A/N: This is chapters 1-4 because I hadn't originally posted this on here. It can also be found on AO3 under the same name and username, and on my tumblr, which is currently under the url capnclarke. Track/tag "clexa band au" for updates and if you want me to see things but don't wanna message me.
Tw: alcohol usage and brief mention of marijuana.
CHAPTER 1
The night air hits Clarke's face in a rush as she steps from inside of the stuffy bar and out into the back alley where Wick has pulled up his van.
The breeze feels good on her face, which burns with heat and adrenaline, her post-show high pulsing throughout her entire body. She smiles to herself a little, but rolls her eyes when she hears Raven and Wick bickering as usual.
"Just let me help you, Raven."
"Fuck off, Wick, I got this."
"I know you've got it, you don't have to prove you can lift it. I'm just offering."
"You never offer to help Clarke."
"That's because Clarke doesn't play a huge ass keyboard."
"Well, yeah but – "
"Okay, guys," Clarke butts in. She loves them, but they're so annoying sometimes. "Can we please go home? I need a shower."
The two of them stare at her until finally Raven rolls her eyes and sighs. "Fine, here Wick." She moves over from pushing the keyboard into the van and Wick lifts the other side. Together, they get it into the van next to Octavia's drum set.
"Did Octavia and Lincoln already leave?"
Wick nods. "Yeah, she and Lincoln and Bellamy went to the diner. You know," he says, quirking an eyebrow. "I could go for some grub right about now."
"Don't push it, dude." Raven elbows him in the side and avoids looking at Clarke. Clarke knows it's because they want to go out too. They always want to go out after their shows, but Clarke just wants to go home and take a shower, go to bed, finish her homework maybe.
She knows they think she isn't fun.
Whatever. She can be fun sometimes.
"Yeah, you know, I'm kind of hungry, too." They both stare at her incredulously, and she rolls her eyes. "Plus, we need to talk about Finn."
Raven scowls. "Never mind, let's go home."
Clarke frowns sympathetically. Finn had been their guitarist, but he was offered a scholarship across the country and had to quit the band. Tonight was his last show.
"I know it sucks, but we have to figure something out." She tries to catch Raven's eyes, but her best friend is staring at the ground and Clarke knows she's still seething. If Clarke knows anything about Raven, it's that she took Finn's departure personally. And she knows she has something to do with that, but they didn't have any other choice really.
"Can we just go home?" Raven folds her arms across her chest and next to her, Wick slumps his shoulders in disappointment. Clarke ignores him.
"Yeah, let's go home."
They pile into Wick's van and Raven and Wick immediately vie for control of the radio in the front seat. Clarke settles in the back, her bass guitar huddled next to her on the seat. She always has the urge to buckle it in, but knows the others will tease her for it, so she just holds on to it tightly.
When they finally arrive home, Raven heads to her room. Clarke hears her door slam and in seconds, loud alternative rock blasts from her speakers, the closed door doing very little to absorb the sound.
Wick snorts and heads to the kitchen. Clarke assumes he'll be shoveling food into his mouth in minutes.
She leaves him to it and heads to her own bedroom. As she strips out of her sweaty gig clothes and steps under the heat of the shower in her bathroom, she can't help but worry a little about the band. It would be hard to find a replacement as good as Finn.
She feels a small pang of guilt, but tries to not to think about that, or think about Raven's sadness that she can still feel pulsing in the beats of the music that pound against the bathroom walls.
Instead she tries to think of a melody, one that's been on the tip of her tongue for weeks, but always seems to evade her.
She sighs as it escapes her once again.
Whatever.
She'll figure it out soon. She always does.
"This is useless, Clarke." Octavia sighs and Clarke can feel the irritation bleeding off of her friend and into her own skin.
They'd decided to just hold auditions on their college campus, but every person to play for them so far had been a complete waste of time.
Clarke knew it'd be hard to replace Finn, but she didn't know it would be this hard.
And honestly, The Alliance is a pretty well-known band across the town and especially on campus. They should've had a better turn out.
"How many more are there?" Raven's leaning on her elbow, practically asleep in her chair. Clarke looks down at the sign-up sheet.
"Just two more. Wake up and pay attention."
Raven rolls her eyes, and for once, she's irritated with Raven more than she is with Octavia. Octavia sits up straight in her chair, waiting for the next person, and Clarke knows she's eager to get home and be with her boyfriend.
Bellamy opens up the door, leading what could possibly be their second-to-last chance at keeping the band alive into the garage.
Clarke tries not to think about that.
"'Sup?" says the guy. He has floppy long hair that hangs in his eyes. "I'm Murphy."
Next to her, Raven snorts, and it takes everything in Clarke's power to smile kindly at the dude. "Alright, Murphy. Show us what you've got."
Murphy strums on his guitar once, twice, a third time, before he full on just starts jamming like there's no tomorrow. Clarke represses the impulse to cover hears, wondering why on earth this kid thinks he sounds like he's actually playing music and not just releasing a screaming banshee into Clarke's garage.
"OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH THANKS!" Raven screams over the noise and it immediately cuts off.
Murphy looks like he's about to argue, but Bellamy grabs his arm and escorts him out of the garage. Clarke slumps in her seat.
"One more to go." The words feel like a surrender on her tongue and she thinks about how in a half hour, she'll probably be leaning over her anatomy textbook and wanting to pull her hair out.
