Summary: His heart is swelling, as if it's about to fly into the heavens. His heart is beating with such strength as if it wants to burst out of his chest (an all too tight a cage, barely able to keep his maelstrom of emotions contained).
Note: basically a self-indulgent one-shot of 1.3k words about Tsuna and Feels. That's it. That's the whole fic.
WARNINGS: So Self-Indulgent (I Don't Even Have Words), May Actually Be The Most Self-Indulgent Thing That I've Ever Written So Far (I Didn't Even Think That Was Possible).
Disclaimer: I don't own KHR.
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When Tsuna's understanding of his own feelings and his perception of the concept of love shift, it is all too quick, all too jarring- an impact that leaves him dizzy, nauseous, out of breath; it leaves him choking on a lump in his throat, fighting tears and the feeling of lead heavy in his stomach.
Ten years into the future and fighting an enemy who apparently conquered the multiverse isn't the time or place to have such a revelation.
For a moment, it appears as if it would get him killed in his hesitance, in the sudden shaking of some of his foundations
Except, he realizes, not all of his foundations were shaken.
His heart is swelling, as if it's about to fly into the heavens. His heart is beating with such strength as if it wants to burst out of his chest (an all too tight a cage, barely able to keep his maelstrom of emotions contained).
He shudders from the strength of the emotions.
That is when it all clears, just as suddenly and just as strong as his emotions; his vision, previously murky, swimming in and out of focus, barely letting him make out any shapes, turns into a sharp and clear focus.
His ears fill with static, a faint tremor travels along his hands, and he stares straight into Byakuran's eyes.
It is all so clear, so obvious, how could he not see it before?
His flames ignite that day, and take a living being's life.
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He doesn't regret it.
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Enma stumbles into his life, a muted shade of red, voice quiet and falling over his own two feet.
He reminds me of myself, Tsuna thinks.
With each and every new information Tsuna learns about Enma, an 'oh' reverberates in his mind, knocking loose musings he never knew existed.
Tsuna's heart stutters in his chest. Is that what it is? The feeling one gets when their screams into the void are answered? With a commiserating cry and a silent sense of camaraderie?
I thought many time of running away, Tsuna remembers Enma telling him.
I'm not going to become Decimo, Tsuna tells Nono.
Let's run away then.
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Injuries are nothing new to them, Tsuna knows this, but it doesn't stop him from worrying, doesn't prevent his heart from screeching into a halt after he hears Gokudera on the other end of the line.
He is dizzy, vision blurry, and throat dry, but he stands.
He doesn't remember the trip to the hospital, doesn't remember barging into the room Yamamoto was in.
But he remembers how Yamamoto looked lying in bed, how his blurry vision snapped into focus, how his mind whirred and tripped over itself with the thoughts whirling inside.
He stares ahead at the door to Yamamoto's room and decides, cold and hot at the same time, to change his response to Nono.
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Enma attacks him and his friends. Enma takes Chrome. And Tsuna follows.
Tsuna takes the offer given to him by the old man to upgrade the rings and he follows.
His steps are shaky, his limbs stiff, there's a lump in his throat, and he's blinking tears out of his eyes. The metaphorical knife embedded deeply in his gut twists.
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With Deamon gone, the issue with the Shimon is resolved nicely. Chrome is back. Yamamoto is healthy. Enma doesn't want to oppose Tsuna anymore.
Tsuna cries.
Tsuna cries, relieved and shaken, hurt and worried, still feeling the phantom pain in his gut.
Enma reaches him. Enma touches him. His pain slips away, his shoulders sag, his breath rushes out of him and his tears continue to spill, silently.
Tsuna clutches at Enma and refuses to let go.
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The Arcobaleno Representative Battles punch a hole in his delicately-held together confidence.
Reborn and Skull refuse to ally, and Enma gives him a sad, sad look.
(He though they put it behind them, the conflict, the fighting against each other. But apparently, the universe has decided not to give him a break.)
Mukuro is on another team. Hibari is on yet another team. Chrome is ill.
Tsuna is lost, for a while, then stitches himself back together, with thin threads barely holding.
It is stupid, arrogant, entitled of him, to believe that he and his friends will always be on the same side, on the same team. Creating a strong front against all enemies.
He is stupid; of course the others have more important things than him to attend to, of course the others won't necessarily rate him as high as he rates them, of course-
An arm slips around his shoulders, a light-hearted laugh travels to his ears, a weight comfortably settles against his body. It's Yamamoto.
Their eyes meet, and Yamamoto gives him a smile, smaller than his usual smiles, more genuine. Gokudera shouts at Yamamoto as is his habit. Reborn lands lightly on his head. The Shimon come into view on the road, on their way to school as well. Enma catches his eyes and waves at him.
The threads holding him together tighten, strengthen. The weariness tugging at him vanishes.
He smiles.
(It is alright. Things will get better.)
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(He'll make them get better.)
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Tsuna doesn't realize he grew into the habit of slipping his arm around Enma's shoulders until after Enma is taller, broader, and Tsuna can't comfortably do it anymore.
He is struck with this knowledge after his arm moves of its own accord to slip into the crook of Enma's arm; after Enma tugs his arm, bent at the elbow, closer to his body, bringing Tsuna closer, securing him to Enma's side; after Enma tilts his head to look at him and give him a small smile, fond, and not at all surprised.
Oh, Tsuna stops breathing.
Oh, his heart beats furiously.
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Tsuna fantasizes sometimes, about the people around him, he wouldn't deny it.
He fantasizes about Enma the most.
His mind tugs at his desires, pulls his wishes together, weaves a tapestry of his hopes, presenting him with images that make his heart want to burst out of his chest.
In his mind's eye, he sees Enma, soft and sleepy, curled up on the bed; he sees Enma in the kitchen, smiling, making tea; he sees Enma in his office, strolling in with an excited air about him, tugging at him, insisting he leave the work for a moment to spend time together; he sees Enma, sprawled on the couch, arms wrapped around him as they bask in the peace and quiet.
His heart is weak, and his mind bows to his wishes, he wishes he has the power to make these dreams a reality.
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(And if he has fantasies of another nature, slipping into his mind in the quiet night, burning him with a different kind of desire, then it's his business.)
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Scenarios play out in front of his eyes, how to approach Enma, how to tell him, what will Enma say in response.
He dreams of gathering his courage.
Especially in a situation like this, where he wants and wants, and the opportunity presents itself almost served to him on a golden platter.
Enma smiles at him, eyes half-closed with mirth dancing in them, lips pulled up in amusement.
He huffs, and fights back tears of frustration.
He had never thought Enma would broach the topic of marriage with him.
The topic of arranged marriage.
Granted, Tsuna has yet to tell Enma that he completely shut down Timoteo and anyone else who suggested 'favorable matches' between Tsuna and members of other families.
"I'd marry you." It slips out of him, spontaneous, treacherous, and Tsuna clamps his mouth shut, forcibly pulling his lips up in a mockery of a smile, a feeble attempt to hide his shock, his fear, a plea for Enma to not notice Tsuna heart lodged in his throat and the tears about to overflow.
Enma's smile widens, "Was that a proposal? If so, then it's a strange way to do it." Enma leans forward, the smile slipping from his face, his eyes serious, and he cradles Tsuna's face between his hands, he whispers, "I'd like to marry you as well."
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End.