I Loved Him

Hermione Potter

He couldn't take the pressure, he assumed after it was all over that no one would love him. He knew the prophecy; he and I studied it for a way out, anything. He trained with the greatest wizard in his eyes. He was mine. I never knew or fully understood his burden, I wished it was me, sometimes I think he wished it was me.

He went to all the funerals' of the ones he loved and I was by his side at all but one.

I would sit with him and just stare at a fire, we never laughed, or cried, we were numb. He couldn't take the pressure and all I could do was watch. He blocked out everything. I could here his sobs while he slept. He used to call out my name and I would obediently go to his dorm. I helped him through the deaths of the Order. I tried for the death of Ron and Ginny, but he helped me more. I secretly had my schoolgirl crush on him and I hated myself for it. He never asked more of me than he knew I could do. I knew it wasn't enough. He knew. Yet he was stilled ridiculed all during 5th year and the next he was expected to be their savoir. They did not deserve him. I did not deserve him. He went on mourning silently during day but screaming at night. I slept with him to comfort him. I always told myself we could never work out he was too good for me and I was useless but yet I still laid there with him and cuddled him to make him feel something, anything.

Over the summer of our 6th year I got up the courage to tell him how I felt, I went to Sirius' House and rushed through the front door to find Voldemort, dead. I went searching for him and found him lying on the floor in a room full of memories I saw pictures upon pictures looking at one person on the floor. I ran over only to see he was drenched in blood and could not tell who's it was. He looked up at me with sorrowful eyes and asked me why I didn't love him, I told him that I loved him for years and I was pregnant with his baby. His breathing became erratic and I had tears dripping off my face and cradled his in my arms. He croaked "Lily" and gave me his Quidditch ring. I gave him a nervous smile with tears running down more than ever and with every once of strength he had he gave me one last kiss, a loving kiss, and with that the boy who lived died in my arms.

I sobbed for hours until Dumbledore arrived and pried me away from my love, I screamed and kicked all the way back to Hogwarts. I knew Dumbledore could have easily stopped it but he didn't and he tried to explain everything but I didn't listen all I heard was my love committed suicide and I was the one who would have to explain everything to the world. I could not commit suicide because our baby needed me. I had to get away I would not face the world, no they did not deserve him. Diplomatic Hermoine was gone my love was dead. I left Hogwarts that day and I never looked back. I went home and packed my things quicker than I could imagine and found a letter from him on my desk. Cautiously I read it and it said he was so sorry he dragged me into this war and was going to end it. I continued, no one loved him 'I do why couldn't he see that?' He had to do it and he wanted me to move to a flat he bought for us? He told me to wear the ring and change my name to Potter he said sorry for no explanations but I would be happier without him. Goodbye Hermoine I will always love you. No good-byes Harry didn't I teach you better? You will be mine forever. You were not 'The Boy Who Lived' nor 'Dumbledore's Golden Boy'. You are my Harry Potter and I will never love another.

I will not tell Lily about his destruction I will tell him of the times of Ron, Harry and I. She will find out in time but not now. I loved him. I love him. Why couldn't he see that?