Title: Need you now.
Disclaimer: The song lyrics present do not belong to me, nor do the characters within the story. No infringement is intended.
Summary: Just a little one shot about Mike and Kate set after episode 58. Just my take on the scene, behind it and future repercussions.
Author's note: After watching the episode and hearing the song 'Need you now' but Lady Antebellum, this fic sort of came about. I've been writing it since the episode came out, yet it's tiny and short. It's based around their emotions. Apologies for any inconsistencies. I worry that a few people might find Kate out of character, but I think the circumstances would make even the toughest person have a weak moment perhaps.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor,
Reaching for the phone 'cause
I can't fight it anymore.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind,
For me it happens all the time.
Kate McGregor crossed her arms in front of her chest and surveyed her apartment briskly. There were traces of him everywhere.
She was dressed in civvies; cargo pants and a singlet with her honey hair pulled back in a no nonsense ponytail. The perfect attire for some spring-cleaning.
She picked up the brochures first and ran a fingertip across the lettering of 'Tahiti' wistfully. Catching herself, she squared her jaw and thrust them unceremoniously into a plastic bag.
It wasn't long before everything with the offending word was in the bag. There had been tour brochures, hotel recommendations. There had even been one about the local boat tours; she had grabbed it for Mike, knowing how much he loved to be on the water. Had he been on a shore posting, he would have loved it. That particular one got shredded.
After the bag had been put in her outside bin, Kate found herself standing in front of the linen press. Exhaling noisily, she removed an unremarkable box from the top most shelf with a bit of difficulty.
She carried it, almost tenderly, to her bedroom and placed it gently on the bed.
She sat down next to it, staring at it as she felt her brace façade crumbling.
Kate remembered the day she received her marching orders for the HMAS Hammersly and to work under Mike. She had been afraid at first. Afraid that it would open the proverbial can of worms and she would unravel. The one nightstand they had shared in the past was never meant to linger. They had shared an instant attraction and a weak moment. It was never meant to happen in the first place and she had never intended to be under him in any shape or form again. Her career came first.
Kate had pushed aside the passion and the way her skin had tingled at his touch, many years ago. Those thoughts had not resurfaced with her posting to Hammersly, just the fear of it potentially tainting her rise in the ladder. She had busted her gut to get where she was then, she did not want it marred by a weak moment.
Kate should have taken the letter of recommendation from Mike when Hammersly, the Fremantle class, was decommissioned. Oh how easy it is to make decisions in hindsight.
Now she was here. So desperately and blindingly in love with the man that she could barely see straight. The worst part was, she should have known better. She should have done something when he transferred back on to the ship. That was the uncrossable line. Maxine was right, so right. Any action now would be potentially damaging for their careers. Even if she threw it all in for him, people would know. People already knew. That suspicion would follow him. If even one person dared to ask if Commander Flynn had slept with a subordinate, it would kill her. It would kill his integrity. She did not trust either one of them to put their relationship on a slow burn till a safe amount of time had passed. What was a safe amount of time anyway?
Tears escaped the corners of Kate's eyes as she pressed her hands to her mouth, trying to muffle the heart wrenching sobs that threatened to tear loose.
In her mind she kept wondering, how they got this far and how it got so messed up. Why didn't one of them step forward and explain what had happened? Why didn't she just transfer off to another ship? God it was what she offered and what she wanted. Why did they stupidly think it would be okay? Bomber and 2Dads should have been a wake up call.
Mike had claimed that neither of them had 'brought it on the ship' and that's what stood them apart., but it wasn't true. Look at the way she handled herself with the whole situation with Gorski. Look at the times he discreetly tried to replace her with another crewmember when the situation was 'too dangerous'. That's even more dangerous than being caught kissing by the Swain. They were compromised and neither of them did a damn thing about it. Until now,
The concept of Mike not in the Navy and the prospect of his reputation being tarnished were horrible to Kate.
More tears slid down her cheeks as she continued to smother her sobs. Her heart was broken. She wanted nothing more than to call him and beg him to forgive her. Beg him to come to her. She wanted to feel his lips against hers and hide in the comfort of his chest. The part that hurt her the most, was wondering if he even would anymore.
After Kate had managed to pull herself together, she padded across her bedroom. Ignoring the unopened box still on her bed. She pulled open the top drawer of her dressing table and retrieved a pair of men's socks. They were Mikes. She had never told him that she had them, nor had he asked. The reason Kate still had them, always made her feel silly.
She had kept them in her drawer since their night together, just before he was posted back to the boat. It had made her feel like they were a normal couple. A tiny bit of normalcy in their messed up relationship. She was just trying to capture a tiny bit of what everyone else had. Clothes in the same drawers and wardrobes. The single pair of socks had given her a little bit of comfort every time she had opened the drawer to retrieve her own socks.
Kate placed the socks on the bed next to the unopened box. She traced her fingers around the lid before opening it slowly. Inside was a single photo of them together, framed in a silver frame. There were others, but this is the only one she had of them out of uniform. It had been special to her. She had wanted to display it, but of course that had been forbidden.
