Shut It, Puckerman! (Noah Puckerman)
"Check it out. I can see Santana's ovaries." Puck said with a smirk. I was wearing my brand new Cheerios uniform and was headed to the choir room with Santana. I turned around and gave him a glare. "Wassup, Christine?" I gagged and kept walking.
"Don't pay him any attention. He just wants to get under your skin." Quinn told me. She smoothed out her skirt and waltzed into the choir room. It was my first week at McKinley High, and I had already been drafted by two rival teams: Cheerios and the New Directions.
"More like into my pants." Santana laughed and gave me a high five. We sat down in our usual spot and talked until the bell. I could feel someone's eyes burning into the back of my skull. I turned and saw Puck staring at me with a sex-hungry look on his face. His eyes screamed rape. I turned my head away, slowly.
"Okay, guys! This week's assignment is classic rock-specifically KISS." Mr. Schuester said with a smile. I heard a couple comments and I started to smirk. I was born into a family that loved classic rock n' roll. My life revolves around classic rock icons such as The Beatles, The Kinks, The Stones, KISS, Queen, Led Zeppelin, and Eric Clapton. "Anyone have any ideas of something to sing?" No one said anything. I raised my hand.
"Mr. Schuester, I think I might have the perfect song." I stood up and pulled my hair out of its ponytail. "I really love ya, baby! I love what you got! Let's get together we can, get hot!"
Puck's POV:
Oh, sweet zombie Jesus! She's singing a song written by a Jew! What's her name, again? Christine Goldberg! She's Jewish! I knew there was a reason I was instantly drawn to her! I gotta talk to her. She doesn't seem to like me, though. I bet Quinn and Santana have already brainwashed her into thinking I'm just some guy that doesn't care about anybody else but himself. That is so not true. Watch out, Christine. The Puck-ster is about to make you his.
Christine's POV:
"You pull the trigger of my love gun, love gun, LOVE GUN, love gun!" No one said anything. Probably because they weren't used to seeing me happy. Singing along with great guitar just makes my soul feel free! It was silent for another couple of seconds until Puck stood and applauded.
"Christine! Woo!" He cheered. "Jew power!"
"Christine, you really didn't strike me as the type of girl that listened to classic rock." Mr. Schuester laughed, clapping along with Puck.
"I was kinda brought up in a family that loves it." I giggled, putting my long brown hair back into a pony tail.
"You were very sharp on that last refrain. You might wanna look into that." Rachel said, glaring at me. Finn rolled his eye at her.
"Oh, shut up, you devious little troll." I yelled. I had wanted to say that all week. Every day, I had to sit through Rachel's criticism, nitpicking every little thing. The room erupted in laughter, even Finn was giggling. Just then, the bell rang, and I gathered my belongings eager to head to Cheerios' practice.
"Christine, I wanna talk to you for a second." Puck yelled, chasing after me. Ugh, why him?
"Fine, can you walk and talk? Coach Sylvester will kick me off the squad if I'm late." Puck nodded and we began to walk to my locker.
"I wanted to clear any of the rumors you may have heard about me. I am really not that bad of a guy, Sure, I got someone pregnant"
"What?" I shrieked. "Who?"
"Quinn… didn't she tell you?" Puck said. "Anyway, I stayed by her side all throughout her pregnancy. Just don't listen to what others say, because there is a real person beneath all this hotness."
"Um, I just wanna go to practice. So…please leave me alone." I said, grabbing my duffel bag.
"Come on! Don't judge a book by its cover! Just one date!" Puck called.
"Fine, Puckerman. You have one shot. Pick me up at 7." I walked down the hallway. I could feel myself smiling; I quickly masked it.
Later
I smoothed out my new yellow halter dress. It was 6:30. Puck was going to be here in a half-hour. I really don't know why I was getting so excited. Puck wasn't really the dating type. But whatever, I t was nice to get out of my house. My naturally curly hair was hanging around my shoulders. My new sandals were clasped to my feet.
