Kristoff's POV
Every time I looked at her I swear my heart set itself on fire. I could feel it. It was killing me. But I needed to keep control of myself. I wouldn't give her a reason to break it off, even though I was way below her, because I needed her. It was selfish, I know. But I can't imagine myself without this beautiful ball of energy in my life.
But here she is with me in my car. Choosing my company. Out of everyone, she chose to spend her Friday night with me. I invited her, fair enough, and she is my girlfriend; but that doesn't automatically entitle me to her company.
Some people think that she can do better... I think she can do better. But she says she loves me, and I love her, so it's good enough for me. That doesn't mean that I'm going to push my luck with anything. She deserved nothing but the best, and even though I knew I wasn't it, she chose me.
I slow down to a stop outside her house and I look over to her with a forced smile. This is the worst part. But I just have to keep control. I've managed for two and a half months now. I can do it.
"Thank you for tonight." Anna said and squeezes my hand. "It was lovely."
I look at her. She wears her strawberry blonde hair in two braids, not matter how many people make fun of her because of it; don't worry, I give them a piece of my mind when they do. She wears simple, not-over-the-top clothes; just a plain blue t-shirt and black skinny jeans (although those skinny jeans make it a whole lot harder to concentrate on anything.)
"No problem." I said and kissed the top of her hand.
She smiles, which makes my cheeks warm up, and slides out of the car. I follow her, taking her hand in mine as I walk her up to the front door. This is the usual routine. I walk her up to the front door, give her a goodbye kiss (risking all of my self-control) and drive home.
"So this is me." Anna said as we stood right on the doorstep. "Unless you want to come in for a bit... I wouldn't mind at all and I doubt Elsa would care... Sorry that sounded rude, what I meant was that she wouldn't mind-"
"Has anyone ever told you that you talk a lot?" I teased.
"Multiple times." She muttered and I laughed.
She looked up at me with hope – she was hoping that I would say yes – which made it even harder to say no. I mean, I could say no. I'm great at making up excuses. That's how I got everyone to leave me alone. Except Anna. She never gave up... And I'm glad she didn't.
"So..?" Anna urged.
"Um... Sure. If that's OK..?"
"Don't be silly Kristoff, of course it's OK." She giggled, taking my hand and leading me into the house.
I'm sorry to say, but Elsa really does have a strange taste in art. The paintings that hung on the walls were very unsettling. Anna had already warned me about this, but really, it was ridiculous. The people in them, though proper, were creepy to look at. Who would be able to live with them just hanging there? It felt like they were watching me; judging me. Taunting me, as to point out that I didn't belong here. Well thanks guys. It's not as if I haven't already thought about that.
"Sorry about the paintings." Anna said, noticing my discomfort. "My parents were into portrait painting. They didn't paint these, but these were their favourites. In respect for them, Elsa hung them up after they passed."
Ok, so now they're not too bad. I would have done the same.
"I understand. They're great and all, but they're just a little-"
"Creepy." Anna finished. "I know."
She linked her arm through mine and pulled me through a long hall-way in silence. I didn't know Anna was capable of being so quiet. She would always find something to talk about. Always. No matter how much I honestly didn't care (though I'd never admit it), she'd fill me in anyway. It meant that I didn't need to talk as much; didn't need to fill in the silence. I hated awkward silence.
I cleared my throat. "Are you sure it's alright for me to be here?"
"Definitely." She said without a pause, which made me feel a little better. "Why do you ask?"
I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly. I didn't like bringing him up, but the thought had been nagging at me for too long. How could she pretend that nothing ever happened? The thought of him brought so much anger and adrenaline into my veins that sometimes I just felt like hunting him down and beating the living shit out of him for what he did to her. I hated him and I hadn't even met the guy.
Anna led me into a large living room, with light blue coloured walls. There were 3 black leather couches (man they looked comfortable... and expensive) placed around a 50 inch flat screen TV. That kind of confused me. Only two people lived here and there were three couches.
