It haunts him.
Even now, a year later, after he's moved back to his home town and gotten engaged, the memories of that night linger in the back of his mind, waiting to pounce and break him at any given moment.
In fact, unbeknownst to him, it's about to happen now as he walks down the busy Seattle streets, to the cemetery where the man he longs for more than anything else is buried.
It had been a common accident. He'd been hit by some drunk asshole going way over the speed limit and died on his way to the hospital. It could have happened to anyone.
But it just had to happen to him.
The man now enters the cemetery, walks across the grass and mud still wet from last night's rain, to the headstone that's so familiar yet so much like a stranger to him.
He sits in front of it, places down a bouquet of sunflowers – his favorite - and runs a hand over it's cool, smooth surface before speaking.
"Hey, Dirk."
His voice is quiet and cracking, and he pauses for a response he knows he isn't going to get. Some part of him still half-expects his friend to jump right up out of the ground and start rambling about some nonsensical topic like he always did. He misses that more than anything.
"It's been a year. I really— we really miss you." It felt selfish to him to say that only he missed Dirk. Everyone at the agency did. Hell, even the Rowdy 3 had grieved in their own way.
"The agency's still running. Doing well, too. We couldn't shut it down, we knew you wouldn't want that."
There's a pause, the silence hanging heavy around him, suffocating him.
"I keep thinking about how I never got to say goodbye."
When it happened, he'd been in the next town over visiting some old friends. He hadn't even known about it until his sister called him in tears to tell him that Dirk was dead.
"I have so many things that I want to tell you. That I want you to be able to hear. I—I want to be able to apologize to you, for how shitty I treated you, and—and—"
Pounce.
He breaks down into ragged, hitching sobs. It feels like the world is closing in on him, he hugs his knees close to his body, tries to imagine that they're his jacket clad best friend, and he's here right now and not rotting away in a box six feet beneath him.
He doesn't know how long it is before he finally pulls himself together enough to finish speaking.
"I'm so sorry, Dirk," He breathes. "I love you. I love you, you fucking idiot. You better have known that."
This was the point where he'd go home because he simply couldn't bear to be there anymore, so he sniffles and stands up, and after a quick, mumbled "Bye, Dirk." he starts back across the grass.
And as he's walking he swears he hears a cheerful voice say "Bye, Todd!" back to him.
For the first time in a year, he smiles.