Bellamy brings the last contender in and Clarke's too busy looking at the long list of names that had failed to look up from the table.
"Holy shit," Raven whispers. "She's hot."
Clarke glances up and almost does a double take. The girl has on dark, skin-tight jeans and a leather jacket, her brown hair pulled back slightly in a braid. She carries her guitar like a weapon and Clarke shivers.
"Dude," Raven says and Clarke rolls her eyes.
"It doesn't matter how hot she is," Clarke whispers back. "As long as she can play."
"So you admit she's hot?"
"Shut up, Reyes."
The girl clears her throat and Clarke meets her eyes, impressed by the intensity there. She can feel Octavia leaning forward in anticipation on her left.
The girl doesn't say anything, just quirks an eyebrow in Clarke's direction.
When she starts playing, Clarke can't look away. Her left hand moves up the neck quickly and confidently, her right strumming a powerful ballad. Clarke stares, transfixed.
Everything about the girl oozes confidence, from her power stance to the way she plays with absolute certainty, knowing she won't miss a note or drop a chord. And her eyes don't leave Clarke's, not even once.
When she finishes her song, the silence hangs until Raven exhales next to her.
"Damn girl."
Clarke elbows her subtly, but she thinks the girl notices, because she smirks ever so slightly. "What's your name?"
"Lexa," the girl says, wearing the name like armor. Her eyes pierce through Clarke's in a way that makes her unable to back down.
"Can you step outside for a moment, Lexa?"
The girl nods and lets her guitar rest against her back as she walks out of the garage door. As soon as it closes, Raven leans forward.
"Yes. One thousand times yes."
Clarke thins her lips in thought before turning to Octavia. "What do you think?"
Octavia thinks quietly for a moment, then she smirks. "She seems to be more hardcore than Finn. And she rocked it, Clarke."
Clarke nods. She was thinking the same thing. Still, something about the had girl crept under her skin, causing her whole frame to buzz with uncertainty.
After a minute's deliberation, the answer seemed clear enough. They were doomed if they didn't find a new guitarist, and the girl did rock pretty hard.
She nods once.
"Bell," Octavia calls. "Can you bring her back in?"
He brings the girl back into the garage, his steady stance somehow not overpowering Lexa like Clarke finds it does to most people.
"Alright, Lexa," she says. "Welcome to The Alliance."
"Woo!" Raven stands up and high-fives the girl, who grins carefully back. "Name's Raven."
Octavia stands up too, holding out her hand. Clarke can imagine the firmness of her handshake, her ROTC training kicking in, and wonders what Lexa thinks. "I'm Octavia. Drums. Nice to meet you." Lexa nods and turns to Clarke.
Clarke holds out her hand and Lexa takes it, squeezing once. "Clarke."
Lexa finally grins fully. "I know." Their eyes meet again, and Clarke lets go of the girl's hand.
"We practice here on Tuesdays and Thursdays from five to seven. Don't be late." She nods once to the rest of them and picks up her notes from the audition before heading into the house.
"Sorry she's such a buzzkill," she hears Raven say. "I swear she can be fun sometimes."
She pauses just inside the door as Lexa's response comes. "She seems serious about the music. There are worse things to be."
The door shuts behind her and she grits her teeth, heading upstairs to her room. She has a lot of homework to do.
She goes to sit at her desk and unzips her backpack. Downstairs, the garage door opens and closes again and can hear Raven flip on the radio in the kitchen.
By chance, she glances out the window just in time to see Lexa climb into her black Camaro, rev the engine, and drive away.
CHAPTER 2
Clarke's in a pretty shitty mood, and it only has a little bit to do with the fact that she totally just snapped a string on her bass.
It's not that big of a deal, it happens more than she wishes it did, and she can restring it in a heartbeat, but honestly, it's just the craptastic icing on top of a really stale cake of a day.
Or something.
Whatever. She's tired.
She stayed up too late last night studying for her calc exam because it's tomorrow and she's totally fucked and going to have to pull an all-nighter again tonight.
And now her string snapped, causing them to cut band practice short, which is totally irritating because they have to practice. Bellamy is going to find them a gig soon and they have to be ready.
She doesn't know what she'll do if they're not.
"Hey," Octavia says, sliding up to her and twirling a drum stick around her fingers.
"Hey," she grunts back. She tries not to sound pissed off, but well, she sucks at holding back that stuff. She wishes she didn't sometimes.
Octavia eyes her warily, but she knows Clarke well enough by now to not take it personally. "I think it went well. Try not to worry so much."
Clarke just shrugs. "We have to be ready."
"We will be." She pats Clarke on the shoulder. "Yo, Reyes!"
Raven looks up from where she's talking to Lexa and Octavia jerks her head. Raven gets the hint and walks over to them, her red jacket draped over her shoulder. "'Sup?"
"I have to go home, but tell Clarke that we're going to be ready whenever Bell gets us our next gig." Octavia makes eyes at Raven for a second and Clarke rolls her eyes. She hates when they do that thing where they talk about her with their eyes, but she knows they mean well. Octavia waves goodbye to them all and Clarke hears the sound of her motorcycle revving in the street.
Raven nudges Clarke with her elbow. "She's right, Griff. We're gonna be fine. Plus," she smirks. "The Commander is really good. We've got ourselves a keeper."