Kate touched a finger to Mike's face in the picture, a sad smile gracing her lips.
"Goodbye." She whispered, her throat clogging up with pain. She dropped the socks in the box and replaced the lid.
Promptly she took the box outside and threw it in the green bin, along with all the pamphlets of Tahiti.
Another shot of whisky,
Can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweepin' in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
Mike Flynn sat at the bar, a glass of amber liquid in front of him. He couldn't even remember what it was, as he knocked it back in a gulp. It left a fiery trail down his chest as he swallowed. The burn felt good. Better than the crushing feeling that was encompassing his chest.
He dropped the glass to the bar and stood up, the room spun for a minute, but Mike barely noticed. He saluted the barman, who was giving him a worried look.
"Thanks for the quality... Drink." He slurred before turning away.
Mike froze as he saw a small blonde cross the room to exit.
"Kate." He whispered, his chest constricting tightly causing him to gasp her name. Slowly his eyes focused and he realized she was shorter, her hair was too dark; it wasn't Kate. Mikes shoulders slumped and he made his own way out, to the taxi rank.
In the taxi, he almost gave the driver her address. His mind envisioned him drunkenly begging her for another chance on her doorstop. The thought, whilst something he wanted to do, was a bit chilling. The tiny rational part of his mind that was still functioning told him to wait til he was mostly sober.
So home he went.
His house was empty. Silent. Mike swayed on the threshold and looked around at it.
Truth be told, he was hoping Kate would move in with him in the next few months. He had been hoping the place would be less barren and more like them.
Swearing under his breath at his folly, he slammed the door behind him and staggered to the bedroom. He collapsed on the bed after kicking his shoes off. Next to his alarm clock was a picture of her.
It was of her in the beach during shore leave that was not homeport. He had acquired it from Bird, with about a hundred other shots of the rest of the crew. He had prided himself on being clever that day.
Mike had wanted the photo specifically to put in the frame next to his bed. It had been a bit risky, but why the hell would any Navy personnel be in his bedroom anyway? But just incase, he had framed pictures of the crew on his dresser.
Having her photo next to his bed had kept him going. It encouraged him and made him believe that soon it would be her, not just a photograph.
Mike laughed hoarsely and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling.
"Why Kate?" He whispered sadly. Without realizing it, he found himself with his phone in his hand, his thumb hovering over her quick dial. He let it drop to the bed like a hot coal.
No matter how he tried to think about it, he could not grasp her reasoning on this one. He had done everything in his power and was going to. He had even planned to leave the Navy, for her. She was worth it. They were going to be together and then she had pulled the plug.
The only thing he could think that made any kind of sense was that she really did not want to be with him any more. Every time his mind wandered to that thought, his chest tightened and he could not pursue the thought any more.
How could he fight for someone who did not want him?
"I will remain professional." Kate murmured to herself as she tightened the tie around her ponytail. Her fingers trembling as she ran her hand across the material of her uniform. "It's just Commander Flynn. He's just my.. Commanding Officer." Her voice trembled a little bit.
'Pull yourself together McGregor.' The voice in her head snapped. 'You are not some simpering little damsel in distress. You made this decision for a reason and it's about time you put your chin up and moved past it.' Kate squared her jaw and let out a deep breathe, cleansing herself of all nervousness.
She strode on to the bridge like she owned it and met Mike's gaze firmly. He broke it a few seconds later, asking her ready the ship to leave. The despair and heartbreak that was evident in his blue gaze nearly broke her then and there.
'He'd be worse without the Navy.' She steeled herself with that thought and went about her job.
Mike was careful to avoid making eye contact for the first day. He was saddened by her ability to close him out so easily. He quickly pulled himself together and put on his professional façade.
The patrol went smoothly. Their conversations were a little awkward but that was it. There was no hitch, no tension and no more emotions evident in their gazes.
That continued over the coming months, the traces of emotion and awkwardness dying down to nothing.
By the time Mike's twelve months on Hammersly were up, there was nothing between them. No tension, no warmth nor was there even any coldness. It was really over. Kate barely even questioned her orders, the ones she normally would have been provoked by. He was the captain and she was his XO.
Kate was promoted like expected and took over CO over Hammersly. Mike was placed in a shore posting.
During his last patrol, when the crew was milling around him passing on their sentiments, a mixture of happiness and sadness, Kate's blank face stood out.
Mike turned away from her.
It's a quarter after one,
I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call,
But I lost all control and I need you now.
Kate's first command went smoothly. She handled and she coped. She made good choices and a bad one. She explained herself to Navcom and they considered it justified.
She knew deep down that she had Mike to credit for a lot of it. She looked at him many times, nothing special gracing her face. It was like looking at Maxine. Someone she worked with. There was no spark, no wistful longing. It was all battened down and closed off. Every single feeling she had for Mike Flynn was buried so deep; she never expected to allow anything to be between them again.
