Ben 10 belongs to its respectful owners, not me. If you're not laughing at my personal random access humor based in-jokes, I shall comfort myself by asserting that you're a simple plebeian who cannot grasp my unique and off-kilter brand of humor.
We join our antihero slash possible love interest, Doctor Animo, as he once again wanders the streets of Bellwood aimlessly in search of Ben Tennyson. Who he should have been able to locate quite easily through the competent meticulous tracking of Ben's various heroic deeds. Too bad this fic isn't properly characterized and gleefully shits on every aspect of established canon.
"I will locate animals and then mutate them into larger beings in order to destroy my enemies! Because that is what I do. I am angry and vengeful," Doctor Animo announced.
Writing is hard. I don't know why I love to do it so much. Like, hundreds upon hundreds of stories. Spammed all over the place on a near daily basis. About the same five to six things. Over and over. And none of them make a lick of sense. They greatly offend the senses of most readers, in fact. Oh, yes, wait. I recall the motivation. Attention. Delicious, delicious attention. Mmmm. Give me some. For surely I deserve it. If you don't agree, you're a jerk. And a Mary Suether. The bad kind. Not like me. I'm the good kind.
Cough...
A wild Chihuahua appeared. Doctor Animo squealed like a goon at the sight of the teeny-tiny adorable dog's teeny-tiny adorable body. It had large ears, tiny quivering legs, tan fur, and gigantic googly eyes.
"Ooh, here's a cute one," said Doctor Animo.
Doctor Animo rushed over to the terrified dog. He set his Transmodulation unit to level MAKE BIG ENOUGH TO FUCK UP BEN'S SHIT. He then engaged the unit. It transformed the dog into a gigantic mutant beast.
"Now, my pet, we shall go destroy Ben Tennyson, so that I might RULE THE WORLD!" He waved his hands dramatically.
The chihuahua, though large and terrifying, continued to shiver and look sad and overall quite pathetic.
"Hey, you. I said let's go murder a 10 year old boy and cause massive collateral damage to the city," said Doctor Animo. He jumped onto the dog's back. "Giddy up!"
The creature did not move. It began to whimper.
A woman ran towards him, screaming. "My Taquito! What have you done to my poor little Taquito! Help, police!"
"Your dog sucks, lady," Doctor Animo said angrily.
Ben Tennyson appeared conveniently out of nowhere just then, to save the day.
"Hey, we're here also!" Gwen yelled, demanding recognition from the narrative. And the fandom.
"Feh, you're secondary characters," Ben said while thrusting out his pelvis in order to acknowledge his money maker, the dick. It was the one thing that always kept him relevant. "I'm the only one who matters in this series. And the fandom."
"They only like you for your dick, you asshole," Gwen said, scowling. "Or in your case, your asshole, literally. You're the uke."
"I AM NOT AN UKE!" Ben screamed while stomping his feet. "I'M THE SEME!"
Gwen folded her arms side-eyeing him. "Yeah, tell that to the fandom."
"Despite being a relatively unpopular and annoying villain, I too have fans," Doctor Animo interjected even though nobody cared. His shoulders slumped. He looked quite sullen. "But sometimes I wish I didn't. They're a bunch of disgusting weeaboos."
Ben transformed into Wildmutt and roared loudly. The chihuahua shit itself. It rolled over onto its back, taking Doctor Animo with it. Doctor Animo groaned from beneath the dog's massive bulk.
"Please, don't make me shit my pants again!" Doctor Animo begged frantically while staring into the sky.
"Who the fuck are you talking to, weirdo?" Ben inquired.
"I...don't...know," Doctor Animo sobbed. "But I hate them."
Doctor Animo gagged suddenly and threw up a squirrel. The confused squirrel ran away, heading up a tree.
Ben did a double-take. "Holy shit, did you just throw up a living squirrel?"
Doctor Animo passed out before he could answer.
"You just saw him do it, doofus," said Gwen. "That was sure weird."
Grandpa Max walked over and placed his hand on Ben's shoulder. "Ben, there are forces out there that can make anyone they don't like...or sometimes claim to like but treat as if they utterly loathe...do things. Terrible things. Terrible, terrible things." His eyes darted back and forth. "Sometimes...sexual," he spoke in a hushed, ominous tone.
"Oh, Grandpa, stop your elderly whining," said Ben, waving his hand dismissively. "That only happens in bad fanfiction and parodies of bad fanfictio-"
And then Ben was a kawaii Shota-Neko.
Everyone screamed in horror. Except for Doctor Animo, who was still unconscious.
TBCont?