I had twenty minutes to kill, so I turned on the radio. Perfect, a KISS classic. "Strutter" blasted throughout the many speakers I had installed in my room. I sang along as I lay on my black and red comforter. My KISS "Destroyer" blanket was being washed.
I checked my bag to see if I had everything I would need. I had my wallet, my cherry Jolly Ranchers, and my house key. Gene Simmons ate a cherry Jolly Rancher before every KISS show. It stained his tongue blood red. Ever since I had first heard a KISS album, I aspired to be like Gene Simmons. I slid "Thrashes, Smashes, and Hits" into my CD player and popped a candy into my mouth.
"We can't do it any other way; everybody's gotta rock n' roll!" I sang. My eyeliner was perfect and my mascara was applied equally on my eyelashes.
The doorbell rang. I let my mom get it. He can sweat it for a bit longer. My outfit seemed good, and my legs were freshly tanned. "Christine, Noah is here!" My mom bellowed from downstairs. It's show time.
I slowly walked down the stairs and Puck's eyes scanned my body. "Bye, Mom." I gave her a hug and we left. As soon as my mom closed the door, I smacked Puck's arm.
"What was that?" He laughed.
"Don't gawk at me like that in front of my mother!" I told him. I reached for the car door but he pulled my hand away. He then opened the car door for me. I raised an eyebrow but got inside the car. "Where are we going?" I asked him.
"You'll see. I like your dress." Puck told me with a smile. I smirked a bit.
"Thanks, I like your…" I scanned his clothes. Nothing special; in fact, he was wearing jeans. "Shoes." It was the first thing that came into my mind.
"Thanks, I like your smile." Now that made me blush. I smiled a little and asked him to put on some music. "Sure thing." He pushed a CD in the slot.
"Many years since I was here," I laughed. "On the street, I was passing my time away."
"You like KISS?" I asked him.
"I like KISS, they're all Jews." Puck laughed. "What's your favorite song?"
"Oh, gosh, that's a hard question." I stated. I furrowed my eyebrows, thinking about which song I listened to the most. "Probably the song Lick It Up."
"That sounds dirty." Puck wiggled his eyebrows.
"Shut up!" I giggled. "It's a good song. It was recorded when they didn't use their makeup in the 80s."
"I think I may have that song." He pressed the next button and the song began to play.
I raised an eyebrow. "You went out and bought the best hits CD just today, didn't ya?"
"Hey, I figured if a hot girl likes KISS, they mustn't be that bad." I just rolled my eyes.
"Here, let me show you some real KISS music. Not that these songs aren't great but this is what I grew up with." I pulled my iPod out of my purse and plugged it into his stereo. 'Let's Put the X in Sex' blasted through his speakers. He began to rock back and forth, like he was gonna head bang. I giggled and sang along with the lyrics.
"I got a letter just the other day!" I yelled. "She sent a picture, but she didn't sign her name. She wore HIGH HEELS and a little black lace!"
"This sounds a little scandalous." He obviously didn't know the title.
"Just wait," I told him. "But something in that photograph reminded me of you, baby, let's put the X in sex!" Puck burst out laughing.
"You are something else. You know that?" Puck smiled. I just smiled and kept singing. He pulled the car into a parking lot and took the key out of the ignition. "Okay, now, I promise, I'm not gonna hurt you and this is gonna sound strange but I want you to get out of the car and wait so I can blindfold you."
My eyes widened. "You're not gonna rape me, are you?"
"No, I swear."
"Okay…I trust you." He got out of the car and put the blindfold on me.
"Are you ready?" He asked me, grabbing my hand. I squeezed it in reassurance. He started to pull me in the direction of his surprise. The sounds kept getting louder and louder.
"Noah, where are we going?"
"Just wait, Christine." He pulled me into a building and we stopped in a line of some sort.
