"So my mom said you were in my room." I looked over at Julia and raised my brows. Not that I minded that she'd been there, it was almost her room as much as it was mine, but I knew she'd been sneaking around in there, it kind of ticked me off that she thought I'd have something to hide, which I did, I just didn't want her to think I did.
"Yeah. She said I could wait for you there." She avoided my eyes, a sure sign that something was up. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, looking as if she wanted to sink inside herself.
"You were there for a while, eh?" I moved my head around, bending my knees so I could try to catch her gaze, my eyebrows were still raised and I shoved my hands in my pockets.
"Well, you never came home, so yeah." She finally looked at me.
"Did you go through my stuff?"
"What stuff?" She looked away from me, even tried to turn her back. I grabbed her arm. "You know exactly what stuff I'm talking about." She tugged free of my grasp. "I don't." she said.
"The stuff in my box." I said with a sigh, taking my hands from my pockets and crossing them over my chest.
"What box?" She asked, but she didn't sound nearly curious enough.
"The one under my bed."
"Um, no I didn't." she answered, leaning against the wall near the front door. "Why are you accusing me?" She raised a brow and pressed her lips into a hard line, trying to make methe bad guy.
"I just think you opened it." I muttered, I could feel myself losing patience with her. My hands balled into fists and I tightened my arms across my chest.
"Okay- let's say I did. How would you know?" She asked, gaining confidence.
"Haven't I told you about The Box Guardian?" I answered, it was supposed to be a joke but my tone was flat.
"Seriously." She asked, shaking her head.
"I remember how I put stuff in that box." I answered, lowering my arms to my sides. "It's rearranged." I added.
"What are you afraid I saw?" She asked, taking a step closer to me. He look questioning but not nearly questioning enough. She knew.
"Come on Jules, you know I'm not stupid." I walked past her so I could lean against the wall, crossing my arms defensively over my chest again.
"You could've fooled me." She snapped, rolling her eyes.
"Are you kidding me?" I asked, shaking my head.
"You're being reckless."
"You're being a bitch."
She doesn't respond, she looked shocked. It's eerily quiet. You could hear a pen drop. I'd never called her that before. From the look on her face, the shock replaced with rage, this is the calm before the storm.
"I felt sorry for you." She finally said, his face hard.
"Don't do me any favors." I said with a scoff, looking away from her.
"So that's what you really think of me? I'm a bitch?" She asked, not moving her lips. She'd hissed the question from between her teeth.
"If the shoe fits." I responded. Sliding down the wall so that I could sit. I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my chin on my knees. She didn't answer, she was shaking. I couldn't tell if she was going to cry or explode, it could go either way.
"Why can't you trust me?" I continue, peeking up at her from under my long dark lashes.
"You're obviously not trustworthy." She snapped back. She looked down at me like I make her sick. I rolled my eyes.
"So you did look in the box." I said, sitting up and pointing a finger at her. "Ha!"
"What if I did?" She asked, throwing her hands in the air.
"So you lied!" I said, still pointing at her.
"You lied too!" She responded.
"This isn't about me!" I shot back.
"Oh like hell it is!" She retorted.
We're really yelling now, and somewhere in our heated battle I had stood up. We were in each others faces, our chest rising and falling rapidly. I could hear my heart poudning in my ears and when I dared to look at Julia, her face was as red as a tomato.
"I didn't want you to treat me differently." I sighed, taking a step back and leaning against the wall again.
"Eli, you need to be treated differently." She whispered.
"I'm not crazy." I groaned, dropping my head into my hands.
"I never said you were." The tone in her voice was soft again, she came over and put her hand on my shoulder.
"You implied." I said, standing up[ straight and shrugging her hand off my shoulder.
"No. I didn't." Her tone is annoyed again.
"So you know?" I asked, pressing my lips in a hard line.
"Yes." She responded.
"What now?"I cross my arms over my chest again, feeling overly exposed.
"Now -we talk." She murmured.
"Okay, about what?" I asked, smiling a little. I felt relieved that she wanted to change the subject, maybe even a little hopeful.
"Have you gone to the doctor since then?" She asked.
"I'll take a New Subject for two hundred Alex."
"Your wit isn't appreciated." She said, shaking her head.
"It usually is." I responded with a childish pout.
"I'm trying to be serious now." She snapped.
"You're seriously getting on my nerves." I retorted.
"Eli.." She moaned, rubbing her temples with her fingers.
"Look can we please just-"I start to ask her to change the subject again but she cuts me off. "No! You're going to talk to me about this!" I shake my head. "If we could just.." I start to plea with her again but she talks over me. "Eli, come on, I think I could really.." But I'm officially pissed off, I raise my hand to cut her off.
"JULIA! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP." She seems stunned again, she stands there with her mouth open. When I look a little closer I notice that her eyes are rimmed with tears. It's a while before she can respond but she does. Her voice is soft and shaking "I was just trying to-" I cut her off again. "You're making everything worse. That's all you ever do." She looks like I've slapped her in the face. Her eyes wide, her mouth hanging open. One of her hands is clutching her chest.
"I didn't realize.." She whispered.
"You girls and your drama." I said with a roll of my eyes.
"It's not drama, it's emotion." She said defensively.
"You girls and your emotions." I said with a scoff. She reaches her hand out to me, but I jerk away.
"You need help." She whispered.
"You need to leave me alone." I snapped.
"Is that really what you want?" She asked, her voice cracking.
"Right now? Yes." I hissed.
"Oh." She looked down at her shoes and her shoulders fell.
