The Sorting Hat's Decided to Use It's Brain

A/N: I always thought the Sorting Hat was a bit...well off in it's Sorting. I currently have several ideas why,feel free to use whichever you prefer. I listed a few below.

Dumbledore Imperio'd the Hat.

The Four Founders are the ones really doing the Sorting and Godric cheats.

I do not own Harry Potter.

~oOo~

'Hello'

"Wha... are you... the Sorting Hat?"

'Yes, Mr. Weasley,the one and only!'

"I see."

"No,you hear. Now where to put you..."

"Gryffindor."

'Brave yes,I say you could stand nose to nose with Lucius and argue your cause,you must be.'

"Thanks?"

'Not a problem. I say you'll do best in GRYFFINDOR!'

~oOo~

'Hmmm...so,your brave,very much so,I like how you dared to prank Lucius Malfoy – but then you did get that secretary blamed,so you have cunning. You're loyal to family,and you love to learn hmm?'

"Gryffindor! Please put me in Gryffindor!"

'Whatever for?'

"My mum and dad were in Gryffindor."

'That's no reason to be in a House!'

"You said I was brave!"

'Yes. But you're more cunning than brave, brave than intelligent, intelligant than loyal, loyal than cunning...you know, I think I'll put you in SLYTHERIN!'

~oOo~

'Well...you're more brave than cunning,you are. You're also more intelligent than loyal. But with those ambitions,I think you belong in...'

"No! Wait! Not Slytherin!"

'Slytherin? Why not?'

"Because mum and dad were so disappointed when Bill got into Slytherin!"

'That may be, but it doesn't change my decision. You're going into GRYFFINDOR!'

~oOo~

'Hello'

"What! Where...who are you?"

'I'm the Sorting Hat.'

"Ridiculous. The Sorting Hat can't speak!"

'Well then, I guess I'm what the Founders placed in the Sorting Hat,and I call myself the Sorting Hat,so deal with it!'

"But-"

'Or I'll put you in Slytherin.'

"Sorry!"

'Good. Now. Let's see...oh,not Gryffindor!'

"But-"

'No. They'd never understand you love of knowledge. You know,I think RAVENCLAW is best. Good Luck'

~oOo~

'Oh my.'

"Hello,are you the Sorting Hat?"

'No. I'm Merlin. Of course I'm the Sorting Hat!'

"Alright Merlin. So where am I going?"

'Let's see...oh,you and your twin have a collective soul.'

"Really? Sweet! I read a book about it once."

'Let's see. You're not like your older brother.'

"Oh heavens no!"

'And I doubt you'll ever be caught...might want to learn Occlumency ,or avoid Snape and Dumbledore's eyes.'

"Er...I guess we'll look it up?"

'Good. Your brilliant,but not one of Rowena's. Your loyal to those who deserve it,but that's not all of what Helga wanted. You're a prankster and love fun like Godric,and if he was alive Salazar would kill me,but – heaven help them – your a SLYTHERIN!'

"Sweet!"

~oOo~

'Oh,you again.'

"Hi."

'SLYTHERIN!'

~oOo~

'Hmmm'

"Ahhh! Who are you! What are you doing here! Professor Dumbledore's here you know!"

'Of course you idiot! I'm the Sorting Hat!'

"S-Sorting Hat?"

'Yes. Now,Hufflepuff is out,and so's Slytherin,and Ravenclaw. Gryffindor's left,so you're a-'

"What do you mean left?"

'Your not loyal enough for Hufflepuff,not smart enough for Slytherin or Ravenclaw and not brave enough for Gryffindor,but you have the daring nerve, so get to the table with the red and gold because you're a GRYFFINDOR!'

~oOo~

'Hello'

"Are you the Sorting Hat?"

'Yes,I am. Bright mind,planty of cunning as well,and although you don't fit Hufflepuff,you're loyal.'

"Bill loves Slytherin,and Charlie says Gryffindor is the best House...of course I'd have to deal with Ron. But Fred and George like Slytherin too,and Percy says that Ravenclaw isn't that bad."

'Ah,but you don't want to be in Ravenclaw.'

"No. Percy would always try to look out for me."

'And Gryffindor's out for the same reason.'

"Yes."

'Well then,three things. Loose the crush on Harry,I put him in Slytherin for a reason,tell both of your brothers to back off or you'll set Forge on them,and have fun in SLYTHERIN!'

~oOo~

Well? I was considering making another with the Maraders and another with Harry and a few of his yearmates I'd like to Sort differently,maybe a Dumbledore Sorting,and a Black Sorting as well. Lucius would be fun. Let me know what you think.