You'll Be In My Heart
Authors note: Hello! So this is something I have wanted to do for a long time in response to a review I got on Feels Like Home. I wanted to give her something to feel good about and to maybe find slight comfort in this. (to Margery I hope you don't mind that I'm mentioning you!) So this is for her, but to anyone else who reads it I hope you enjoy it as well.
To Margery: I'm really glad you liked it and I really hope you find this one as well! I'm sorry I didn't respond to your message personally but I did try, I spent around an hour trying to find some way to respond to you because I hate doing it this way, it definitely feels less personal. Anyway, when I read your review (which I love btw) it warmed my heart to see I had touched someone so close to the actual situation. I also felt bad that it was from a wife's perspective though and not a daughter's perspective. So this is for you and I really hope that you like it. Thanks for the review btw….
Alright here's the story
You had been on the couch reading when your dad came in still wearing that flamboyant suit that you couldn't help but laugh at. "Hey Dad, how was the mission?" You asked still looking down at your book as you felt your dad kiss your head. He sat down in the chair across from you, you looked up to see that he was truly a mess. The mission must have not gone very well, he usually came back with a bit of dirt on him…not like this. "It wasn't extremely successful but we'll get them eventually. That's all that matters." You couldn't help but smile at his positivity, it was one of the things you loved about him.
"Besides now I get to spend time with my favorite person in the world." You laughed at the ridiculous thought that you were Captain America's favorite person in the world, but then again you were his daughter. "Well I am pretty great." He laughed with you before responding "Yeah you are."
There was a calming silence before he stood up in an almost set fashion. You looked up to him confused. "Let's go get something to eat and just talk. Maybe I could get you a few more books while were out." You couldn't help the excitement that swarmed through you and made it's way onto your face. These were the moments Steve loved, surprising you and seeing that sparkle light up in your eyes. "Seriously?" You asked in an almost surprised voice. "Yeah why not? It's been a while since we have just had quality time together." You shrugged getting up "Sure."
You and your dad spent the entire day together. You went to your favorite restaurant where he made it clear he wanted you to get whatever you want and then even went as far as getting you a dessert. The two of you then made your way to the bookstore that was across the street. It was beautiful! As you walked in there were these two tall columns as though you were walking into a place. The ceilings were tall and there were two staircases leading up to the top kind of decorating the sides in a way. The center was like any other book store, it contained that magic that made you feel five but at the same time like an adult. It all felt as though it were from a movie, though that's how you felt every time you entered a bookstore.
Your dad always smiled and told you it was a beautiful concept that he thought everyone should have "If only the entire world had the mind you had. The world would be much nicer." He would always say to you. You would only laugh and shake your head "No, then the entire world would be the same and it would be boring." He would always smile and say "Yeah, maybe your right."
Your dad let you get all the books you could ask for before the two of you went to the movies. You had decided on a movie that had to do with World War 2. The entire time you couldn't help but picture your Dad in there with the other actors.
When the movie was over and you were walking out you were curious so you looked over to your dad "Is that really how it was?" You never really knew how he knew exactly what you were talking about but he did. "Yeah, they were pretty accurate. They left out a lot of the gore, but yeah." You nodded before continuing on towards the car. You stared out the window not able to get the picture of the war out of your mind. It hit you like a ton of bricks when a thought came to your mind…'If there was ever another war Dad would go…' There was no doubt in your mind because no one knew your dad better than you did.
The thought never completely went away, not while you were playing games with him, not while you were in the shower that night. Surely not while you were sleeping. Don't get it wrong you still had fun with him. You had learned a long time to live in the moments of happiness since you didn't know when they would come back. But that night you were shown no mercy when it came to sleep. First you couldn't sleep at all. Then when you finally did fall asleep they were all nightmares of your dad being called to war or not coming back and that thought terrified you! You shot out of bed screaming!
You cringed when you heard the rushed footsteps coming towards your door. You would have shot back down and pulled the covers up to make it look as though your dad had just imagined hearing you scream, but you were too panicked to put on a façade. So when Steve ran into the room he saw his daughter staring at nothing with a terrified look on her face and panting heavily. He was immediately terrified.
He cautiously walked deeper into your room to sit on the side of the bed. You still hadn't broken out of whatever haze you were in. He gently reached out a hand to put on your arm. "Margery?" He said softly, though he was extremely panicked on the inside. You were still panting heavily and he noticed your skin was coated in sweat. Whatever had scared you it had to have been bad to put you in this state.
He tried again to get your attention. "Marg, hey it's me. Can you hear me?" He surely wasn't expecting the reaction he got from that. You snapped your head to him panicked before clutching him to you as closely as you could breaking down as you cried you eyes out. The entire time he let you cling however tightly you needed him to rubbing your back soothing you ever so slightly whispering "It's me Marg, it's going to be ok…I'm here."
