her and keep the feather light feeling forever. It would all be so easy.

But it was too late, her mind wouldn't listen to her body's command because the shackles were already locked in place, squeezing every ounce of free will she had, depriving her spirit of any room to breathe, filling her to the brim with fear and loathing, she was trapped, bound to the place she loved and equally hated.

Hate.

People would never even use her name and hate in the same sentence, for everyone thought it was impossible for such a person as her to feel hate. And she would agree with them, but not when her will and drive was gone, not when she was losing herself, for when she was losing herself she was capable of feeling anything, especially hate.

And she was losing herself once again, being dragged down by the weight of the shackles, pulled down into the depths of the sea of pain where she was surrounded by everything that terrified her and everything she despised, where she could not be herself without fear of repercussion, and what others thought about her became a priority.

She was drowning, she could not breathe, the shackles were too tight, cutting into her skin making her bleed out and taking away her air supply, the anaconda was biting her insides filling her with its deadly poison. The pain, the agony, she wished she could die, so that it all could stop, and she could feel feather light forever.

Hinata was brought back from her dark thoughts when she felt the twitter of something on her nose. It took her a moment to realize that it was Shino's Kikaichu. She looked up from the ground in surprise to see Kiba was standing in front of her with a look of concern as he held her hand in his, Shino standing off just to her left and even though she couldn't see it she could feel his concern also.

"Hinata just breathe, you're shaking."

It wasn't until Kiba said that that she noticed she was in fact shaking and very badly so.

She opened her mouth and swallowed a huge breath of oxygen, her mind just now registering her body's insistent need for it.

Kiba held her hand and Shino stood close for moral support until she calmed.

Hinata looked at them and granted them both a small but grateful smile and apologized for delaying them.

"This is of no consequence, you are our comrade and as such we shall always aid you and be by your side when you're in need." Shino said and she smiled lightly as she felt his kikaichu's tiny legs twitter across her cheek.

"What Bug-Boy said, well always be here for you Hinata just say the word." Kiba gave her a feral smile as he tightly squeezed her hand. It was so big and warm, enveloping her in comfort.

Akamaru rubbed his head into her thigh giving her free hand faint affectionate licks.

Hinata squeezed Kibas hand back just as tightly before letting go and patted Akamarus head before they continued on their way back to Konoha.

She loved her boys, because they understood her, the real her like few did.

They didn't ask her what caused her anxiety attack because they didn't have to, they knew that if she wanted to tell them she would and if she didn't it was OK because they would be by her side no matter what, and she internally thanked them for that.

This is what Hinata loved about Konoha, the people that cared about her just as much as she cared about them. It's what made her come back each and every time no matter what else she had to face.

Hinata listened to Kiba as he jabbered on and on about the new litters of pups at his house and how much havoc they were creating, chiming in every once in a while along with Shino and laughing at his jokes as she rubbed Akamarus head. She basked in the feel of Shino's comforting presence and the kikaichu as it twittered now behind her ear, the warmth of Kiba's gruff voice as he continued to make idle chatter and Akaumaru's affectionate nudges and licks as he walked beside her.

They were her wings, always there to shield her and allow her to fly, the shackles that were locked onto her weren't as tight with them around and the anaconda was lulled to rest with their presence.

But the omnipresent of the shackles weight reminded her that they were still there, waiting to strike and to suffocate her when she was at her most vulnerable and her wings weren't there to shield her.

Fleetingly the question manifested once more into her thoughts.

What is freedom, and what does it feel like?

If someone were to ask her this question when she was inside Konoha Hinata would answer with hesitancy because she's afraid of what others would think of her. Freedom. There is no freedom, here you are locked by shackles that cut into your skin and make you bleed as they pull you down into an inescapable abyss of pain, here you have a anaconda living inside of you filling you with poison as it strangles your innards, here you are restricted from being yourself with promises of punishment and humiliation if you refuse to comply, and here your spirit will never fly because you will never feel feather light only like lead, and you will forever be stuck here, never to roam where your heart desires. That is how she would explain freedom in its most simplest terms if she were asked. But she never was.

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AN: Hey readers! I'm back after a very long Hiatus and ready to get back into my passion of writing. I won't bore you with the details of why I was gone for so long but if you really want to know just PM me. Anyway if you have started this story and plan to continue it I'm WARNING you now that there's some uncomfortable/dark themes in here, if you're not comfortable with this then I caution you to stop now. For those who decide to continue please enjoy, I promise to update when I can, because that's all I can promise being a working college student.

Thank you for reading and please leave a review!