This is my very first Captain America fanfic. I discovered the MCU quite late, just about 2 years ago, but from the very beginning Cap was my favourite character and his friendship with Bucky is one of the best I've seen on screen. It's tragic, it's heartbreaking, and just when I thought nothing could be more devastating than CA:TWS, along came CA:CW. So, yeah, this is my very attempt of writing down what I think went through Steve's head during the fight with Tony in CA:CW. Not sure if I do him justice (I hope I do), but I had to get it out of my head because Steve's "He's my friend" kept haunting me after watching the movie again recently.

The title was inspired by Linkin Park's "Iridescent".

Warning: language (Steve apologises)

Wake of Devastation

It felt wrong, so fucking wrong. In a short moment of catching his breath, Steve asked himself how it could have come to this. There was no stopping now, he knew that much. It was too late; the very instant Tony had shut the way out and gone after Bucky the tide had been irrevocably turned.

He heard Tony grunt and Bucky scream as they fought, Tony with his back against the wall, Bucky pushing against him; a mixture of sounds that made his vision swim for a moment. He knew what they were both capable of, and it scared him.

Don't kill him. Don't kill him.

Just who "he" was, Steve wasn't so sure of. He staggered to his feet, readjusting the grip on his shield.

Don't –

The blast from Tony's repulsors cut that thought short. The sound echoed within the walls, followed by the heavy thump of a body hitting the concrete and the sickening smell of burned plastic and molten metal. It made his stomach churn.

He wanted to cry out, asking if he was alright, but his voice betrayed him for a moment there, breaking at the sight of his friend on the ground who was staring wide-eyed at the remains of his metal arm. Blood smeared the side of his head, but it was the flicker of fear that crossed his face that made Steve's insides knot. Shouldn't it be over, the fear, the suffering, the running? From the periphery of his vision he caught Tony coming forward.

It doesn't have to end in a fight. – It always does.

He shook his head. As Tony took the next step, Steve stormed forward. He crashed, shoulder first, into the iron suit, pushing him away like he had done all those years ago in the littered alleys of Brooklyn. But this time he stood a chance. Somewhere, deep down, he knew this was different. This way no bully in a backyard, no Nazi scumbag, this was his friend. And yet… and yet…

He landed one solid punch after another, but every time Tony's ironclad fist connected with his own body, he could feel the energy being drained from him. It would be so easy. Tony might even let him go if he just stepped aside.

But he's my friend.

The shield was ripped from his hands. Fear flashed through him for a moment. Who was he without his shield? He had gotten so used to it, to the protection it offered, that he let his guard down for a second too long. A heavy punch sent him to his knees. He could feel blood trickling down his chin, and again the flashbacks of his past nearly took his breath away. Another bully, another fight, and damn you Rogers for thinking it would end without one. He saw Bucky, still lying motionlessly on the ground, silent but for a repressed groan that Tony probably didn't even hear. Oh how the tables had turned, Steve thought.

His whole body ached, limbs like lead threatened to hold him down, but he would not move. He looked up at Tony, pleading with him to see sense.

"He's my friend", he said almost apologetically. It was as simple as that. It was funny, he thought, how sometimes the seemingly complicated things all came down to one simple truth.

He couldn't see Tony's eyes through the mask, but the slight quiver in his voice was enough to make him shudder.

"So was I."

Steve felt the punches before they hit him. His knees buckled as he tried to stand. The next blast sent him crashing into the curved pillar. His back exploded, his vision blurred at the edges.

Focus.

He set his gaze not on Tony, but on Bucky for the length of a heartbeat. Bucky, who had never wanted this. Any of this, this madness, this fight, the hatred, the pain. Bucky, who had endured it all because Steve Rogers had failed him.

"Stay down. Final warning."

His eyes met Tony's hardened gaze. Did he recognise a shadow of regret there? Maybe he had imagined it. He pushed himself up against the concrete block, trying to regain his balance and ignoring the fire that flared up beneath his ribcage. He broadened his stance and took a deep breath. He would never back out from a fight. Steve Rogers never did.

Except for that one time that Hydra-sent assassin was hell-bent on killing you, sneered the voice inside his head. Stark's right, admit it, he's your weakness, that Winter Soldier.

His name is Bucky.

It was the only thought he clung to, that it really was Bucky, no matter how bruised and broken he might be, underneath the layers of blood that coated his hands. And this time, he wouldn't lose him. Steve could see him, his still body laying just a few steps away, the metal remains of his arm on the other side of the room, reflecting bits of light and everything they had lost along the way. So much was gone, but there was still something left. There was no going back, not after everything. But what little there was to go forward to, it was worth fighting for.

"I can do this all day."