He waited until you fell asleep, your arms still clutched to the back of his shirt. He gently lowered you back into a lying position before deciding he couldn't stand to see that happen to you again. He put himself right next to you so he could watch you the rest of the night. It made him smile to see you in such a peaceful state but his heart would break every time he noticed your tear stained cheeks.
Around four he saw you starting to stir in your sleep again so he did something he hadn't done for you since you were a toddler, he sang. He gently ran his finger over the edge of your face just as he had done when you were a child. He sang the same song he had sang to you hundreds of times.
Come stop your crying
It will be alright
Just take my hand
Hold it tight
I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always
He would have kept going if you hadn't calmed down. He would do whatever it took to keep you happy. He waited another hour before deciding you would be fine without him. He made his way back to his bed only to find he couldn't keep you out of his mind. He was so worried when he had come in and seen you staring at the wall like that. He knew he would be of no use to you dead tired so he attempted to catch a few more hours of sleep.
You woke up feeling very comforted for some odd reason. You shook it off as maybe you had a good dream you just couldn't remember. You got up and made your way to your dad's room. You didn't really know why but it comforted you to know he was still there. Just to prove your nightmares wrong. You smiled brightly as an idea appeared in your head!
Steve woke up to the smell of pancakes, bacon, and eggs. It was a pleasant surprise but he was curious to who made them. It brought back a familiar yearn for his wife. He could remember all the times she had sat you on the counter next to her and explained to you everything she was going to do as she made the pancakes and then the bacon along with the eggs. She would always let you crack the eggs which got the both of them into a laughing fit as you struggled to not make a mess.
He couldn't keep the smile off of his face as he made his way to the kitchen to see all of the Avengers along with you sitting eating that exact meal. "Morning Dad." He looked to you who were in some in depth conversation with Tony and Bruce about science. You always loved to question them on things you had no idea about. You loved to stump anyone with your questions really.
He walked up behind you kissing your head mumbling "Thanks for the breakfast." Before leaving you to continue your talk with Stark and Banner. He walked behind the counter to get his food when he heard the familiar voice of Natasha. "She really loves you, you know?" He looked to her amused before seeing the gentle smile on her face as she looked at you. "Ah, I'm not the only one she loves. She loves all of you guys too." He watched in slight confusion as she shook her head never losing that smile. "No, her love for you is different. I've seen the look on her face when you say your leaving for a trip. Or if she gets home from school and your not here. There's always a certain…fear behind it." Steve nodded really considering what she was saying. "I know I haven't told you before but I wanted to thank you for being so kind to her. She thinks of you as a mom of sorts." Natasha shrugged "It's no problem, she makes my life feel normal every once in a while. I think everyone needs that." Steve had to agree, he could only take so much of this crazy family of theirs.
"So where's Barton?" She finally took her eyes off of you to look at Steve. "Oh, he was called in for a mission this morning."
"Oh where?" Steve asked a little surprised he hadn't been informed. She seemed to be thinking hard when she said "Budapest." The look quickly turned to amused one as she remembered something that he couldn't understand.
Steve hadn't seen you in a couple of hours and felt he really needed to talk to you about last night. He honestly couldn't help but be somewhat offended that you hadn't gone to him and talked to him about it. You weren't like most fathers and daughters, you were more like his best friend. You two told each other everything. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of that changing. He finally found you in the training room with Natasha as she was teaching you self-defense. He watched quite impressed as you managed to make Natasha lose her balance and put her in a choke hold.
"Margery can I talk to you?" You looked up at him surprised to see him watching you. You shouted "Sure!" Out of breathe from your brawl with Natasha. "See ya later Nat!" You yelled on your way out hearing the "See ya Marg!" As you made your way out of the training center. You matched your Dad's pace as you walked with him down the hall. He didn't say anything and after seeing the slightly fatherly stance he was taking you went ahead and decided to put it out there with a sigh. "This is about last night isn't it?" You watched in confusion as he started laughing "You know me so well." You smiled quite happy he realized it as much as you did.
You eventually just decided to sit in the hallway. "Are you going to tell me about it?" He asked after you two had sat there for a few minutes. You shrugged refusing to look at him. "It was nothing really." He scoffed at that. "Please Marg you're the strongest person I know. You don't scream out in the middle of the night over nothing." He could tell you really didn't want to talk about it but he also knew that he may have to go into Dad mode if it was really bothering you this much. "Marg you can talk to me." You looked up at him, you eyes showing you were getting annoyed very quickly. "Dad I'm fine. I just had a dream you died. It's fine."