Two patrols passed, then three. Then four. And before she knew it, she had been Commander for a year.
She was on shore leave, a glass of white wine in hand as she flicked over some of the many reports and paperwork she had to process. Her Executive Officer was efficient and had delivered his share earlier in the day.
Sipping her wine, Kate's thoughts slipped back to the days when her and Mike would finish them off together. It seemed so much simpler then.
Unbidden, an image of Mike smiling flashed through her mind, catching her off guard. The wine glass slipped through her fingers and smashed against the floor. The sheer emotion the image had triggered had blown her away.
Refocusing herself, she cleaned up the glass briskly and returned to the paperwork. She let her mind drift over her year in command. It had been good. It had had its fun moments too. Yet she could not shake the feeling there was a void there. A gaping void that made everything less colourful and greyer.
Half a bottle of wine later, she was more intoxicated than not as she sat on the couch, thinking of her crew. They were amazing and they all worked well together. They were spirited and had a wicked sense of humour to boot. The chemistry was good. She had worried about following in Mike's large boots; he had been a great commander.
Yet she had slid into the role with ease. They respected her, they listened and they trusted. Just like she respected them, trusted them and listened to them. Something Mike had taught her. Teamwork, even with a commanding officer, still required listening to everyone.
"Thank you, Mike Flynn." Kate whispered, raising her glass to him. Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes as the void inside threatened to swallow her whole.
Sinking back into the couch, Kate thought of Mike. She thought of his bottomless blue eyes, his graying hair, of the way she had fit in his embrace.
The void in her life was him. He was gone and everything felt brittle and empty. It had been two years since they had been together, two years of suppressing her feelings and still he was there in her mind. Her heart still loved him endlessly.
Slowly the emotions and feelings she had buried deep began to work themselves free.
Inundated with two years worth of repressed emotions, Kate cried. She cried for the choices she had made. She cried for the lonely nights and waking alone in the morning. She cried for the family she wanted with him. Men had approached her in the last two years, but she had not given them a second glance. Now she realized that they were not Mike Flynn.
Phone in hand, Kate flew out the door. Pausing only to shove her feet into the nearest shoes she could find. She half ran, half walked through the streets, too intoxicated to drive. She didn't realize she was dressed in a sundress and her regulation boots; her hair flying at all angles. It was well into the midnight hours when she arrived at his doorstep. Her conviction and confidence left her there. What was she doing? It had been two years. Two whole years. He had probably moved on.
With each passing moment, Kate's resolve crumbled into nothing.
Mike groaned and rolled over as his phone rang shrilly on the nightstand.
His first thought as he grasped the phone was a crash sail.
"Flynn." He rumbled groggily, not bothering to check the caller I.D. There was a large pause. "Hello?"
"Mike." The sound of Kate's voice was like a bucket of ice water; he woke instantly.
"Kate." He whispered, traces of sleep still in his voice.
"I'm sorry to ring so late." She was whispering too.
"It's okay. What's wrong?" Mike wondered if there was something wrong with the Hammersly or one of its crew. Though he would have expected her to ring Maxine instead.
"Me. Us. This. I'm sorry." A tiny sob escaped Kate as she spoke. "This was never meant to happen to us. We were meant to be happy and go to Tahiti." Mike's heart twisted in his chest.
"Oh Kate."
"You don't need to say anything. It's been two years Mike. I just had to apologise and explain." Kate whispered. "I was scared that you would ruin your career over me. You love the Navy and I didn't want you to give it up for me."
"That was my decision Kate. I would have done it with no regrets."
"I was so confused." Kate was crying now and it was breaking his heart all over again.
"I thought you didn't love me Kate. You didn't want us." His voice broke as he struggled to keep it together.
"I'm so sorry Mike. I loved you then and I love you still." She sucked in a deep breath. "I know it doesn't matter now, but I had to tell you." Before Mike could respond, there was a soft click, signaling the end of the call.
Mike tore out of bed in a heartbeat, throwing on some long pants and a button up shirt. He did not stop to brush his hair, instead running his hand through it and hoping for the best.
He grabbed his keys and his phone and shoved his feet into some shoes before yanking the door open.
He stopped at the sight of Kate on his doorstep. She was sitting and hugging her knees, with her face hidden.
"Kate." He was surprised to see her there. She turned her face to him, just as surprised.
"Mike."
He pulled her to her feet gently, and smoothed the stray honey strands off her wet face.
"I love you Kate." He whispered. Kate's expression softened and more tears slid down her cheeks. "There is no one else, has been no one else and will be no one else."
Kate leant up and kissed him. She kissed him hungrily and grasped his shirt and pulled him closer. He returned the kiss eagerly and whole-heartedly.
When they broke apart, Kate smiled up at Mike, who instantly returned the smile. Both of them at peace for the first time in more than two years. Mike dropped a kiss on Kate's forehead before ushering her inside and shutting the door behind them.