Hello everyone, I've had this idea stuck in my head for a while now and I finally sat down and wrote it out. I hope ya'll enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Jace's day started out well enough, Maryse was home so breakfast had been fantastic. It was a nice reprieve from Isabelle's breakfast attempts, which usually equated to Jace and Alec each tossing out the food behind her back then devouring a handful of energy bars each. After breakfast Jace and Alec sparred for an hour; Jace winning all five of the rounds he went with his parabati, as per usual. Clary was out with her mother and Luke, spending much needed time with them after the events of the Mortal war, but Jace was going to take her to dinner, so his night would definitely be amazing. Until it was time to take Clary out Jace decided to go up to the music room to play the piano, Jace had to admit that even someone as talented as himself had to practice regularly to not get rusty.
The door to the music room opened with a rusty, creaky noise Jace suspected was from lack of use, he would have to remember to oil the hinges as soon as he was done playing. A sense of contentment settled over Jace as he ran his left hand over the familiar ivory keys. Playing the piano had always given him the only feeling of love he ever had growing up in Morgenstern manor. It seemed ridiculous in his mind, but in his heart he always felt like the music was its own entity, one that never judged and was always there to help him express how he was feeling. Music was the only thing that always made Jace feel like he was able to accomplish beauty, and wasn't that love in its purest form; something that gave you inner peace. Sure fighting always gave him a sense of accomplishment, but not even killing demons gave him peace. Plus, fighting was something Valentine always critized Jace about harshly, Valentine made Jace feel like he wasn't good enough and even though Jace was no longer a young boy, his subconscious was always there to second guess himself, make himself feel weak, useless, and unloved; so Jace had always given one hundred percent, pushing his body till it gave, then trying to go farther. Even as a little kid Jace knew that pushing himself to the limits wouldn't give him Valentine's love, he could never have that, but he tried anyway.
Jace blinked, coming out of his semi-trance, in which he had been living in the past. Jace was seventeen now, almost a man he didn't need to be feeling sorry for himself. Moving to sit on the bench, Jace paused his golden eyes gazing at a small pair of glasses, his throat suddenly swollen Jace reached out a shaky hand to grasp the small spectacles. Jace gently ran his fingers over the tiny black rims and once again he found himself in the past, and once again his thoughts were about love.
A lonely blonde boy, expression stony, chin permanently set against tears had stood in the doorway of his new room at the institute. Jace was sure as soon as the numbness wore off, if it ever did, he would be inspired to learn every nook and cranny of his new home. He had cringed then at that thought, new home, Jace's home was gone forever, it had died with his father and he would never have a home again despite what the Lightwoods told him. Robert was the first member of the Lightwood family Jace met, and he couldn't help feeling like he had just been punched in the gut at Robert's appearance. While Robert looked nothing like his father, where Robert's coloring was dark Valentine had been light. But Robert wore an empty expression so like Valentine's, that the resemblance made Jace simultaneously afraid and homesick. Valentine never kept any pictures, so Jace hadn't known what to expect when he was waiting to be picked up, but he never dreamed Robert would look like this. Thankfully Robert never asked Jace any questions; he just told Jace about his wife and kids, if Robert had asked Jace any questions, Jace knew he would start crying as soon as he opened his mouth. Jace hadn't been afraid Robert would hit him for crying like Valentine would of, but Jace knew it would be infinitely worse to start bawling like a baby in front of a full-fledged shadow hunter.
Jace met Maryse and their two older children next, in Jace's bedroom because he refused to leave it, even for food. They stood by his bed and they tried to make him feel at home by telling Jace about the inner workings of the institute, and what life was like living in the church. Jace had stared vacantly at the wall behind Maryse, giving off the impression that he wasn't listening, which wasn't true he was always aware of what was going on around him. Finally they had given up, Maryse silently caressing his golden curls before, luckily for Jace, leading her two kids out of his room because as soon as Maryse shut the door, the tears started pouring down his face.
Jace didn't speak for the first two weeks of his new life at the institute. The Lightwood parents, Hodge, and Alec had infinite patience giving Jace time to grieve and heal, Isabelle on the other hand seemed to make it her life's mission to crack Jace's fragile shell and get him to talk. It worked once during the first week, Jace had snapped and yelled at the annoying girl to leave him alone and to quit being too stupid to know what he silent treatment was. Unfortunately for Jace, this just seemed to spur Isabelle on, leaving her to try harder than ever to get Jace to speak. Max the youngest, just two years old, toddled around after Jace as often as he could, babbling in short, grammatically incorrect sentences. Jace wasn't used to dealing with people so small, and while he would never admit it, Max scared the hell out of Jace at first. Jace didn't know what to do with Max especially since every time Max followed Jace it usually ended with Max holding out his arms for Jace to pick him up, and Jace pretending not to see and hurrying away as fast as he could, trying to ignore Max's hurt whimpering. Jace didn't like hurting the little guy's feelings, but there was no way in Heaven or Hell Jace was ever going to pick up someone so small and risk dropping them.