He had to admit he was surprised. He would never think you would have that sort of reaction to it, but then again when has he ever thought about your feelings on him dying. Though it did occur to him that you might have these thoughts a lot with the work force he was in. He was about to say something else when Tony ran up panicked. "Sorry to interrupt but Cap your going to want to see this."
You both ran to whatever room Tony was referring to. Steve wasn't going to stop you, you both knew it. You ran into the living room where the news was on a Breaking News. The entire room was tense as the T.V showed places being destroyed and people dying. At the very end of the footage and descriptions came the broadcaster. "There is so much death here. Their sending in the best to fight this. I've just gotten news reports that the Avengers will be in on this. Everyone needs to be prepared. This is war."
The room was silence as everyone absorbed the information. Everyone jumped as Tony threw the remote into the T.V. Effectively cracking it. You could feel your breathing becoming rapid as you tried desperately to remain calm. This was worse than the nightmare. Not only would your Dad be going but your entire family would…leaving you here alone…
You quietly took a step back and turned to leave as your Dad-Captain America was now calling for a meeting with Fury. You could feel your vision getting blurry with tears as you continued on down the hallway, you smothered the screams coming up your throat with your hand! You were using all of your self restraint to stay quiet. You didn't want anyone to see you like this certainly not your family. You collapsed against the wall in the hallway not able to find enough energy to search for solitude. You dug your nails into the wall trying desperately to numb the deep void settling into your stomach.
Steve was furious to say the least! He could tell from looking around the room he wasn't the only one. Natasha looked as though she were ready to stab Fury. Clint just looked tired and weary though he looked worried for Natasha as well, and while Steve would never admit to seeing it he saw Clint grab Natasha's hand. Tony was obviously mad and Bruce was sitting on the couch had covering his face while his other hand clenched. "We're going to see Fury now!"
Fury did look sorry but it wasn't enough to take away the anger Steve felt. "Fury what is this! Did you even plan to inform any of us you were going to send us on this trip! We could all DIE and you didn't think that we deserved to know!" His blood was boiling! He was just waiting for Fury to tell Marg she had to leave any moment but that didn't seem to be happening (not that Steve would let him at this point, she was as much part of this team as he was). Fury was not surprised at his words that much he could tell. He knew exactly how low he had been and was willing to accept any harsh words they had for him. Finally Steve couldn't take the silence from Marg anymore and turned to talk to her but realized she wasn't there…"When did Marg leave?" The others looked over in confusion. Where is she?
You hadn't moved from your spot on the floor. You were sure you had been there for at least thirty minutes, not that you cared anymore. You were so numb but full of pain at the same time. Who knew? Maybe you were trying to convince yourself you were numb so that you wouldn't have to deal with the pain. You slowly forced yourself to get up and slowly one by one make your way up the stairs to the roof. The tears still hadn't stopped but you insane breathing had. You calmly almost numbly made your way to the edge of the roof. You took a deep breath allowing the chilly air to comfort you. The view from The Avengers Tower had always soothed you. You wanted nothing more than to be soothed in this very second. You don't know why but you took that step onto the very edge of the balcony. You had never had the nerve to do it before but what the heck you were feeling careless today. Now that you were up here you never wanted to get down. 'Why not take away that pain now? Why not leave while they're all still here?' The thought intrigued you.
Steve felt a panic run through him as he and the avengers ran back into the living room hoping that you would be there…of course you had never made it easy on anyone why would you start now? As he walked through the hallway he did know that deep down he wouldn't want it any other way. You were you, the girl who made everything interesting and fun. You didn't WANT things to be easy, you always said there's no fun in that. He was still walking when he heard Natasha yell. "Steve look!" She sounded slightly panicked but as always she was good at covering it. He looked to where she was pointing and the saw the deep claw marks in the wood as though you had been digging your nails into the floor. Natasha was looking around for any other clues before seeing the slight almost invisible trace of blood along the stairwell. Steve suddenly felt something was very wrong as all the blood drained from Natasha's face. She was up and over to the stairwell within three seconds. She touched it slightly relived that it was still fresh which meant Marg hadn't been gone long. Fear enveloped her though as she looked up the long staircase catching slight bits of blood here and there. "We need to go now!" She ran up the stairs Steve in toe along with Bruce, and Clint. Tony and Thor had gotten enough of a feel for what was going on that they were already suiting up to catch you if they did the painstaking thing this was leading to.