Clarke stares at Raven. "The who?"
"Lexa," Raven says. "Octavia called her it on Tuesday and it stuck."
Clarke looks at Raven skeptically. "The Commander?"
Raven raises her eyebrows playfully, the way she always did when they were freshman in the dorms and she wanted Clarke to do something dumb with her. "It's a pretty cool stage name. You have to admit it."
"I guess…"
Clarke glances over to the other side of the garage where Lexa is zipping up her guitar case. Clarke is impressed with her playing. That doesn't mean she's going to start calling the girl 'The Commander' or anything other than Lexa.
Raven rolls her eyes and Clarke can feel her getting annoyed, but she doesn't know how to not be like this. "Will you please loosen up?"
"Sorry," she sighs. "I just have my calc midterm tomorrow. I'll be less stressed after that, I swear."
"Yeah, alright." Raven looks like she doesn't believe her, but lets it go.
Lexa calls goodbye to them, waving at Raven and looking at Clarke curiously for a second. She stares back, unsure how to feel. She likes Lexa enough, but every time she looks up, the girl is staring at her with those serious eyes. The intensity is something Clarke isn't used to around Raven, Octavia, and Wick.
Clarke nods her head in acknowledgement and nudges Raven to say that she's going back upstairs.
She really has to get back to studying.
She's in the library doing some last minute studying when her phone vibrates in her bag. The sounds startles her and she realizes she forgot to turn it on silent. She pulls it out and glances at the message displayed on the screen.
Raven (2:00pm): Dudes we should have a party tonight.
Clarke quirks her eyebrows and before she can even think of a response, another text comes through.
Wick (2:01pm): Fuck yeah!
Clarke sighs and sets her phone down. She doesn't have time to think about this right now. Her test is in less than a half hour.
Raven (2:08pm): It's Friday. And we can celebrate Clarke finally being done with her midterms.
Wick (2:12pm): The Joker isn't responding.
Clarke rolls her eyes as she walks into her exam room and takes her seat. If she has to hear Wick ask her why so serious one more time, she's probably going to put red dye in his hair gel.
Clarke (2:23pm): Fine, but I'm broke so count me out of buying the booze. Now quit texting me, I have to take my exam.
Wick (2:24pm): YES!
Raven (2:26pm): Aye aye captain! Good luck! Xoxo xxxxx
Clarke smiles a little bit before storing her phone in her backpack.
Time to crush it.
"Clarke come dance with meeeee." Raven tugs on her hand and Clarke feels herself smiling.
"How about you go dance, and I'll stay here and watch you embarrass yourself."
Raven smirks. "It doesn't matter how much I've had to drink, that's not possible."
Clarke's going to pretend that's not the truth. "Whatever you say."
"Ugh, you're no fun." Raven pats her twice on the knee before sliding away into the living room. Clarke watches her go, shaking her head as Raven's laughter bounces back to her from the dance floor.
She watches her feet swing where they dangle off the kitchen counter and sips slowly at her beer. In the living room, most of her friends are dancing and having a good time. She watches Bellamy and Lincoln play beer pong against Jasper and Monty. Raven has found Octavia and the two are jumping to the beat of the song, drinks held up high in the air. In the corner of the room, she can see Wick taking a hit of his bong.
She stares at them, her eyes zooming out of focus, the almost-melody that haunts her coming to the front of her mind. It's right there, on the tip of her tongue, and her fingers itch for her acoustic guitar, stored in her room next to her beloved bass.
If she could just write it down…
"Hey."
Clarke blinks twice, her eyes coming back into focus to see Lexa standing in front of her. "Oh. Hey."
"What are you up to?" Lexa meets Clarke's eyes, a small smile playing at her lips. Clarke admires the way the light hits her cheekbones. They look soft.
"Nothing, just…" She waves her beer in the air noncommittally and shrugs.
Lexa tilts her head to the side, her gaze steady on Clarke. "Why aren't you out there?" She jerks her head toward the living room questioningly.
Clarke quirks an eyebrow. "Why aren't you?"
Lexa cracks a smile. "Gotta fill up my cup." She holds up her own red solo cup. "Work hard, play hard, right?"
"What are you drinking?"
Lexa shrugs. "Whatever's in the keg." She looks down at Clarke's cup. "What about you? Can I get you a refill?"
Clarke almost denies, but Raven's words ring through her ears. You're no fun. "Sure."
She hands her cup to Lexa and watches as the girl bends down to pump the keg. She's wearing dark jeans and her leather jacket, a red bandana tied around her arm. Her black boots stand steady on the floor as she lets some beer flow into Clarke's cup, going easy on the foam.
Clarke wonders if Lexa thinks she's a killjoy, too, with her laid-back demeanor and her easy coolness.
"Here you go." She hands Clarke's cup back with a small smile. "So… rough day?"
Clarke snorts. "How'd you know?"
Lexa rolls her eyes with a knowing smile. "Reyes told me."
Clarke's not surprised. "Yeah, that sounds like Raven."
"You should come hang out." Lexa leans against the counter next to Clarke, her arm brushing Clarke's leg. She meets Clarke's eyes again and Clarke wonders if that's the beat pumping through her chest or if her heart just surged.
Clarke shrugs. "I like to watch them. Dancing's not really my thing."