She dragged me over to one couch and collapsed down onto it, bringing me down with her. She was small, but man she was strong. I tensed completely (not actually meaning to) as she rested her head on the side of my chest. Not wanting to upset her, I hesitantly placed my arm around her. I didn't want her to think that something was wrong, but I needed to get it off my chest. I needed to know. Even if it ruined the mood.
"I mean with... with Hans-" I broke off looking down at her, to see if I had crossed a line. But she wasn't looking at me. She was just staring intently at the couch, occasionally fiddling with a loose thread. She didn't look upset or anything (from what I could tell.)
So I continued. "I wouldn't be offended if you didn't feel, uh... comfortable with me in your house. With you. Alone."
She looked up at me after a few seconds and gave me a small smile and shifted even closer to me. Wrapping her arms around me a little tighter. "Well, that seems to have answered your question for you, hasn't it? I trust you Kristoff. I trust you to be with me alone in my house. Yes I was wrong. I trusted the wrong person, but that was my mistake. I was a fool because I didn't listen to anyone else's warnings. They warned me about him. About what he was like, but I was too stupid to see it. I guess... I guess I learnt my lesson-"
"Don't ever say that." I said and kissed the top of her head. "He had no right to do that to you. No right. He's an asshole and there's no way that you ever deserved to have that happen to you. You're a beautiful person... And I'm not just saying that because I love you. It's the truth; everyone sees it and everyone knows it."
I seriously had no idea where that came from. I'm the guy who mucks up everything I say and suddenly I just came up with the sappiest thing that I've ever said in my entire life. What is wrong with me?
Her face lit up (and turned a deep shade of red) and she leaned up to kiss my cheek. "Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me."
I forced a smile, still not feeling any more comfortable with being here. I mean, obviously I wasn't not comfortable with being with Anna because I loved being with her! What I just meant was-
Ok, I give up.
"Kristoff?" Anna said quietly to avert my attention to her. I did, of course, but it was a mistake. She was leaning up closer towards me, wanting me to lean down to meet her. Her hands slid their way up my arms and to my shoulders, clutching onto the fabric of my shirt. I looked down at her lips and a shiver rippled its way through my body. God, I wanted to kiss her. I did. But not here. Not where I could... I could...
I hesitated and she noticed. She slowly sunk back into the couch and avoided my gaze. She tried to move away from me, but I curled my arm tighter around her. Of course I couldn't win. I was trying to do the right thing. But doing the right thing meant also rejecting her; hurting her feelings.
Like I just did.
"Sorry." She mumbled. "I just thought..."
She started mumbling to herself (or maybe I just couldn't hear her) and I clenched my fists.
Just kiss her.
It's too tempting.
But you need to show her how you feel. Even for just a second. Explain that to her.
I can't risk it.
You have to risk it. Do you want to lose her?
I froze. That thought hit a nerve. I can't lose her... I... I just can't.
"I'm sorry-" I started to say, but Anna wouldn't look at me. She had curled up, facing away from me and that alone was a really bad sign. She was awfully silent all of a sudden.
"Anna, talk to me." Once she shut down, there was no getting her back for a while.
With the arm I still had around her – half around her – I went to bring her closer to me, but she resisted.
"You don't want me." Anna sighed quietly, her voice sounded thick from...
"No, no no no." I said and scooped her up into my arms. I placed her onto my lap and held her close. She still avoided my gaze, but I could see her now. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were more rosy than usual. I had made her cry. I made my Anna cry. "I love you, I really really do-"
"Did I do something wrong?" She mumbled, eyes focused on her braids and nothing else. "Are you going to break up with me?"
If only she knew. There was no way in hell I would ever do that.
"Anna," I said slowly trying to find the right words, "I don't think you understand how much I love you. I love you too much to ever let you go."
She didn't respond, obviously not believing me. Come on words. You were good just before, do me that favour again. Just this once.
She was looking down at her hands, seeming as though she was lost in thought.
How was I going to deal with this? What should I say? I had to say something to get her to believe me or I had to... I had to show her.
She let out a heavy sigh. "Then why did you pull away?" She murmured quietly. "You always seem to pull away."
"I don't want to do anything I'll regret." I stated in shame.