You could hear them and could almost hear your heart in your chest for them to see you like this. You could tell from the pair of light and lean footsteps that one was Natasha the other heavier pair was your dad along with another two pair you were fairly certain was Bruce and Clint. There went your breathing again! You could feel the tears streaming down your face as you realized what you would have to do and how they would be right there. 'This is the only option.' You told yourself coming to that conclusion. "Marg!" The desperation in your dad's voice was enough to bring on a whole new flood of tears. You covered your mouth with one of your hands while leaving the other to be clutched at your side. You refused to turn around but you did want to respond, if this was going to be a goodbye you were going to make sure you talked. "Hey Dad."
Steve was devastated to see you in this position! You were his everything! He KNEW he wouldn't be able to go on without you! Though he was sure since your feelings were mutual that was exactly why you were doing this. He took a cautious step forward. He saw you immediately tense and lean more towards the edge, effectively making him freeze. "Marg please don't do this." You wanted nothing more than to come down and hug him but you knew that they would leave you if you didn't do this, and you would much rather have this ending than the one alone. "I'm sorry…I don't want you to be in pain but if I come down then I'll be in pain and be alone. At least you won't be alone."
Steve couldn't believe his ears! "Margery you are never alone! Even if I am a thousand miles away you are still with me! But not like this! This isn't the way!" It was bothering him to no end that you wouldn't turn around, some part of him was saying 'If she only turns around you could talk to her face to face and she would come down.' "Dad look at my options. At least if I die now your still here with me. I don't want to be alone." That was enough to make his heart shatter, your voice had caught on the last note. He realized how truly desperate you were to have things stay the way they are. You didn't want them to leave. "Marg look at me…just look at me and everything will be alright."
You were really tempted to but NO you WILL NOT BE TRICKED! As much as you loved him there was no way you were going to be left alone while they all go off and fight and possibly die. That wasn't an option. "Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it."
Steve couldn't help but smile at those words, they were from a book of quotes he used to read to you. That one had always been your favorite. "Trey Parker." Was all that needed to be said on his part for you to give out a little laugh. "I'm sorry. I love you Dad. Love you Natasha, Bruce, and Clint. Tell the others I love them. You took a shakey breath as you neared the edge…just one more step….
Why can't they understand the way we feel?
They just don't trust what they can't explain
I know we're different but deep inside us
We're not that different at all
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know (what do they know)?
We need each other
To have, to hold.
They'll see in time
I know
When destiny calls you
You must be strong (you gotta be strong)
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together
You gasped at the sound of the song that was such a strong part of your childhood. Along with the one person who had been there through everything…how could you do this to him? You weren't ready to face it yet. You could feel the tears dripping off your face as you continued to listen to the words of that song. Knowing he meant every one of them. You slowly turned to look at him, your heart breaking even more seeing that he had tears streaming down his face…in fact they all did. You looked to your dad to see him hold out a hand to you. You gently took it and couldn't help but feel hope surge through you in the relieved look that flashed through your dad's eyes. He lifted you off the lift gently pulling you as physically close to him as possible. He continued to sing to you, he knew you never wanted a song left unfinished.
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
I'll be there from this day on,
Now and forever more
Oh, you'll be in my heart (you'll be here in my heart)
No matter what they say (I'll be with you)
You'll be here in my heart (I'll be there), always
Always
I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there always.
You looked up at your dad smiling as you gave him a proper hug. "Promise me you won't die." He clutched you tighter "I promise." You both looked up as Natasha spoke. "Besides you won't be alone. I'm staying for the most part. So we'll have girl time." You both looked up surprise to see Natasha denying orders for you. Bruce walked up to the other side of you pulling you into a quick hug before saying "You'll have me around too, I'm only going in where's a code green." You looked behind you as Tony and Thor flew onto the roof pulling you into a tight hug "Please don't do that again kid, you almost gave your Uncle a heart attack!" He said as he clutched you tightly. Thor gave you a hug next "Lady Margery I don't think you realize what losing you would have done to us all. Even Loki was fond of you." You blushed at the compliment before Clint pulled you into the tightest hug he had ever given you. "If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here." Natasha was the last to give you a hug, you noticed she held you longer than the others, the tears were still visible on her cheeks. "Don't do that again or I will show no mercy when were fighting capich?" You pulled away slightly smiling "Capoch."
You looked to your Dad who pulled you into another tight hug. "I hope you know how much you mean to me. I wouldn't have been able to go on if you had jumped. I love you so so much sweetie." You snuggled into his neck mumbling "I love you too Dad." You looked over to Tony when he clapped his hands together "Well I've had enough of this mushiness. Who wants food?" You all laughed heading back inside. You knew that your dad would make it out for you. They all would, because you're a family who needs and loves each other.
I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there always.
Authors note: So I hope this wasn't too sensitive to anyone, and I hoped you liked it Margery! I'm not saying I think this is how you would react or anything I just went that way for the drama. Anyway thanks for reading and Margery thanks for the review. Sorry it took so long. Love you guys.