Lexa raises an eyebrow at her. "You're in a band."
"So?"
"So don't you dance on stage?"
Clarke shrugs. "I don't know… I just play how I like to play."
"You just stand there and play?"
"I don't know," Clarke repeats. "What is this, twenty questions?"
Lexa takes a swig of her beer then sets it down on the counter. "Okay, come on." She holds out her hands and Clarke stares at them.
"Come where?"
"To dance with me, obviously."
"No thanks."
Lexa raises an eyebrow challengingly. Clarke refuses to back down. "You can't just stay in here all night being a wallflower."
Clarke opens her mouth to respond, but Raven suddenly appears in the kitchen, her red jacket flashing. Clarke snaps her mouth shut.
"Oh, there you guys are." She eyes the minimal space between them with a raised eyebrow. Clarke scoots away from Lexa as much as she can without being too obvious. "Clarke you gonna come dance, or what?"
Clarke looks back at Lexa, who's staring at her expectantly. "Not right now."
Lexa's expression is unreadable, but Raven rolls her eyes. "Yo Commander, I told you. You owe me a shot."
Lexa drags her gaze away from Clarke. "I promised, didn't I?"
"Yep." Raven hands her a shot glass full of vodka. "Cheers." The two clink their glasses and toss them back. Clarke watches on in half-amusement, half-annoyance as Raven sputters at the burn. Lexa washes her shot down with a smirk.
"You're weak, Reyes."
Raven rolls her eyes at Clarke. "This girl thinks she's hot shit, Griff."
"Hotter than you," Clarke teases.
"Don't fuck with me, babe."
Clarke laughs good-naturedly. "But it's so easy."
Raven flips her off and nudges Lexa. "Let's leave this loser to her solitary drinking." She heads back toward the living room.
Lexa follows her, throwing a "bye Clarke" over her shoulder.
Clarke watches them go and downs her drink before disappearing into her room for the rest of the night.
CHAPTER 3
Clarke can hear laughter and the music pumping from downstairs, but she tries to tune it out. She almost had that melody in her head and she's determined to get it back.
She plucks delicately at her acoustic guitar, testing out a few notes. It's not completely right, but she scribbles them down in her notebook anyway.
"Clarke, are you in there?" There's a knock on her bedroom door and she looks up as it opens. Bellamy sticks his head in her room. "What are you doing?"
Clarke plucks at another string, but she knows nothing is going to come to her tonight. Not with all these people around. "Nothing really."
Bellamy stares at her with pursed lips. "You should come downstairs."
Clarke shrugs. "I don't really feel like it. I might just go to bed."
"Go to – ?" Bellamy sighs and comes fully into her room, shutting the door behind him. He sits next to her on the bed and she feels his gaze on her cheek. "It's going to be fine. Don't worry."
Clarke scoffs. "How can you say that? When are you going to get us a gig, Bell?"
He flips his brown hair out of his eyes and sighs. "I'm working on it, Clarke. I can't just make a gig appear out of thin air."
"Well could you try a little harder?" Clarke spits out. "I really need this."
Bellamy stiffens next to her and she sighs. "Clarke…."
"Sorry," she says. "I just…"
He nods. "You need to stop beating yourself up about Finn. It's not your fault."
She scowls, feeling irrational anger sweep out from her stomach and into the room. "You don't know anything about it. And I'm not. I'm fine."
He raises his eyebrows skeptically. "Okay. Well the band is going to be fine, too."
"I know." She sighs. "This isn't just about the band."
She knows he's going to ask about it, knows she's going to have to tell him. He opens his mouth and she can practically hear the words weighing in the air.
"What do you – "
"Clarke? Bellamy!" Her bedroom door opens again, revealing Octavia, her face flushed red and smile wide. "There you guys are!"
Bellamy laughs quietly. "Take it easy, O." He looks at Clarke meaningfully, but she avoids his eyes and stares at Octavia instead. "We were just chatting."
"Boring." Octavia winks at Clarke and she rolls her eyes. "We're about to play flip cup and we need you guys."
"Need us, huh?" Bellamy winks playfully.
"Yes, Bell. Raven bet Lincoln ten bucks that her, Clarke, Lexa, and I could beat him, you, Wick, and Jasper. And obviously we're going to kick your asses so." She smirks at him.
Bellamy stands up. "Ten bucks? That's it? Challenge accepted."
"Bring it on, big brother."
Bellamy laughs and turns to Clarke. "After you, princess."
Clarke rolls her eyes at the nickname. "I'll pass."
"Not on my watch." Bellamy grabs her arms and she swats at him, but he just laughs and picks her up. She doesn't really try that hard to get away and soon he's carrying her down the stairs in his arms.
"Let me down, you idiot."
"Not a chance, Griffin."
Octavia laughs as she trails behind them and Bellamy turns into the living room. The beer pong table has been cleared off except for four cups on either side. The guys stand on one side, facing Raven and Lexa who, as far as Clarke can tell, are whispering strategy to one another.
Bellamy sets her down next to Raven and she smacks him on the arm. He just laughs it off and heads to the other side of the table.
"Alright," Octavia says, sliding up next to them. "The band may be Clarke's thing, but flip cup…" she pauses dramatically. "Flip cup is my territory."
Clarke laughs and rolls her eyes, almost expecting Octavia to whip out some war paint.
