Can't Let Go
He was knocking on her door.
He hadn't come to see her in days.
He had given her the space she had asked for.
Given the space she felt they needed.
Why was he here now? Last time they spoke it hardly civil.
They had tried hard. Both of them had pushed to make things work. He had showed her old pictures, places she had been and told her stories about their life together. She had listened, asked questions and spent time with him and his friends.
She simply couldn't remember.
That is when the arguments started as he accused her not trying hard enough. She accused him of pushing her too hard. It wasn't meant to be like this. It was meant to be them driving off into the sunset together. Instead they were fighting, arguing and throwing insults and accusations at each other.
She had moved out after a couple of months unable to cope living there. Unable to cope being with Dom. She wanted to walk away and he had let her. He had lost Letty again and it hurt all over again.
Dom had tried to move on without her the first time around. Tried to carry on. He couldn't do it. It was like he was missing an arm or an leg. His dreams of them being together lay around him in ruins and he was tried of looking at ruins and broken dreams.
In Dom's eyes, Letty is the sum of all things pure in the world. His salvation, redemption, and his reason for living. She's ferocious. The kind of woman you would gladly lay down your life for. The kind of woman who you would go to the end of the earth for. Courageous and complicated. Sensual. Savagely sexual. Amazing in everyway. He just doesn't know what to do anymore. Give him a car to drive fast, a engine to fix or some street thug to punch he could do all in his sleep… give him Letty again and he doesn't know the first thing to do.
He hoped their time together would aid their relationship not hurt it anymore than it already was. He wished she not look blank when he told her a joke only they knew about. He longed for her to look at him rather than avert her gaze away. He wished that in her quieter, reflective moments she would share with him rather than shrug it off, say nothing's on her mind, then walk away.
He couldn't sleep the night she had moved out. He had felt sick, felt like getting into a fight, felt like driving somewhere and never coming back.
He couldn't let her go not like this.
Not like this.
"Dom you once told me that you don't turn your back on family. Even if they do." Brian told him.
"It's not the same" Dom replied starring off into the distance.
Brian sighed. It had been a day since Letty had moved out. Both Brian and Mia had tried to help the couple as much as they could. But the pair of them where too difficult, too stubborn and more likely to keep their true feelings to themselves than talk. He had never seen Dom look so tired or defeated. After all the events and near misses in their lives Dom has always moved on and carried the team on his shoulders. Now he looked lost and weighted down with the stress of current events.
"You know when I saw Mia again when I was in the FBI she couldn't even look at me." Brian confessed looking at his beer. "The man she knew had tore her family apart and here he was again in a suit and tie. She said she didn't know who I was anymore. Whether I was the good guy or the bad guy. It killed me. I mean it nearly killed me to see her act like that. I promised myself that I would do all it took to get her to look at me."
Dom looked at Brian. He considered Brian his closest friend. He was merely a boy when they first met. All attitude and bravo but now he was a man more serious, quieter with more responsibility.
"All that it takes Dom" Brian told him.
"You're a survivor Letty and you can survive this"
Dom had told her this a month and half. She wasn't sure even he believe it now. He seemed so sure at first, so positive and confident. At first it was all longing looks and sweet kisses. They were both guilty of getting caught up in the moment. Him finding his one true love, her for finding a family again. But it didn't last.
Dom looks like at her like he wants Letty back. The old Letty not her at least that's what she feels. What does he want from her? To change back? To simply forget everything she was now and become the old Letty? She couldn't do that, she wasn't a robot and couldn't simply switch her mind on and off like that.
He had no idea what she done with Shaw. She had told him some stories but stopped short at most of them as she could tell that he didn't enjoy them. He even told her so.
"I don't know who I'm looking at now" Dom admitted after describing one of her darkest stories.
Letty's face looked cold, it was like he stabbed her with a knife "then look closer" She replied harshly.
