Disclaimer: Any recognizable characters, dialogue, or plotlines or not my property. They belong the Shonda Rhimes and the Grey's Anatomy team at ABC. This is not for profit, just something fun for me to write.

A/N: Welcome to my newest fic. As I am posting this, I have 10 complete chapters. The goal of this story is to cover the major plot points of Grey's Anatomy season 2 and beyond from a different perspective. This story is a what-if starting from when Derek first brought Meredith to the trailer. It is the story of what could have happened if he told Meredith about Addison that night. There are many more chapters to come, so be prepared. I plan to update every Wednesday, so stay tuned for more! Chapter title from the song by Deaf Havana. Story title from song by Ida Maria.

But I don't wanna play any theater for you,

I don't wanna stage a single piece for you

Oh, you, you keep me warm

Keep Me Warm - Ida Maria

Recently he had been smiling so much it almost hurt. Derek Shepherd could not remember the last time he had been this happy. Maybe at Christmas when he was sitting surrounded by his family with fourteen nieces and nephews running around, but certainly no time recently. That was until he moved to Seattle and met her. She was like the sun after the rain, the warmth of a fireplace on a cold snowy day. She was saving him. Every second he spent with Meredith Grey he felt like a better man, a better person. For the first time in years he was feeling like himself and it was all because of some girl he met in a bar. But she had not been some girl in a bar for weeks, she became the reason he was smiling more than he had in years.

That was why he was so scared to show her where he was living. She deserved better than an attending who is a not yet divorced and very broken man who was twelve years older than her and lived in a trailer in the middle of the woods. Despite feeling inadequate for Meredith, Derek could not stop seeing her and kissing her and loving her. She was like a drug; she was like the high he felt after a great surgery only better. He was terrified that when she saw the trailer she would realize the mistake she was making being with him, her boss. But she wanted to see where he lived. She was asking questions and what scared Derek more than losing Meredith over showing her himself was losing her because he was too scared to show her himself. Which was why Derek drove her on to the ferry boat, not telling her where she was going. As she complained about her disdain for surprises he just smiled and told her how much he loved ferry boats. And it was why he drove her to his empty land and walked with her towards the trailer, not telling her a thing.

But she was getting impatient and Meredith asked him, "Where are we?"

"I'm gonna tell you," he said as he smiled and shushed her. He was trying to appear calm but inside he was panicking, terrified she would want to leave once he answered her questions. Rubbing his hands together Derek turned to Meredith, making sure the trailer was behind them so she would not see it yet. Still walking Derek began what he had rehearsed, a speech describing his life.

"All right," he plastered the smile on his face as Meredith spun around to watch him speak, "My mother's maiden name, Maloney," Derek could not believe he was actually doing this, "I have four sisters. I have, uh, nine nieces. Five nephews." She was smiling at him, a delicate surprised smile. Derek could not help but stare into her eyes and think for a second that maybe he was falling in love again, "I like coffee ice cream, single-malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar," Despite his fears Derek kept talking, he had momentum and he had to answer as many of Meredith's questions as possible, he had to prove he was dedicated. A small voice in his head asked how dedicated he could be though, as he was still legally married to Addison. Ignoring the voice Derek told Meredith about his interest in fly fishing and he continued on saying, "And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public," That smile he had been thinking about earlier, the one that seemed to be permanently on his face since meeting Meredith was back. He was no longer faking his smile to seem confident, he was relieved to be telling Meredith about himself, enjoying it actually.

Derek paused and took in a breath, thinking of more to say. He could not stop yet, he did not think he had told Meredith enough, not compared to what she had told him about herself, "Um, favorite novel, The Sun Also Rises. Favorite band, The Clash," thinking about other things people tell each other Derek said "My favorite color is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo."

It dawned on him that he could tell her about his scar. He reached up to his forehead to make sure she saw it, pushing a dark curl out of the way. "The scar right here on my forehead, that's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore," he gestured with his hand to emphasis how bad an idea him driving a motorcycle was.

He took in a deep breath. Sure he left out the most important fact about him as he entered a relationship, the fact that he was still married, but Derek thought he had said enough. It was time for the big reveal of where he lived and why they were where they were. Pointing behind him Derek finally directed Meredith's attention towards his home, "And I live in that trailer." He smiled, not a grin showing his teeth but a nervous smile hoping she accepts him. When Meredith looks back at him, a questioning look in her eye Derek panicked a little, thinking she was judging the trailer and he felt the need to justify it telling her, "All this land is mine. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it."

"So that's it," he said as he turned his gaze back to Meredith, "That's all you've earned for now. The rest you're just...just gonna have to take on faith." Inside Derek cringed because if she puts her faith in him she still will not know his biggest secret. Hiding his discomfort at the thought of Addison, Derek and Meredith held eye contact for a moment before she started walking towards the trailer. He adjusted his stance, nervous she was not okay with everything that just happened. Derek's eyes darted between the trailer and Meredith as she slowly walked towards it. But then she pivoted on her feet and turned back to him, grinning. She reached her hand out to him and Derek realized just how far he had fallen for Meredith. He was no longer in the process of falling, he was down, totally irrevocably in love with Meredith Grey.

Derek smiled and began walking towards her outstretched hand when he stopped. If he was really in love with her, he had to tell her.

"There's one more thing," Derek said. She was staring at him and his stomach churned because he knew he was about to knock the ground out below her, "I'm married."

Instantly Meredith dropped her hand and her eyes darkened, filled with pain, "What?"

"Well, separated. But legally I am still married." Meredith started backing away, heading back towards the car as tears threatened to start rolling down her cheeks. "Meredith, let me explain," Derek pleaded. As he spoke she kept walking. Her mind was whirling with emotions. Mostly, Meredith felt pure rage.

"What's there to explain?" Meredith scoffed, "I'm a dirty mistress, the slutty intern sleeping with the married attending and you're just some guy in a bar, right?" she barked a mirthless laugh, "It was supposed to be a one-night stand, just some whore you met in a bar, but then we worked together and you thought you could just keep getting some, without your wife knowing. And hey what's the harm? The only person who this could hurt is just little dark and twisty intern Meredith Grey and if you destroy her career no biggie because you have a wife to run back home to. Is that what you wanted to explain?" She was angry. Tears were welling in her eyes and her voice cracked, her hands were shaking and he had never seen her look so volatile.

"It's not like that," Derek said, "She cheated on me. With my best friend."

"So what am I to you? The girl you screwed to get over being screwed?"

Derek looked at her, praying that he could convey everything he was feeling not only in his words but through his eyes, hoping she could understand, "You are like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me. That's all I know."

She started backing up again, shaking her head, "I don't think that's enough."