Disclaimer: Hetalia/Femtalia is not mine. Obviously. Why is it even necessary to write these?

It was a week before the 2011 G8 meeting, and Japan was wandering the hotel where all the nation representatives were staying. The hotel was very pleasant, if a bit western for his tastes, and Japan would be sorry to leave it to spend long hours next week in the G8 meeting room. The other nations were being their usual... exuberant selves, and this certainly wasn't helped by the sudden arrival of the gender-swapped G8, who were as... energetic as their male counterparts. At least they seemed less inclined to use violence to prove their point. Japan gave a long sigh.

He was removed from his musings by the sound of a French sounding giggle. And then another, higher pitched but equally French sounding giggle. Japan frowned. The two France's must be up to something. Walking toward the source of the sound, he spotted Francis and Francoise. The two had their ears up to the door of what Japan was fairly certain was the room the two England's shared.

"Francis-san..." Japan started. Both Frances jumped and gave equally girly shrieks of surprise.

"Oh! Why, hello there Kiku!" said Francoise flirtatiously, recovering quickly from her shock. "Is there something the two of us can... do for you?" she asked, the double meaning clear in her tone of voice.

"...What are you two doing?"

"Ohohoh! Well, Kiku, mon cher, why don't you see for yourself?" Francoise grabbed Kiku and dragged him to the door. "Listen!"

Batting Francis' wandering hands away from his ass, Kiku put his ear to the door. At first he heard nothing, but after a couple of seconds he heard a voice that sounded rather a lot like Elizabeth Kirkland, Arthur's female counterpart.

"Aaaah! Aaaah! No! Not there! ...Where the hell did you learn that?"

"Ahaha, like it, do you?" came another voice. Although it sounded unusually unrefined, it was obviously Arthur's. Kiku could tell by the cockney accent.

Kiku started back in surprise. "They.. what? What are they doing in there?"

Francis laughed. "What do you think, Kiku? Enjoying l'amour physique!" Francis switched his voice to a parody of David Attenborough's. "Watch as the female succumbs to the males advances, in spite of her best efforts. The male has used a technique known as "pea cocking" to win her affections. In his case, he has emulated the behaviours he had during his punk phase, including smoking, swearing, leaning sexily against walls, and wearing tight leather pants, to attract her to him. The prim, proper female at first denied her attraction, but as you see here, she could not hold out forever."

Francoise giggled. "I'm so glad we set up camera's in their room, aren't you?"

"Ohoho, indeed I am mon ami. We shall sell the footage to Hungary's porn website! Complete with our director commentary!"

"...Hungary has a porn website?" asked Kiku. Before either of the France's could reply, another yell came from the room.

"YOU'D BETTER NOT HAVE ANY BLOODY STDS! I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR 'PUNK PHASE'!" yelled Elizabeth, loudly enough that the three outside the door jumped.

"Of course I don't, luv." Another loud moan. "Haha, not so prim and proper now are you?"

"SHUT UP- ohhhhhh... That feels weird."

"I think that's the scones talking" whispered Francoise to Kiku.

"...I see." replied Kiku.

"I'm so glad to see you shaved your legs, luv. You were waiting for this, weren't you?"

"...I... SHUT UP!"

"Calm down, calm down. Now, if you'll just get onto your hands and knees..."

"CERTAINLY NOT!"

"Come on, just pretend I'm Francoise back when you made that defense treaty last year."

At this, both France's burst into hysterical giggles, and the noises coming from the room stopped.

"IF YOU TWO TWATS ARE OUT THERE, YOU'D BETTER LEAVE IN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS OR I WILL FORCIBLY REMOVE YOUR SEXUAL ORGANS." roared Elizabeth in a voice so terrifyingly deep and rough Kiku felt his life shorten by several years.

The two France's gave very uncourageous shrieks and ran off surprisingly quickly, in spite of the fact both were wearing heels. Kiku was left staring after them. He looked at the door and began thinking. Those had been some most... interesting noises. Arthur certainly was attractive as a punk...

Japan knocked politely on the door.

"IF THATS YOU FRANCOISE, YOUD BETTER LEAVE NOW. DO NOT MAKE ME COME OUT THERE."

"Ah, no, Elizabeth, it isn't. It's me, Kiku."

"...Oh. ...Well, please come in."

Kiku took a deep breath before opening the door and walking in.

Francis and Francoise were back outside Arthur and Elizabeth's room, after waiting 5 minutes to be sure no angry English women would be coming out to castrate them. This time, however, they had invited the remaining member of the G8, both male and female. The 13 of them were crowded close to the door, listening with varying degrees of arousal and horror to the moans from inside.

"I hope Lizzy is okay! Indigestion is horrible." sighed Felicia. "I told her she needed to stop eating those awful scones but she just got angry."

As everyone gave Felicia "You're joking, right?" looks, Lotte told her awkwardly "...Felicia, I don't think that's indigestion."

"What else could it be, Lotte?"

Before Francis could start explaining, a loud exclamation came from the room. "Ahhh! Arthur-san! That feels so good!"

The audience froze, not able to believe their ears.

"Like it do you, you Japanese trollop?"

"I think he does" replied a feminine British voice gleefully.

"...Is that... Kiku in there?" murmured Yuki, Kiku's female counterpart. "...I can't believe he didn't invite me."

"...Aaaand this situation just keeps getting weirder." muttered Madeline.

Francis had started crying. "I can't BELIEVE they let Kiku join them, but not us!"

"I know!" sobbed Francoise. "Absurd!"

"Well, you two could always join the two of us, da?" asked Ivanka, a terrifying gleam in her eye.

"Oh, da, and my pipe can join us" added Ivan.

The crowd went silent as the two France's passed out in terror.

"Haha! Oh well! At least the camera's are still running~" crowed Alfred, who was sitting in the corner with Amelia, the two fixated on a laptop.

"...How do you know that?"

"Hungary's website has live streaming."

Francis and Francoise were nearly crushed in the stampede.

This is dedicated to/ is a birthday present for Liz, who can SUCK MY DIIIICK :D She said she would like to see prim fem Arthur with punk Arthur, and we talked about it for a bit, and so I wrote this.

Pffft writing the dirty talk was so awkward D: I'm sorry if this story disturbed you. (No, I will not pay for your counseling).

I bet punk Arthur would be awesomely hot *looks up punk Arthur cosplay*

Madeline is fem Canada, Amelia is fem America.