Of course he wouldn't his brilliant Letty killing innocent men and woman. It would taint his memory of the old Letty… his Letty. Her memories didn't return like the doctors said it would. All of the photos he had showed her, the places that he said she loved, stories of good times they had shared together… it all accounted for nothing as she didn't remember.
Things had gotten awkward quickly. Dom began to lose his patience with her. She began to get frustrated with both her situation and his constant talking about the past. Was the past all he cared about?
Now she was alone. Her choice to move out and she was just going to have to live with it. She felt cut off from the family he introduced her. The family he promised her. The family he told her she belonged with. It hurt being alone now. But she was strong enough to deal with it at least that's what she told herself late at night like now.
She hated him for making her feel this way. Shaw made her feel like the victim at times working together. Like he was just keeping her on the end of a rope. Dangling there awaiting her death… probably by him. Dom made her feel like it was all her fault. From keeping the real Letty from him and refusing to accept who she was now.
"It doesn't have to be like this" Mia pleaded with Letty who was busy packing clothes in a bag.
"Living in separate rooms isn't working out Mia. It's just too awkward so this will be better for everyone" Letty replied not even bothering to look up.
"But I thought that you were making process" Mia said "that weekend away you took together."
"Yeah it was good… for an hour or two" Letty admitted pausing her packing "but one weekend away isn't what we both want."
Mia moved towards Letty "I know it is hard but Dom loves you please don't forget that."
"Mia I'm miserable and he just doesn't see it" Letty confessed to her.
So here they are. Dom knocking on her door. Letty debating whether she should open it.
Is this their final break up? Neither of them knows. Letty finally opens the door but he still hadn't come in nor has she moved to let him inside.
"What do you want?" Letty asked tired. She really didn't want to see Dom or do this. The four beers and some god awful shows on television had done little to lighten up her mood. Still the last thing she wanted to do was chat to Dom.
"Just to talk to you" Dom said.
"I think we have done enough of that in the last few weeks" Letty responded.
"Please" Dom said hardly ever said that word. He never needed to. In his line of work you didn't need to say please. But he needed to say it to her now.
Letty moved aside and let him in. She sat down on the couch while he took the chair opposite. The flat was basic and sparse. Letty clearly hadn't done anything in terms of decorating or adding her touch to the place. They sat in silence neither saying anything waiting for the other one to start first. Letty gave in first.
"You wanted to talk so talk" Letty demanded finishing the last of her beer.
"I know this hasn't been easy for you" Dom admitted "I know I could have done things better for you." He looks away struggling to find the words. Its his last chance to make things right or he might lose her forever.
"I'm not the same person you once knew" Letty was looking right at him now. "I'm not going to make the same jokes, laugh at the same things, eat the same food or wear the same clothes."
Dom struggled to look at her and not close his eyes at her words but she deserved to have him look at her.
"I know that… now" Dom said bowing his head in shame. "Just give me a chance to make this right."
Letty regarded him. He seemed like he was being real with her.
"I know you miss her" she whispered quietly so quietly he almost missed it. But he heard her.
"Too much… I miss her so much" Dom could feel tears begin to sting his eyes.
Here they were talking like Letty was two different people but the point that Letty had told Dom time and time again was that she felt like she was. He understood that now finally that she was different and Letty finally understood how Dom felt all this time. To admit that Letty was different was like admitting that the old Letty was finally gone. Seeing her wear the same face, act similar and sound the same was like torture at times. It was almost like he was cheating on Letty with Letty… sometimes like was twisted at times.
Dom look up and saw Letty looking at him sympathy. There was so much more both of them had to say to each other but the next thing that came out of her mouth was a surprise for both of them.
"Do you want some beer" Letty asked him.
Dom couldn't help but smile. Beer was so not going to help their problems in talking to each other… but it would make them feel better "Sure" he replied.
"I only got two left" Letty told him getting up moving towards the kitchen.
"Guess we will have to run out and get some then" Dom replied finally taking off his jacket.
"Guess so" Letty agreed handing him a bottle.
It was going to be a late night they both decided.
Finish
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