This is my first Mortal Instruments fic, any and all feedback is welcome. Thank you for reading!
"I think I liked 'mundane' better than 'bloodsucker,'" Simon muttered.
"With Jace, you don't really get to choose your insulting nickname."
-Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes (page 234)
As a rule, Jace had never, ever, called Simon by his given name.
At first, it had just been because that's what you called normal humans: mundanes. Nothing personal against Simon, it was who he was, no different than if he had referred Jace as Shadowhunter all the time. True, 'Shadowhunter' had more of an aura of awesomeness and badassery about it than 'mundane,' but you get the point.
Then it was a barrier of defense. A defense for Jace, to prevent himself from getting too close to that sarcastic, glasses-wearing epitome of a geek. Or nerd. Jace hadn't bothered to learn the difference, but he was sure that if he were to ask Simon he would receive a haughty, dictionary-long answer that he wouldn't have an attenion span long enough for.
Jace had to wonder why a barrier against Simon had been needed. He hadn't really thought about it, it had just happened, as instinctual as killing a demon to defend himself, or Isabelle, or Alec. Then, one night, when he was back in the Institute in that plain room, he had allowed himself to think about it. When the explanation had began to rise to the surface, Jace had shoved it back down to the blackened depths before it could form into a completely structured and clear thought, roughly turning over in his bed and pulling the sheets over his head, as if that could barricade out his thoughts. But it was too late, the thought had still reached him in concept: It was easier to detach yourself from someone if you saw them as less than human.
That's exactly what slapping the label of 'mundane' had done to Simon's identity. If Jace, and his companions, for that matter, only ever referred to Simon as something considered to be beneath them, then if the time ever came if he fell behind, defenseless because he was only human, it would be easier to let him go.
The reason that Jace still called Simon a mundane, after he had saved his—Jace's, a Shadowhunter's, for the Angel's sake— life, proven himself to be better and above the couch potatoes and sheep people who also bore the name of 'mundane,' stated simply, was thus: Jace had begun to grow closer to Simon, to feel that he was a friend, one that could one day, maybe, be as close to him as Alec was, but that didn't change the fact that he was still practically defenseless; getting rid of one Greater Demon didn't make you invincible. Jace had to come to terms with the fact that, out of the five of them (himself, Simon, Clary, Isabelle, and Alec), Simon was the most likely to be killed. And, in preparation of that, in order to guard himself, Jace had not allowed himself to think of Simon as anything more than a mundane.
Because it was easier that way.
Jace knew that his efforts were all in vain. Regardless of Simon's connections to Clary, and the fact that that was the only reason he was here in the first place, and how jealous he was of their relationship... Apart from all that, Jace had to recognize that, beneath his cold and hard facade, he was beginning to care about Simon. And, though he'd never dare to think it, even recognize the emotion, Jace wasn't just jealous of Simon's relationship to Clary. He was jealous of Clary's relationship to Simon.
And, looking at him now, pale in the lights of Luke's home, veins visibly an icy shade of blue beneath his skin, Jace was practically able to feel the new strength pulsing from Simon's body in waves, and he knew Simon wasn't so defenseless anymore. Yet, he still didn't call Simon by his given name. As soon as Jace was with Simon again, he had called him a 'bloodsucker.' Jace realized that Simon being most likely to fall behind was no longer an excuse to avoid his real name, that there was another reason: To call Simon by name would be just as bad as admitting he truly did care about him. And he could never do that.
Because to love was to destroy.