It wasn't until three weeks of Jace living at the institute that he found something to occupy his time. Most of his time up until then had been spent in either his room, or in the past week the training and weapons rooms. Alec had been the first one to come across Jace in the training room and wordlessly the two young boys had fallen into an easy partnership, both of them hacking at a dummy with fake swords, each instinctively knowing where the other was going to hit. Robert came across them the third afternoon of their impromptu training and decided that it was time for their official shadowhunter training to begin; Isabelle included much to Jace's annoyance. But the surge of adrenaline and genuine ecstasy that filled Jace after hearing Robert utter those magic words, made Jace realize he wasn't dead inside after all, he had a purpose. Jace looked forward to training again, like a drowning man looked forward to breathing again, because fighting after all was as familiar to Jace as breathing was. The news of Jace's inevitable training left him in such a good mood, and that was when he decided to finally go to the music room and play to piano for the first time in a month.
When Jace first sat down at the smooth, glossy bench and ran his already callused hands over the keys the peaceful feeling that washed over him had left him breathless, his chest aching with the need to play again, to see if this piano was able to recreate the same feeling of love as Jace' s old piano had. Jace let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding after the first few notes hit his ears, and the grin that split his face was so shocking he actually laughed. Surprisingly a small high pitched laugh echoed Jace's, causing him to jump and fall sideways off of the bench cracking his head on the floor. This increased the giggles and Jace looked up into Max's beaming face. Jace tried to frown, but couldn't quite manage it while staring into such a tiny innocent face, instead Jace found himself grinning back as he heaved himself off the floor and back onto the bench. A small shudder went through the seat and Jace turned to see Max trying his hardest to climb up next to Jace, his chubby toddler arms straining under his weight. Jace sat awkwardly; silently praying Max made it up on his own, when the little boys arms gave and Max sat down hard on his butt with a wail. Jace sat for a moment struggling with himself, when Max's tears finally became too much and Jace reached down to grab Max under the arms as he'd seen Maryse do, and place Max on the bench beside him. The lightness of Max's tiny warm body shocked him, but that didn't stop Jace from immediately placing Max beside him, hoping that the little boy didn't fall off of the bench.
Max sitting beside Jace looked expectantly up into Jace's face and finally broke the silence, "play". And so Jace played, his companion quietly watching in awe as Jace's long nimble fingers flew over the keys, Jace so entranced by the melody of the song didn't notice Max moving until he felt the small boy climb into his lap hugging his small arms around Jace's thin body. Jace froze then, taken completely off guard, in all of Jace's short ten years on this planet no one had ever hugged him before. The feeling of Max's little arms around him, and the warmth of his body against Jace's chest made him suddenly choke. After a few moments Jace finally pulled himself together looking down into the young boys cherub face when Max once again broke the silence, "you're supposed to hug back,"; and so Jace did and a warm feeling spread throughout Jace's body soothing him inside and out. Until Jace couldn't remember ever having felt cold and it was even greater than any sense of love he ever gained from the piano. The warmth and love of another human being was something Jace thought was impossible for himself and he couldn't believe it was finally happening to him. He finally found something worth fighting for, the safety of the little boy in his arms. Jace knew then as he knows now that the only peace killing gives you is the peace of mind that your loved ones are safe and sound. Jace heard Valentine's voice in the back of his mind to love is to destroy and for the first time Jace broke free of his father's teachings and it felt almost as good as the love Jace was finally getting to feel, and he wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world.
Back in the present Jace shakily put the glasses down, trying not to cry at his memories. He missed Max more than he thought could be humanly possible, with a fierceness he never had at ten when he thought his father was murdered. Jace owed Max so much, after all Max was the first person to ever love Jace, and he was the first in return, to receive Jace's love.
Okie dokie I hope you guys liked it and I would really appreciate it if ya'll left reviews to let me know what you thought of my little story here. Also I'm aware Jace grew up thinking Valentine was Michael Wayland, but keep in mind these are mainly flashbacks, and Jace will now forever think of his father as Valentine. Much Love, Psalms