I don't want to. But I will.

His body was betraying him, though. He could feel it weighing him down, the energy leaving his body with every passing second. The light of the repulsor that Tony aimed at him seemed to mock him. The super soldier, the hero, losing it all in a fight against a friend. For a friend. Oh, the irony.

A small movement behind Tony caught Steve's attention.

Don't, you fool.

Before he could so much as shout, the fingers of Bucky's right hand curled around the leg of the metal suit. It was a desperate attempt, a stupid move, and Tony shook him off like a horse would get rid of a fly. Steve brought his fists up, readying himself for the final round.

Instead, the cracking sound of Tony's boot connecting with Bucky's head felt like thunder in his ears. For a second, Steve wasn't in the bunker. There was snow instead of concrete, with mountains rising in the background, and on the ground the broken body of his friend who he had abandoned.

In that instant, something snapped.

A beast stirred within his chest, one that had been lurking in the corner, waiting for the right moment to come forward. It roared and screamed, clawing its way out as Steve stormed forward and flung Iron Man away from his unmoving friend. His arm moved on its own accord, the mask blurred before Steve's eyes as his vision was tinged red at the edges.

I won't lose him. You won't kill him. You won't hurt him. It's enough, enough, enough!

Blind with rage he grabbed the shield and brought it down against the mask until the iron broke. He was met with wide, dark eyes that he had never seen that way before. So scared. Not scared enough, the beast growled, he wanted to kill the only friend you have, he would kill you if he had to, he won't stop unless you stop him first. His fists collided with his opponent's face, and with every blow the face changed. Iron Man. Zemo. Iron Man. Rumlow. Iron Man. Red Skull. Iron Man. Hydra. A small voice in the back of his head whispered that his opponent didn't even fight back, couldn't he see?, but the beast silenced that tiny voice with a mighty roar.

The shield crashed against Iron Man's arc reactor. The impact shook Steve's arms, but it didn't matter, nothing mattered but ending this once and for all. The reactor burst, the light flickered, the metal screeched and almost drowned out the roaring of the beast. Finish it Captain, it screamed, man up and finish it!

Enough.

He almost collapsed, breathing heavily through the pain in his ribs and head, and if it wasn't for the shield he would probably not even be upright. The beast growled restlessly, wanting more, but he willed it to be quiet. It was enough. His vision cleared if only a little and for a while nothing could be heard but the sharp gasps of both men. Somehow he managed to get to his feet. With shaking hands Steve pulled the shield from Tony's chest. Tony stared up at him, his face bloody and bruised and his eyes bearing an expression that Steve couldn't determine. God, he felt tired. He grabbed the shield with his right hand and turned away. He didn't want to look at Tony a moment longer than he had to. Don't look back at the devastation left behind. It just felt so fucking wrong.

He made the few steps towards Bucky on unsteady legs. His rage was replaced by imminent fear as he stood above his friend. Buck, he wanted to ask, but his voice betrayed him when he took in the bruises and blood that covered Bucky's face. He couldn't look at his missing arm.

When Bucky opened his eyes, Steve should have been relieved. Instead he felt numb. Reaching out his hand and helping Bucky up, his fingers curled around the shield. He put his other hand onto his friend's waist, supporting him while Bucky laid his good arm around his shoulder.

Did it hurt? – A little.

He struggled to keep Bucky upright. For a moment his own legs almost gave way.

"That shield doesn't belong to you."

Tony's words made Steve stop dead in his tracks. Suddenly the vibranium felt as heavy as lead. It pulled at his arm, threatening to make him stumble.

"My father gave you that shield, you don't deserve it!"

Deserve it. The voice inside laughed mirthlessly.

None of us deserved any of this. Clint, Wanda, Sam… no Avenger deserved losing their freedom over doing what, to them, felt right. You didn't deserve losing your parents. Bucky didn't deserve decades of torture, of pain, of losing himself. I didn't deserve losing everyone who ever mattered. Maybe I don't deserve to be Captain America after all this. Maybe I don't want to.

He took a deep breath. No more wars. No more running, no more losing.

"Steve, don't…"

Bucky didn't even lift his head, but the whispered words found Steve nonetheless.

I'm with you till the end of the line, pal.

In the end, the decision was easy.

A small sigh escaped Steve's lips as he let go of the shield. The hand that was now free caught Bucky's wrist. Their line hadn't ended yet, and he would make sure that from now on, it would be an upward curve. How exactly he would do that he had no idea, but even Steve Rogers didn't always have to think things through.

The war is over, Steve. We can go home.

The two men made their way towards the exit, clinging onto each other, silently making one step after another without looking back.

It felt right.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go.

(Linkin Park – "Iridescent")