How absolutely, utterly, sickeningly disgusting he was. These emotions weren't right, they shouldn't be attributed to him, these emotions were meant for other people. Lucas felt like he had oil splayed across his body and whenever the other was around, that oil would ignite and burn off and relieve him of all of his tensions. It shouldn't do that, it should get worse, it should burn him alive and free him of these chains.
It was wrong, but he had fallen in love with the one person he shouldn't have had these feelings for. The most horrifying part was the fact he could tell nobody about it, he couldn't solve these feelings with somebody else- even the animals he communicated with would no doubt shame him for his actions. Nothing he could do or say would justify his feelings and yet he felt them. To himself he supposes that's justified. He felt it and therefore it was real and there and-
Lord forgive him.
Claus had come back through sheer miracle and Lucas had been overjoyed to have seen his brother again. The tears had streamed like waterfalls ebbing into more waterfalls and even as Claus wiped them away, he still felt like they were there. He still felt the pain in his chest when Claus had directed that thunder at his Franklin badge, the memories of Claus dying in his arms were too fresh… too real.
Yet there he was, standing before him in all of his half-chimera glory. Robotics being repurposed to more a more defensive nature and his Psychokinesis still working wonders. He'd use small charges of PK Thunder to help charge himself and oftentimes Lucas would offer to help- he'd learned some more elemental-based PK from Kumatora. It had been her idea more than his, because 'what if he needed somebody else to jump-start him?'.
Dr. Andonuts had said there'd be no need to worry about that, he was a perfectly self-sustained person with slight amnesia and robotic prosthetics. Lucas had learned it just in case, and Claus seemed to get the hang of maintaining his own limbs and electronics pretty quickly.
Which brings him back to his problem.
The first time Claus had taken his shirt off when they'd been getting ready for bed, Lucas had involuntarily gasped. Long and branching scars- like branches on trees- prickled and scattered down Claus' whole torso, down his thighs and even down his arms. Claus had offered him a weak smile as he quickly pulled over his pyjama shirt, and Lucas couldn't stop the soft swelling of his lips as he felt the need to kiss over them.
Of all the people in the world, of all of the ones he had spoken with, of all the people within his village… he had fallen in love with his own twin.
He had considered it vain, and then noticed the subtle differences between them. Claus looked almost like a totally different person, acted like one too, and Lucas felt his heart skip whenever those little smiles and soft gazes were directed towards him. Claus had never hid his feelings, he'd always grin brightly and simply run towards whatever his heart had settled on.
His time within the Pigmask army as their commander had stunted some of that enthusiasm. He's far more mellow than before, thinks things through for a little bit longer, and even though Claus had changed so much Lucas realises that he's still his brother.
He felt disgusting.
It didn't stop him from feeling how he felt, and it definitely didn't stop the gradually growing feelings inside of him. So he showered, he ran it colder than usual, trying to wash off the sin- the oily and warm feelings bubbling through him. He thinks of his brother, his smile, the way his eyes shine in the sunlight. The scars along his face- soft and invisible until he was close, the way he licked his lips when he was thinking about something, the little whirr he hears at night before Claus rests.
He holds back a choked sob. Fingers curling into his hair as ice water sucks the heat from his skin, and he figures it a fitting punishment for a being as disgusting as him. The worst that could happen if he confessed these feelings to the other would be rejection, perhaps exile, maybe Claus would kill him and save him the trouble of killing himself. He splashes his face with a few fistfulls of the freezing water before turning the shower head off and getting dressed.
He's met with Claus on the other side, immediately pressing his hand to Lucas' forehead.
"You're freezing." He points out, and Lucas can hardly stop his eyes rolling. "Is the boiler broken? I didn't see any steam…" The blonde bursts out into a soft cackle, lightly swatting away Claus' hand before his face could heat up from the touch. He cursed himself for involuntarily flushing anyway.
"Yeah I took a cold shower instead, today." Lucas throws on something warmer as arms wrap around him. Curse his involuntary blood flows. Usually he's not so easy to fluster, but Claus seemed to know exactly how to bring it upon him. Claus knew every hold, every word to make his heart skip over several beats, and he loathes it. He knows that Claus is just warming him back up to make sure he doesn't get sick, and yet he can feel his pulse skipping with every breath he takes.
Eventually, Claus lets him go. Content with his increase in temperature he lets Lucas flop onto his bed and wiggle himself under his comfortable covers. Claus flops next to him, but doesn't quite get into the bed with him- Lucas' breath hitches and he lightly pokes Claus to try to get him off his bed. It doesn't work.
"Hey, Lucas…" Claus starts, a little bit of concern ebbing in his voice. He rolls onto his side to face him, and Lucas stares at the ceiling knowing eye contact would make his cheeks far redder. "I know it's none of my concern, and I'm just…" he pauses, as if choosing the right words to say, "Curious? I guess? But, I've been noticing things."
Lucas swallows thickly.
His voice is small when he replies. "Like what?"
The silence lingers for far too long before Claus speaks again, his voice equally small. Though through the quick glance Lucas manages, he can see that his twin is tired. There's bags under his eyes and his hand is hovering slightly. "Lucas… you're not subtle." The hovering hand lands on his face, cupping his ever-reddening cheek.
Lucas feels a knot forming in his stomach. Light flickers of PK energy sparkle from Claus' hand, tickling his cheek and forcing him to look at him. He finds the other is a little too close for comfort and the oily feeling that's usually on his skin resides within his throat. He can hardly make the response. "H-How long?" his voice is almost a whisper, eyes widening as he realises that Claus knew…
Claus knew how he felt.
The other lets his hand fall from his cheek and onto his neck, thumbing at Lucas' pulse and leaning in a little closer. Lucas can't help but feel like Claus is testing his waters for something, a reaction, anything, but Lucas can't bring himself to move as his twin inches closer.
"A lot longer than you think." The reply comes against his lips and his heart can't stop racing in his chest- he feels awful but elated, his heart is soaring for this, for Claus to close the small gap between them and validate his sick fantasies. He chokes up as he feels the light pressure of his brother's lips against his own, the chaste kiss lasted barely longer than a couple of seconds at most.
Lucas finds himself sobbing.
"I'm disgusting, aren't I?" He sobs, and Claus chuckles under his breath, pressing softer kisses around his face, drying his tears away and capturing his lips once more. The soft buzz he feels inside of his stomach whenever he's kissed offsets the oily feelings in his throat, and Claus- soft, scarred, smiling- presses their foreheads together.
"We're disgusting," He says. "But I'm fine with that."