Originally posted for the - Love Through Lemons Contest Entry by my other FF name "TwilightSherry"
Hosted by LolaShoes and tby789
"Near to You"
A/N – Stephanie owns these brilliant characters – I'm just lucky enough to play with them
The song that was quoted and offered much inspiration is "Near to You" by A Fine Frenzy
Thanks to LolaShoes and tby789 for the reason to break my writing cherry ;)
Was I really going to do this? How was I going to do this? Do I know the answers to those questions? Do I want to know? All I know is that I want to be near him. I tremble at the thought of taking this final step in this progression. The healing began the moment I heard his voice, would the wound fade, or would the scars hold me forever captive to an old dream?
As the pilot gives the usual instructions to the flight attendants, I buckle my seatbelt and know that I have only one hour to reflect. I breathe a heavy sigh. The weight of these memories is enormous. I lean my head back on the cold leather headrest, lower my lids, sink down into the cold air and the sounds of the plane disappear in the visions that take over my mind. Edward and I had a relationship that had once been beautiful, in some ways it always would be. When I finally realized the dysfunction would destroy us, I let him go; knowing we would never share the same feelings. His eyes burned a hole in my heart at the confirmation that he would be able to walk away, and the image of him turning the corner, the last corner I would see him turn, haunts my dreams nightly. Such pain should never be experienced. I still reel from the loss, still find myself living in delirium even after four years, living only the skeleton of a life.
I am working hard to rediscover myself apart from Edward. Our lives were intertwined so completely that it's taken me so long to pick up the scattered pieces and find the glue that can hold my destroyed soul together. I know that Jake has been my saving grace. He squeezed the glue one bead at a time, knowing precisely the next shard he could polish and bind to the last molded piece. He and I have something so different, so pure, and so real. Only six months ago, I laughed at his joke in the chat room, stirring a joy I had long forgotten existed. The first laugh began a chat room chase, following him from room to room, curious for the next joke: "I finished installing a skylight today. My upstairs neighbors aren't very happy." Yes, they were silly, but it was the therapy I needed.
My skeletal life resembled that of a hermit. I barely spoke to even Rose and Alice. Charlie tried so hard that it broke the small pieces left in my heart to see him yearn for me to heal. The only conversations I had were in the chat rooms, full of faceless people with fake names. Safe people with whom I could speak candidly, who never grew tired of the story of my heartbreak, because it could be a new person daily. I knew that our conversations tore Alice apart since she was Edward's sister, so I slowly put more distance between those phone calls for her sake as well as mine. Rose was so disgusted with Edward that I couldn't bare to hear her tell me how she was going to rip him apart and burn the pieces, although I knew she meant well. She constantly tried to get me to go out with her and meet new people, but I had absolutely no desire to even be social. Those faceless letters on my computer screen telling me to stay strong, or sharing their own heartbreak were now my companions.
How Jake ended up in that chat room was fate. He says he was just popping into random chat rooms and dropping jokes. He always knows how to make me laugh even now. I will never forget those first few weeks talking every night, all night. He awakened something in me I thought Edward held in his hands when he turned that corner. Life. I enjoyed Jake very cautiously, because even though Edward had been gone for three years, my emotional scars were still open wounds. Even though Jake was wonderful, it's still hard to move on, to that place of restoration. The place where Edward no longer haunts my dreams, I know is close. I'm so close to being Jake's and I cannot believe his patience with my demons. I know that I'm better with him. I've known that for a long time. I've pleaded with him, needlessly, to stay with me. He hates and loves Edward all at the same time. The former because of the pain he caused me, the latter because it brought me to him.
As the memories play back like a movie in my mind, first my childhood growing up with Edward, moving seamlessly to our doomed love affair. Fifteen years is a long time. How Jake has made those memories start to fade in only six months is a miracle I have prayed for incessantly. A prayer admittedly I took back after every "Amen". I didn't want to forget Edward. But somehow Jake gives me a glimmer of hope that I soon will. The movie reel moves to those late nights on the phone with Jake, sharing every thought, every pain, every secret, every desire, every dream, and a million laughs. He mirrors the knowledge I have of myself. He grasps my being and sometimes I think he surpasses me in understanding who I really am.
Ding Ding "Ladies and gentlemen we are approaching Washington, DC, the temperature is 68 degrees, and flight attendants please prepare the cabin for final approach."