"I'll go first," Octavia says and points to herself. "Raven. You're my second."
Raven nods. "Let's beat these assholes."
Octavia looks between Clarke and Lexa, thinking. Finally, she says, "Clarke you're third. Commander… take us home."
The four of them line up down the table, cups filled to the brim in front of them. Clarke internally groans, knowing Wick probably filled them while Octavia was upstairs.
She seriously sucks at chugging.
She takes a deep breath in preparation.
"You got this," Lexa whispers from her right with a nudge to the arm. She smiles the teeniest of smiles at Clarke.
She nods back. "Let's just beat them or Wick will be unbearable tomorrow." She doesn't comment on how competitive she is, but now that she's been dragged into this stupid contest, shehas to win.
The guys line up on the other side of the table, first Lincoln, then Wick, then Jasper opposite of Clarke, and finally Bellamy.
Jasper wiggles his eyebrows at Clarke playfully, but she stares him down.
Did she mention she was competitive?
"Alright," Monty calls from the head of the table next to Lexa and Bellamy. "I'm the judge. Loser owes their girl counterparts ten bucks."
"What," Clarke hisses. "Raven if I lose I have to pay Jasper ten bucks? Octavia didn't say that."
Raven shrugs. "That was the bet, Griff."
"I hate you," she says back. She looks back toward Monty and notices Lexa staring at her again, eyes intense.
"I'm too competitive," Lexa whispers. "This was a bad idea."
Clarke cracks a smile. Good. Then maybe they'll win.
"Hey Bellamy," she calls. "I'll bet an extra ten bucks that you'll still have half your drink left by the time Lexa flips her cup."
Bellamy barks out a laugh. "Easy money. You're on."
Lexa stares at him, offended. Clarke nods at her, surprised when Lexa smirks at her and holds up her hand. Clarke high-fives it.
"Alright." Monty calls. "On your marks. Get set. DRINK!"
Clarke snaps her head to the left to look at Octavia throwing back. She's always amazed out how much liquor the girl's tiny body can hold.
Octavia slams down her cup at the same time as Lincoln does. Clarke watches as their cups flip, perfectly in sync, and land face down at the same time. The two look up and grin at each other. Next to her, Raven's begun drinking quickly.
Clarke tenses in anticipation, ignoring Wick and focusing solely on Raven. She slams her cup down and flips it over, but it falls.
She tries again and is successful the second time. The second the cup lands upright, Clarke brings her own cup to her lips.
The beer is too warm, probably from being left out on the table for so long, and Clarke hates it. She pushes through it, feeling the liquid begin to settle in her stomach.
"Go Clarke, go!"
She can feel Lexa twitching next to her on high-alert. Her cup empties quickly, and Clarke tips back the last drop.
Her fingers touch the edge of her cup as she sets it on the table, callouses flipping up the cup. She waits with baited breath as the cup seems to turn over itself in slow-motion. It lands upright with a clack and Lexa's hand shoots up quicker than lightning. Across from her, Jasper's cup topples over and he curses in frustration.
Octavia and Raven are both shouting something at Lexa, urging her to drink faster.
Jasper's cup lands upright and Bellamy starts drinking.
Next to her, Lexa slams her cup down, eyes focusing on it in concentration. She taps the cup's underside with her middle finger and it flips in the air.
Clarke watches as it lands perfectly, rim settling on the table with a satisfying thump.
Clarke hisses "yes" just as Monty yells "STOP!"
Bellamy lowers his cup from his mouth, and Monty immediately snatches it from his hand. He holds it up to the light, measuring it with scientific accuracy.
Then he smiles at Clarke. "Still two-thirds full." Clarke fist-pumps the air in celebration. "Clarke and the girls win!"
Raven whoops loudly. "TAKE THAT WICK!"
She looks to her left to see Wick scowling and Raven sticking her tongue out at him. Next to them, Lincoln and Octavia are making out drunkenly.
"We did it," a voice says in her ear, and Clarke glances to her left. Lexa's smiling slightly at her and Clarke grins back.
Raven's arm loops around Clarke's neck. "I think this calls for a celebratory shot!"
Clarke groans at the thought, but Lexa nudges her again and it bleeds into a laugh. Raven starts to drag her to the kitchen, and at the last second, Clarke grabs Lexa's hand and pulls her along, too. Raven and Lexa clink shot-glasses of vodka together, toasting to their victory.
Sandwiched between them, Clarke does the same, laughing and feeling warm with beer and happiness.
CHAPTER 4
Clarke wishes she was one of those people who didn't get hangovers. Like Octavia. Octavia never gets them. Which honestly makes no sense. Octavia is much smaller than her and drinks a lot more. You'd think she'd get a killer hangover, but nope.
That's Clarke.
She groans and tosses a few painkillers down her throat, swishing them back with a glass of water.
The coffee pot on the counter emits a long beep and she sighs in relief. She's always been a morning person, even when she's hungover, and coffee is the only thing that keeps her alive.
She reaches for a mug in the cupboard and hears a noise behind her. She turns her head and sees Lexa leaning against the kitchen island.
"Hey," she says. "You want some coffee?"
Lexa nods. "That'd be great."
Clarke pulls down another mug and pours them both some coffee. She hands the steaming mug to Lexa, who takes it gratefully.