It really was shameful that that could be a possibility. I mean, not that I would ever "take advantage of her" (don't ever compare me to Hans) but there was that slight chance that I could get a little carried away. I could go a little further than what she was comfortable with. I didn't want her to re-live anything like that ever again. Especially not with me.
Her face changed then. She looked up at me (thank god) and her lips curved up into a small smile.
"That doesn't mean you can't kiss me." She said in a small voice.
Was this a challenge? Was I supposed to kiss her? Should I kiss her?
Her hands came up and looped behind the back of my neck and she shifted a little closer towards me. My heart started to pick up the pace (as usual) and once again I was faced with a difficult decision. She looked me dead in the eye, watching my reaction as she leaned closer.
"I trust you." She reminded me in a whisper.
I didn't stop her lips from touching mine. Nope; didn't even try. But as soon as they did, all the tension and worry drifted away from me. I could only think about where to place my hands, when to kiss her back and how tight I should hold her (obviously not too tight or I'd crush her.)
So I did just that. I kissed her back, maybe a little too desperately, and I heard a pleasant sigh escape her. Which might have given me a bit too much confidence. (I didn't even know I was capable of the stuff.) My hands drifted down to the sides of her waist, holding her firmly and comfortably against me. Our kiss went from slow and lingering to hot and fast really quickly.
She shifted against me, bringing her legs to either side of mine, straddling my waist. Her hands came up around my neck and she pulled herself closer against me. Close enough that there was no space between us. Literally none. I could feel her breasts against my chest and that wasn't good. I mean, of course it was – it was pleasant –but it was getting hot in here. And I really felt like removing some layers; from us both.
Oh god. I shouldn't be thinking like this.
I broke the kiss, desperately needing some air (and to calm myself down.) I looked at her and she was bright red, but I must have been too. She giggled and planted a kiss against my lower jaw, stirring something in the bottom of my stomach.
"Anna, I think -"
"Shhh." She murmured raising a finger to my lips. "Just go with the flow."
We just looked at each other for a few seconds, with Anna giving me a soft smile and with me just - I don't know - probably smiling like an idiot. I loved this girl and I needed to show her. She needed to know; she deserved to know.
"What?" She giggled. "Why are you staring at me like that?"
"Because you're beautiful... So beautiful." I said.
She shifted off my lap, with her arms still looped around my neck, and suddenly brought me down on top of her. She didn't break eye contact as she did; looking to see how I'd react.
She started laughing, but I couldn't focus on anything.
She was underneath me, and I don't know why, but that took my breath away. I couldn't do anything but stare at her. Was this really happening?
I was awkwardly placed above her, trying to make sure that I kept all of my weight off her. I was doing pretty well I think, seeing as though this couch didn't have that much room to offer. I supported myself up with my hands, which were placed at her shoulder level and my legs were awkwardly placed at either side of hers. But I hardly noticed the discomfort.
"I love you Kristoff." She said when she suddenly stopped laughing.
I kissed her lips quickly, maybe lingering there for a couple of seconds.
"I love you too." I said pecking her lips again. "So much."
"Stop being such a tease and actually kiss me." She laughed, cupping my face and bringing my lips down to hers.
I think this was the most we had actually kissed. Ever. I lowered myself down onto my fore-arms (bringing myself that little bit closer and relieving my hands from pins and needles.) Her hands were tangling themselves through my hair. She bit my lower lip – not painfully – but it made my head spin. I groaned, despite trying not to.
Damn everything. This girl was going to be the death of me.
But I did it back and she broke away, breathing heavily as she tried to get a steady breathing pattern back. I smirked and moved my lips down to her neck. I had never gone this far with Anna (or anyone else for that matter) so let's just say that I had gone above my experience level. But as soon as my lips reached her neck, her hands clutched onto my collar and brought me down to do it again.
I chuckled and kissed all the way down her neck, moving the collar of her shirt to the side to kiss her collar bone. She sighed and slid her hands up my chest. Her fingers settled on the top button of my shirt and as she undid it, my brain started to work again.
I froze and took her hands in mine, placing them above her head.
"What are you doing?" I demanded, which I immediately regretted as she winced at my words.