Has it been an hour already? I know I am ready for this. I am ready to finally meet Jake in person. It seemed so silly when so soon he said those three little words I longed to hear from Edward. Three words I have yet to say to Jake. I know what he expects this weekend. Although, we have had our fun on the phone, that kind of intimacy is different in person, and I have not been with anyone since Edward. Jake knows Edward was my first and only sexual experience. He says he doesn't expect anything, but I know he wants it. I know that I want it. I'm only scared that sharing that with Jake means I have to let Edward go completely. It is the final string that still holds me to Edward, which is so ludicrous since he's been married now for a year.
When Alice called to let me know he was marrying the girl that I had seen splashed all over the papers as his newest fling, I knew it was hard for her. I'm glad she called me to tell me herself. We've been talking pretty regularly now, and she's been encouraging me to meet Jake for months. I'm sure Jake could kill me for giving her his email address. She never leaves him alone. Although, I know she was so helpful to him those few weeks that I told him we just couldn't go on anymore. She helped him to see that I needed time to deal with the feelings I was experiencing. Feelings I never thought I'd have again. Sometimes, I think she's giddier about us meeting than both of us, but we love that little pixie more for that reason. She insisted on taking me shopping to buy some new intimates, which was a little weird, but I indulged her. She really is the best girlfriend I have ever had. She came by to drive me to the airport this morning and laughed at my outfit. Why she ever thought I would wear anything besides jeans and my favorite comfy hoodie is really beyond me. I know Jake doesn't care, he knows I'm a comfy freak. But, I let her talk me into wearing this little cotton dress, to show off my legs, as she put it, insisting I wear the pink lacy bra and panty set with the little bows strategically placed, we had purchased the day before.
"Do you really think something is going to happen the minute I step off the plane Alice?" I had said to her, with my hands on my hips, rolling my eyes.
"Bella, I'm having a premonition that once Jake puts those hands of his on you, you will feel the electricity and you will thank me endlessly for not letting you wear your cotton Hanes Her Way. I'm not sure you are going to make it out of the airport before that man has his hands all over you. And Bella, I know you are nervous and cautious, but please let yourself feel the honesty of this and just let go. It's been long enough." She replied with that silly all-knowing smirk she gets.
With a jolt as the wheels are lowered and we are about to touch ground, the butterflies start to flutter in my stomach. I can do this, I tell myself. Yes, I'm so close to being Jake's. Yes, I'm better with Jake. Edward is fading subtly, with each passing day. For the first time I feel a taste of freedom. A vibration starts deep in my center and peace overwhelms me. I'm not nervous at all. I was surprised by the vibration in my pocket, and realize it's only my cell phone. I have a text. I look at my phone and scroll to the new message. It's Rose.
"Good luck... its bn almost 4 yrs grl...don't cum (pun intndd) back til u r properly fucked & I mean that!!! ;) 3 Rose"
A blush now camouflages my ivory tone, and the corners of my mouth find their north. Is it possible to feel myself moving closer to home, while in a faraway state? Jake holds the part of me I thought I'd never recover and as the gates open and I start to walk down the long corridor, joy and elation overcomes me, and I can sense his eyes fixed on me, before my own eyes meet his, sending tingles from my toes to the tips of my fingers; motivating my feet to move more swiftly before I even realize. His stature in person is stately, but his pictures and the webcam do not do him the slightest justice. His dark eyes are smoldering right through me. Heat begins to run through my veins as I absorb how lascivious his robust form is affecting me. Was Alice right, are we going to make it out of the airport? He stretches his hand out to take the bag I am carrying, and he grazes my arm slightly, eliciting an electric pulse right on that spot. How did Alice know? It was electricity. He opened his arms inviting me in. His expanse enveloped me and I was overcome with the current streaming through my entire body. He held me so tightly and every point that our bodies touched was on fire.
"Bella, I'm so glad you are here."
"So am I Jake, more than I thought possible."
His smile grew wider and if possible his eyes emitted more delight. Hearing my response, he took my hand and we walked to the baggage claim. The drive home was effortless. There were only a few mandatory moments that his hand left mine. The longer his fingers were folded with mine, the wetness I felt was pooling and I rubbed my legs together for some needed friction. I had no idea this would be so easy, and feel so wonderful. My body was awakening with each mile, and Jake was only inches away innocently talking as if he didn't know the reaction my body was embracing. I wasn't sure what he had planned for the evening, but surely he felt the beads of sweat in my hand and I wasn't sure how I was going to make it one minute past our first step into his house. I took a deep, cleansing breath. I wanted this. I needed this. I'm so much better near to him.