"Thanks again for letting me crash on your couch last night," Lexa says after a moment, ignoring the cream and sugar Clarke sets in front of her.
Clarke smiles slightly. "Yeah no problem. Hope it was comfortable enough."
Lexa shrugs. "I've slept worse." She eyes Clarke over the rim of her mug. "How'd you sleep?"
"Not too bad," Clarke says. "I have a pretty bad headache, though."
"You should drink some water, it really – "
A loud thumping on the door cuts her off. "CLARKE!"
Clarke exchanges a bewildered look with Lexa and they both move toward the door. The pounding continues.
"CLARKE! OPEN UP! HURRY!" She thinks it's Bellamy.
Clarke peeps out of the window to see Bellamy and Octavia standing outside. She unlocks the door and pulls it open. Lexa peers over her shoulder.
"What's wrong?" Clarks asks as they push past her into the house.
Down the hallway, Wick's bedroom door opens and he sticks his head out. His blonde hair sticks up in every direction and he squints at the sunlight filtering through the open door. "Where's the fire, Clarke?"
She shrugs and gestures after Bellamy. Raven's head appears behind Wick and Clarke does a double take.
Raven? In Wick's room?
What the hell?
"CLARKE!"
She glances back at Bellamy and Octavia in the kitchen and sighs exasperatedly. She'll have to ask Raven about that later.
"What Bellamy? It's 8:30, couldn't this wait? Or have you heard of something called your cell phone?"
She stalks into the kitchen to see Octavia casually pouring herself a cup of coffee. Bellamy paces back and forth across the white tiles.
He finally turns to face her, a large smile on his face. "I got us a gig!"
Clarke gapes at him, her mouth opening and closing. "You did what?"
"A gig, Clarke!" He shakes her shoulders and she's vaguely aware of everyone staring at them. A gig?
Finally, the words seem to unscramble themselves in her brain and she breaks into a huge smile. "What?! No way! That's amazing! When? Where?"
"Wait for it…" Bellamy looks at her with a smirk, his hands still on her shoulders. "We're in Battle of the Bands!"
"What!" Raven says from behind her. "Shut up, Bellamy, don't joke about that stuff."
He takes his hands off Clarke's shoulders and turns to the rest of them. Raven and Wick stand in the entryway to the kitchen and Lexa leans against the island again. Bellamy looks around at all of them.
"Guys, I'm being serious." He grins widely. "You're going to perform in Battle of the Bands!"
Clarke thinks she's going into shock. "But, how?"
"Well, I sent in the demo a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't think it'd get accepted, so I just didn't say anything. No offense, Clarke." He smiles bashfully. "But the guy called me back this morning and he said we're in!"
"Hell YES!" Raven smirks and goes to high-five Octavia. "If we win, we could get signed."
Clarke feels hope building inside her. They could get signed? That's what she's wanted for as long as she can remember.
"When is it?" She manages to get out around the butterflies building in her chest.
"In three weeks!" Bellamy grins, his smile swelling with pride, and she's barely aware of Octavia and Raven doing a weird dance together in the corner. Wick is fist-bumping Bellamy, but Clarke feels the world around her stop.
Three weeks.
Three weeks?!
"Three. Weeks." It escapes her mouth meekly. They were never going to be ready in time. Finn just left. Lexa didn't know all their songs.
What would they even play?
"Three weeks," she repeats, her body slumping against the counter.
"Clarke."
They were going to have start practicing at least another day every week. And they still probably wouldn't be prepared.
"Clarke." A hand covers her own on the counter and she looks up. Lexa stares at her with large, concerned eyes. "Breathe."
"Three weeks," Clarke whispers.
The thought sends a chill down her spine.
Lexa looks over her shoulder to where Wick, Bellamy, Raven, and Octavia are talking excitedly. She grabs Clarke's hand and pulls her into the hallway.
"Are you okay," Lexa murmurs lowly, her eyes boring into Clarke's. Clarke feels like she's being swallowed.
"We're never going to be ready." She closes her eyes as panic sweeps over her.
Lexa squeezes her hand. "Yes we will be."
Clarke's eyes fly open. "We have to be ready."
Lexa nods. "We will be," she repeats. She seems so certain and Clarke lets it envelop her. "You can't freak out. Not right now."
"Okay," Clarke nods.
Lexa jerks her head toward the kitchen. "Those are your people in there. They're counting on you to keep it together."
"Yeah." She nods again, more to herself this time. "We'll be ready. I'll think of something." She steels herself, finding some kind of resolve in the firm grip Lexa has on her hand.
"I trust you, Clarke." Lexa smiles that small smile of hers and Clarke exhales heavily.
Lexa is right. No matter what, they'll be ready.
They have to be.
When Clarke walks out of her anatomy lab on Monday afternoon, she's surprised to see that fluffy white snowflakes have begun to float down from the sky.
When she left this morning, it hadn't exactly been sunny, but it definitely didn't feel cold enough to snow. Now, four hours and three classes later, not only is it snowing, but it's sticking to the ground, little patches of ice forming across the sidewalk.
She shivers and regrets that she didn't wear a heavy jacket today. Her thin hoodie barely shields her from the frost-bitten wind that nips at the air.
And she walked to class today.