"All you ever do is make things harder for me. You're always getting into my business. I'm sick of it." I glaring at her now, I can feel the anger again. She strong, it's burning in my chest.
"You need help." She repeated.
"And you need to back off. Give me some space." I shouted.
"But you agree, you need help." She asked, peeking at me like she was afraid.
"Julia. God damn it!" I shake my head.
"I'm just asking!" She shouted back.
"Please don't."
"I love you Eli, that's what people who love someone do." She said helplessly.
"I'm not gonna tell you again. Drop it." I snapped.
"I can't be worried about my boyfriend?" She asked.
"Well maybe I don't wanna be your boyfriend anymore." I hissed.
"You don't mean that." She said, completely confident.
"What if I do?" I asked, getting in her face again.
"Eli, please don't say that." She backed away. She's crying now, I can see the tears rolling down her cheeks.
"What the hell do you want from me Julia?" I asked, trying my hands in the air.
"Please, Just.." She hung her head, seeing her like this is making things worse. I'm mad that I upset her but I can't seem to separate the anger I feel towards myself from the annoyance I feel towards her. I don't say anything.
"Is it contagious?" She asked.
"That's none of your business." I responded.
"You didn't catch if from someone did you?" She pressed.
"I haven't cheated on you Julia, could you please stop being so stupid for one sec-?" I shook my head, but she cuts me off. "I'm being stupid? You've been hiding this from me Eli! How do I know you aren't hiding other things too?" She'd obviously regained her confidence, she took a step forward.
"So you're accusing me of being a liar. Again." I said.
"Eli-" She shook her head.
"Just stop!" I shouted.
"Fine. I'm done." She said, hanging her shoulders.
"Well..good." Part of me is surprised she caved. I sighed in relief.
"No Eli." She shook her head firmly. "I'm done."
Then it clicks.
"Jules.." I sighed.
"No. You've been lying to me. How can I trust anything you've ever said. This is important Eli. This is your life, my life! You're treating it like some kind of game!" She started to make her way to the front door, putting on her sweatshirt.
"Julia, I told you there's nothing-" I grabbed her arm, but she jerked it out of my hands.
"No Eli." She glared at me.
"Fine! I knew you'd be like this. Of course I had to hide this from you. You're always overacting!" I shouted.
"The only reason I-" She started to shout back but of course I cut her off. "This was a mistake! Julia, you're one huge mistake!"
"You're no ray of sunshine either!" She shouted back. She had her sweatshirt on now.
"I'm sick of you breathing down my neck!" She paused at the door and turned to look at me, her hand on the knob. She looked hurt, I had really hurt her. I stepped towards her, but she cringed into herself.
"Let. Me. Breathe." I hissed down at her.
She doesn't say anything. Just stared at me. I stepped away from her and she opened the front door.
"You want space?" She screamed. "Fine. Eli, we're done."
She went through the front door. I don't try to stop her but there's no way I let her go with the last word.
"I never wanted you any way!" I screamed, but my voice cracked and I can feel tears stinging at the back of my eyes.
"Ditto." She replied, getting onto her bike. She started to pedal away.
"I HATE YOU!" I shouted after her but she doesn't turn around.
I stand at the door watching her until she disappears into the night. It took me a minute to calm down but then I realized how wrong I was and I go after her on foot, I figured she couldn't have gotten far. I'd run all the way to her house if I had to.
I ran through down the street, pumping my legs as fast as they can go. I considered screaming her name but I didn't want to wake anyone. It was pretty late. When I looked down the road I noticed a car stopped in the middle of the street. I found this a little odd but kept running forward. The closer I got there more I could see. There was a large figure on the street in front of the car. I strain my eyes against the darkness and that's when I recognize Julia's teal beach cruiser. No one else I knew had a bike like hers. My heart sank. I pushed my body to the limit, running so fast it hurt. All my muscles screamed in protest but I kept pushing, I had to get to her. I called out to her. "JULIA!" As I approached her, the pavement grew slick and there were gray chunks of what look like cauliflower. I knew what I was seeing right away but it somehow didn't connect back to Julia. Pieces of her brain are on the asphalt. I throw my body down next to her, turning her over so I could look at her face. Her lips were already blue and the whites of her eyes were completely red, like a ghoul from a low budget monster movie. She seemed totally unreal. And the sight of her looking like a preposterous zombie that sends a hummingbird of panic through my chest. I cradled her body to me, warm liquid seeping into my shirt and pooling like paint drops onto the street. One of her legs was askew, the skin and muscle peeled away so that I could see white streaks of bone. Her dark hair was wet and rusty with blood. I close my eyes tightly and hold her body to mine tightly. "No, Julia." Her name barely makes it from my throat. I started to shake her lifeless body, repeating her name over and over, each time my voice rising in volume and in pitch. Of course she didn't respond.
I hardly noticed when the ambulance arrived, the driver had called them. They started to pull her away from me, taking her out of my arms. Her body was like a rag doll as they loaded it onto the stretcher. I watched helplessly, feeling completely numb. "Julia.." I whispered, clutching my hands to my chest. I'm crying now, almost hysterical. The police tried to ask me where I live, they wanted to take my home but I just ignored them. I got to my feet and started to walk around aimlessly. There's a pain in my chest that made it difficult to breath, my hands clutched there to no anvil. My heart was broken, I wanted to tear it out. But even more then my broken heart was the guilt, so thick it consumed my body. I shook violently. She was gone, my only reason for existence. I had killed her.