Through the candlelit dinner he had waiting, we played footsies under the table like two teenagers; I still don't know how I didn't jump across the table like the animal I feel like, devouring his massive form. He was being so patient with me, if only he knew that I was desperately controlling my desire to impale my body with him, to feel his entire body over mine, to feel him inside of me. After dinner we moved to the living room and he turned on some soft music. The glow of the candles cloaked the entire space. The music danced across my ears and brought calm to the lust I felt in the air. He sat down beside me on the couch, and again the heat was so intense, burning flames over the whole right side of my body.
He took hold of my hand and again the electricity was evident, scorching the air around us. His other hand reached up and gently tilted my head closer to him. He leaned in and whispered in my ear. "Bella, I know you are scared, and want to take this slow. But, I am not sure that I can contain myself much longer. May I please kiss you?" His hot breath blew into my ear and I shivered and let out a sigh. He knew that was my affirmation. I closed my eyes and felt his lips on my earlobe first. He kissed me so softly down my jaw line and when his lips grazed my lips; I took my bottom lip into my mouth and bit lightly, nervously feeling this flood of emotion for the first time in so long. I ran my tongue between my lips, brushing his lips along the way. I caught my breath slightly when I felt his lips on my mouth with more fervor and his tongue begging for entrance. I opened my mouth slightly and he slipped his hot, wet tongue into my mouth, causing another pooling sensation in my new panties. He swept his tongue along mine sending quivers down my spine. Our tongues moved in sublime harmony, while our lips expressed our need. Our hands roamed over each others bodies exploring every crevice. I could feel his muscles flex as my hands brushed over each firm definition; I was enthralled by the feel of them under my small fingers. He swept one hand lightly up and down my back, pulling me in closer proximity to his wanton flesh. The other hand gave me goose bumps as he feathered his fingers along my thigh. I thought, "Thank you Alice for making me wear this dress and, oh god, making me get rid of the Hanes Her Way." His fingers lifted the bottom of my dress ever so slightly, and on the way back down his fingers found the crease of my knee, sending shudders down to my toes.
"Oh, Bella, this is better than I ever could have dreamed." He said, as he pulled me onto his lap. I could now feel his straining erection on my thigh. His fingers lightly drifted along the other knee, moving my dress a few more inches up, his fingers slipped closer to where I wanted him most.
"Unghh, Jake, I should have come sooner." As I caught my breath again, I ran my fingers down his jaw line. For the first time in what felt like hours, his lips left mine, and I opened my eyes to find his eyes open, and a small grin on his face. Realizing what I just said, a smile stretched across my face too. "Always the joker, huh?" I smirked.
With bedroom eyes in full force, Jake, far from joking, replied, "We have all night Bella, and it would be my greatest pleasure to make you cum as many times as you desire." As his words settled deep within, the certainty of this fact caught my breath, and I let out a low sigh. His hand moved up my back and over my shoulder, dipping down my arm and flowing to my wanting breasts. He held me in his palm and my nipples hardened at the sensation. His hand squeezed my supple mounds one at a time, brushing his fingers in circles around my taut nipples, causing a heavenly surge to catch me off-guard. The need to feel him in my own small hands urgently surfaced. I ran my hand up my thigh and reached underneath so that I could feel his hardness straining against his jeans. His cock pulsed slightly at my touch and I ran my hand down his length and sliding my fingers down the curve so that I could give his balls a small squeeze, eliciting a small groan from him. I was elated at the obvious sexual power my touch demanded. I relished at the idea that our insatiable craving was mutual. His muscled body tightened as I looked in his eyes, and with every inch of my movement, his eyes grew darker and lustier. I could tell even through this fabric that I would not be disappointed; my small frame would lusciously be overpowered by him. The anticipation of him filling me so completely claimed my every thought.
I searched for his hand that was rolling up and down my outstretched legs. I spread my knees just enough and I took his hand in mine and ran our fingers up my inner thigh, reaching the wet fiber that was the only barrier between our fingers and my sex. He pushed aside the lace, and his eyes widened. Those dark, piercing pools, stared at me. "You are so wet, Bella." He ran our joined fingers along my slick folds. Teasing my hot flesh. My body tensing at the sensation.