She huffs in irritation, thinking about how she should've ridden her bike. What a waste of time that she could be spending getting ready for their gig this Friday. They need to be prepared. Battle of the Bands was only two weeks away.
She stuffs her hands in her pockets and hurries up the main street toward her neighborhood. If she walks quickly enough, it will only take her twenty minutes to get home. Then she can get back to work on that song she's been writing. If she can just fit the bridge with the –
The loud honking of a car jars her from her thoughts and she snaps her head up as a black car slows to a crawl next to her on the street.
The window slides halfway down and Clarke leans over slightly to see inside.
"Hey, you need a ride?"
Lexa's green eyes glint from within the dim light of the car. Clarke stops on the sidewalk for a second, unsure of what to do.
"It's on my way," Lexa says as if anticipating that Clarke might reject to not seem rude. "No problem at all."
Clarke thinks for one second more, but then a particularly large snowflake lands on her cheek and it's cold enough to push her to open the door and climb in the car.
"Thanks," she breathes out, pulling the passenger door closed behind her. Lexa rolls up the window and Clarke shivers as a warm blast of heat filters through the vents. Lexa pushes a button on the console and turns on Clarke's heated seat. She sighs gratefully.
"No problem," Lexa assures her. "You looked like you were about to morph into an unhappy version of Frosty out there. Prettier, of course, but…" she trails off with a small smile and Clarke rolls her eyes.
Lexa reaches behind her, pulling something from the backseat of the car and dropping it into Clarke's lap. It's her leather jacket. Clarke eyes it, her fingers sliding over the sleeves.
"Put it on," Lexa says, but it sounds more like a command than a request. She can see why Octavia's nickname has stuck.
"Aren't you cold?" Clarke manages to ask, finally taking note of Lexa's outfit. She's wearing her dark jeans and a black sweater that looks far too thin to provide any warmth. She's pulled a red beanie over her ears, her brown hair flowing over her shoulders.
Lexa looks gorgeous, but she also looks freezing.
"Just put it on, Clarke." Lexa shifts the car into drive, and signals that she's merging back onto the busy road. Clarke sighs and slides her arms through the jacket. It's warm and the leather smells vaguely like campfire and aspen leaves.
Clarke sinks into the jacket and pulls her seatbelt on.
"Thanks for the ride," she says eventually, letting the heat start to defrost her ears.
Lexa glances at her briefly before bringing her eyes back to the road. "Wouldn't want you to be an ice block for our gig this Friday."
Clarke shoots her a small smile that she doesn't see. "No promises."
"Why are you so tense about it anyway? Don't you guys play at this bar every other week?"
Clarke shrugs. "Yeah, but this is our last real rehearsal before Battle of the Bands. It has to be perfect."
Lexa pulls up to stoplight and glances at her again. "Nothing's perfect, Clarke. Especially not music. That's the whole point."
"Yeah, but…" Clarke purses her lips. Nobody quite gets it, no matter how many times she explains it. "I just could really use a big break."
Clarke can feel Lexa's eyes on her, their intensity never wavering. Like a pull she can't avoid, she stares back at them, their green hue becoming darker and more complex every millisecond that she looks. "My mom thinks the band is just for fun, you know? That I'm not serious about it."
The light turns green and Lexa looks back at the road, her lips curving down in a small frown. "I don't think anyone could be more serious about something."
"She wants me to be a doctor, and I like what I study, and if I end up doing that, then that's fine." Clarke shrugs, watching as Lexa's hands tighten on the wheel.
"But you'd rather play bass for a living," Lexa finishes for her and she nods.
"Yeah."
Lexa hums thoughtfully. She opens her mouth to say something, but then she gasps. "I love this song." Her hand reaches for the dial on the console and she's turns up the volume. Clarke stares at her incredulously when she recognizes the song.
"You do?"
Lexa nods. "KISS is legendary. Plus," she grins and Clarke thinks it's the first time she's seen Lexa completely smile. "I've always wanted to paint my face like they do. Have that whole eye makeup look going on."
"Really?" Clarke laughs disbelievingly. "I can't see it."
Lexa turns to her, taking her eyes completely off the road, and sticks her tongue out like Gene Simmons. She holds her hand up in the universal signal for "rock on." Clarke bites back a laugh because who knew their stoic 'Commander' would be such a dork.
"Actually, I have an idea," Lexa says, and she switches lanes, turning right at the next stop light instead of going straight.
"Where are you going?" Clarke looks out of the window as they turn. "I live that way."
Lexa ignores her and turns right to merge onto the highway. They get going up to full speed and Lexa smiles again. "Okay, ready?"
"Ready for what?" Clarke stares at Lexa, confused and, if she's being honest, a little afraid. Lexa seems to have that effect on her.
Lexa turns the volume of the song up beyond loud, the sound of the guitar ripping against the car's speakers. The song is almost at the chorus. "Okay!" Lexa yells over the music. "Sing as loud as you can!"
The song moves into the chorus and Clarke just gapes as Lexa starts screaming along, a loud war cry of sound filling the car. "I wanna rock and roll all night… and party every day!"
Lexa looks over at her when she doesn't sing along and rolls her eyes. Clarke's not sure what her face looks like, but she guesses it's somewhere between confused, bewildered, and amused.
Lexa turns down the music. "You're supposed to sing as loud as you can."
"Singing? Is that what you call what you were just doing?"