"Um... Removing your- your shirt." She stuttered, blushing furiously. "Sorry, I didn't... I didn't think... I mean that I... I didn't mean to make you mad... Um..."
A stuttering Anna was an embarrassed Anna. Oh how I had learnt that in the time I had known her. My gaze softened and I felt ashamed. I had scared and embarrassed her at the same time. Why did I have to keep ruining things?
I removed my grip on her hands and she slowly brought them down to her chest, clutching them tightly together. She wouldn't look me in the eye (though her eyes were bouncing off everything else just to avoid my gaze.)
It wasn't that big of a deal to have my shirt off, right?
"You didn't make me mad; I just wasn't expecting it, that's all." I explained quietly. Though it was a tiny bit of a lie, she didn't need to know that. "I'm sorry, please continue."
She bit her bottom lip, hard enough that it was going white, and hesitated. Her hands stayed at her chest, and honestly, I didn't think she wanted to move them.
"I'm sorry." I said again. "I didn't mean to scare you. Go ahead and remove my shirt. It's completely alright with me, I promice."
But she wouldn't. She stayed silent with her hands clutched to her chest as she still avoided my gaze.
I shifted my weight onto one arm and lowered my hand down to hers. She was a little tense as I took her hands in mine, but when I brought her hands up to my lips, softly planting a kiss over the top of each finger, she relaxed. I brought both her hands in my one up to the second shirt button, as the first one was still undone. I left them there and luckily they stayed there. She gripped my shirt without saying a word or undoing a button.
I was actually worried that I had completely blown it.
But after a few seconds she undid it, still not saying a word, with her eyes focused on the job. Her hands shook and when all the buttons were undone, she hesitated for a moment.
"Are you sure?" She asked quietly.
"Please." I answered.
Please forgive me.
She tugged the shirt completely off me, gently placing it beside the couch. We both awkwardly did nothing for a few seconds. I just stared down at her, waiting for her to give me any indication that she was alright. She stared at my chest silently, not dreamily, like you might think, but more of a reason not to look at me.
"I'm sorry." I offered again.
I still hadn't decided if I should move from on top of her, or stay where I am. Did we need to talk?
"It's Ok, really, you just startled me." She finally said, looking me in the eye again.
Her face softened and she gave me a shy smile. She slowly lifted her hands up and her fingers lightly traced themselves in circles around my chest.
"You're so beautiful." She sighed, but then bit her lip. "Sorry, I mean, not beautiful. Handsome. I meant handsome... Or-or dashing; or both. You could definitely be both-"
"Thank you Anna." I interrupted with a chuckle (once she started she could go on forever.)
"Just stating the obvious." She murmured awkwardly.
"But you definitely take the crown for most beautiful here." I pointed out and kissed my way across her beautifully freckled cheeks.
Her cheeks started to turn bright red (I literally watched it happen) and she bit her lip. I don't think she knew how damn gorgeous she looked when she did that. She traced her fingers along my arms and over a scar running from my bicep to my fore-arm.
"Hey, I'm sorry I keep messing things up tonight." I sighed.
"You're not." She answered quietly. "I guess you can tell that I'm really no good at this."
"No good at this?" I scoffed. "Anna, you've made me fall completely in love with you, in a matter of months. You manage to keep me guessing and you blow my mind; in a good way of course. I'm madly in love with you. Nothing's ever going to change that."
Again with the words? Tonight just must be my night; in some ways at least.
She leaned up and kissed me for a quick second. "And I'm madly in love with you. I can't stand the thought of ever losing you."
"You won't." I promised and planted a kiss to her forehead. "I'll be here."
I left the house that night feeling even more in love with Anna than I had been before; if that was at all possible. My family had said to me all my life that eventually I would "find the one." That "the one" was out there for me.
I didn't believe them.
I had for a while, but the reality of life had come crashing down on me. I gave up on everything. I just wanted to get through what necessary human contact I had to have, then move away from everyone. I thought that I would seek out a place that I wouldn't need to be around human beings.
But everything changed.
As soon as I had met her, I knew.
She was the one.