"For you, Jake." And with those words, I slipped our fingers inside me; he took control and moved them slowly in and out of my dripping pussy. My heavy moan strained through my lips as he flicked my aching clit. He squeezed gently sending pulsing heat through me. I spread my legs for him to gain deeper access. He rubbed circles around my clit as he added another finger to our already two fingers, continuing the pace, in and out. "Bella, I want to taste you." I pulled my own finger out and slid it into his mouth. He licked it clean.
I writhed against the crushing pleasure of his now three fingers pulsing inside me as his palm kneaded my throbbing clit. The awareness of my orgasm started to pull from my essence, and began its rise to my climax. He moved his other hand down my back and under my bottom, lifting me off of his lap, still moving his fingers in perfect rhythm, he glided me to lie down on the couch. I sat up brief enough to lift off my dress in one smooth movement. I reached around my back and unclasped my bra and he slid his hand up my back and helped the garment fall from my breasts. I lay back down on the couch and stretched myself for him. With his fingers still working me slowly, he leaned up and kissed my breast and took one hardened pebble in his mouth. He squeezed gently with his teeth, causing me to arch my back towards him, he flicked my other nipple with his tongue, and licked down to my firm belly leaving a sweet kiss at my button, continuing to lick down to the pink lace band that held the final piece of clothing to my form. He removed his fingers from inside me and I immediately felt the loss. I arched towards him. "Don't stop, please." Both hands ran fingers around the silky fabric and moved them over my hips which I lifted. He dropped them to the floor, and before I knew what was happening, I felt his tongue give me one long lick up the full length of my folds to my clit.
"Oh fuck, Jake, unngghh, yes."
He teased my clit with his tongue, as he slid his fingers back into my sex. I knew I was not going to last much longer. The sensation that started minutes ago was rising fast. My body started to tighten on its own. "Jake, I'm so close." He pushed in further and found the spot that would send me over the edge. "Oh yes, right there….fuck…I'm going….oh god Jake….I'm going to…."
"Bella, please cum for me. Show me what I can do for you. I want to drink your sweet juices. You feel so fucking good; feeling the inside of you will be my undoing. Cum for me, now Bella." His movements grew in force and pace. Hitting that perfect spot. Finally, I felt my walls clench his fingers, my toes curled and every muscle was spasming, as I released four years of tension on this seraphic man who had given me my life back. He drank me up, licking every drop of me, slowly running his tongue up and down my folds as I came down from my release. He pulled his fingers out and rested his open hand on my still tingling pussy. My breathing only now slowing to a normal rhythm, he laid his head on my belly and I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair.
"Bella, you are better than any nectar I have ever tasted."
I filled my lungs with the aroma of my release mixed with Jake's scent of the sheen of sweat that covered his body. Feeling his hand rest on my pussy, and feeling the soft brushes of the strands of his hair on my once again hard nipples, was only making me feel the wet sensation between my legs again. "Jake, I want more, I need more of you. I want to see your body. I need you inside of me."
"Bella, we don't have to do that tonight. That was enough; I don't want to rush you." He kissed my lips gently, I opened my mouth begging for his tongue.
"It's not enough. I'm ready. I've never been more ready, and I want you now, not tomorrow, now. You have been amazingly patient with me these last six months. Jake, you have no idea the gift you have given me. I'm so close to being yours completely, please stay with me. I know that I am better where you are. I'm so sorry it took me so long to get here, it's been hard to move on, but you've brought me to that place, and I want to move on with you. Please."
We didn't need any other words. He picked me up and carried me to his bedroom. He gently placed me on the bed. Our eyes never left each other as he lifted his shirt over his head, unbuckled his pants and let them fall to the floor, and released his now rock-hard erection from his boxers, as they too hit the floor. My eyes widened, and I smiled he was a fine specimen of a man. His muscles were so well defined and that damned V leading to his cock would be the death of me some day I know. But, I knew in that moment, I would die a well satisfied woman. I slid myself further back on the bed, and he crawled up the bed towards me with lust in his eyes. As he scaled my body holding himself just centimeters above my body, he landed kisses up until he met my mouth again. He kissed me with more intensity this time, and his tongue danced in my mouth. His knee reached my knee and he used it to spread me for him once again. I could see the pre-cum dripping off his cock and it caused my juices to flow to the place that would joyously be accepting all he could give me. I shivered as I felt his tip rub against my entrance. I nudged my hips forward to meet him, releasing a feral growl.
"Bella. You're so…oh Bella."