"Uncle Albert!" Puck called.
"This her?" A deep voice questioned.
"Yeah, this is her. Can we go in?" I tensed a little. I didn't wanna go in a club, or something.
"Sure, let me tell him." We waited for 'Uncle Albert' to come back.
"Who was that?" I asked Puck.
"That's my Uncle Al." He answered, plainly.
"Oh, you're actually related. Where are we going?" I asked again.
"Just be patient." He told me. The door opened.
"Okay, he will see you now." This all of a sudden felt like we were about to visit the Godfather.
"What? Are we visiting Tony Montana? Is he gonna make us an offer we can't refuse?" I asked Noah in my best Godfather voice.
"Nice attempt, but Tony Montana is from Scarface." I just stuck my tongue out at him. He pulled me into a room and undid my blindfold. We were in a dressing room of some sort. Puck was blocking the man in the chair, and he smiled at me. "Are you ready?" I nodded my head, and Puck moved away.
"So you must be Christine Goldberg." I wanted to faint. There in front of me sat my idol, Gene fucking Simmons.
"How did- how are- what?" I stammered.
"My uncle works for Mr. Simmons, he's the stage manager." Puck smirked.
"Oh, my God. I love KISS, and you, soooooo much!" I told Gene, turning bright red.
"That's great to hear. Puck tells me that you are quite the fan." I opened my mouth to respond. "Your tongue is red." Gene laughed.
"I aspire to be like you in every single way." I giggled. Gene stuck out his tongue, his color matched mine. I began to bounce on my heels. This is so cool!
"I'm touched. Come here." I obeyed and walked towards him. He gave me a hug and Puck took our picture with his iPhone. "Now, I want you to pay close attention to the show tonight. Noah asked us to do him a favor, okay?" I nodded my head, and thanked him profusely.
"I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy!" I bowed my head.
Puck laughed at me. "You're such a nerd." He ruffled my hair and we walked into the arena.
"This is amazing! Thank you so much!" I gave him a kiss. He smiled, and bent down for another one. I gladly obliged and kissed him again. He pulled away and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards our seat at the front of the stage.
"YOU WANT THE BEST, YOU GOT THE BEST!" We heard a voice yell.
I screamed so loud. This was my first time seeing KISS live! Gene flew into the sky and sang I Love It Loud. I screamed again. I thought my lungs were gonna give out. After the opening, Paul Stanley began to sing Forever. Puck reached his arms around my waist and placed his chin on my shoulder. I sang along with Paul as we swayed back and forth.
After Paul sang solo, Gene grabbed the mike and Puck ran off saying he was gonna get us some sodas. "You know that I love the fans!" Gene yelled. The audience cheered in response. "I love to do people favors. So I want to help out this wonderful young couple. It's their first date, and KISS is her favorite band. So Noah, come and help me." Puck walked onto the stage with his acoustic guitar. My stomach immediately filled with butterflies.
"Christine, this song is for you." Gene screamed. "She's got me dizzy
She sees me through to the end
She's got me in her hands
And there's no use in pretending
Christine sixteen
Christine sixteen
She drives me crazy
I want to give her all I've got
And she's hot every day and night
There is no doubt about it
I don't usually say things like this to girls your age
(Christine sixteen)
But when I saw you coming out of the school that day
That day I knew, I knew, I've got to have you, I've got to have you
(Christine sixteen)
She's been around
But she's young and clean
I've got to have her
Can't live without her, whoo no
Christine sixteen
Christine sixteen" Paul and Gene were singing it together, and afterward the crowd went wild. I smiled at Puck. Gene pulled me onstage and I embraced Puck in a big kiss.
"Will you be my girlfriend?" Puck asked me.
I raised an eyebrow. "Will you sleep around with other girls?"
"Only the hot ones." He joked. "No, I've only got eyes for you."
"Shut it, Puckerman." I laughed and gave him another KISS. 3