"Ha. Ha." Lexa shakes her head, her left hand leaving the steering wheel and resting on the door. Her index finger hovers over the buttons that control the windows. "If you don't sing, I'll roll the window down and let this blizzard into the car."
Clarke shrugs and tugs on the lapels of Lexa's leather jacket. "I'm not the one without a jacket."
Lexa glances over at her, trying to figure out if she's kidding or not. Clarke cracks a smile and Lexa tilts her head to the side in surrender. "Okay, but please just do it."
She doesn't wait for Clarke to respond, just cranks the volume back up. The chorus is coming around again and Clarke resigns herself to the fact that she's going to give in.
"I wanna rock and roll all night… and party every day," Clarke sings.
Lexa nudges her. "Is that all you've got?" Clarke can barely hear her over the music.
Clarke braces herself as the line starts over. "I wanna rock and roll all night… and party every day!" She sings louder, and barely keeps herself from laughing. The line comes around again and this time, Clarke screams alongside Lexa.
"I WANNA ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT… AND PARTY EVERY DAY!"
The song keeps playing, the music filling Clarke's chest, and she feels herself yelling louder. Eventually, the song fades away, and Lexa turns down the radio. Clarke's face feels hot, but she's smiling and Lexa laughs as pulls off at the next exit.
Clarke looks over at her, noticing the flush in her cheeks and the way stray flyaway hairs frame her shoulders. Her usual composure isn't there and she looks the way Clarke feels.
Happy and free.
"I used to be like you," Lexa says after a minute. "I was too invested in everything all the time." She pauses for a second to glance at Clarke before looking back at the road. "I still am most of the time, actually."
Lexa takes a left and merges back onto the highway going the other direction. "It really started to get to me, to the point where I didn't feel young anymore. It sounds dumb maybe, but I felt like the weight of the world's responsibilities were on my back."
Clarke tilts her head to the side, curious. "Why?"
"I don't know. Just the way the world works sometimes, I guess." The corners of Lexa's lips pull down. "School and family and band drama. It can start to get to you. It got really bad for me when my first band split up. My girlfriend at the time was the singer and we broke up and it caused a lot of drama. The band ended up breaking up, too."
"I'm sorry," Clarke says genuinely, hoping Lexa knows that she means it. She understands.
Lexa nods once. "Sometimes these things happen, and we just have to keep going. Scream it out." Her quiet smile slides across the middle console.
"I made Finn accept his scholarship across the country," Clarke admits. "I was afraid something similar would happen to The Alliance."
There's silence for a moment. Then Lexa says, "did you two date?"
Clarke shakes her head. "No." But then she scrunches her nose. "Almost."
"Almost?" Lexa quirks an eyebrow in Clarke's direction.
"Yeah," she says. "He dated Raven, but they broke up. And afterward, we had a thing. I was worried, though, because even though they both said it was fine, I knew that Raven wasn't. When the scholarship opportunity came up, I pushed him to take it." Clarke shrugs. "It was probably the best thing for him, but I knew it would be hard for the band and for Raven."
Lexa exits off the highway, pulling up to a red light at the intersection. She looks at Clarke steadily. "Sometimes we have to make sacrifices to do what we think is best."
Clarke doesn't say anything. Sometimes she still feels like she might have ruined everything.
"Raven is close to you," Lexa states. "And the others. Octavia, Bellamy, and Wick."
Clarke nods and avoids Lexa's gaze. "They're family. Even if I hate them most of the time."
The light turns green and Lexa turns back onto the main road. She heads toward Clarke's neighborhood. "Especially when you hate them," she says. Clarke laughs breathily.
"Maybe."
"Well, you are very lucky, Clarke." She smiles to herself.
Clarke nods again as Lexa turns onto Clarke's street. A sense of familiarity settles into her bones as her house appears on the left. Sometimes she forgets how nice it is to come home.
"Well, here we are," Lexa says as she pulls up to the curb.
"Thanks again for the ride." Clarke opens the door, the cold air piercing against her skin. "Oh, here's your jacket."
Lexa waves her off. "It's fine, just give it back to me at practice tomorrow."
Clarke almost refuses, but something stops her. "Okay." She climbs out of the car, but before she can close the door she thinks of something. "Hey," she says.
"Yeah?" Lexa stares at her and for once, Clarke doesn't find it as unsettling as she usually does.
"I'm glad I found you." Clarke rolls her eyes at herself. "I mean we. I'm glad the band found you."
The corners of Lexa's mouth twitch. "See you tomorrow, Clarke."
Clarke grins and shuts the door, waving as Lexa's car zooms out of sight. She walks up the driveway and through the side door.
Raven and Wick are sitting on the couch watching what looks like some sci-fi movie Clarke's never seen, and they both stare at her as she walks in.
"What are you wearing?" Raven asks, her eyes following Clarke as she moves past the couch. "Is that The Commander's jacket?"
Clarke smiles to herself as she walks up the staircase. "Yeah," she calls over her shoulder. "She gave me a ride home from class."
"And her jacket apparently," she hears Wick mutter to Raven and they both laugh. Clarke ignores them, shutting her bedroom door behind her.
She takes off Lexa's jacket and hangs it on the back of her desk chair. It stays there the rest of the night, delicately filling Clarke's room with the faint scent of leather and cold air and Lexa.