He slid himself inside me and my lungs completely emptied at the sensation, my head fell back and I closed my eyes. He filled me completely and began to move over me slowly. My juices lapped as he flowed easily in and out of my sex, while my body formed a safe and tight wall embracing every thrust he gave me. Every pulse brought me closer to ecstasy and needing to see in his eyes the pleasure he was giving my body, I slowly lifted my lids.
The shock sent a tremor through my whole body ending in an instant paralysis due to the image hovering over me. Edward's face. The sudden paralysis moved to my lungs and I couldn't catch my breath.. I closed my eyes and opened them again. Yes, it was Edward's face. "No this can't happen," I thought. Yes, Edward was the last person to give me this pleasure, and I knew that it would haunt me forever. In one second, the achievement I grasped tonight had come undone. I closed my eyes, and felt something guttural start to form deep in my chest. I took one breath. I opened my eyes again, and now I saw both of them, Edward and Jake's faces morphed together. Jake continued his thrusts, each one with a mightier force than the last. My body was reacting on its own, but my mind was not in my control. I was begging myself to stop this horror. I watched the morphed figure move on top of me. I felt Jake's hand reach up and start rubbing circles around my clit, bringing me closer to my euphoria. Intellectually I knew Jake was inside me, intoxicating me.
You never know what you are missing until you find it. Edward never felt the way Jake does. Edward could never give himself to me the way Jake was now and always had since the moment we first talked. Edward was my first, but Jake would be my last. My everything. I closed my eyes again, to try and focus on the sensation of this journey; I didn't even realize I had bought a ticket for. It was then that I realized that before this moment, I hadn't thought of Edward all night long. This was probably the longest span of time that his name didn't cross my thoughts until now.
Jake began to twitch inside me; I knew he was close to his release. He had been kissing up and down my body this whole time. He was giving me everything and what was I doing? I opened my eyes and this time Jake's face was slightly more defined than Edward's. And the song that I had been playing for months now played in my head like a symphony as I realized what was happening.
"He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back
Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious
Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you."
This song poignantly played on the radio the day after the first time Jake said those three words I never thought I'd feel again. Had it happened without me even realizing. Could he really make Edward leave my nights? I opened my eyes. Edward was disappearing. Jake was coming into full frame. The song continued as that guttural feeling climbed higher to the surface. I closed my eyes again.
"You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to whom I used to be
He's disappearing
Fading subtly
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me?
Please
Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful it's hard to move on
Yes, I'm better near to you
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I belong
Where you are…………………"
Those words replayed in my head, and I knew what I would find when I opened my eyes again. Was I ready for that?
"Bella, I'm…oh god…Bella…I'm"
Jake was in the final throes, and I wanted to see the glory in his face as he released inside me for the first time. I had finally rediscovered me, because Jake knew who I was. He delivered myself, to me. I was ready for this. This was the true beginning of the rest of my life. I wanted to give Jake what he had given me months ago, unconditionally. I was ready. I belonged here. I was better near Jake. As I felt my own orgasm start, my walls were clenching around the man who saved my life. He was engorged inside me and his cock twitched as he released in quick spurts inside me, causing my own release. But, it was the guttural feeling that released itself through tears in my eyes. I opened my eyes for the last time and he was gone. Edward was gone, and I was healed. Jake was there in full bliss. He saw my tears, and he fell onto me, wrapping me in his arms, pulling me into him.
"Bella, are you okay?" He whispered, truly concerned.
I wiped the tears from my eyes. I entwined my fingers with his; I knew the healing was complete and I was moving on.
"Jake, I'm better near to you."
A/N – OMG I seriously cannot believe I just wrote this. I haven't written a complete sentence since High School, many moons ago. Well, not exactly true, but you get my drift. Please, if you enjoyed one single word, leave a one word review…not just for me but for all of the way more talented writers. I now know a glimpse of the work that goes into this and they deserve any kind of love you can give them.
Thank you - LolaShoes for the absolute greatness that you are and for inspiring me to get my creative juices flowing among other things … you know I Love You hard.
Thank you – Devikalika for unknowingly giving me the nudge to put pen to paper.
Last but certainly not least thank you to my internet sis – Aciepey – you are the bestest sis a girl could have, thanks for the help and encouragement, and for being there this morning at 4am when I was deep into this crazy idea of writing, of course waiting till the last minute, only to be awake a few hours later to help me put with the finishing touches, and for always letting me highjack your thread with my dribble.