The Biggest Mistake of My Life
January 14, 2012
Emily looked away as her the girl she'd been in love with since eighth grade kissed her best friend. It stung even more knowing that could have easily been her. She could have been the one receiving late night calls just to proclaim love. She could be the one planning her future around a Princeton Law School student. She could be the one so happy her jaws literally hurt from smiling so much. But she wasn't and she knew she had no one to blame but herself. She cringed at the thought of losing her chance to be with Spencer forever.
FLASHBACK: May 3, 2009
Emily Fields wiped away her silent tears with Spencer's towel. She had just been rejected again by who she thought to be the love of her life. It seemed no matter what she did or how much she changed she would never be enough for Alison. She wished Alison would just end her misery and cut her loss. Instead it seemed to be some sort of sick game to Alison, like she found it funny to see how far Emily would go for her.
"Em please you have to stop crying over her. Listen, Alison loves you….it just not in the way you want her to. Maybe if you gave it time and…."Spencer tried only to be cut off by a distraught.
"GIVE IT TIME! Spence she's known how I felt for a year now! I just don't get how she can be this cruel. Every time I try to move on or get over her she kissed me or tells me she is confused about her feelings."
"There are a million people who would love to have a girlfriend like you. Alison isn't the only girl on this planet you know."
"But she is the only one for me. I mean, where would I find someone who knows me so well. Someone who isn't afraid to deal with my mom or confident enough to not care if everyone knew they are gay. I want someone who can love me for me, not because I'm in Alison's "posse". I want someone who doesn't care about things like popularity or what they could get in return, but that person doesn't exist Spence. Ali is the closest thing."
"That's not true sweetie. Lots of girls can be that for you. You just need take your eyes off of Ali of a second and look for them."
"Oh really, name ONE." Emily challenged, feeling so down at that moment she didn't think anyone could ever want her. That's the kind of thing happened every time Alison shut her down and it was happening at an alarming rate lately.
Spencer took a deep breath. She didn't think she would ever get another chance like that to confess her feelings for her exotic friend. For whatever reason the ALWAYS confident Spencer Hastings moved away for Emily's side, scared a rejection would physically hurt her.
"Em..."
"Exactly, You can't think of anyone can you Spencer. Oh why can't Ali be more like you?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Come on Spence. You're always watching over me. Your gorgeous, sweet, smart, funny, the total package. Oh why couldn't I have fallen for you! At least I know you wouldn't have been so cruel to me."
"Emily, I lov…"
"You know I had a crush on you in eighth grade. I actually wrote you a letter confessing everything but somehow Ali intercepted it and convinced me I was building myself up for embarrassment. Ha-ha! Ironic, right! I guess I thought she was just being protective so I just starting crushing on her."
Spencer could not hide the look of shock on her face. She vividly remembered confiding in Ali about her infatuation with Emily. Alison went as far as to offer to hook to two up. Imagine Spencer's disappointment when she caught the two kissing on the library floor.
"BITCH"
"Huh?" Emily suddenly felt confused.
Now it seemed she had Emily's full attention. Who would think all you had to do to get Pam Fields' daughter's attention was swear.
"Em I love you."
"Aww, I love you too Spencer."
"No, No, I mean I am like in love with you. I have been for years now. "
"Spence…"
"I love everything about you. It kills me to see the way Ali treats you and watch you continue to want her. I would never treat you like that."
"Spencer. I don't…I...I um don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. I just needed to tell you. I don't expect anything from you."
"As well you shouldn't." An unfamiliar voice echoed through the locker room, pulling Emily and Spencer's attention to the dominating blonde standing before them with her arms crossed. Emily looked as though she had just been caught cheating. Spencer on the other hand looked positively angry.
"Nice to find out how much I really mean to you Em. To think, people say I'm playing with your emotions. Alison turned her attention to Spencer. Her face glowed with a half smirk, half frown. "It's good to find out who my true friends are."
With that Alison left the locker room and just as quickly Emily began to follow her. Spencer grabbed her arm, trying to prevent her from making another mistake.
"Let go of me. This is all your fault. I thought you were my friend. I thought you cared about me?"
Spencer was shocked and hurt by the question.
"I am your friend, Em. I love you"
"No, a friend doesn't do this. For the record, I love Alison and only Alison. That's the way it will always be, Spencer."
With that Emily wrenched her arm away from Spencer's grasp and chased after Alison, allowing Spencer to cry alone in the girl's locker room until her friend Aria came looking for her.
End Flashback
Emily swallowed her emotions and waved as Spencer drove away in her new Audi GT with Aria in the passenger seat. Her fake smile matched Hanna's real one but she could not help letting two tears escape down her face.
"Em, are you ok."
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just really happy for them." Emily wiped the tears away and gave Hanna a wide smile.
"I understand. I'm so happy for those two. They are so lucky to have found each other. First, Spencer gets a full ride to Yale, as if she needs it! The, Aria gets a job interning at Teen Vogue! Then, Spencer proposes. They are officially the best couple ever! I wish we all could find someone like that. I sure wouldn't waste it." Hanna said before turning on her heels and going back into her house, leaving Emily alone to wallow in her own self-pity.